Confidence: The Art of Just Not Giving a Crap

[Nothanks700]

There has been a lot of whining by some fellas on GaG recently.

Why do girls reject me because of my height, weight, rainbow painted headgear?

Why are girls labeling me a creep for hitting on them, and not the 6'3 stallion named Johnny, whose only passions in life are women and his new Harley Superflow?

The reason: Johnny don't give a f***

In all honesty, Johnny is probably kind of a loser. He probably bums cigarettes off his mom, and has a negative balance checking account. But girls often confuse bad assery with losery.

But there are certain traits Johnny has that enable him to attract the girls, while you fumble around asking where a girl is from, and what her major is, and other mundane questions. You see, you and Johnny have opposite problems. Johnny won't ever ask these questions, and thus will never be able to sustain a relationship...or a job. You ask these questions far too soon, when a girl is not sure if she wants anything from you, much less a long term relationship.

My advice is, keep it casual. Joke, flirt, have fun with it. And if she rejects you, move on to the next without a second thought. Funny thing is, girls have some weird 6th sense about how secure and confident a guy is almost immediately, even if they don't realize that's why they are repulsed by some guys. It's in their genetic code. So if you really don't give a crap, girls will pick up on this, and somewhat ironically, are less likely to reject you.

So now, you'll have one up on Johnny, because you'll have long lasting relationships if you want to. Actually two up, because when you go in for a home loan, you won't be rejected due to your only assets being a Harley and a 3 gallon tub of hair gel.

P.S. Not sure why my generalized male was a James dean wanna be, but hopefully you get the point...

[kaylaS91]

Contrary to what you've said, confidence does not equate to feeling better about yourself because you've become convinced that other people are probably assholes or complete shit at what they do. Shaming is actually a classic sign of someone being insecure, hence why their go-to way of feeling validated is saying that others aren't worth anyone's time anyway.

I've come to be relatively confident, continuing to work on it. I've not come to feel better about myself by saying other girls are too slutty or stupid, anyway. Certainly not because I just don't care about things, either.
Confidence will come to you from you just working on improving yourself as a person, independent of anyone else. By reaching your own personal goals, and proving to yourself, others by extension, that you ARE worthwhile in society.

[Nothanks700]

I don't think that's contrary to what I've said. It's not even related to what I said. My point was, guys like Johnny are confident because they don't care what others, especially women, think of them. My point was to take this trait from guys like Johnny I'm certain situations, but still have your life together outside of that. I have no idea where you got the first sentence of your opionion from, the Mytake was not even remotely suggesting that.

[kaylaS91]

'But there are certain traits Johnny has that enable him to attract the girls, while you fumble around asking where a girl is from, and what her major is, and other mundane questions. '
^That's roughly where I got the first sentence from.

[Nothanks700]

Yeah, now of that suggested people are terrible; I think you are reading into things so that you can make a complaint. All that pointed out was that "nice guys" often think the best approach is to ask a girl questions like you are on a date, but you aren't. It's only natural that a person would reject a stranger intruding into their lives, it has nothing to do with people being terrible.

[kaylaS91]

There's nothing wrong with asking someone to go on a date with you. What is wrong is your proposal of these guys who are rejected and then begin to think of themselves as 'too good for the girls they wanted not too long ago anyway' to become what you call confident, which in itself seems to be becoming a bit of an asshole.

'Why are girls labeling me a creep for hitting on them, and not the 6'3 stallion named Johnny, whose only passions in life are women and his new Harley Superflow?'

[Nothanks700]

I'm not sure if you have a strong grasp of the English language, because you seem to have entirely no clue what you are reading. I never said anything about asking someone on a date, although it would obviously be a little odd if it was the first thing you asked a stranger. I was talking about when guys ask questions like they are on a date to a girl they just walked up to in a bar. This is the human condition; go to a bar and it will become obvious if you observe. I think you're being a little self righteous instead of looking at things objectively.

[kaylaS91]

... that has nothing to do with one's 'grasp on the English language' but okay then. Interesting how you're on a high horse all of a sudden when you did just write a mytake about a concept as simple as confidence and what it even is.

[JohnDoe3000]

I don't think it's necessarily a sin to not appear supremely confident when talking to a girl you like (btw, is confidence when talking to a girl not simply always a matter of not caring about the outcome?). It's not a problem if you ask her questions about her life either, if you mix in jokes and are not boring. But if you appear so nervous as if it's the first time you've ever talked to a girl, you're out. Also it's important if she can see you're a confident person in general: for example at work and with other girls, if she sees that and is the least bit attracted to you then that's the difference between "what an insecure loser" and "he's so sensitive and romantic WITH ME".

[TayTay21]

What guys need to remember is that most girls have no idea what we want when it comes to guys. We often feel nothing for a guy even if he does all the 'right' things, and we often fall for guys even after they've done all the 'wrong' things. It's totally confusing--even for us--so try not to take it to heart when it doesn't work out for you.

Guys and girls who try to rationalize it all are just... yikes. There's really nothing rational about attraction, so stop trying to break it down as though there is.

[Anonymous]

Kinda agree. Don't agree with kayla below, talking bs as usual.

I think tho that the pics don't help illustrate your good points. For instance the problem is equally attractive men who are nice, seem to be punished tho by women simply cos they care about what the woman thinks. You have to be confident and go for it I guess (Whilst not being an asshole).

Would be nice to hear ur thoughts on my question: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2046147-is-a-woman-more-likely-to-be-openly-sexual-with-someone-who-isn-t

[Weirdstuff]

Ya'know, you can be confident AND have your life together :P I agree that girls are more attracted to confident guys, but not all confident guys life in the basement at their mom's house. Confident people are even more likely to succeed in many careers (business, teaching, etc). And while we're on the topic, aren't guys more attracted to confident girls instead of wallflowers?

[Nothanks700]

I didn't say they did. The target audience was otherwise successful guys that had no luck with girls, he opposite of Johnnys problem. In no way did I ever suggest Only Johnny gets girls, but a lot of these guys wonder what is going on when he does, and they don't.

[taldaana]

"girls often confuse bad assery with losery" I love that line. Lol😂 Great take.👍😂

[mystintri]

I think it's more, " The art of weighing things out rationally so that you can believe in whatever it is you're attempting."

Motorcycle
Sky-diving
Approaching girls
Starting a business.

[Anonymous]

you just a "nice" guys who's truly not that nice and just keep blaming girls when the problem is obviously you and your personnality

[Nothanks700]

What? None of this post blamed girls. And I am certainly not one of those guys that thinks just because I'm nice girls will be attracted to me. The point of the my take was for guys not to take approaching girls so seriously- that's it. I am not sure why people are reading into this with things I never mentioned or even alluded to.

[Alex88F]

in my experience, the less you give a fuck the better you become in life in most fields.
spot on dude, bravo!