Don’t bother reading this... it needed to be said, and I had no one to say it to.

Don’t bother reading this... it needed to be said, and I had no one to say it to.

All of my life, all the signs have pointed to my not being good enough. I’m too shy, too nervous, too anxious, too isolated, too bookish, too lazy, too dumb, too naïve, too religious, too everything.

Please don’t think I’m complaining. I get it. I have made my peace with it. I’m happy. I’m handling. I’m okay. I’m content. But something has happened. It’s challenging my world view, the whole way I see myself. I don’t think I can handle it.

I really just don’t. I keep wondering why me? Why would someone want anything to do with me? There is good. I’m not without virtue. But that’s never mattered before. It’s never been enough. So why me?

I invested so much in the future. I lied to myself about improving and someday, when everything was better I would deserve a life. I would deserve other people. And I have changed, improved, gotten better. You know I never thought I was a perfectionist, but I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough to pass muster. I’ll never think I deserve a life or real happiness. I’m not perfect yet. I’m just not good enough.

So now I have a chance, a chance at love and happiness. I have a chance, and I don’t know how to give myself permission to take it. I’m afraid of it. It’s better than anything I would have bothered to pursue. I don’t deserve it.

It can’t be real.

I wasn’t ever traumatized. I wasn’t abused. I had a normal life. So where along the way did I get all this baggage?

Don’t bother reading this... it needed to be said, and I had no one to say it to.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • MayorGoldieWilson
    I understand the mentality.. and based on the fact that you didn’t have an abusive childhood I’d say low self-esteem (obviously), but also I wonder if you trace back this mentality, was there a key event that you could possibly link this too?

    It doesn’t even have to be anything major, could be one tiny situation where you experienced shame or guilt or failure. Our brains can over generalise the meaning of these events in order to protect us from ever experiencing it again, but it can leak into all other areas of our lives.

    I had an extremely abusive childhood (physically, sexually and domestically) and developed C-PTSD. My brain made an over generalisation that caused me to assume that all people, even strangers were dangerous. Of course, consciously I knew this wasn’t true but it’s our unconscious patterns that control our behaviour.

    Let me tell you as someone who has been where you are right now, if you walk into a relationship feeling unworthy, those tiny little tears will turn into big cracks later on if left untreated. My advice would be get some 1-2-1 therapy (psychotherapy) and talk it out, they will be able to help you :)

    Also, there is a quote that I love and that I have clung to throughout my life and it got me through.. and it’s “God never gives us more than we can handle...”

    You are strong. My therapist once told me that we can only be as happy as we have been unhappy.. and it’s the people who have been through the most crap in life that can feel the positive opposite of those feelings...

    All the best, feel free to DM me if you need anymore advice :)
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    • Its true, being an atheist it would have been the force of nature , but yeah being a believer , if you got what you wanted for you would not long for it , or rather won't respect its worth , its only when you lose something that you realise its worth

  • Look I’m not going to tell you to be happy

    nor am I going to tell you to be mad or sad,

    I’m going to tell you, no matter what your going though, you can always talk to someone.

    I have severe anixety my self, I usually have an anixety attack once or twice a day, I was born sterile, I can’t have children from my chromosome disorder,

    I can’t have sex because of the lack of testosterone and sex drive at 22 years old, yet it doesn’t affect me, I am who I am, and I am proud of who I am, you should be proud of who you are.

    No matter what your going through , you always need to believe in yourself.

    Remember and always remover this, someone always will have it harder than you or me, you have to keep pushing.

    You are who you are! Accept it
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Most Helpful Girls

  • jessloudmouth
    Hello dear,

    Please please understand this: No human on earth is not good enough. What are those signs you're referring to that pointed you to your "not being good enough" ? Are you setting the bar too high for yourself or is someone in your life constantly telling you these lies, that you're not good enough and too shy nervous anxious and all? I know society nowadays is so eager to hand young women labels like that but please oh please shut down your social media feeds if they are feeding your insecurities !
    I am living with a high functioning anxiety and depression, last year I've been "told" I wasn't "good enough" for universities jobs relationships I now even lost track of how many rejections I got. And I learned that it wasn't because I'm not "Good enough" . Ever heard of the saying "One man's trash is another man's treasure " ? I ain't comparing us to trash but what I want to say is maybe we are not fit for everything we want but we fit somewhere else. I've been told I'm too qualified for some jobs and was turned down afterwards, and not qualified enough for others. Try to find the patient courage to understand that nuance. I don't know you but what I read is a sensitive, brave young woman who's a little bit crippled by self doubt right now, but you can tune it down. Talk about it to friends who love you, try to go see a therapist and don't let insecurity and self doubt jeopardize your shot at love and happiness, it is so rare and you deserve to be happy, please remember that !
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  • Mel90s
    Based on your first paragraph, I dont know if this would apply to you. Are you a person who's constantly intrested in finding out things, researching, digging for an understanding?

    I read something recently that it explained it better than I will but along the lines of:
    When you constantly over work your mind, you open the gate for passing thoughts to come in as they please and stick to you. Try to give your brain a rest, with the access of the internet now days we can find every we need. Stop the need to find it out. Wonder about it then let it pass. Try and do a week of not using your brain/phone for anything thats not complety necessary. Try to Keep your wondering limited. We dont need to know everything. Rest that brain.

    Sorry if it dont apply. just a thought
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What Girls & Guys Said

313
  • wynn-ing
    Girl, I really feel this.

    I've been at the point you are for ages now.

    But it's time we (everyone who feels like this) saw ourselves as the capable people we are. You are worth it. You need to stop going so hard on yourself and overthinking all the opportunities and possibilities you have and you are more than able to create.

    You can be better. You ARE better than you think.
  • ohshee
    You call it baggage I call it challenge I call it gifted o call it life. , i call it finding myself. I call it what it is,,, just because we think something doesn't make it true,,, so tell me this ,,, if I was to put this same post up how could u help me get through it
  • Thinking too much about anything just ruins it , put your sail up high and let yourself loose to the forces of nature , work upon your future and be happy about the present.😁
  • mojj0
    I feel you, I'm right there, just dont have the promising chance to take... my advice would be to take it as they don't come around too often, you can always work on the other things while giving yourself a chance of love
  • Burtonfan
    Ah I'm the same. I think it's just life, and all the small things that tend to rain down on us over time. Its relentless. I get through it all right and have a great life it's just I feel I don't deserve it and it's all going to turn bad.
  • GabiAd
    I hope it's as simple as it sounds.
    Your life seams as average as it gets.
    Way look a gift horse in the mouth?
    Way lose on love happynes and excitement?
    All you have to do is to go with the flow. Like going on a lazy river.
  • Lunch_Long_Legacy
    You deserve to be happy. Tell yourself this every single day.
  • Philosopher_Edge
    Have you considered ADHD testing?

    I would start there.
  • DOGMA1954
    I will say that someplace or time, you felt like you were not good enough. Maybe you heard something. Maybe had friends make a comment behind your back. It could be that your very sensitive to people around you and you find yourself comparing them to you. I will say this. You are more than likely a wonderful person. You have abilities that other people would love to have and to also be around you. Your caring, because if you were not you would not be asking the questions right now. Take it from someone that let things go by to long and missed out on true love and happiness. Take that leap of faith and move forward. Know that your not alone and are loved by people you know and people that read this letter. Now take a deep breath and move forward to better things for your life.
  • Raym0nd
    You are not alone dear. I was afraid I was the only one who felt that way.
  • TotallyAverageMale
    There's something a lot of people don't understand in this modern time, and it's something very important:

    You are not loved because you deserve it. That's not what love is!
    You are loved because of the person loving you, and what their relationship to you is.
    You love them, not because they deserve it, but because of what your relationship to them is.

    You say you're not good enough, but what is it you're not good enough for? Love doesn't have a minimum entry requirement. Happiness is just a by-product of living the right way. Somehow you've been convinced to link together things in your head which were never linked to begin with.
  • koolbeanz
    Sounds like you need a little TLC.. self love.
  • Avicenna
    Did you get encouragement growing up?
  • scooogy
    So what's the message?
  • KaraAyna
    Good take
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