Why confidence is actually a bad thing.


You hear it all the time. Women love confidence. Women are attracted to confidence. For many women, it is true, but it is to their own disadvantage and I will explain why.

First of all, what is confidence? People basically define it as being sure of yourself, being sure of your abilities, sure that a girl will like you, not showing fear, etc. There we have our first fallacy. Nothing in life is certain. In fact, uncertainty is the only certainty after removing the veil of illusion from your mind. Confidence is a trait which serves the ego and helps it survive by convincing you that 1) you are better than other people 2) you are more important than other people 3) you are different than other people, etc. This is nothing but a survival mechanism created by the ego. If a man does not realize these simple facts of life, does that not reflect his inability to see through bullshit? In such a case, being attracted to a confident man is actually a bad thing because it only means he's shallow and/or dumb (unless you go for that type of thing).

Second, many women mistake something else for confidence. It may be the case that a man simply doesn't care what you think of him, therefore there is no risk involved if you reject him. I have actually seen many men that are this way and many women mistake it for confidence. If you end up going for such a man, don't be surprised when he leaves you, treats you bad, or cheats on you. It could also be the case that if a man comes across as too confident, the woman may assume he is a player. She may be correct, after all it's no secret that women like confidence. Every pick-up artist says it and it stands to reason that a guy with lots of practice with women will develop something resembling confidence. However, the assumption that confident men are players isn't necessarily correct either.

Third, women that like confident men generally tend to be more shallow. Let's be honest, being confident is a comfortable and good feeling. Feelings are contagious. If the woman feels comfortable and good, she is more likely to respond positively. She doesn't look any further than her own feeling to decide whether a man is a good fit or worthy of her time. Unbeknownst to her, it paints everything she sees about him in a good light. Other women are just looking for sex and look no farther than a man's confidence level to determine how he will perform in bed. Since I have no interest in this type of woman, I will not discuss them any further.

Women, how does it feel to be betrayed by your own instinct and intuition? God knows it will be the day when a woman admits to being wrong.

I realize that despite being bullshit, confidence does actually serve a purpose. For example, school children who are the oldest in their grade are twice as likely to succeed in life simply because it creates a pattern of them doing better than other people. I know, it's horrible that something so stupid and arbitrary can determine someone's fate. Giving your child compliments that aren't true can make them more likely to succeed as a result, even though they will probably annoy people for the rest of their life with their arrogance. Thoughts?

Why confidence is actually a bad thing.
Why confidence is actually a bad thing.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • TonyBologna25
    There’s a difference between arrogance and confidence, and I don’t think you understand where that line is distinguished.

    Confidence is a great thing to have and is very attractive. Arrogance is unpleasant to be around and is just quite annoying.

    Personally, I believe true confidence aspires by overcoming obstacles and reaching success. For example, I was told when I was younger that I wouldn’t amount to much having ADHD. About to finish my masters in Mechanical Engineering today. This gives me a ton of confidence in my abilities. Creating and working hard for my dream body also gave me a lot of confidence in my self appearance and how I carry myself. I struggled with self image when I was younger and overcame this.

    Just my opinion.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      I think that everyone is defining confidence a little different. What you describe could also be considered faith right? I mean, you are not sure that someone else will like your body, they might have different tastes. You are not sure that you will do the job, you could get in a car accident on the way to work, but you have faith.

    • I think that beauty is subjective in the sense of flavors, but a muscular physique carrying low body fat is universally attractive. Having said that; it’s not so much the asthmatic factor or tangible outcome of the results as it is the fact that I’ve over come a huge obstacle. It reminded me that I have control over my life and my life doesn’t have control over me. I accomplished that when I thought I couldn’t; and it was really difficult, and that gave me confidence.

      The most confidence I’ve ever felt was in 2011 when I graduated Marine Corps recruit training and my family saw me marching with my company during family day. I can’t begin to tell you how mentally exhausting that was. It really helped define who I am as a person, and made me stronger. It taught me values that I still hold to this day. Not many people can claim the title of US Marine and I was one of them. There’s no way I’d label this as faith. It 100% gave me a ton of confidence in myself.

    • At marine corps recruit training depot, they even have something called the confidence course which is an obstacle course that has different tiers of difficulty. When you first see it the last tier, It’s very intimidating, You realize that if you fell at the top, you’d most likely kill your self. They work you up by starting you at the easiest tier, and then finishing on the last. Towards the end of recruit training, it has all become easy to you. Towards the end you smile and few much more confident in your ability to complete that course.

  • Kurαȷ
    Yeah, except you are wrong.
    Confidence is NOT thinking that you will always succeed, that is actually how insecurity normally manifests itself- in an unreasonable and grandiose perception of self.

    Confidence is not being afraid of failure because you acknowledge that failure is an inevitable part of your life and that it does not diminish your value or take away from what you are as a person.
    It's not about certainty, it's about how you, intrinsically, deal with uncertainty.

    Of course, the rest of your take is flawed because your initial reasoning is flawed.
    What you are describing is unironic narcissism, not confidence, and yes, that IS a bad thing.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      could not what you describe also be considered courage?

Most Helpful Girls

  • ClosetHoe
    Healthy confidence is a great thing. What you're describing isn't a great thing.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      There is a good and bad side to everything. I'm only exposing the hollowness that it is and the potential downside of it.

  • Anonymous
    Confidence is not a bad thing. Conceit is. You described conceit.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Bananaman177
    Women can't control their emotions with logic, so it doesn't matter whether what they feel is right or wrong, even if you have airtight, incontrovertible proof, they will still act on their emotions 100%.

    It's just their nature. They can't override themselves, their emotions are in charge of them, not the other way around.
    • Anonymous

      Amen to that.

  • loveslongnails
    What a bunch of hooey. Your initial premises are flawed and nothing more than conjecture and personal opinion. There isn't a "fact" to be found in your initial statements, therefore, the rest of it will be baseless as well, and it is.
    • Anonymous

      That's exactly my point. It's the same for everyone's opinion.

    • Well that's a nice rationalization for you to embrace, but it's simply not true. All opinions are not based on flawed logic, or the lack of evidence, or even the lack of common sense. A person who is "confident" of their position, even though it has no foundation, is an irrelevant example of your premise.

    • Anonymous

      that's just your own opinion. i disagree.

    • Show All
  • Regmorus
    True confidence by humans I view as normal isn't restricted to betterness or uniqueness (and they are the part of their confidence they are ashamed of), it is the trust in yourself, the trust that you can deal with life and it's challenges. It originates in healthy self-love and self-understanding (not to mistake for selfishness) in acceptance of yourself as you are in knowing that the potential given you by the nature makes you skilled enough to go through your life. If you want it is kinda an irrational belief, but it has good roots. It is also self-sufficience, but not in the sense that you don't show appreciation for others, but in the sense that you don't feel uncomfortable when you are alone.

    You describe it so as if there is only the dark side and the dark origin of confidence, no, there is also the bright and exactly this confidence is one that truly deserves attention in the sense that every human should learn and embrace it.
    • Anonymous

      true, the positive side of confidence deserves a post of itself. i focus on the dark side because it almost never gets attention. in a way, i am bringing light to the darkness.

    • Regmorus

      Okay, makes sense:) Especially nowadays...

  • R3DthatDude
    First you have to have good definition of what confidence is. Arrogance is think of yourself as being way more then you actually are for example saying you are perfect and that everyone should kiss your feet. That’s arrogance. Confidence is trusting in your abilities, not being ashamed of yourself, not being timid. When you work at your job that you’ve been dining for so many years, you are confident you know what your doing where as a newbie, might not. Confidence is balance between arrogance and no confidence.
    • Anonymous

      a healthy level of confidence is all about balance.

  • 0112358
    Are you trying to argue that women shouldn't be attracted to overconfident idiots, or that it's not good for men to be confident? You yourself argue at the end that slightly unfounded confidence delivers greater life success in quantitative terms on top of being appealing to women.

    So surely the answer is 'absolutely develop a sense of confidence'?
    • Anonymous

      yeah but the catch is people will dislike you even if you are successful.

    • 0112358

      People dislike shy men at least as much.

      If you're confident, attempt to follow through, and treat people decently, that tends to be will liked.

    • Anonymous

      that's not true in my experience. shy people tend to be liked more than arrogant, overconfident people.

  • Liam_Hayden
    "It may be the case that a man simply doesn't care what you think of him, therefore there is no risk involved if you reject him. I have actually seen many men that are this way and many women mistake it for confidence."

    That describes me fairly well. I do not cheat, but I will ditch her easily if I am unhappy.
  • zagor
    I think you are mistaking confidence for arrogance. Confidence doesn't necessarily mean you think you are better or more important than other people. It means that you think you are competent and capable of accomplishing your goals, be it asking out a girl at a bar, completing a tough course of study, succeeding in a challenging job, running a marathon, whatever.
    • Anonymous

      what i said was the ego performs tricks to make you think you are better or more important than other people as a survival mechanism. most people have no idea about the psychological concept of the term 'ego' so i'm not surprised that you didn't catch that.

    • zagor

      Yes I had Psychology in HS.

    • Anonymous

      i doubt high school level psychology covers this topic. here's a video for anyone looking for a crash course on the concept https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqLIXz0k_qM

    • Show All
  • james2018dean
    Dont think all confident people are egotistical or think they're better than everybody else.
    I have a stubborn, strong, personality. But I like women who are confident. I dont play with dolls.
  • FýrdracaDócincel
    There's nothing wrong with acting superior to others if you're right.
    • Anonymous

      and there's nothing wrong with rejecting someone's idea of superiority if you don't agree with it.

    • I don't give a shit if you agree with it or not.

    • Anonymous

      I don't even give a shit if you give a shit.

    • Show All
  • Nickel_Slam
    Confidence is good. Arrogance is bad.
  • Anonymous
    You're not confident are you?
    • Anonymous

      confident about what? i'm confident about some things and not confident about other things. you will have to be more specific with your question. generally yes, i have confidence in myself. it's other people i don't have confidence in. overconfidence is a very unattractive trait to me but i realize it's subjective because in a different situation with a different person, it may be the appropriate amount of confidence.

  • Anonymous
    Being confident is never a bad thing. Mistaking something else for confidence can be bad though.

    None of this really matters though because women are indeed attracted to confidence in men, whether or not it is genuine, and that's really all that's important here.

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