To The Girl Who's Dating An Asshole

[Anonymous]

To the girl who's dating an asshole. You've told me why he's an asshole plenty of times. I didn't come up with the name, you said it yourself. You say he doesn't treat you right. You say he's emotionally abusive, doesn't listen to you, doesn't respect what you say, acts like he doesn't give a shit about you and then when you try to break up with him, he comes back to your doorstep crying about how he fucked up. He would continue this cycle another eight to ten times. He goes out and drinks with other girls when you guys get into a fight. He tells you that he loves you, but does he really? You say that you don't know what to do. You want to give him another chance. You think that you still see something and can work it out.

What do I do!? I still like him! I still think he's cute! I wish I could date a guy like you.

That last sentence is what plays over and over in my mind. I wish I could date a guy like you. Fine. You want my advice? Here it is.

Break up with him. Don't say that you can work things out because you won't, stop saying that deep down he's a good person because he isn't. It is clear as day that you aren't happy with your relationship with him and that he doesn't care. He sees you as a piece of meat. When does he say that he loves you? After sex? On Valentine's day? On Sweetest day? Give me a break! That boy doesn't love you, he only loves your body.

Oh, but let me guess, you can't look past his confident personality, his chiseled body, his good looking face, his charm, and how he carries himself. You're willing to go through the same cycle again, only to get your heartbroken. You don't care that I'm willing to give you the most care in the world. I'm willing to go great lengths to make you happy. I'm willing to tell you how beautiful you are everyday, how much I care about you, how much you mean to me. But no, I'm like a brother to you aren't I? Or maybe it's because I'm not good looking enough, or that I don't walk around like I own the god damn world, or because I don't have the body of Chris Evans. I know I'm not the nicest guy in the world. I'm not going to sit here and act like those stereotypical "nice guys" who just want your body, but I know damn well that I can treat you better than he can.

You say that some day a girl will come and want to date me. You say that I'm a good looking guy, that I'm pretty fit, that I have a nice smile and white teeth. You say that I'm a catch. If I'm such a catch, then why don't you date me? Why continue to date the same asshole? Or leave that asshole for another asshole? You then attempt to "put me on" with your friends, but none of them are interested in me. I mean, why would they be?

One day, we have lunch like we do every week. You tell me that you broke up with your boyfriend a few days ago. Should I tell her? I mean, it could be too soon. She might want some space. Ah fuck it! I'ma tell her! I decide to tell you what's been on my mind.

Listen, I'm sorry about your breakup, I know that he wasn't treating you right, but I want to show you that I'm not like that. I've been wanting to date you for a while now and I'm wondering if you'd like to go on a date sometime next week?

You then proceed to tell me that you don't think it's the right time and you need some time away from dating. I understand that. I get it, but then the next week you tell me how you have a new boyfriend. You met him while you were walking back from our lunch get-together and instantly hit it off from there. Well, at least he seems like a good guy. However, a month goes by and you tell me that he's such an asshole and the whole process repeats itself again.

But don't worry, you aren't my first rodeo. This has happened to me plenty of times in high school. Girl dates asshole, asshole does asshole shit to the girl, girl then complains to me about how he's an asshole and asks what I should do. One girl even rejected my prom invitation to go to prom with an asshole she would later complain to me about the day after prom.

I would lie in my bed, heartbroken. Why did you have to lie to me and say that you needed space? I thought you were different. You weren't plain like most girls I've met. You had substance. You were smart, funny, and even witty. You were the perfect girl for me, or so I thought. This is why I can't get a girlfriend. You and all the other girls I've talked to have done the same thing to me. You say that you wish you can date a guy like me, but then don't fulfill your wish. God, I can't even remember how many times I've wished that we could be together, but you didn't care. You chose the asshole.

Thanks for reading guys and girls! This is my first time writing in this style and since I was recently heartbroken, I decided to rant about it on here. Let me know what you think!

[Bluemax]

I don't believe for a second most girls want to date assholes. I believe girls want to date good men THAT THEY'RE ATTRACTED TO.

When I was reading this take, I kept saying to myself that the comment section is going to be... unkind.

And it is.

For the record, I don't think you're an asshole. I think you're a guy in pain, and I can understand that.

However, I believe that you're missing something. She may very well want to find a guy like you, but she must be attracted to that man. I know it hurts, but she isn't attracted to you. If you care about her, then hope that she finds a good man, one she's attracted to, and move on.

"You then attempt to "put me on" with your friends, but none of them are interested in me. I mean, why would they be?"

Now that *is* interesting, isn't it? Why do you suppose none of them are interested in you? Why do you suppose this happens to you frequently.

[juststrollin]

this if she was attracted to him he wouldn't be in the friend zone, can't force someone to be attracted

[cherryphi82]

This deserves MHO!

[Bluemax]

@cherryphi82
Thanks, that's kind.

It's a pity that the MyTake writer hasn't answered the two most salient questions I've posed here.

Why do you suppose none of them are interested in you?
Why do you suppose this happens to you frequently?

Answers to these questions could change things. Yet they're going unanswered.

And I get that introspection is often scary and painful. But sometimes it's imperative.

So again, MyTake writer, what say you to those two very important questions?

[myTake Owner]

Sorry that I haven’t responded to you. I’ve been busy with exams and such and since this post basically blew up way bigger than I imagined, I lost track at how many people I’m suppose to reply to. Anyway, to answer your two questions:

None of them are interested in me because they do the same thing that this girl did. None of them care about my inner qualities, they just care about my physical face and body features. So of course I’m gonna day that those girls aren’t interested in me and id go as far as to say that no girl, who I am interested in, likes me back. That’s not to say that I date “out of my league”. Sometimes I try to, but most of the time it’s girls that I and others would consider to be in my league.

[myTake Owner]

As for your second question, it happens to be very frequently because they all say the same shit. I had to go to prom BY MY SELF one year because a girl did this to me and several other girls rejected me. I was considered that loser who couldn’t find a date to prom. The only reason I showed up was because my best friend practically begged me to come saying that it would be fun, but it wasn’t. I had to sit out most of it because I had no one to dance with and no one to slow dance with. There have been plenty of other times where girls have done the same thing this girl has done too.

[cherryphi82]

Bwahhahaha... I went to prom by myself. Cry me a river. Like that's the measure of attractiveness. That right there tells me what kind of person you are. You wanna be popular and are angry you're not.

[myTake Owner]

@cherryphi82 Never aspired to be popular. Found it a waste of time. I was friends with a lot of people in my school, but wouldn’t consider myself popular nor did I care. I just wanted a girl who would care about me. Why do you hold such a bad grudge against me? Did something bad happen to you and now you’re taking it out on me?

[juststrollin]

@cherryphi82 cherry you deserve most helpful girl OP is giving me flashbacks, just like that guy who harassed me for not dating him and kept trying to tell me I should be into him and I was superficial not to be attracted to him... ughhh people need to stop these guys. Cherry clearly has the right read on this guy

[myTake Owner]

@juststrollin Not helping my cause. I don’t harass people. You obviously don’t know what it’s like to never have a girl be attracted to you before. Damn near killed myself because of it.

[cherryphi82]

Again, the lie. You want a *certain* girl (popular, pretty) to be attracted to you but I bet you overlook all the ones that are maybe not that attractive but would want to be with you.

[cherryphi82]

@juststrollin Thank you so much!

[myTake Owner]

@cherryphi82 I’m in college. There is no such thing as “popular”. Most girls aren’t attracted to me I don’t overlook anything.

[myTake Owner]

@cherryphi82 and you ignored my two questions.

[Ashleyfl]

@juststrollin if only OP could imagine how much it hurts to find out your male "friend" who was always there to listen actually was never your friend at all and resented you during the entire friendship.

[cherryphi82]

Your questions are irrelevant to this discussion. Your own words condemn you.

[Bluemax]

@cherryphi82

I'm assuming MyTake writer is "overlooking" those women any more than I assume the woman who rejected him is "overlooking" him. It is entirely possible he might see very wonderful qualities in these women, but HE'S NOT ATTRACTED TO THEM.

Now I made a point that the woman who rejected him but wants to date someone like him needs to be ATTRACTED to that man. I'm assuming you agree with that. What you might be overlooking is that what I said of her APPLIES EQUALLY TO EVERYONE, including the MyTake writer.

If we can agree that we need to be attracted to someone to be in a relationship, and that you can't force people to be attracted to you, then I think we'd probably agree that MyTake writer can't force himself to be attracted to people he's not attracted to, just like the woman who rejected him can't force herself to be attracted to him.

[Bluemax]

@cherryphi82
I'm sorry, I meant to write "I'm assuming MyTake writer ISN'T "overlooking" those women any more than I assume the woman who rejected him is "overlooking" him. "

[Bluemax]

@cherryphi82
I also believe he hasn't overlooked them, he's just not attracted to them. If he were, he would have dated them long ago. I think we'd agree that to propose ANYONE date someone he/she isn't attracted to, is just as impractical as proposing the woman who rejected MyTake writer to date him.

So I propose a two pronged attack. First, become as attractive as you can. Second, find a woman where the attraction is mutual.

[Bluemax]

@juststrollin
"ughhh people need to stop these guys."

I agree. How do you propose we stop them? So far, it seems the most popular suggestion on this thread is to call him names and humiliate him.

I doubt that will do anything but push him away from any possibilities to learn something.

[Bluemax]

@Ashleyfl

It does hurt, doesn't it? It hurts for everyone involved.

However, not everyone who walks away from a friendship after being rejected is being selfish or cruel. I've had women walk away from my friendship because I rejected them. But I feel no malice towards them because I knew just *seeing* me hurt them. Let alone seeing me in the arms of another woman. If being in the presence of someone who rejected a person hurts, then perhaps the wisest thing for everyone is to be friendly, be civil, but walk away.

If just *seeing* you hurts, why would you want a friend to remain your friend, knowing that it hurts? Who is really the selfish one in that case?

[Bluemax]

@MyTakeowner
I've more to write to you, but for now I must help my mother prepare her taxes.

So much fun today!!!

;D

[cherryphi82]

The problem I have is not that I think the MyTake owner *has* to force himself to be attracted to people he's not attracted to, but the fact that he condemns this girl for being attracted to the "popular asshole guys". Women are constantly asked to overlook the external qualities of men for the internal qualities they have. He's forcing women to take the moral high ground and judges them for choosing to go with what they sexually desire, and that crosses into misogyny, which is typical of so many of these so called nice guys.

[Bluemax]

@cherryphi82
Ah yes. I understand.

[Bluemax]

@myTakeOwner
No worries about the response time. What are you studying to do (if I may ask)?

I wouldn't go so far as to say they don't care about your inner qualities. They just don't seem to be attracted to you (and there is a difference). If you feel they aren't attracted to your physical qualities, what do you think is a turn off about your appearance? Is it something you feel can be improved? In most cases, our physical appearances can be improved upon.

"Damn near killed myself because of it."

Ah now, *that's* a serious issue. Did you actually attempt it, or did you contemplate it? Could it be possible that your pain and anguish are driving people away? I believe this might be the case.

Either way, have you talked to a professional about your suicidal thoughts?

[Bluemax]

I get you're a guy who is hurting. I really do. I strongly suspect that this hurt and anguish is driving you very much in the wrong direction.

Rejection is the norm, even for attractive people. I feel perhaps in your youth you weren't as aware of this as you're becoming now, and that might be why you took rejection so harshly. Furthermore, some people are just more predisposed to taking rejection harder than others. I suspect you're one who takes is harder than most. This might be something to talk about with a pro, too.

[juststrollin]

By letting him know that telling someone that you are their freidn while resenting them for not dating you is stupid. If she says no in the beginning, and for more than like 2 months after she sees you as a backup plan. Of course he'll feel awful being someones backup.

Also, they need to know they are the ugly girl in this situation

[juststrollin]

@Ashleyfl I bet OP cannot imagine and has not had the uncomfortable feel!!!

OP needs to know this is like his best dude friend coming out to him and telling him all the other girls were bitches lol.

[juststrollin]

@cherryphi82 Np !!

[Bluemax]

@juststrollin
"By letting him know..."

Yep, however *how* you let someone know is at least as important as *what* you let them know, which is why I'd probably refrain from using the language people are using. When you use terms like "asshole" or "stupid," for this or any other situation, you'll probably just make the person more defensive and less likely to listen.

"Also, they need to know they are the ugly girl in this situation"
Given that he's already told me that he feels that "... they just care about my physical face and body features," I suspect he already knows they're not physically attracted to him.

So once you've established he needs to respect her decision, what do you advise the next step is, for ugly guys and gals alike? I tend to think they should make attempts to improve their appearance and social skills. What do you think?

[myTake Owner]

Well right now I’m a finance major and a Spanish minor, but I’m studying to get into the business college. I have to take one of the hardest classes in the university as a prerequisite so that requires a lot of attention.

I feel like it isn’t something I can improve. It’s a matter of facial structure and such. I’ve improved my face as much as I can. I take good care of my face and hair, but at the end of the day, if god didn’t bless you with good genes then you’re screwed.

I’ve contemplated it before, never attempted to do it. Getting rejected a lot hurts. I use to take it pretty well, but after probably the 50th time getting rejected I started to realize that it’s over stuff I literally cannot change unless I were to some how alter my genes. It’s bad luck. My whole life is bad luck. That’s why I’ve contemplated before. I’ve considered talking to a professional but 99% of the time they only do it for money. Look at all the

[myTake Owner]

(cont.) veterans who have PTSD that see professionals. Those “professionals” don’t do jack shit for them and they end up ending their own lives anyway. They especially won’t care about my girl problems.

Again, over the years of rejection I’ve taken it worse and worse. I really only take rejections from girls the worst because life is about finding a partner. If I were to wait until I’m rich or something, then she won’t care about me, which is not what I want.

The girls in this reply section don’t realize what it’s like to be unattractive. One girl even said I don’t know how “uncomfortable” it is, but she doesn’t know how devastating my life has been. My life is a living hell and she’s worried about being “uncomfortable”. Please, my whole life is uncomfortable.

[Bluemax]

I hear you, myTakeOwner. More to say later.

[juststrollin]

The answer would be to stop harassing and hating women for not finding them attractive and wanting to date them.

[juststrollin]

Because not every single woman finds 'ugly' people unnatractive. A guy who takes excellant care of himself and who is zin is way more attractive than an attractive guy who has a bad personality and who is a jerk. You need to have confidence to know that you dont have to settle for someone who doesn't like you.

[cherryphi82]

@juststrollin Wys 100%

[Bluemax]

@juststrollin
"The answer would be to stop harassing and hating women for not finding them attractive and wanting to date them."
Agreed. That's sound advice for peace of mind and developing harmony with others. However, I generally don't think that's going to help anyone become more *attractive*. Better people? Yes. More attractive? I doubt it. Being a better person doesn't often make a person more attractive. I've known my share of women who are great people, yet I'm simply not into them and so are virtually all men I know.

On the other hand, I suppose *not* being spiteful and angry might go a long way to make someone less unattractive.

"A guy who takes excellant care of himself and who is zin is way more attractive than an attractive guy who has a bad personality and who is a jerk."

I'm sorry, what is "zin?" When you say "takes excellent care of himself," do you mean hygiene, or fashion, or his character, or his career, or personality? I suspect it's all of the above.

[Bluemax]

@cherryphi82

"and judges them for choosing to go with what they sexually desire, "

You're kind of making me want to re-ask a question I asked years ago.

[Bluemax]

Well, myTakeOwner, without seeing a picture of you, I couldn't really help you. Furthermore, I confess I'm not a good judge of what makes men attractive.

I will say this. Most people I know who say they're ugly are wrong, or at least in my opinion. Would you consider at some point posting a pic of yourself and asking what, if anything, could be improved on?

I do think you're underestimating the power of anger and frustration to make a person *un*attractive. Whereas I think your frustration is quite understandable (though the focus of your frustration seems wrong to me), I can't imagine that it doesn't shine through in ordinary interactions with people.

Many therapists are quacks. I'd say about half. However, some are not. I think, if you're thinking about offing yourself, you *should* reach out to a pro. I recommend you ask about cognitive behavioral therapy. Most people I know who have been treated with this therapy have had good results.

[Bluemax]

If, as you say, life is about finding a partner, then doesn't it become imperative to use every single resource possible in this mission.

by the way, many would say that life isn't about finding a partner. Believe it or not, I happen *not* to agree with them. I partially agree with you, myTakeOwner. Finding a mate is *MUCH* more important than many people think. I know because I found her.

[apple24]

I would like to make a correction to the original answer. What if he boring but good looking. What bad guys have over good guys is that they are indeed boring. Of course we don't want to be abuse or heartbroken. But we want feel like rush and excitement that no good guy could ever give since he too much of a whimp or he suffering with some serious stuff

[Bluemax]

@apple24
Interesting. However, the word "boring" is highly variable. Much more so than looks, in my opinion. Every human being on the planet, you and me included, is boring to someone.

"But we want feel like rush and excitement that no good guy could ever give"
Could you explain that a little more? What kind of rush? What kind of excitement?

[apple24]

Like feeling wanted in the best way. Like the bad boy type that will leave his responsibilities only to go out on his motorcycle.

[Anonymous]

You're doing the same as she is. Falling for someone that's not right. Move on yourself. You're friendzoned and will never get anywhere else with her. She is not attracted to you and because of that she will never want to be with you, even if you would treat her right (probably not) if she did. People are not with people just because they're nice. There must be attraction and feelings too and if it's not there then forget about it. You also wouldn't date someone you found ugly and sexually repulsive, I'm sure.

[myTake Owner]

You aren't seeing my side of things. You only look from a girl's perspective, that's why so many girls on here hate what I have to say. Because they don't get it. They don't get the perspective of the guy being "friend zoned". They don't get the perspective of the guy sitting next to you in class who doesn't talk very much. They don't get it and they don't care. They only care about the extroverts. They think that introverted men don't exist. The problem here is that this extroverted man is an asshole. I didn't determine that he was an asshole, she did. If she were to date an extroverted guy who was nice and kind to her, I would be so hung up. I'd be a little salty that she isn't with me, but I can't get everything I want. So knowing that she is with a guy that respects her will give me comfort. No I wouldn't date someone I found ugly, but I can't change my looks.

[littlebutswole]

trust me i get wht it is like to be friendzoned. he was my best friend n i didn't know he liked me. i liked him a lot 2 but i was 2 afraid to tell him bc i thought i'd lose him. watching him date other girls who clearly weren't right for him, who controlled him, who didn't really know the real him was so hard. they wldn't let me hang out w him but i wldn't fight back bc i wntd to respect his choice, but it killed me inside. he knew almost evrythng about me n accepted it, he nvr disrespected me behind my back or to my face (unless he had a gf) , he protected me n made me feel comfortable. n i knew so much about him, i knew the truly amazing guy w the heart of gold that he felt like he needed to hide. the guy that had issues tht i wanted to help him fix n nvr leave him alone. i feel awful for talking about my asshole 2 him bc i was scared to lose him, n now i get what its like. im sorry, but if you love her, you will respect her choice n hope she will be happy. n if u r part of that even better

[littlebutswole]

sorry about my disgusting grammar and spelling, i wanted to fit it all in one reply. I don't know why haha

[TheUglyMan]

@littlebutswole 😢😭that's so sad

[ChronicThinker]

To the girl dating an asshole: I am the only good person for you. Yes, I understand you don't like me that way, and yes, I understand you don't find me attractive. But I want to date you, so, therefore, if you refuse to date me, you're just a naive girl who likes to be mistreated. It totally isn't because I acted like a passive brother/friend figure the entire time I've known you, it's because you're stupid, and a bitch, and just don't realize that I am perfect and the only one for you.

Yeah I've heard this song and dance before. I don't feel bad for you.

[myTake Owner]

I want to sincerely congratulate you. Not only have you completely taken my whole myTake out of context, but you decided to add in a little bit of your own imagination within your opinion. I applaud you for that as I have never met a person so ignorant and close-minded as you. Yes, I said that I want to date her, but I never said that she’s naive or stupid or a bitch. EVER. She has told me NUMEROUS times that she is being mistreated, I didn’t come up with that myself. Never said I was perfect either. I said that she seemed like the perfect girl. I wouldn’t care that much if she were to date a guy who was nice to her and respected her. Please put common sense into your argument before you spew your hatred. Thank you.

[LeoLionEye]

Dude I read both sides of this and sorry to tell you but she is right. That is exactly how your myTake came across. Her passive brother/friend theory is also correct. You sound exactly like one of those "nice guys" that you claim you're not. Probably because that's actually how you're acting.

[myTake Owner]

@LeoLionEye I come across as a brother to her because I don’t treat her like shit and I don’t have amazing looks and an amazing body.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

@ChronicThinker @LeoLionEye Ok wtf is wrong with people here? This mytake is exactly what I'd love to write myself if people on this site were ACTUALLY BRIGHT! Re fuckin read this part. "I wish I could date a guy like you" You both claim he is acting like just another nice guy thinking of themselves as perfect compared to the asshole. No. 1. If somebody is an asshole and somebody isn't, sorry but the person who is not, is better and I'd say more perfect. If you prefer assholes, then go talk to other assholes you agree with in an echo chamber and stop putting down opinions different from your own. 2. That quote? In THIS situation, he LITERALLY SAID that girl SPECIFICALLY said she wanted to date him... yet... can't? And so, he has a right to wonder why, as well as, a right to write the MyTake as a rant. You both are guilty of taking it out of context just to have somebody to make you feel better about yourselves. Speaking of assholes...

[LeoLionEye]

@errorgoodnameunfound Yeah because real nice guys call other people they probably don't really know assholes (the ex boyfriend). The believe that the girl they like aren't capable of making her own choices or when she does they are wrong. They will post things on the internet about the girl they like online and how she doesn't know any better and is wrong. They know that if you are nice to a girl then she will probably have to date you.

So to tell you this isn't how nice guus act. Know how real nice guys act. They treat the girl like a person who can make up their own minds, and that is including their own mistakes. They don't judge people on those mistakes and say they are wrong or don't know any better. They don't talk shit about people they don't know just because they are jealous of what that person has or what other people have said about him.

[LeoLionEye]

@errorgoodnameunfound This guy is just one of those guys pretending to be nice to get what he wants. Hence the big long rant about how it was beyond his control and not his fault when it didn't work out how he wanted.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

@LeoLionEye Dude, I doubt you read his whole thing. I really do not think he is who you think he is. Yes, maybe he should move on, but then again, a bit of anger and confusion should be allowed as well as people commenting here should be a lot more respectful instead of acting like they knew him for 10 years. He's allowed to be upset and a bit confused. Just as you and I are. I think you assume the other guy is not an asshole. The author suggests he is, so why not trust his word? Also, the girl who is with the other guy does not like that guy! Don't you get it? It like hating pain, yet being addicted to stabbing yourself because the knife is shiny and when somebody tries to tell them to maybe try therapy or their method of helping, being told "I would love to! I wish I could!", but then, the person never does. Does that make ANY sense? If you know of Joker from Batman, it's stupid these days to see Joker get so much respect. 1. He's a fuckin clown. 2.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

(con'd here) He deserves death. Seriously. He isn't worth anything to the world. Perhaps the people that respect him and his ways so much are similar? 3. I don't like Harley Quinn unless it's the version of her dating Poison Ivy or in some way or form, NOT with Joker. It's a truly sick relationship. That should be a common sense DUH, but apparently these days, it's not. Many women love their so called self stabbing with a shiny knife. And the people that want to help are like me and the author only get criticized and the shiny knife is seen as the best thing ever. I suggest if you want to criticize the MyTake THAT MUCH, that you and all the other criticizers ACTUALLY READ more than the title.

[LeoLionEye]

@errorgoodnameunfound I did read the full myTake as well as the majority of responses, so please don't just assume I didn't because you have a different opinion then me.

That being said most of what you said didn't make sense. A girl choosing to date a guy isn't the same as someone who likes to cut themselves. Not even close. It's her choice as to who she dates as well as her choice if it is good for her or not. Someone who cuts themselves has a mental illness and can't help it, on top of that cutting yourself is always bad for you.

I never said that the other guy wasn't an asshole. Just that it isn't any of the OP concern if he is or not. It again is not his choice. But that being said why is he even calling this guy an asshole? Is it because of what she told the OP about him? Is it because the OP is jealous of him? Or is it because of the only true justifiable reason to call someone an asshole, because he personally knows him and knows he's an asshole?

[LeoLionEye]

@errorgoodnameunfound Also WTF was all this about the Joker? What does that have to do with anything? Either way you proved my point with it. You said "He deserves death. Seriously. He isn't worth anything to the world."

Now what do you think Batman or Superman who have to say about this? I'm pretty sure they would tell you that you are wrong. That even if he is evil he deserves to live and that he needs help with mental issues. See there is the big difference between true nice guys and fake nice guys. The fake ones don't actually value or care about other people. The true ones do even when there is every reason they shouldn't. So no the OP, like you isn't an actual nice guy. You're no Batman or Superman.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@ChronicThinker Phuck yeah I can't agree more with the example of 'nice guy syndrome' that you painted so eloquently there.

@myTake_Owner Seriously, look up "nice guy syndrome" and cure this disease before Filthy Frank comes in and tells you "this is cancer" and says "it's time to stop"

[cherryphi82]

Exactly! Perfectly stated.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

@LeoLionEye Sorry dude, but again, you are cherry picking words. The author does in fact have full right to call his crush out on her BS. Why? Because he SPECIFICALLY said, she has "COMPLAINED TO HIM about her boyfriend." She is unhappy with her current boyfriend and I quote, "I wish I could date you" to the author." So... why... doesn't she? I feel you have a lot of doubt in what the author says. But both the author AND his crush BOTH admit the crush is dating an asshole. From evidence, we assume the crush is dating an asshole, yet complains. My analogy WAS IN FACT correct, as a girl who dates an abusive guy ALSO can have a sort of mental illness. I have gone to plenty of classes on this kind of thing and well as I can present multiple sources on this if needed. I even gave the example of Joker. I truly believe you have called this guy out bc of cherry picked words. You can't argue with my direct evidence. I am quoting the author. Where are your quotes?

[LeoLionEye]

@errorgoodnameunfound Sorry to tell you are wrong but you misquoted him. At no point did he (or her) say "I wish I could date you". The exact quote you are referring to is "I wish I could date a guy like you". Those are not the same thing and if you think they are you are just as naive as the OP.

And you said I was cherry picking words haha. That quote good enough for you? The correct one you were trying to use.

So no, he has no right to call her out on that. She at no point showed interest in him besides being a friend. And complaining about ones significant other is something some people do in the company of their friends.

As for saying "a girl who dates an abusive guy ALSO can have a sort of mental illness" yes that is technically true I don't believe it is in the majority of cases. And it still isn't the same as someone who cuts themselves.

Last your Joker example sucked.

[belarus]

I have some extra midol!

[Anonymous]

ummmmmm you underestimate how manipulative these men are. it's never as easy as it looks. women can be as lonely and vulnerable as men.

if a woman is repeatedly venting to you and you are damn sure she isn't interested, be honest with yourself: what do you want? here are things you can say without being an asshole:

"look, i have to be honest, it's confusing when you tell me what a nice date-able guy i am. i can't tell if you're being sweet, or if it's something more."

"if you just want to be friends, i'm not sure i'm comfortable with those types of compliments, especially since you have a boyfriend."

"it's hard for me to have super intimate conversations like this with you, because i can't tell if you're just being friendly. i don't want to misread your signals. but this is all pretty personal stuff for us to talk about, and i don't feel good about us getting too close if you have a boyfriend."

if she continues to rely on you for intimate conversations when you've said you're uncomfortable, say, "i'm really sorry, but i don't think i can be of any help on this topic. i really hope you figure it all out."

if she continues to give compliments, say, "i know you're just trying to be nice, but it just sounds a little weird since you and X are still together." if it keeps happening, excuse yourself.

men and women are very much the same in that many of us suck at conflict and allow others to do things we don't like, because we think if we put up with it we might receive love.

my advice here is obviously not on "getting" women. it is about politely asserting that it's not your job to deal with someone's crappy relationship, or to interpret their mixed messages. it's a way of respecting yourself without giving in to anger or loneliness. it's about being confident in yourself, and keeping company with people that make your life better, not worse.

honestly, don't go after girls who don't have their shit together. go after girls who are available. and don't link your self-worth to other people. it's easier said than done, but you'll eventually be stronger and happier for it.

[belarus]

Right on sister!

[freakyzeaky]

The truth is many men and women at a young age aren't mature enough. They make the same mistakes over and over until they hit some sort of rock bottom, or aren't at a stage in their lives to be ready for a functionally stable relationship. Some women and men NEVER mature and stay selfish throughout their entire lives. These are the livelong players and monkey-branchers of the world.

This is why you hear so many stories of women (and men) who went through a "wild phase", or were serial monogamists who simply couldn't hold down a relationship to have children, or went through multiple marriages and are now well into middle adulthood still looking for "the one".

Sometimes it takes life to smack them multiple times in the face before they get it. And yes, often times it makes us guys feel like we are second rate, like we were picked last because we weren't that thrilling guy that women want in the prime of their youth.

However, it isn't that us sweet, gentlemanly good guys aren't worthy or attractive. There is nothing wrong with us. In fact, we are the ones who are doing well because although those so-called "assholes" get the girl, but also abuse them, gaslight them, who aren't empathetic, who embody the macho-male stereotype, who cheat without a second thought, may never grow out of their toxic ways. Sometimes a guy may learn just like the women who fall for their charms, but I have heard from so many that even though we all try to believe it is better to have loved and lost, they wish things could have been different.

My GF's father was an abuser. She had to struggle through many relationships to finally learn that she needed to find a man who was mature and treated her with respect. Sometimes it is our pasts that blind us to what we really need in life. Sometimes it takes us to see our own self-worth before we see what we truly deserve.

Don't fret my dude. There are plenty other women out there. There is no "one" perfect woman. However, there are many mature women out there, of all ages. Some take longer than others to get there. Don't get bitter, don't pass judgment, you are better than that. Just keep being the better man and trust me, a woman who is worth your love and attention will see it. She might not be the one you dream of, but she will undoubtedly be the right one for you and you will know it.

[StrangerByTheDay]

Dear Anonymous,
I understand how you really feel as for I have been in such situations most of my last 32 years. Am going to give you my opinion, then check out what others think about the subject, but first, let me thank you for taking the time to write this!!! Cheers to that my friend :-)
To be honest, I think the problem comes from our behavior and looks. Maybe you would like a gorgeous looking girl while comparing to other guys you are not that great of looking. Treating her like shit maybe would work, and maybe not. We can talk a lot about this subject, yet, we seem to be attracted to girls who are not into our kind of personality, while, those girls are attracted to assholes (sorry for the vocabulary).
I don't know how to comfort you, but instead, I will tell you how I have changed my life style a bit. so here it goes:
-make yourself feel positive vibes and happiness, even if you are not in the mood.
-if you are old enough to grab a drink, then go to a bar, chat with the bartender about anything, keep a smile, and single people who sit next to you, well, chat with them about anything
-go out alone even if it sounds weird, forget about the he says/she says
-get on with your hobbies (I go to the coffee shop with a book and enjoy it)
-go for a walk and listen to your best playlist
-if there is an event you are interested in, then go for it (alone even)
-if you always visit the same bar, then you will be a sort of client/friend and this would be kind of comforting for meeting people
All of the above sound maybe weird and nerdy, but it works for me 90% of the time. I meet interesting people. I don't expect much from them.
GirlsAskGuys. com is maybe a place where you will meet someone who likes you totally dear Anonymous.
Events happen in your life (problems or happy things), and you have to accept them and learn from them. I am sure someone else also asked you to consider those girls as a friend too and feel happy about it because they trust you!! it is not what you want but it is a fact.
if you happen to meet a girl for the first time, my advice is to tell her honestly that you really like her, in a nice way, good manners, be a gentleman.
DO NOT try to be someone you are not, because, sooner or later the mask will drop down and it is going to be bad for both of you. You want someone who understands "Who you are" and not "What you look like"
I sincerely hope that my opinion will be helpful dear Anonymous :-D

[Anonymous]

You don't seem like a bad guy so I'm going to give you some advice. She's not your friend and I thtink you should stop fighting for her and find another girl. Dating is shallow for both men and women, physical and sexual attraction usually comes first. I think confusion comes because guys are told women like personality more in general. Some women do and others don't. If it was true that women prefer personality over sexual attraction then you wouldn't see women putting up with men who treat them like crap. Though some women do, others again don't.

If a woman is just around for emotional support she's using you. Yeah it's an assholish thing to do and isn't right or fair to you but if you stick around you're allowing it to happen. What's worse is when she doesn't put any effort towards you. Friendship just like any relationship is a give and take thing. If she's just taking but giving you nothing back then that's using you. I get it, it sucks, it hurts, but that's life. Don't allow people to use you like that.

I had a friend who I was attracted to but she treated me like your friend does you. She didn't feel the same and I was fine with being just friends but I'm pretty sure she only wants me to help her with her emotional problems and pass courses. The few times she did ask what was bugging me or stressing me out she cut me off to talk about her problems. So I got busy moved on, stopped answering her calls at much and I'm basically around to only help her pass courses (and is is only because teaching her stuff helps me too or else I wouldn't be doing it). I didn't just basically ghost, I just told her my life was getting very busy so I may be around less then let us grow apart. Though basically I didn't like how she was treating me and didn't take it. You don't have to be a jerk about things just focus and spend time on other people and things. If you don't stop thinngs or confront her on her behaviour that you don't like then she's going to continue treating you like this.

People ask me all the time why I am so emotionless and why I seem to care about little. The answer is it's easy to not care about things that don't care about you. Which is why I let people who don't care drift away while keeping those who do close. I'd advise you to do the same. Things that matter treat you like you matter, don't forget it.

[lumos]

I find it funny that you're clearly, deep down, judging this girl for liking an asshole. But you are, in a way, just as guilty of doing the same thing. You've also fallen for a girl who isn't right for you, who isn't willing to treat you as more than just a shoulder to cry on, who is never going to be willing to date you. Do you even like her for who she is, or just the idea of being with her? Because quite frankly I'm not sure how you could actually fall for someone whose life revolves so deeply around someone else, to the point where it's seemingly all they can talk about.
And you even said it yourself, that this has happened to you many times before. Clearly there's a pattern. Clearly you're in the exact same boat as all these girls - you keep falling for those who are wrong for you.
While I understand the purpose of this myTake and how it probably felt nice to vent a little, I would also advise you to reflect on your own choices and behavior. Because otherwise this take just reeks of the pot calling the kettle black.

[myTake Owner]

Yes I have fallen for this girl and here’s why. I like her for who she is. It goes beyond physical attraction. She would be the perfect girlfriend in my book if she wasn’t dating an asshole. Most girls that I’ve talked to have done the same thing. This is especially prevalent on my college campus, or on any college campus as a matter of fact. I liked her because she was different. There’s only one of her. I just wish her asshole of a boyfriend can see the same thing.

[lumos]

Seems to me you're just in love with the idea of her. And she probably thinks the same of her boyfriend.

[Unit1]

We don't choose to fall in love. Love makes us fall for it. Please don't forget this.

[lumos]

@Unit1 never said that we do choose, but ok.

[Unit1]

Huh?
When you said this, i sure interpreted it like you'd say we choose to fall in love with these kinds of females.

To quote you:
"But you are, in a way, just as guilty of doing the same thing. You've also fallen for a girl who isn't right for you, who isn't willing to treat you as more than just a shoulder to cry on, who is never going to be willing to date you."

Now we could obviously tell the asker and everybody else to stay clear from goods, that are willingly heading towards their own destruction.

I Just had to check on this.

[TheUglyMan]

this should be voted the best opinion

[TheUglyMan]

@Unit1 😷 oh dear. Romantic love doesn't exist.

[lumos]

@Unit1 yeah, and what I meant was that it's kind of ironic how he's venting about these girls who fall for assholes throughout the take, when he himself has fallen for girls who are not right for him either. And technically we can choose to some extent, we can recognize patterns in certain people and cut off contact with them before things escalate. Usually people learn such patterns after their first or second mistake, but to continuously fall for the same type of (wrong) person is kind of a choice. You choose to seek out people like that and not remove yourself from the situation once you've identified those similar toxic patterns. Anything beyond that is not a choice, sure, but you can choose to decide when you've had enough and decide what's best for yourself.

[lumos]

@Unit1 and in asker's situation I think it's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. He so badly wants to "rescue" this girls and make them see their own worth, but at the same time he has experienced this type of thing often enough for him to know by now that it's not going to end well if he sticks around. But he probably does it anyway because it's what he's used to and he probably gets a tiny bit of a kick from having the "moral high ground" in the situation, where he can say "well I did everything I could, the other person was just too blind to see my love and how awesome I am".

[lumos]

these* girls

[Unit1]

I can see what you mean. But what do you think can he (or we) do in order to avoid repeating the same pattern over again? I mean it is like when we find out, that some girl doesn't like-like us but then goes after the abuser, we could simply depart and move on.
And if it happens again, that girl number 2, 3, 5, 10 does the same thing, what would you say would be the problem? The place, that we hang out in? The areas we meet them? The type of women we choose to pursue or is it the type of women, who happen to be in our encounter? 🤔

[coralee]

You do realize that the most dangerous time for an abuse victim is when they leave their abuser right? That is when most of them get killed. People who have never been in an abusive relationship do not understand what it is like to be in one. Abusive assholes don't walk around with giant signs saying their abusive assholes. It happens slowly. These people are master manipulators. You don't see the relationship from her side. It's easy to sit on the outside and pass judgements. The fact of the matter is you don't know how you would react in an abusive relationship until your in one. It's not that simple on her end. And as for her rejection of you. Being a "nice guy" is not enough. You can't build a relationship on niceness. And your niceness isn't a get into women's pants free card. We all get rejected buddy, it happens to the best of us. It isn't that she only likes assholes, she just doesn't like you. The sooner you realize that the better off you will be. Wallowing in self-pity doesn't help you. Get back up, shake it off and go pursue the next girl. You will eventually find someone where the attraction goes both ways.

[cherryphi82]

This is very true, especially the first part. Leaving is not nearly as easy as people make it out to be and usually takes prolonged planning.

[arthurdayne]

true. My mom's first marriage was something like that. women sometimes go really after the looks. mom told me that the first guy had a face of an angel. It's kinda sad really because most of the time guys encounter a manipulative girl no matter how hot she is they will leave her for sure. I mean you can see examples in movies, the sort of female characters who just use their looks to manipulate men. And they are viewed as vile as majority of men.
But at the same time such men will be viewed as potential romantic interests in movies (50 shades or twilight). I even know women who converted to islam and essentially gave up a lot of their freedom just to be with the hot guy. I'm not supporting the nice guy argument. But from what i observe a lot of women look past obvious red flags when they see a hot dude. But then again that's their choice and their life. I guess what a lot of guys including myself doesn't really get is the fact that external attraction matter to women the same as men

[coralee]

@arthurdayne Abusers don't walk around with neon signs saying their abusers. When the relationship starts they are often model partners. It has nothing to do with being good-looking plain and ugly people can be abusive too. As I said before they are master manipulators that are so good at what they do the victims often believe is their fault. Men like to pretend they are experts at seeing through this rouse but in reality they fall for it just as much as women do. Men get abused too and I'm willing to bet the number is far higher then speculated. Women are just less likely to kill the object of their abuse, but men in domestic violence situations get treated horribly, which makes them less likely to come forward.

[arthurdayne]

trust me i've met Narcissistic Manipulators. Some psychologists do suggest that there are more male NMs than female. And i'm familiar with the routine because one of my friends was one. It starts of as the best friendship ever. He try to show that he cares for you. The moment he feels like you get more attention or praise or any accomplishments than him, he turns violent. He starts being rude to you and often blames it on your behavior. Finally he tries to isolate you from others by making you look like a villain in front of others. And yes many guys fell for it. That's not what i want to discuss here. Because like you said before it's hard for anyone to breakthrough that routine by manipulators. What i've seen is some women who have been subjected to obvious abuse. But still says he's cute i can change him. Trust me i have seen such women, who keep asking questions like how do i change his behavior. I guess it has to do with romanticism, the idea that true love can change a person

[HereComesDrTran]

Women really would be better off if men chose their partners for them. Evidently women are blind and deaf and have the memory span of a goldfish. So they date obvious scumbag after obvious scumbag and make excuses for it (because women genetically lack the capacities for integrity and self reflection).

[coralee]

@HereComesDrTran And this why your aren't getting laid dude. It isn't because girls are dating assholes it is because you are an asshole who has deluded himself into thinking he's a nice guy.

[HereComesDrTran]

I have a kid and I just came all over my girlfriend's face this morning.
Did you have something to say?

[myTake Owner]

“And that’s why you aren’t getting laid”

Why is getting laid always the first thing that girls think about and use as an insult? It’s stupid. There are guys who aren't trying to get laid. Life isn’t about getting laid.

[coralee]

My comment about not being able to get laid was directed at HereComesDrTran because of his negative comments about women. He clearly has issues and instead of looking at himself he projects them onto women. For him that is what it comes down to. Actual nice guys don't throw fits when someone they don't like doesn't return their affection just because they were "nice" to them. Nice people are nice to be nice they don't do it expecting anything in return. Everyone get's turned down and has their heartbroken from time to time. It hurts, I get it I've been there. But you are not entitled to anyone's affection no matter how nice you are to them. The only valid response to your situation is to get up, shake yourself off and to try again with another girl. Your friend wasn't trying to hurt you. She probably immaturely thought she was sparing your feelings.

[HereComesDrTran]

Jesus fucking christ get off this "nice" shit. Nobody is talking about "nice" guys. But you ONLY know how to conflate "Good Man" with Nice Guy in opposition to the scumbag thug pieces of shit you'll defend to the death.

[satankicksgodsass]

@HereComesDrTran Finally somebody here gets it. Fist pump bro.

[englisc]

I experienced this so many times when I was younger.

- We go on a few dates, she says she wants to take her time so I respect that and don't push anything
- She either meets another guy who's more persistent, sleeps with him and chooses to stay with him, or just tells me that "there's no spark", "you're too nice", and either way says "let's just be friends"
- Constantly complains about what an asshole he is
- I don't bad mouth him, I just listen
- Eventually I get tired of hearing it and I say that if it's not working and it's unfixable she should break up
- In response to this she reels off his good qualities after constantly shit-talking him
- Eventually they do split up which was always bound to happen, maybe he cheats, becomes abusive, they just have a big argument etc.
- She complains again, "men are such assholes, I just want a nice guy"
- The best one - "I wish I could find a guy like you"
- I think to myself "well... I'm a guy like me"
- I ask her out
- She says "no I didn't mean you silly"
- I see other guys who seem nice go for her
- She dates another asshole
- The whole thing repeats

This happened so many times. But women here think it's a myth. I wasn't mad at it, I just find it annoying and I think they're idiots. They make those choices themselves and then complain when it doesn't work out as if they had no choice at all.

[satankicksgodsass]

After figuring this out long ago, I decided gender no longer mattered to me anymore. Neither does having a relationship/getting married. I'll date a guy if he's into me and has an awesome personality and more so, a BRAIN that he actually USES. I wish more guys would do the same. Realize that girls are just humans. That's all. Don't give into BS pressure that you need one in your life. You don't. Not saying use women as just sex toys. There are ACTUAL sex toys made for that reason that don't have emotions or time limits. Women are just other humans. Learn to see them as such and kick them of the pedestal. Let them have the equal rights and go for life liberty and the pursuit of happiness just like you'd want for a fellow man.

[Browneye57]

Too whiny. Google this: hypergamy

80% of women are chasing 15% of the hot guys - everyone else is standing on the sidelines. It's just the way it is.

So you can either fuss and whine about these 'mean girls' or get on with your life - becoming the most awesome man you can be. So get busy, hit the gym, hard, and make a TON of money. This way you'll have best pick of the very best women available out there. They are all looking for a guy on a mission, going somewhere and being somebody.

A woman is an adjunct to a successful man, a partner, not the center of his being. And never forget, YOU ARE THE PRIZE! So start acting like it.

Girls will come and go... so what? There's always another one to come along if you're a catch. Never, ever, put a woman on a pedestal. Never worship a woman. When you do this you hand over power over the relationship to her, and she loses respect for you. No, you have to be the MAN in the relationship or you'll get trounced. They're way better at the manipulation, innuendo, and nuance than you'll ever be. Just be your own MAN.

[BlackMaleYou]

@satankicksgodsass Thats so disrespectful. You can disagree without saying stupid shit.

[Dio1982]

Listen to the gospel of this man.

The best compliment that a woman can give a man is this: Your life is so awesome, I don't see how I could add anything to it.

[Browneye57]

Thanks guys - some of you get it, some of you don't.
For the naysayer (s) - bear in mind I've been with more women for more years than you've even been on the planet. And there's no shortage of pussy either. I happened to marry the love of my life, an absolute stunner of a woman, some 25 years ago. Her policy is to NEVER say 'no'. :)

No, find a woman that adores you, worships you, wants to serve you, care for you, and love you. You'll be far happier than some selt-entitled special snowflake that 'deserves better' - we've all seen that, right? If a woman doesn't respect you she'll shut down sexually, cheat, bail or any combination. And then you're standing there crying in your beer wondering just WTF happened!

So be a leader, be a man, make lots of money, and the women will be throwing themselves at you. :)

[cth96190]

This article describes much of my life, until about age 30, when I decided that women and the abusive bad boys, whom they craved, deserved each other.
I stopped being an emotional tampon and went my own way.
Now, when a woman complains to me about the way that she is treated, my response is: “You picked him and you choose to stay with him. You must like it.”
The author will realise eventually that women use caring men as toilet paper. Women should be allowed to experience the full consequences of their stupidity. Do not be a friend to women. Do not offer them someone to whom to vent.
Women will not learn. They will do it again and again. They deserve the misery that they create for themselves.
Walk away. Go MGTOW monk.
Either way, a man ends up lonely and weeping into his pillow.
At least as a monk you will not be used, or face a false rape allegation.
Follow the Pence Rules. Never be alone with a woman. As well as a (male) witness, always make covert recordings of interactions.

[errorgoodnameunfound]

Dude, I went through sorta kinda similar stuff. Now? I really try not to give a fuck about dating, marriage, etc and focus on a career. I don't need a fuckin wife. Hell, I am ok with a husband if they respect me more. I suggest some outlets for this kind of thing.
1. Welcome to the NHK. Watch the whole series. I am pretty sure you'll enjoy it like I did. It's my fave anime/show of all time. Old but gold.
2. Hopsin. Normally, I like metal, specifically one of the reasons? No fake, plastic BS about partying, naked girls, sex, drugs and crap. It's fast and evil sounding, yet some of the wisest shit you can listen to. But Hopsin? He's a fuckin AMAZING rapper.
Watch False Advertisement (you'll likely LOVE this one and become an instant fan), Ill Mind 5, and All Your Fault.
3. Body Count, one of my fave bands with lead singer and ex rapper, Ice motha fuckin T. He has a good cover of Institutionalized originally by Suicidal Tendancies, an amazing cover of Raining Blood (Slayer), and for this situation especially, the song All love is lost is PERFECT. Lmk what you think of these. Don't listen to a lot of these fuckers on this site. I stay for any little intelligence I can grasp here, but I call out idiots as they are.

[Anonymous]

Wow you ever think she didn't want to be with you because you're a cry baby who lacks confidence? Seriously reading through this all I got was you ragging on this other guy and this girl for her choice to date him. Building up how you would be a good to her but at the same complaining about how you don't measure up so well to the other guy. "I don't have the body of Chris Evans" "I don't walk around like I own the god damn world". Seriously? Stop complaining and do something about it or get over it.

You told her you liked her right after she told you she just broke up with her boyfriend. How the fuck did you think that was going to play out really? Because of course she wasn't going to be ready. If you liked her and had confidence you would have told her how you felt as soon as you knew. Should have been a man and told her how you felt sooner.

On top of that you're a doormat. Seriously you are letting this girl walk all over you. You like her and want to date her and she says she doesn't feel the same and isn't interested. You know what you do then? You be polite to her and thank her for listening to you and being honest and then tell her you hope the best for her and you go your own way. Sticking around won't change her mind and it doesn't get you anywhere besides sitting around wasting your time.

After reading this I get why she didn't want to date you. You lack confidence and are a push over on top of that you talk shit about her and her boyfriend behind her back. You call yourself a true nice guy but sorry to tell you bud but you're no different then the other "nice guys" who think that they deserve to date a girl just because they were nice to her.

[myTake Owner]

My oh my where do I begin.

Firstly, I’d like to assume that you are the type of guy to do this kind of stuff or support it right? You consider it “alpha” behavior to be abusive towards a girl, to assert your dominance, correct? I didn’t decide that he was an asshole, she did, numerous times.

You’re right, I don’t measure up to the other guy. To say to “go and change that” is absolutely and quite frankly ridiculous. You cannot just change anything you want. How naive are you? If you’re unattractive then you’re unattractive, you can enhance it a little bit, but at the end of the day, if god cursed you with bad looks then there isn’t anything you can do about it.

Here’s the deal when I asked her out. I get that girls want some time after they break up with a dude, but she lied about it. How did I know? She met her new boyfriend when she was walking home after lunch. I’ve told her I liked her before then, but she brushed it off.

[myTake Owner]

I’m a doormat? What do you expect me to do then Mr. Alpha male? Go up to her and say “hey, we’re gonna fuck when we get out of here. Don’t care what you say?” Is that your definition of assertiveness?

She doesn’t want to date me because I’m ugly, skinny, and respectful. I also don’t walk around like I own the world, because I don’t. I’m a realist.

[myTake Owner]

Also, where do I proclaim that I was a “nice guy”? Please find where I said that I was a genuinely true nice guy. Or did you come up with that through your own imagination?

[Opinion Owner]

Wow you got serious issues.

Ok first off there is no alphas and betas. We're people and only dumb and cocky people believe that shit. Also no I'm not an "alpha" asshole who's abusive towards girls. Honestly I'm the farthest from that and if you knew me you would know that's true. So stop assuming it's just making an ass out of me and you. More so you.

And you can go out and change how you look if you are willing to try. You say you're ugly then maybe try and get a new hair cut and clean yourself up a bit, buy yourself some nice well fitting clothes. You say you are too skinny then hit the weights and start eating more. Lastly and this is the big one, change how to think about yourself. If you think you're ugly it shows and other people pick up on it. If you have confidence in your looks they notice that too.

[Opinion Owner]

And yes you were acting like a doormat. You asked her out at the worst possible time, of course her answer was going to be no. She probably lied to you because she was worried about how you would react. I believe it is possible you would have blown up at her the same you have been to most people responding here. She didn't want to deal with that so she lied. But the thing is she gave you her answer but she didn't owe you an explanation, so it doesn't matter what it was. You are a doormat since you waited for so long to tell her how you felt. You continued on acting like her friend when you wanted more. Then you continued on even more when you found out she wasn't interested in you. The reasonable and smart thing to do is move on. You didn't do that. Probably another confidence issue.

[Anonymous]

Jesus. This shit isn't hard to figure out, ya lame ass doormats, but lemme spell it out for ya since you can't seem to put a couple of brain cells together on the task.

She wants an asshole on the outside who really cares on the inside. Be a man. Men have rough exteriors. We're a challenge. We'll call her on her bullshit and not take any crap, but good men do it BECAUSE WE CARE, not because we're using or manipulating her.

Stop being a yes man, because everybody needs guidance, and that's what a woman expects from her man. This "you're so perfect in every way" shit is such obvious desperate bullshit to her that it makes her stomach churn. She's got girlfriends to feed her that shit.

Quit catering to her and dealing with the fallout of her bad decisions. The next time she needs a shoulder to cry on, be unavailable, preferably because you have a date and you're not dropping it to deal with her shit. Maybe then you'll get a chance to climb out of the friendzone you put your own sorry ass in.

[dancing_in_nebulas]

They just aren't attracted to you and give you the run around like this.

Whats crazy is that you are like them, in a sense of being used as their go-to friendzone therapists, with hopes of dating these girls.

Women can cut off all attraction to a guy and just view you as just some nice human, whilst men who like said women, hold onto the hope that one day things will change.

Just like the women who date the jerks hold hope, you stay friends with these girls who jerk you holding onto some "hope."

Do not ever become the friendzone therapist like this or this vicious cycle repeats itself.

[Wwwyzzerdd]

It's her fault for leading him on.

[NatashaJ]

@Wwwyzzerdd Being nice is not leading anyone on if you get mad that a person literally said I was just being nice to you dude I don't like you that way then you just dumb.

[dancing_in_nebulas]

@Wwwyzzerdd

Lol true, but whats weird is men will hold onto the possibility of her changing her mind because they really like her... even if she bluntly says no.

I have told fzone nice guys no, straight up, and even listed reasons why w/o any of that "youre a great guy-" crap, because for me, he obviously ain't great if we ain't together lol

They still message me 5 years later with things like, "I am glaf you are doing well, you are still so beautiful, in town sometime soon?"

I rejected these guys 5 YEARS ago and do not even call, text, or sms them.

[Wwwyzzerdd]

That's not what I was describing.

[NatashaJ]

You know how abuse works right? you don't really know their relationship you only know what she told you there probably a lot of shit HE did to her and she doesn't want to talk about it. Abusive assholes take their time to break down their victims. Instead of you just thinking about getting your dick wet you should had straight up told her look this, this and this sound abusive just letting you know that you need to watch out in case the abuse gets worst. You just using her to so you can make a Mytake but that's fuck up because you literally ignoring the elephant in the room which is "how bad will it be for her or how bad is it now?".

[myTake Owner]

You don’t think I’ve tried to point that out? I’ve tried numerous times in the past, but since he’s so good looking and charming, she’s staying with him. This isn’t to manipulate her, it’s to share my side of how I feel about it. I’m a virgin till marriage so that dick wet comment was irrelevant.

[NatashaJ]

Oh please you have no idea what the hell your talking about it has nothing to do about looks it more like they are sociopaths and get people suck in and hard for that people to get a sociopath out of their life. Also, you just assuming shit about her why the hell do you think if she went on this site and found your mytake that she will you want after? you basically calling her stupid to all the ladies that don't agree with you and claiming she in her relationship base on charm and looks how long do you know her? like how the hell can you claim such things if you barely know her lol. Ridiculous

[cherryphi82]

The lie here is that most women don't date assholes, and that guys like you are butt hurt because girls go for guys with more confidence than themselves. It's always the same type of guys who consider other guys assholes. Those so called assholes do care. They are just not bitch ass about it like you. Give you the most care in the world? Fuck outta here. No guy who's ever advertised like that to me has ever made good on it. Not one. You're the real asshole.

[TheUglyMan]

Most women would date Chad if they had the chance

[cherryphi82]

@TheUglyMan Who is Chad?

[D_Bone_Steak]

His last name is ThunderCock

[D_Bone_Steak]

Chad is the reason for rape fantasies... it's just ugly guys happen to be the ones that resort to rape more often than not.

[cherryphi82]

@D_Bone_Steak Those are not the kinds of guys I'm attracted to.

[D_Bone_Steak]

lolz... AWALT... as in that's what they all say.

[cherryphi82]

@D_Bone_Steak Lol, I'm not gonna argue with you about my preferences. If you don't believe it, that's entirely your fault.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'm joking of course. 'Chad Thundercock' is a meme basically. I'm not being literal and to the letter here. It's like a meme of that guy that women all say they don't want, but split their legs up for him instantly upon his wink and crass grin.

[D_Bone_Steak]

https://youtu.be/vnG3aPRBg5I

[myTake Owner]

Did you read the first few sentences? I'll quote it just in case because it seems like you didn't read my my take fully.

"To the girl who's dating an asshole. You've told me why he's an asshole plenty of times. I didn't come up with the name, you said it yourself."

There lies your answer. She was the one calling her boyfriend an asshole, not me. I say the word asshole to have a dramatic effect.

[cherryphi82]

This take is your answer. It breaks down point by point what's wrong with yours. Why I Don’t Feel Bad for Nice Guys in the Friend Zone ↗

[belarus]

As a HS age girl I can't say I'm not an expert on this topic but from this age group I would have to emphatically disagree. Authentic confidence is not something that has to be advertised! There are plenty of confident guys who are low key and quiet. The loud mouths DO seem to get more girls probably because the mistake bravado for confidence. I've met war heros who were shy. Would you suggest they don't have confidence? Star athletes who were shy. Academic superstars who were shy. I don't believe this phenomenon is limited to young women. It runs from middle school to middle age. Yes there are some resentful guys who trash anyone with a girlfriend, but that is far from the whole picture. With all due respect; YES, GIRLS DATE ASSHOLES!

[Bluemax]

@belarus

With all due respect, *some* girls date assholes. It's been my experience most don't.
Now, being only human, quite a few women *do* initially date an attractive asshole, because the attraction makes other considerations take a back seat. However, most, when they realize he's an asshole, leave him.

[Nexovous]

Control yourself kiddo. You went off the deep end with your own personal experience being thrown in his face. Assholes aren't always really the "assholes" and that can't be denied. When they are though and a girl has a "friend" like this the guy taking the shit for it i actually the "Nice Guy" friend. When he finally gets his shit together and walks away you have no one to blame but yourself. On top of that, Just because no guy who ever "advertised" to you in such a way never kept to it doesn't make it his problem. So how about you turn that hit around and realize you're the real asshole in this situation. Influencer huh? Let's see what we can do to change that what do you say? You don't seem very influential if you ask me.

[Nexovous]

@belarus Some bad asses aren't just "Shy" though. A lot of people prefer not to talk unless it suits them and are more than capable and confident in their abilities. I personally take something i was told a long time ago to heart and it's a big reason why i don't talk unless i have a good reason for it. I was told a long time ago that silence is more powerful than any number or combination of words could be in almost every circumstance. He was right to say the least. A quite and capable man demands respect because he is powerful. That's as simple as it gets. He doesn't need to spout words for others to respect him because his action will do it for him. If there is ever anything that can show a fake it's when they talk about it too much. He says he's going to do all these wonderful things and hasn't even taken any action yet? Fake, real intent doesn't need to state it because he's too focused on making it a reality.

[belarus]

@Nexovous Couldn't have said it better. THanks.

[belarus]

@Stephen5577 Why do u have to B like that? this is a worthwhile discussion. It is important to many people who are trying to understand human behavior. Why the insult? That was uncalled for!

[Nexovous]

@belarus Glad my words helped out! As far as the other guy goes i would day he's not worth the time. He'll simply rope you in circles considering how he blatantly disregarded almost everything said and came forth with an absurd and disrespectful statement. For all we know he didn't even read a thing and lashed out. Some people don't have control over their own emotions which ends up with quick respites when someone tries to correct their misdeeds.

[Stephen5577]

@belarus Well this may come as a shock to you but cherryphi82 was the one who started insulting people by calling people assholes. Interesting how you didn't say anything to her about her insults.

[Stephen5577]

@Nexovous Oh look a male feminist, how sweet.

[Nexovous]

@belarus See what i mean? He's already trying to play circles. Don't initiate him, let him play his games alone because games aren't fun if you don't get a response!

[Stephen5577]

@Nexovous When you can't fight against the truth the only thing to do is run away like a chicken shit.

[belarus]

@Stephen5577 Alright, both of you Enough! Just try to keep it civil because I think this is important. Human behavior is a mystery to many of us and we are just trying to learn what makes the other guy "tick". I know Im only 17 and Im trying to learn.

[Stephen5577]

@belarus If I want to insult people I will do.

[juststrollin]

this was so true, its not her fault that she is not attracted to him just like im sure he has known an ugly girl into him (who he thought was) he is that girl in this situation and needs to stop blaming her. Good answer he is an asshole for pretending to be her friend to try to date her and not really being there for her unless her panties come off for him eventually. Sex and feelings aren't just something someone throws around or gives out of pity.

[juststrollin]

this guy did this to me and i let him know i wasn't into him, he expected me to be into him eventually and when i wasn't harassed and terrorized me for a year, and even pretended to be the guy i was with to talk to me made fake numbers and everything. I find him repulsive. How gross for someone to do something like that? And men agree with this garbage, no you dont pretend to be her friend to hopefully make her lower her standards

[Nexovous]

@juststrollin "this guy did this to me and i let him know i wasn't into him, he expected me to be into him eventually and when i wasn't harassed and terrorized me for a year," That right there would be police worthy. That's fckn sketchy shit right there. Next time call the police and get a restraining order. That's fcking rediculas!

[D_Bone_Steak]

Well... look at the shit show we have here. This is the confusion caused from feeding boys consuming Disney bullshit that spoon feeds the idea that a chick is eventually going to realize you're the one if you just stay nice and loyal... eventually she'll want to fuck you instead of Chad Thunder "D". I mean Disney also fucks up the girls with that gleaming example of the prince that will sweep her off her feet but WTF do I care?

This is a clear and simple case of "nice guy syndrome." If you google it... I'm right. But somehow the kids started throwing food at each other. Read the article... this guy is a unwilling cuck. He blames the chick for what she's doing without accepting his fault in not being chosen. He wants something but isn't even trying to get it besides... being there for her and hoping she'll eventually realize, he's the one.

It's horse shit people. Something I use to grow my magic mushrooms but wouldn't eat directly. Want the girl... hit the gym bitch.

[Nexovous]

@D_Bone_Steak Dude, this was so funny to read. You equated all the given relationship issues to disney's fault then proceed to give a manly "Hit the gym bitch". I'm dying right now!

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Nexovous Yup. This article is an example of something so simplistic and easily identifiable... nice guy syndrome. That friend zoned dork that listens to her stupid mutha phuckin problems all in hopes of getting laid. In fact the expectation of him getting laid is so great that he is now becoming resentful of it.

... and rightfully so, but he shouldn't take it out on her or that asshole. This guy needs to take a hard look in the mirror. I mean if she's worth dealing with at all... walk up to her, and say "Yo baby whats up?" and whip the dick out. If she rejects you well... at least you can stop pretending to care which means at least you no longer have to listen to her stupid mutha phucken problems.

But if he does something as simple as hitting the gym... she'll probably end up trying to seduce him instead. It's less work, less bullshit, and if she doesn't get the 'D' wet, some other chick surly will. She's just a chick.

And what's better than a chick... more chicks.

[Nexovous]

@D_Bone_Steak This is true though i doubt he'll take it as little more than an insult. Elementary my dear Watson!

[myTake Owner]

@D_Bone_Steak you say that like I haven’t been going to the gym. Four years strong and still no girls

[D_Bone_Steak]

@ MyTake_Owner... So, compared to me (look at profile pic) how far has your lifting got you? I was fat, 6 months later, women became my dick sheath. Years bro? If you're spending years on something and not getting results... you might be doing it wrong. Kinda like this method of sitting around waiting for her to realize you're that guy that will do it all for her. Chicks just don't actually work like that, despite what Disney and other cartoons tried to teach us.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@MyTake_Owner Wait, dude, if by working out you mean that 'run'in'place machine... GTFO of here with that bullshit. Do you even lift bro?

Sprinters are buff... long distance runners are simply depleted looking.

[myTake Owner]

@D_Bone_Steak No. Strength training. Building muscle. I been doing it for four years. Was 100 pounds now I’m in the 135-140 range.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@MyTake_Owner Damn, You're small. You gotta eat more. I am talking to a dude right? What are you like 5'2" or something? I'm not trying to be mean about this, but damn...140 and you're in the 18-24 years old range? You are the size of a child still.

Give it time... you'll grow up... hopefully.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Just remember a 6-pack on a skinny dude is like tits on a fat chick.

[cherryphi82]

@D_Bone_Steak Lol, and here goes my proof. Best guy I ever had was 5''8'' 135 lbs. I'd rather have a skinny guy over a bulky dude any day.

[cherryphi82]

Small-limbed...

[cherryphi82]

*...

[D_Bone_Steak]

That's anecdotal and also a personal preference... and only 2 and a half inches shorter than me. But anecdotally speaking, I'll agree with you because I'm the best many women have had too. ;-)

But... my point is...

The asker is saying he's done all this strength training (years of it) and muscle weighs more than fat. With a 34 inch waist I'm still holding close to 180 lbs... as a lifter myself it's not making sense to me. Maybe it's all in my 44 inch chest? maybe we just lift different? I don't know really.

[cherryphi82]

@D_Bone_Steak Of course it's anecdotal, but you were arguing earlier that I wasn't actually attracted to what I'm attracted to, despite my life/actions showing a clear pattern. You're like the people who don't believe men who say they prefer small boobs. I'm not arguing that in a general sense, women are attracted to well built, cut or bigger/taller guys, but when you look closer, this isn't true or all the people who are married or coupled up would be nothing but Barbies and Kens. I have no idea how mentioning your measurements or sexual prowess relates to anything I wrote.

[cherryphi82]

@D_Bone_Steak What really pisses me off though, is that with your narrative, what you're really saying is that women are *obligated* to be attracted to people who look like that i. e. you post-fat. Nobody is obligated to be attracted to anything or anybody. If people's stated preferences aren't enough for you, it becomes a matter of simple respect, nothing more.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Hold on hold on... don't pull the Cathy Newman "so what your saying is" move on me here. I'm not saying women have to be attracted to anything.

I'm only pointing out what the asker said isn't adding up to me. Geez.

[TheUglyMan]

Nice guys will always finish last

[D_Bone_Steak]

He's been lifting for years he says... still no women he says. I'm guessing this woman shortage is so bad that listening to some woman complain about her 'asshole' boyfriend is the best shot he had, has, and will have for whatever reasons.

The weight he gave just seems to be on the puny side for a guy that's been lifting for years... Maybe, just maybe, a height issue is why he's ended up being some woman's shadow and in the friend zone. I don't know... just trying to connect the dots here.

I'm not saying women have to this or that. I am wondering why no other options are in the picture. A woman without a 'asshole' boyfriend perhaps might equal better results? Maybe... just maybe.

I repeat though... no judgements on what women prefer.

[cherryphi82]

I'm starting to want to see a picture of this Opinion/mytake owner. Only then could I make a fair judgment whether he's attractive or not. (He might well be)

[D_Bone_Steak]

If he is, then I would be left with serious questions as to why he's bothering with this whole 'friend zone' routine at all.
I mean I've seen the that routine work before, but it was after the guy started making heavy gains, then all of a sudden she realized he was the one. But the asker says he's already done that, so that shits all over my "hit the gym" advice I gave him at first.

Who knows though, some guys 9's and 10's, but are socially awkward, and thus end up resorting to beta methods like the 'friend zone' routine.

I just don't know what it is though... I do know a series of events has him writing this article though ;-)

[cherryphi82]

@D_Bone_Steak What are "heavy gains" though? I mean, my ex was 125 pre-lifting and 140 post at around 5'8" -5'9''. For him, that *was* heavy gain. For a guy 6' and up, 180 or 200 lbs would be more the range I'd expect, but that's proportional to size. Smaller guys are smaller in most respects, bone structure and muscle size. Your body won't just up and jump to something that it's not made for.

[Nexovous]

Body types aren't always defined by the size comparison as well. I haven't lifted since high school and i keep "fit" yet i don't push muscle gains. I run 5m miles at the gym every morning and that's it. I have no realistic muscle mass and i'm sitting at 140 and 5'8. I would think that the body type of your boyfriend has a lot to do with his pre and post lifting weights.

[D_Bone_Steak]

What does heavy gains mean? Expansion of muscle mass. Not weight, not fat loss, not performance enhanced... he can just lift more than the guys that can't... because he practiced lifting heavy shit.

I judge this the same way I judge chicks. Sexual attractiveness is going to have a lot to do with how successful you are as a bio organism. Healthy... equals... sexy.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I mean let's be real... if a chick or dude did nothing but eat chocolate cake all day but they were magically ripped, slim and healthy as shit... everyone would be sexually attracted to them still.

It just so happens we pay more attention to those that have to do some work since that kind of miracle hasn't happened to any extreeme.

[Nexovous]

@D_Bone_Steak I agree mostly and disagree slightly. Some girls "hate ripped men" we all know they love that shit too. It's physical attraction and a person who takes care of themselves is obviously going to win out over someone who doesn't.

[cherryphi82]

@Nexovous Yes, he is a little dude. Small limbed. That's what I'm getting at. It's not the size itself but the quality of how you take care of your body. I'm also small. I tend to feel more comfortable with dudes who are not much bigger than myself. That's what's attractive to me.

[cherryphi82]

@D_Bone_Steak Muscle expansion =/= healthy and eating chocolate cake while still being ripped =/= healthy either. Healthy is a lot more than a cut physique and size. A cut physique *looks* healthy, but isn't necessarily. I know drug addicts who are cut/ripped.

[lilypichu]

Well my boyfriend advertised it, made good on it, and became my husband... Sorry that the men in your life can’t respect you, but no guy is gonna give you complete care and attention if you don’t earn it.

A lot of them probably meant what they said, but if they’re unhappy with their relationship they’re not gonna give you all their love sorry.

[Nexovous]

@lilypichu Don't apologize. there's no need to enable her anymore with even slight pity. She acted a fool and can deal with any subsequent consequences. I do appreciate your pragmatic response to the situation. It's more than i could bring myself to do.

[cherryphi82]

@lilypichu You talking to me?

[Nexovous]

This reply is almost a week old. Please for the sake of my notification box. LET IT DIE!

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Nexovous Right! I try to figure out what's going on in this thread aaaaaaannnnnnd... at this point it just makes my eyes cross.

[Cryostatic]

Cool story, bro. Sorry she's not into you.

My advice? Don't be an asshole. But also don't be a guy who sits there and pines after a girl while acting like her BFF. Make your interest known, and make it known early. It doesn't matter if you're nice or an asshole, what matters is whether or not she's attracted to you physically, and that's all. A woman knows nearly instantly whether or not she's physically attracted to someone, just like you do. And you being all the nice or all the asshole in the world will never create attraction or sexual desire. It just won't.

[pooper89]

Yes couldn't agree more

[Nexovous]

Dude, stand up for yourself. You're sitting in a toxic friendship due to your own choices. Fuck the girl if she's doing you like this, just fucking leave man. You don't need to have that constant reminder as a "friend". She obviously doesn't give a shit about what you want but wants to come to you for all her problems. Don't care about her problems anymore and move on. Believe it or not when she realizes why you walked away i promise you something will go off inside her and she'll feel like the asshole.

[juststrollin]

I don't know if its toxic if he friendzoned himself, she thinks he is a friend. Maybe its dishonest on his end to get mad at her and seethe at her for living her life and loving who she wants.

[Nexovous]

@juststrollin I agree and fairly disagree. What i mean by Toxic friendship is the fact he's remaining in it. He obviously put himself in this position and allows himself to stay there. That's why i say it's a Toxic friendship. Because he allows himself to stay in it. It would do him more good to walk away from it before he does anything more then he should right now. I do agree that he's seating though. That's why walking away would do him justice.

[juststrollin]

He needs to stop blaming her for his staying and hoping she will find him attractive. Of course thats toxic

[Nexovous]

@juststrollin Precisely, i was hoping to get that through to him in a manner that would feel empowering to him rather than the blatant details... Thanks for that... :P

[Username678]

How can you be man at a girl just because she is not attracted to you?
I was heartbroken by unreciprocated love too but I never thought to myself-you like those girls who bitch and want to use you just because of your looks while I feel a REAL connection I live what you love. every bit of it etc etc.
He loves them just like she loves him , they are humans, how can you be mad at someone for loving the other person?
Instead of being so petty on yourself you should consider changing your character... and not blame other girls because they fall for confident guys.

MY ex said exact same things to me. He was like- I will Nevers hurt you... how come he Nevers bought you flowers? ... I’ll make you happy!
Needless to say, several Christmases without a Christmas gift and a selfish sex life does not make a girl happy.

[myTake Owner]

She has stated why he’s an asshole. Look over my mytake again.

[Username678]

''She has stated why he’s an asshole'' look over my answer. I loved a guy who was into a girl that was bitchy and self- entitled and it was not just my opinion but a common knowledge and a fact that she went out of her way to tell other girls they look disgusting.
He didn't like me back but it doesn't mean that I have to trash him for being attracted to her or start being mean to him.

How can you be mean to a person just because they don't like you back? That's straight up manipulative.

[myTake Owner]

I'm not "being mean" I'm saying that she broke my heart. If I were mean, I would be calling her names, but I didn't. I simply said that she broke my heart, but again. There isn't shit I can do about it.

[OatsnWhey]

So basically, you're just so prized and will treat every girl like they're a goddess. Let me tell you something bud, relationships aren't all cut out the way you think. Falling for someone can make you lose your sanity for a little and emotions get messy from both sides. Women can appreciate a man who can maintain his ground and who he is throughout all the tests. Letting the woman be right all the time isn't the answer. Anyone can play victim with issues in a relationship. You're not special. Girls don't want you because you're a pushover.

[myTake Owner]

How am i a pushover? I don’t always say yes to her, but I don’t abuse her either. She wants a guy who is gonna abuse her in the end