Yes, You Are Like Other Girls!

[coralee]

I recently read a question on why women are so critical of other women and it got me thinking. Let me start this by saying that my limited experience only describes western culture and I do not presume to understand the dynamics in cultures outside of my own. The answer in my opinion is that society rewards women for being critical of other women.

We all know that girl who "claims" to be a "guys girl" who just doesn't get along with other girls, because their catty, their boring, their superficial. Society rewards these girls by labeling them "cool" girls. Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with having mostly guy friends. My university group was made up of 3 girls (including me) and 8 guys. But, if you are actively passing up female friendships due to ridiculous stereotypes you are exactly the kind of girl you claim to hate. Like what you like, but do not criticize others just for having interests that differ from your own. I love reading, but that doesn't take the value or the skill away from past times like sewing. We need to stop buying into the myth that all things associated with the feminine are bad. Liking sports does not make you better then women who like make-up.

The worst part of this is that we all fall for it hook line and sinker. We buy the best workout gear so we can be better then that "bimbo" down the road. We make fun of preteen girls for liking Justin Bieber or in my day Nsync. We all sit there screaming as loud as our vocal chords will allow us that we aren't like the others. We are different, we are special, we are deserving of attention.

The fact of the matter is that we are EXACTLY like other girls. There is nothing wrong with being like other girls. Girls are great! As much as I love my guy friends they were not the shoulder I cried on when my Uncle got diagnosed with cancer. They were not the one I went to when they guy I have been crushing on for months shot me down cold. They also were not the ones who followed me to store after store searching for the perfect outfit. Or sat with me eating tubs of ice cream after a particularly hard break-up. Believe it or not other girls are your greatest resource to navigate this crazy, confusing, insane world we live in. You aren't special, you aren't unique, and you aren't alone in this world. Take comfort in that and seek out other women who share common interests.You might just find your greatest supporter.

[cherryphi82]

This stuff is just so freaking true. You are hitting the nail on the head several times here and expose a whole bunch of myths that we just seem to love believing in.

Like you, I believe everybody knows this one girl or even multiple who claim they are not like other girls, who are somehow "cooler" and more apart. I have to confess right here that in my younger days, I once *was* this girl, and it was out of sheer desperation. I was not better or different, I just wanted to fit in, and that's exactly why women do this.

All the examples you describe ring true. Other women are our greatest resources and ultimately our greatest support, if we let it. Thank you for such a great take!

[coralee]

You have no idea how much it means to me that you like this. I've wanted to write something like this forever, but haven't had the courage to post it. I definitely have had my moments of buying into these myths as well. It's hard not to when society is shoving it down your throat all the time. These myths are so effective because we start getting bombarded at the age when we are the most insecure. And ironically the age when we need those strong female friendships the most.

[Prof_Don]

I do find it funny that the more said person tries SO hard to show he/she is different, the more he/she seems to be exactly the same.

That's hipster culture in a nutshell.

[coralee]

Pretty much. I can't stand people who only like things because they aren't popular. Like what you like because you like it.

[EmmaKate]

I understand your main point about how a certain type of person should not be valued over another. However, I think this take is a little exaggerated. There are always going to be trends, and not just in the personality type of one gender. This is the way society is. However, that doesn't mean that people are who they are to be popular. Everyone knows that trends don't last, and that following the current trend won't make you cool forever. While some people change themselves for societal trends, this isn't the case for most people. If someone only has guy friends, it doesn't mean that she is turning away opportunities for friendships with women just to be cool. It just means she gets along with those guys better and shares more interests with them than the girls she already knew. And there's no problem with having a guy friend for your greatest supporter either. I recently lost a friend of mine to suicide. Going through this, one of my other guy friends was there for me and helped me through it. He became my shoulder to cry on. None of the girls I know would have done the same.

[coralee]

My take is NOT directed at the girls who just incidentally have more guy friends then girl friends or the girls who are interested in typically guy related things. My post IS directed at the girls who specifically try to differentiate themselves from other girls because they buy into all the negative female stereotypes. Far too many girls are taking this post way to personally. You are not the type of girl I was referring too. As a matter of fact I used to be exactly the type of girl I'm addressing this post to. The insecure nerd who felt out of place in the world who used my friendships with guys as a reason to be better then the girls I felt were rejecting me. And a look through the responses in this post will show that many other girls went through this phase. You didn't, that's fine but the doesn't mean this post doesn't resonate with others.

[EmmaKate]

That's the part of your post I said I agree about. Please don't be offended, I absolutely did not say that your post does not resonate with others. Just, in my experience I haven't come across many girls like the ones you mention. Which could be because I am incidentally friends with more guys. I'm sorry if you took my comment the wrong way.

[coralee]

I didn't mean to come off as angry with you. I'm just frustrated at having to repeat myself time and time again that my post isn't about having more guy friends. People seem to be locking on to that and not seeing the bigger picture. And I think it bothers me more then it should because this was exactly the thing fourteen year old me needed to hear.

[EmmaKate]

I understand. I do see the main point of your post, and I'm sure it resonates with many people. Again, I'm sorry :)

[Wwwyzzerdd]

No no no, girls that like that type of music are being made fun of because they like the shittest music available. Machine music programmed by a college educated recording tech written by a guy with a guitar in his back yard and sung by a rich spoiled brats that need autotune to sound good.

Don't get things twisted here, those types still have female friends and relationships just less of them. If toxic masculinity is a thing then toxic feminity is most definitely a thing too so those girls that avoid toxic people are at fault for avoiding toxic people? Cmon!

Thanks to feminists threatening and being hostile towards anyone born with a penis now men feel like they have to stay guarded around women or avoid them altogether. Women aren't safe and that's thanks to feminism, women self isolated themselves into their own little bubbles.

Men like me who pays more in bills than the average girl takes home, cooks, cleans, and manages alone doesn't need any more resources. We don't need women for anything other than sex, something she won't ever provide for free so as far as I can see she is just another service. Women did this to themselves. I am unique, I am alone in this world, your assumptions are ignorant.

Women don't share common interests, every interest I have has ALWAYS been male dominated. "Where's the girls" has always been a relavent question. My experience has always been more men to women because women don't share men's interests.

[Anonymous]

Spot on!! What always got me scratching my head about the "cool girls" is they couldn't be more girlier but place themselves in that category for male attention and believe they are superior to other women.

Now i'm what you would call a "cool girl" but I will go to work with the men and get dirty, I will buy the round of drinks when it's my turn and when someone brings a girlfriend along I will make a huge effort to get to know her rather than throw her dirty looks from across the table like a typical "cool girl" would. I have girl friends and a group of male friends I will go out with as the only female regularly. When i'm with them I want to be treated like one of them not flirted with.

Anyway back on course I find the way women treat each other appalling men back each other up over women whereas women trample on other women for men then everyone wonders why men get the better jobs when our sexes should be equal. Our sexes aren't equal because women even treat other women inferiorly.

Sorry for the rant i'm not a feminaze just totally hear ya on this one!

[coralee]

Do not apologize for the rant! I love the rant! The rant makes me extremely happy. There is nothing wrong with liking guy things and enjoying the company of men. The problem is when you use it assert your dominance over other women. Think of what women could accomplish if we supported each other instead of tearing each other down. I think most women do want to support each other at their core. There is nothing more supportive then a group of drunk girls. I've seen drunk girls lecturing each other in the bathrooms about how awesome they are time and time again! If only we could remove the inhibitions that stop us from doing that sober.

[Opinion Owner]

Note though they big each other up in the female toilets in an all female environment throw a man in there you have a cat fight.

I go out with guys because I drink a lot and don't like to be burdened with partner issues when i'm trying to have fun! If I go out with women the nights only just started and they're on the bus home men stay out later.

What cracks me up is when i'm out and a girl comes to try join in and completely ignores me but will talk to all the guys. They hate seeing this and if the girl ignores me the guys will treat her the same! It's always funny seeing the girls face as she toddles back to her friends after being completely shut down!

I think we need to back each other more all my girl friends are like me I won't hang around with those types of girl because I feel I can't trust them they will stab you in the back for attention no matter how long you've been friends!

[Anonymous]

The thing is girls are judgmental, more than guys. We adapt a lot of negative thoughts of ourselves as a society because women decided to degrade other women and put multiple stigmas into existence. Do you think guys really care about if a girl is skinny enough, women are the ones who started this, and for what reason? Women just have moments, no matter how brief, of either jealousy or a short decline in self confidence when they see another woman dress or just look better with the confidence to boot. Women check out other women not just to compliment half the time, a small feeling of resentment does surge through the veins. These stories are based on real occurrences mean girls exist and the "b" word found a place in the vocabulary of man because of this. We cannot be naive, many girls seek to break other girls. A guy's shoulder is what I would cry on. A guy is who I would discuss a break up or argument with because I know he will not be tempted to try and make a pass on the guy after the discussion. Girls have ended up dating their friends exes. The list goes on with scenarios and moments of self doubt.

[coralee]

Guys have ended up dating their friends exes! Men are not perfect either they have many many faults. They are just as insecure, just as petty, just as resentful they just show it different ways and thinking they aren't is the very definition of naive. Just as there as men are, the majority of women are great, compassionate, loyal fierce friends. I feel sorry that you haven't seen that in your life. I wouldn't trade my girls for anyone.

[Opinion Owner]

The majority of women, I am just saying where these ideals of the perfect gal in the fashion world derived from and why its transition to schools has inspired films and common phrases. I have to stick with my belief that men are less judgmental of looks than women are. I learned that from this website, comparing guys "I don't care if you are skinny or if your breast are this or that size" vs. the salty comments of women towards other women that seems like a lash on confidence than advice.

[coralee]

Do you not see how comments about how awful the majority of other women are come from that same place? Do you not see how "nerd girls" lamenting the fact that other women can't be into intelligent things like them, comes from the same type of insecurity your complaining about? It's the same thing, different form. Yeah guys may care less about looks but they get their knickers in a twist over other things. How many teenage boys needlessly torture fellow classmates for appearing to be effeminate? How is that not the same thing as a teenage girl make disparaging remarks about her classmates weight? It is the same thing different form, and pretending it is not is ridiculous.

[Opinion Owner]

Lets just agree to disagree alright, this isn't worth arguing about humans are humans, they can't be grouped or observed accurately by one individual. We may both be wrong, but who can tell us what's right? Ourselves that's who and clearly only ourselves, we are the only ones who can be expected to believe what we each independently believe. I do not wish to argue this, I was just voicing my opinion so it is included.

[lumos]

This is an extremely valid point and exactly the reason why I facepalm so hard when I see girls saying "yah I'm not like those other girls who are bitchy and judgmental, that's why I'm only friends with guys" like... sweetie, that's exactly what you're being right now.
I'm a part of a lovely group of girl friends. There's 7 of us in total, and I wouldn't ever want to lose any of them. We're so supportive of one another. We always make time for each other even though it's crazy to try to match 7 people's schedules. We always include each other, talk to each other, and give each other space when needed. They're my best friends and I couldn't really imagine life without them. We have literally never fought about anything. So it's crazy to me when people claim that girls are the worst friends and that we're just competitive and backstabbing bitches. It's really hurtful.

[mindequalsblown]

Thank you so much for this take. I find myself agreeing with your points and also looking inwards and realizing I can be the kind of "judgmental" girl that sometimes berates women for their feminine behaviors. I think that in many cases, it is a result of some form of insecurity or envy and I honestly want to be above that.

[coralee]

Realizing that you sometimes are the "judgmental" girl is the best step forward you can make. Believe me I can be just as bad, as any self-proclaimed "mean girl" when I want. Part of my insight into this behaviour is because I've been "that girl". But, by talking about those messages we see everyday and vowing to be better ourselves we help build a world where the next generation has less and less of "that girl". Part of it has to do with growth and development. Teenagers tend to always think it's them against the world, and that "no one understands me!" Teenage boys do it too, they just display it in a different way.

[effyourfeelings]

People think women hate each other but they actually don't for the most part
I find that I'm more androgynous while most girls are more feminine than me. I'm not a guy's girl either or a tomboy. I don't have any guy friends and I don't want any.
I'm not interested in searching for a perfect outfit with other women, I'm not interested to cry on someone's shoulder or have someone cry on my shoulder, I don't want to eat tubs of ice cream and food after a break up.
Yes I'm still human like everyone else but not I'm saying I'm better than anyone and I don't think guys are better than girls. I'm just tired of people telling me that I need a lot of friends to survive.

[coralee]

Which is fine. You aren't the type of person my post was about. My post was specifically about those girls who use their connection with men as a way to one up other girls. I wasn't trying to say you need to want a shoulder to cry on or someone to eat tubs of ice cream with. I was using personal experiences to highlight how great of friends girls can be. It wasn't a list of what you need to be happy.

[lilaqua]

I used to be like this when I was a bit younger, say around 14. As I matured how great it was to be like everyone else if that makes sense. But the people around me, especially guys, tend to tell me how "im not like other girls and that shit", It actually really annoys me a lot. For me it's less the tomboy thing and more about being into certain bands e. g kind of a hipster

[coralee]

I think it is something we are particularly drawn to as young teenagers. Some people on the other hand never grow out out it. Guys love that line and it ticks me off to no end, because of the implication that it is wrong to be like other girls. And what are other girls like anyway? I know tons of girls who identify as hipsters. Women and girls can and do have a wide variety of interests you're hardly the only one. But, I'm glad you have the insight to recognize those comments for what they are. You are far more mature then I was at 18.

[Jmcmanning]

The only thing if you have nothing in common with another girl, what are you going to talk about? Most of my friends are guys because I am able to have conversations with them. I have a few select female friends because we understand each other. I've tried to become friends with other females, but it never clicked. You can't force a friendship with someone if the connection isn't there. It's not that we are passing up a friendship with a female because we have different interests, it's because we don't click enough to keep a friendship going - and this is highly important to have this. I don't click with everyone (girls and guys) and I don't force any friendship.

[coralee]

Did you miss the part about there being nothing wrong with having mostly male friends? Or the part that it is only a problem if your deliberately dismissing offers of female friendships based on stereotypes? I have mostly guy friends. The problem isn't connecting with guys, the problem is dismissing other girls in order to make yourself feel special. If you don't do that, that's great this isn't about you.

[Jmcmanning]

I read it clear as day and understood (thus, why I gave my opinion). Did you miss the part if you don't click with a female even if you have complete differences you cannot make a friendship exist between females? I am thinking you didn't read my opinion very well. It has nothing to do with dismissing a female for being different or stereotyping them. If you don't click with them, you don't and you cannot force a friendship.

[coralee]

" It has nothing to do with dismissing a female for being different or stereotyping them." This is exactly what my post is about though. If you incidentally have more male friends then female friends that is fine this post isn't about you.

[Jmcmanning]

@coralee I didn't say this post was about me - have no clue where you are getting that from and personally don't care. You wrote an opinion for others to give there opinion, which I was and you don't agree with mine. Please, don't say I am making this about me when I am not. I was referring to your post and what you wrote only. I am not addressing having more male friends than female friends as you keep pointing too. I must not be phrasing it to make it understandable to you.

"The fact of the matter is that we are EXACTLY like other girls. There is nothing wrong with being like other girls." the thing is, not all girls are exactly like all girls.
When you get older, you'll understand what I mean.

[coralee]

Your replies are completely off topic, then. Your posting, complaining about something that isn't present in my post. And you seem to be taking it rather personally. I was attempting to assure you that women who incidentally get along with guys better then other girls are not who this post was addressing.
"The fact of the matter is that we are EXACTLY like other girls. There is nothing wrong with being like other girls."
That point was not meant to be taken literally. Of course we aren't all the same, my point is being different is actually a pretty common trait.

[Jmcmanning]

Lol, I wasn't complaining, nor taking it personally. Apparently there is a miscommunication between you and I. Your post came off to a different meaning because of how you stated your thoughts on this topic. Either way, I still don't agree with your main topic, its not worth me trying to explain why since it keeps being taken in a different meaning.

[Onlythisone]

I don't pass up female friends I just don't have much interaction with women. I'm rarely around them unless it's family or one of the guy's wives (it would be weird to be friends with them since I'm pretty much their husbands boss)

[coralee]

I'm right there with you. Nothing wrong with having incidentally more guy friends then girl friends. It's only a problem if your using your connection with men as a way to belittle or differentiate yourself from other women. Looking up one day and realizing most of your friends are men is a completely different ball game then actively stating that you won't be friends with women because they are insert negative stereotype. I only have a problem with the second one.

[FatherJack]

I see loads of " women hate other women " posts , this is NOT the case. As per this take , there is a natural female own gender solidarity , that males do not have , girls / women have far closer friendships than males do , however male friendships are less complicated and can simply pick up from where they left off many years later.

" Society rewards these girls by labeling them "cool" girls. " ... if anything it's more " girl power " and the girls sticking together and giving men the cold shoulder , tis the age of " I don't need no man !! "

[OlderAndWiser]

"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else." -- attributed to Margaret Mead

[coralee]

I've never heard that quote! I love it thanks for sharing.

[Jenima2]

Another generalization. Maybe you're exactly like every girl you know, that doesn't mean everygirl is. I fit in the description you wrote ""guys girl" who just doesn't get along with other girls, because their catty, their boring, their superficial". Yeah that's me. But I don't "Claim" to be special. I've been told that I am so many times by both men and women that I think it must be true.
Sometimes I tell the people I talk to that I'm not like other girls. This is not to feel special. It is because people usually have some stereotypes about women that don't fit with me. If I tell that it's simply because I want people to learn to know me instead of having pre-conceived ideas.
And I don't reject women on stereotypes. I tend to get away from women because of so many bas experiences. There is a simple truth : women usually compete with each other. That's why I'm happier with guys.

[X1erra]

Very intriguing. It surely spins my head around my own values here. I have troubles trying to approach most girls because they are mostly the same, stereotypical girls, but I respect girls who are happy to be who they are. Just don't worry about guys like me... and move forward with no restraint.

[coralee]

I think you'll find if you dig a little deeper those girls are far from stereotypes. I had nothing to with my bff in high school because we ran in completely different social circles. I used to think she was stuck-up. She thought I was a stoner (not true at all). When we met again in University I got to know her and it turned out she was just shy. Once she got to know me she opened up and it turned out she was one of the coolest people I've ever met. She has strong opinions, she's independent, she likes discussing politics, and she is a fierce friend.

[X1erra]

Ha. Discussing politics might not be to my liking, but I am glad she opened up for you. I am a shy person as well, hiding a lot of my own hobbies and interests for the sake of public decency, and an introvert. I guess if I think again, you are right. Everything I see has only been surface value. I'll never get there if I don't dig. But, I am scared to dig. All I've been doing is giving awkward silences to most of the people I've met in real life. I'm no good at jokes, and can only talk about personal feelings and opinions about things, which turn most people off. I'm socially awkward...

[coralee]

I totally get that. I just think we need to be able to see past our own limited view points. Realizing that our viewpoints are limited requires a lot of self-reflection. Keep at it, you'll find someone you connect with. Just don't allow surface values to flaw your judgement, and remember that people as a rule are far more complex then we let on.

[X1erra]

Definitely. I already made it clear to myself to treat a new friend as a clean slate, so once I get there it won't be hard to dismiss the surface value I had with him / her. Only that so far my experiences has only led me to believe they are not good friends with me. But, I did find one person that truly connects with me recently, although of the same gender, so we're actually good buddies! I hope I can find such girl who connects with me just as well, and I won't hesitate to tell her my feelings. :)

[coralee]

I'm glad you've found someone to connect with even if it's just as a friend. Friendships are extremely important and part of what makes the time we spend on this messed-up earth worthwhile. :)

[X1erra]

Oh right, before I go to sleep here, I want to thank you for responding to my thoughts! If anything, your thread here has helped me to clear up the flaws in my judgement of females in general, even though it seemed like it's a thread to motivate girls. Hehe. :)

[coralee]

No problem! I always have time for mutually respectful conversation. Demystifying the opposite sex is better for everyone. The sooner we all realize we are far more the same then we are different the better we will all be.

[COCOCHANEL]

this is very true.

i think many girls like to think they are different from other girls to feel special. different= special.

on the flip side girls who grew up being treated "special" by their peers and people they encounter in life usually try hard to show that they are normal and fit in.

[COCOCHANEL]

i fall into the 2nd category and i still struggle with "subtle" racial harrassment to this day. people say that the problem with japan is sexism but in my experience teaching English to, talking to and dating thousands of men over the last decade i have to say it's not sexism but racism.

[SandyLuke]

I believe everybody knows this one girl or even multiple who claim they are not like other girls, who are somehow "cooler" and more apart. I have to confess right here that in my younger days, I once *was* this girl, and it was out of sheer desperation.

[torken]

Great take, if you're truly an individual, then you won't be so concerned with being unique haha

[coralee]

Truth!

[Djaay]

And they all go the the bathroom together too... and all go to the male strip clubs altogether at once , married and all... and have huge sleep overs too.. They dress and wear tons of make up for each other , and a lot of them are bi. And are constantly seeking approval from all the other girls in their circle of girl friends. And of course there's feminism , and then they wonder why they seem to be single arbitrarly today !! I guess girls are like other girls.

[coralee]

Way to miss the point, completely.

[Djaay]

Way to miss your point completely. You're dismissing independent women of their liking for men , while trying to call them back to the girls club.

[coralee]

No your reading stuff into my post that isn't there. I said flat out that there is nothing wrong with having mostly male friends. There is nothing wrong with liking things guys like, but if you use that as an excuse to belittle other women that is a problem. And far too many women use that as an excuse to distance themselves from other girls because they believe that makes them superior. If thousands of girls are taking to twitter to vehemently state that they aren't like other girls they love video games. Doesn't that make them pretty normal?

[Djaay]

My last comment still stands..

[coralee]

If that's how you want to take it fine. I do legitimately believe that women who have no female friends are missing out. Girls are great. I also think women who have no guy friends are missing out, guys are great. Saying that women can learn things from other women does not mean they can't learn things from men as well. Building up women doesn't lessen men. As I said before most of my friends are guys, and I love them to death.

[najekim]

Well written! Kudos! In many ways we are all as much alike as we are different. Even across genders in some cases.

[coralee]

Exactly! Being different is about as normal as anyone can be. We all have so much we can learn from each other. We do not need to tear each other down in order to build ourselves up. Learning to respect and embrace those difference leads to a happier healthier society all around.

[Grl2live_nlearn4u]

It's better to just be yourself that way people like you for who you are. And if there are things that are more private just keep those things to your self.