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To The Girl Who's Dating An Asshole (Page 4)
Anonymous
(25-29) 
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You’re wounded, so treat it like a veteran scar and be proud of it.
Mistakes is another way for learning and gaining experience.
You shouldn’t change the way you are just because a girl who was not meant to be thinks so.
yes. exactly. this is great advice. instead of listening to all these girls calling you an asshole, tell yourself that you are worthy of love and if she can't see that then she isn't the one, and start working on loving yourself because an amazing relationship can only happen between two people who know who they are, and loves themselves. now you will know that if it doesn't work out with another girl in the future, it wasn't meant to be. and that is nobody's fault, because both of you are meant to be with someone else. your time will come. love yourself, and have compassion for you and the girl. you will see that she is hurt too and doesn't mean to hurt you. i hope you find happiness though.
My guess is that (most) girls are attracted to them because they are extroverts and usually do most of the work so the girl can sit back and relax while the guy gives his "sales pitch". I assume most of them eventually end up unhappy but thats the way it's gone for a long time.
I don't want to end up with that "nice guy loser" rap. So I pretty much stay to myself. It's a lot less complicated that way!
Give up on girls man. They're a lost cause for many guys.
And stop enabling them by being their emotional tampon beta orbiter.
You're putting yourself in the same predicament that the girl is. You're both going after people who largely don't give a fuck about you.
>You say that I'm a good looking guy, that I'm pretty fit, that I have a nice smile and white teeth. You say that I'm a catch.
Let me translate this for you:
>You're sparkless, average, not good enough, whiny, clingy and cringey, but I'm not gonna tell you this because I'm a coward and I prefer to pretend there's some poor idiotic woman with lower standards than me that could make use of you
I think she is maybe hoping deep inside her she could like someone like him, but in fact she is attracted to assholes.
@StrangerByTheDay Nobody is attracted to assholes without some reason behind (asides familiarity, talk about growing up with dysfunctional family models), though. Same was as to answer the question "how much control do you ACTUALLY have about choosing who you like?".
Assholes don't show weakness. They aren't clueless but know what's going on. Their poor morality and lack of consideration for others doesn't exclude the fact they have something that nice guys, no matter how well intended they might come across, don't have.
Said that, I don't think she really wishes so. People have more control than what they claim about choosing who they like. There are plenty of resources for rewiring your brain into liking better relationship models, hence no excuse for poor behavior.
i guess you are right. i understand ur point of view and agree. i usually used to try helping. but eventually moved on. and that is exactly what he should do.
as for those girls, or for what matters, those guys who are also attracted to weird kind of girls can change the way they look for a partner.
we tend to find a partner who is lower than us.
Then don't waste your time anymore. Ass soon as a woman that you are interested in dates a douchebag, kick her out of your life.
Every girl has done this to me so far. This one recent girl i'm talking about I can't get over. She would be an amazing girlfriend if she wasn't into assholes.
You gotta move on. She's going to do the exact same shit as the other ones. Don't fool yourself.
i agree with @LegateLanius , but u can move on while staying friends with her... of course it is hard at first but u will get there... if u don't need her friendship though, then yes, move one with ur life.
LOL mate you're not better, clinging on to someone who doesn't want you. You want her to drop him, but you can't drop her.
When speaking of assholes, it takes one to know one. Everybody have an asshole. Alright peace.
IN other words no one is purrfect. :)
Oooh... you've just won the internet with that comment! 100%
@cherryphi82 <3 thanks for your love gurl.
Can't match that kind of wisdom.
so in a few words she said "you are a beta, and i want an alpha with your friendly qualities cause all alphas i date are cocky aholes". i hope that was a lesson for you on what works for most chicks.
So betas must fight back assholes. alphas to be in right with them and “catch the hot girls”?
@NetWanderer There is no such thing as Alpha or beta. The researcher that popularised this claimed after 10yrs that the conclusion that came from the research were wrong because the alphas in the packs of wolves and groups apes are the parents of the so-called betas are their adult children. It's only normal that they have control.
Also an animal becomes alphas by subduing bullying the others. They beat up the other males that try get caught mating with the female of interest. They kill offsprings that are not theirs. So the females desire to mate the so-called betas.
Also the claim that the alpha males in our cave men "ancestors" that protected and provided for their offsprings are the same as the ones we consider alphas. The greatest inventors or men that changed our societies were nerds. A providing male is a responsible male provider and protector is one that loves the females whether strong or weak. The so-called better are usually the one that love and provide
They have more successful offsprings in the human situation whether in the past or now. Assholes are not what women inherently want. It takes a certain type of woman to be attracted to a guy that she clearly abusive. Maybe most women do but there are reasons to it rather than what's Alpha and what's beta.
Move on and choose someone who places emphasis on direct honesty and communication.
Too many people say one thing and then mean another. Vet these people out.
To be honest... I choose looks over personality im so so sorry. if a cute guy asks me out and treats me like shit i still wouldn't mind hehe -anon girl
you're crazy lol
we are all different... let me ask you something:
if u choose the looks over personality, then after years of marriage, what u will see in the mirror would be something really ugly comparing to a young girl or teenager: so you would divorce the ur husband for getting old and ugly too? a young man in his 20s would be more gorgeous and you can go out with him, but what if he finds they all find you ugly? which shoulder you would be resting ur head on? who will be making sure ur happiness comes before his? and many other questions like that could hit ur brain.
1. No wonder you are anonymous. You knew people would go after your troll like comment. 2. You say that... and then you get raped, pregnant, and live a life alone trying to raise a kid you didn't want, desperate for another sucker guy to leech off of in order to help you out that with your personality, will likely only cause more stress. Girls like you are the reason men are starting to marry/date less often, especially when the day comes that a robot replaces your ass.
@errorgoodnameunfound it reminds me a bit of the movie "Her" which was recommended by i girl i met lately. we were discussing this kind of topic. the movie talks about a guy who is not able to find love anymore, and falls in love with his Operating System. it is one of the best movies i think with a BIG message behind it. i hope the owner of this post reads this reply and checks the movie out.
girls like this, well i avoid even if it means being single.
This is majority of women. Thank you for your honesty.
@StrangerByTheDay I will watch that when I have a chance as I think I've heard of it.
Don't u like it when women are honest for once?
1. Funny thing this came from an Anonymous who's not answering any of the comments, I call a TROLL
2. NO, majority of women don't think like this
3. Some women MIGHT think like this (I've never met any), but the same goes to men
@Monalisamaryangela because she doesn't want to receive hate. She is right majority of women do think like this some don't.
@Monalisamaryangela Men are honest about what they want. Women always came to want deeper things. If a guy approaches a girl and more than half the time personality have less to do with why they reject a guy. It's mostly the way he looks and some even goes as far as getting rude cos the guy has the guts to approach her (she is obviously beyond his league). There are lots of times on the dance floor girls reach for my chest and torso to see how ripped I was while on the dance floor of course it also gave me and excuse to touch their tits. So touche.
Women love ripped bodies and it can influence how good the sex can be. It's more difficult to see a girl with a fat guy than a guy with a fat girl.
Of course not all women would prefer looks over personality but to pretend that women are not equally or more shallow than men when it comes to looks is naive and in denial.
@Monalisamaryangela a guy becomes way more interesting when he is good looking. He can get away with a lot. There is an experiment done on tinder of a profile with a male models photos with some shirtless. His bios stated he just did time in jail for sleeping with minors. He needs someone that can deal with rough edges. Many girls texted him first and he got so many replys to rude first messages he sent even to "wanna bang tonight? I wanna jizz ur face". Even the girls that thought he was rude still replied (were still nice to him) and asked him to at least buy them dinner and maybe his wish would be granted sometime in the future.
If he wasn't good looking they would block him. Just his bios alone is a deal breaker. There is a whole rule book of how to talk to women for ordinary blokes but if u are physically attractive u don't need it much
@TheUglyMan Nope. Are you the majority of women/can read their minds?
@BlackMaleYou First of all I didn't say women were more or less shallow than guys, actually I stated quite the opposite. I said "Some women MIGHT think like this (I've never met any), but the same goes to men", as in SOME women and SOME men, not no women and all men. And dance floors aren't equal to life in general. At clubs and dance floors BOTH men and women are usually going for the physically attractive individuals, for god's sake it's a place where they are rubbing their bodies together with random people without having conversations, what do you expect! Girls aren't BLIND, if the physical aspect of a person is all they're getting, how on earth would they be able to choose based on something else. And no, guys definitely aren't always honest about what they want. Or have you perhaps interacted with them in a way that you could have actually experienced this and therefore know it?
A good example is, if a guy wants something romantic with a girl but is pretending to be her friend to get it (I'm not pointing any fingers, this is just an example!), HE IS NOT BEING HONEST WITH HER. She thinks she has a friend, but he never intends to be just a friend with her, therefore HE is being dishonest. If the guy in question wants something romantic with her instead of being mistaken as a friend (cause most girls can be just platonic friends with guys without wanting anything else), he has to be the one to make his intentions known before she has categorized him as only a friend and not a potential future boyfriend. And the same goes other way around too. Don't pretend to want something you don't want. This goes with people using other people for sex too, they're saying how they "love" the other person and what not, when that's not how they feel and not what they want and then get annoyed when the other person wants something more/the other person gets hurt for being lied to.
@BlackMaleYou If that's true, again it's TINDER what did you expect? Most people using Tinder go there for getting laid. Again, GIRLS AREN'T BLIND, they do know what's hot. If they're after a one night stand WHY would they go for someone who's pictures aren't getting them turned on. When it's just a ONE NIGHT STAND the personality doesn't matter that much, they're not intending to spend any more time with the dude than necessary. Even more so, if it's meant to be a one night stand they don't WANT the guy to have a too good personality cause they don't want to get emotionally attached. They don't want to get feelings for the dude cause they don't intend to see him again and if he was an awesome person they might want to hold onto him. I've seen guys acting exactly the same way and having the exact same motives for it so I don't get how it can be so hard for guys to understand women might see things the same way they do. For relationship purpose of course personality matters more!
@Monalisamaryangela At least those who lie to get what they want or to safe face have selfish and incompetent reasons for lying respectively but when women are vaguely asked bout what their response is either rapped in self deceit or denial. They claim that looks are not important. Men are shallow and women shame men for it. Just like how u were quick to think that the anon is just a troll and probably not something a woman would say even though u are away that there are lots women like that.
There is also a general misconception that the nice guy is not as good looking as the asshole that's why she goes for the asshole. Women perpetuate this idea.
Couples meet at the bar to and the shallow ways don't just end at the club. People start relationships on tinder to. Even when a guy tries to ask a girl out at a library, train, in public spaces everything he says gets extra point gets extra points if he is good looking.
@BlackMaleYou I'm not saying there's anything wrong with wanting a good looking partner, I never shamed this anon. for it but I stated she's probably trolling because of the "treats me like shit i still wouldn't mind hehe" part. It's natural to want the best looking partner because of simple biology and procreation reasons BUT when it comes to long term relationships, women who aren't somehow broken inside (like traumas) would never intentionally choose an abusive guy over a good one. Why on earth would they! Just like with guys, girls too give so called extra points for the ones they find attractive, it would be insane to claim otherwise, of course women want to be attracted to the person they're thinking of having sex with. BUT that said looks are never the only thing there is in a person and for women, guy's personality is a HUGE part of him. It's all about how the guy makes the girl FEEL. That's why guys who have charisma do so much better with girls. Looks are a PART of it all.
@Monalisamaryangela Even with guys making sexual comments at girls, if a woman found the guy that was making those comments physically attractive they wouldn't be offended. There is a reason Ryan Gosling, Micheal B. Jordan, Justin Beiber etc have so many females that crush on them and it's not because they are the best at what they do. Of course not all women are like this and not all are to. I think it's OK to be shallow than to settle for someone u are not into physically. I want a girl that really likes my body. That being said I'll pick an average girl with a good heart over hot devil any day
If you were to ask a girl what she finds most important in a guy when it comes to choosing a partner, looks rarely are in top 3 list. There's usually things like funny, trustworthy etc. things that make her life better when they're added to it. Things that make her FEEL GOOD. Things that make her SMILE. One of those things is how the guy treats the girl and if he makes her feel attractive (which often happens if a guy she thinks is good looking gives her right kinda attention, that's where the looks come into play, she feels sexually attractive + attracted) without putting her on some pedestal where she feels the guy doesn't even see her as a person or a human being but some statue. Which in her eyes lower the guy's value in himself because he starts acting unworthy of her when instead he should act like they're a match. Why would she believe they are if he doesn't even believe it himself. Same happens with the roles reversed too, girls who act worthless get stepped on the worst.
@BlackMaleYou Without wanting to sound full of myself, I know I'm an attractive girl, but that said, I too would choose a good hearted guy any day over a hot devil. The guys I've fallen hardest were generally viewed as average looking, "under my league" (boo for the person saying that!), but they were never average to me because of their personalities. But hot guys are still hot guys, I'm not unaware of their appearance, I'm just not interested in "getting them" cause I want something real and that is based on the way the guy is as a whole.
The part about sexual comments, that's just as logical as anything I've stated earlier. If she's attracted to him physically, him being attracted to her just boosts her ego and feels good. She might not want him to touch her in any way but she might think she must be hot if someone she viewed hot thought so. Also, some women (and men) only care about looks, but they're usually not the ones you'd want to deal with, in time that gets very empty.
@Monalisamaryangela Guys who have charisma are usually good looking. I personally I'm fun to be around and I'm also good at playing big brother or therapist to girls, I think I'm a nice guy I'm also good looking. Im lucky cos almost all the girls I've dated was the ones that approach me and or it just happened. I'm bad at picking up girls. When I have the courage to do it then I lack the words but when we are passed that icebreaker there is nothing shy bout me. I've had my nice guy finish last moments but I cut my loses and pressed next and there are girls out there that I'm exactly their type. Last 2 weeks I ask a girl out from work for a change and it didn't go well. didn't get a no or a yes but I feel like I should do it more often.
And I agree with ur point about only girls with past trauma can value an abusive relationship.
@BlackMaleYou Charisma and good looks don't always go hand in hand. I've known many good looking guys in my life that totally lack of it. But then again check for example Peter Dinklage, there's a guy who's not necessarily considered as a traditionally good looking man, but who has a lot of charisma and it shows. And by the looks of it he's doing pretty great in life. With his stunning wife included.
By the sound of it you're doing pretty good too. Not everyone we are interested are interested back, but it's good to know when to give up and move on and not take it personally. And girls won't approach just anyone so be happy about being approached, that's some compliment :)
@Monalisamaryangela Ikr but it made me lazy through out the years and now I'm learning to talk to girls like a teen boy haah. Nontheless it's still a blessing lol
I haven’t have my first date but this take is interesting
I believe in God. So man will try who are Satanists to change my mind but that is normal. But with God, you cure again. And God wins always. So what is the use of Satanist they keep trying in vain?
I'll desire and like a girl who dated one or sèveral intelligent, nice guys.
But a girl who dated an ashole is spoiled goods for me. I won't touh her.
She's from another world.
I think that there are so many unhappy women out there because they don't understand the spoiled goods part.
This accurately describes every girl I've ever called a friend while she dated someone else.
Then they weren't your friends.. You just accepted friends in hopes it would turn into more.
@Ashleyfl You're right, women make shitty friends.
Agreed. Especially when you think they're only useful to touch your peepee.
@Ashleyfl Indeed now get in the kitchen and make me a samdwich
The thing is wasn't an asshole in the beginning so we keep thinking "but he was so nice in the beginning"
Exactly, but it’s a facade. So why not cut ties with him
Because we keep thinking he'll go back to being nice esp when he's nice once a while... that gives us hope since it's not a complete assholes.
I myself don't have a boyfriend atm but I was recently seeing this one acquaintance as boyfriend material until I woke and stopped trying to hang on to the past. Fact is he currently is an assholes, he used to be kind
I think a lot of problems are coming from young boys being deluded into thinking women are people. That teaches the boys to respect them, which, if you keep your eyes open, repulses women.
This isn't real, dude. Play the damn game.
Who the he'll cares mate she gets into a abusive relationship and that's your fault how? Just get on with your life man.
I want to, but I can't stop thinking about her either. I feel like I'm failing knowing that she is willing to go into an abusive relationship.
You should just leave her behind and send her this; if people never made mistakes they'd never learn, and she'll never learn until you let her know what kind of a mistake she made. (Also if she could lie to you like that for that long and bounce from boy to boy just like that then she doesn't seem like the best 'catch' if yoy know what I mean...) Honestly I've been through the EXACT same thing and you know how it ended? I never told her and over time our connection faded and then I realised something that I should've realised long ago:
I was just wasting my time with one when I could have been spending my time with many.
get on with your life. and when she needs to talk to someone she will probably call you. you can meet up with her and listen to her. just don't expect anything and of course be yourself. also another advice, don't give your opinion. just listen to her and say you understand, and that it is her life and she needs to understand what she really wants. time after time you will get used to the friendship and also be moving on with your life. as she will also be doing. and bro, you will not be attracted to her anymore ;-)
who wants a girl wining all the time about the same situation over and over again.
same goes for you
who wants a guy wining about the same situation over and over again?
:-D
Read Corey Wayne. Look at it TODAY
Women are never going to change buddy. No matter what they say they are hard wired for this. You can either learn how to play the game or the game will play you.
- former nice guy
What's a "change buddy?"
@Bluemax this guy ventilating the truth and I feel him. But you and I know that women are hard wired to act they way they act as backward as it can be (chasing assholes). No amount of GAG take or even hard lessons will ever change their minds. So instead of complaining try changing it something they want.
Oops, I misread that sentence. Guess I was tired. For some reason I thought it said "women are never going to want a change buddy."
I did not read this, I'll just assume you're in the friendzone and crying about it to which all I have to say is, grow some motherfucking ballz..
78.media.tumblr.com/.../...u1fX2p1tt38uvo1_500.gif
Oh why hello BeaHalfShit1985! Hows your husband? Get that divorce yet?