Why I enjoyed learning that my best friend's boyfriend is not as attractive as mine

Anonymous

I know, I know, beauty is subjective, but trust me, I'm right about this one. I know I'm a bad person for this, but I still feel right because of the way she dragged my boyfriend's appearance down for absolutely no reason.

We live far apart, hence I've never seen her boyfriend in person and she hasn't seen mine in person either.

Her boyfriend

Here's the thing: I saw a picture of my best friend's boyfriend on social media today and I've got to say, I was very, very surprised.

She had only showed me one picture of him before. Since he's the one she lost her virginity to, I had high expectations and was a little underwhelmed by what I saw at first, but I knew that she loved that he was very tall and simply pushed it away.

Her boyfriend is 19 and looked a bit young in that first picture. In the pictures I saw today though, he looked 13-14 and that was pretty shocking to me, considering how she had always described him as very masculine and mature (he looks neither, sorry).

They have a very superficial relationship from what I see, they don't know basic details about one another (hobbies, # of siblings etc)

Why I enjoyed learning that my best friends boyfriend is not as attractive as mine

My boyfriend

The only thing ugly about my boyfriend are his teeth. He's also very hairy, but those are both things I don't care about and my friend doesn't know.

I showed my best friend what my boyfriend looked like before our first date and even then, she scoffed and made rude comments about his appearance. She said that he's too short for me, that he looks like someone who hasn't achieved anyone and that he's too stupid for me.

Why I enjoyed learning that my best friends boyfriend is not as attractive as mine

She also made rude comments about his clothing style (I secretly love it when he dresses down, but I also love it when he wears his best pair of jeans and smells amazing).

I don't know what to say about that, all I know is that he fucks me every day with his massive cock and I couldn't be happier about it.

We're in a good place, are officially moving in together, I'm trying to arrange for the 4 of us (her, me, our boyfriends) to meet, but I'm scared she'll look at him in a disrespectful way.

Why I enjoyed learning that my best friends boyfriend is not as attractive as mine

Am I just being jealous?

Honestly, no. I'm just shook she's with a guy who looks so young and is clearly less attractive than my boyfriend. She settled for much, much less than her worth is, simply because where she lives, there aren't that many guys around.

Takeaway

I'm pissed that after an entire year, she never said anything nice about my boyfriend's personality or appearance. She doesn't have to like him, but why is she making it so hard for us to stay friends? I feel like we barely talk anymore since we both got boyfriends. She looks down on me for planning our wedding, how stupid is that?

Why I enjoyed learning that my best friends boyfriend is not as attractive as mine

Friends should support one another, no matter what. Not sure about her being my bride of honour now.

I'd listen to her if she had anything helpful to say, some meaningful points about why I shouldn't be dating my boyfriend, but she can't provide that.

Why I enjoyed learning that my best friend's boyfriend is not as attractive as mine
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Most Helpful Guys

  • hahahmm
    You're a bad girlfriend because you didn't stand up for your boyfriend which we know when you say she trashed talked his clothing but that you SECRETLY like when he dresses down. You are NOT wife material and it's not a good idea to get married before you are. When you're wife material you won't let anyone trash talk your man. You would tell them to stfu before they even finished saying something the first time. Maybe you're not there yet because you don't really see yourself as being on a team with him and you're not truly loyal to him.

    I bet you expect him to defend you and not let his friends trash talk you for a YEAR while just sitting there smiling.

    Your complaint about his teeth... hmm. His teeth aren't going to get better and it's not something he can change without cosmetic surgery/braces. It's not like when a woman gets fat & a man asks her to stop being lazy & to eat better... all things she can fix with simple lifestyle changes. His teeth will probably get worse over time. You might want to decide if that's a dealbreaker or not. If it's not then get over it. If it is, talk to him.
    Is this still revelant?
    • LittleMeow

      @hahahmm If I could have liked your reply twice, I would have.

    • hahahmm

      @LittleMeow Thanks

    • Anonymous

      I have told her to cut her negative comments out. I have also told her that I like the way he dresses, both up and down, I just haven't told my boyfriend, hence the word "secretly".
      I was particularly vocal when she repetedly told me he's too short and too dumb for me. I told her to shut up if that's all she had to say and reminded her that I love him just the way he is.

      He's working on fixing his teeth. A dentist fucked them up, it's not his fault.

    • Show All
  • oldasIfeel22
    “She said that he's too short for me, that he looks like someone who hasn't achieved anyone and that he's too stupid for me.”

    Okay why do YOU choose to be friends with someone who is that incredibly judgmental, ignorant and stupid? What she said above is so insanely shallow/disrespectful it’s teetering on Down syndrome. That’s actually a deep reflection of her own deep insecurity and self hatred. But still that was disgusting.

    Guy even young guys never criticize our friends gfs like that.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      I agree that it's shallow and superficial.

      She's an incredibly smart, humble and amazing person, but ever since she got herself that boyfriend, she's been awful... I don't know if it's him or her new friends though, that could also be the underlying issue.

    • She made a mental decision to say that to you. Again it was her choice to move her vocal chords and say something so disgusting. It’s one thing to think stupid things. Quite another to affirm them out louden. She not only insulted your boyfriend but she completely insulted you. Remember that.

      I actually had to part friends with a buddy of 12 years about a month ago. It was a tough decision. At my age having reliable friends is tough and rare. Competent adult men are expected to independent its still not easy. But I made my decision and it was for the better. He has been acting like a sociopath for way too long.

      Anyway the point I’m trying to make is that you are a grown woman. Your friends can and will influence your time, mental processes, decisions and most importantly your self esteem. If she was a true friend she would of never said something like that. Or even if she did it out of emotional and/or stupid ass drunken stupidity she would later regret it and apologize WITHOUT you having to bring it up.

      If I were you I would disassociate from her. Sooner or later you will like any couple have problems with your boyfriend. When you got so called “friends” poisoning your mind you are more likely to make a bad decision when things go awry with him. You want to have a level head with mature/wise people advice when that day comes. I wouldn’t trust a word that comes out her mouth at this point.

    • Good advice man. But women her age usually choose emotion over reason. She has some sort of sick loyalty to her friend over her own boyfriend.

      This is just sad. I feel bad for her boyfriend. Sounds like he’s got very slack. I could see her taking any minor argument or even just boredom to dump him fast or even cheat on him

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • natured
    So this is a war between the looks of y'all's boyfriends... ok correct me if i'm wrong but I think both of you have major issues... YES you actually said at the beginning that beauty is subjective, and then you added how you actually get f... ked by his massive c... and this CAME OUT OF NOWHERE SO WE DID NOT NEED THAT DETAIL (i'm an editor i know what i'm talking about we did not need this information because it's irrelevant) you where trying to make your situation look BETTER for YOU... and you wrote this MyTake to feel better about yourself and your situation because it looks like this is actually bothering you.
    Trust me, in my eyes, you and your bestie have a lot in common, the only difference is that SHE TELLS YOU WHAT's UP and YOU DON'T... try to give her her own taste of medicine.
    Peace
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      What does you being an editor have to do with anything?

      I wrote it because I knew it would be controversial. That's it. Thanks for getting so worked up though.

    • JSmuve

      I completely agree. It came out of nowhere and was really unnecessary given the context of what was being written. It seemed like it only served to stroke the writer's ego. She even admitted that she wrote it to be controversial, not because it was relevant.

    • natured

      You're welcome, but i do not understand WHAT you're trying to achieve by this MyTake? What is the context of it? What are you trying to give us readers through this? I'm not bothered by whatever you wrote, i'm bothered that you think you GOT EVERYHING FIGURED OUT when it's not like that. Just saying *shrugs*

    • Show All
  • SashaAMB
    Being negative about her boyfriend because she was negative about yours shows that your friendship is in trouble. This is no way to interact with a real friend. If she hurt your feelings, address it directly. If you think she could do better than her boyfriend, politely remind her that whine you accept her choice that she has options if he is not right for her.

    if you can’t do those things, you aren’t really friends, you are frenemies.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Interesting point.

      I've never been negative about her boyfriend to anyone I know - this was my place to vent and to pour my anger out, literally.
      I have tried asking her why they're even together, but I honestly think they're Friends with Benefits who felt they needed a relationship to fit into society's norms. I don't want to ask her if that's true though as it would sound pretty rude if it's not true.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • TruthBringer
    I can understand that you feel a form of relief because your “best friend’s” boyfriend happens to be “less attractive”. It is like a pay-back in some way and validation that your “friend” was only beating her chest with no actual action. The fact you two have to talk smack about each other’s boyfriend’s goes to show you’re not true friends. If that is what a true friendship looks like, talking shit about each other’s significant others instead of being happy for each other, then I am from Jupiter.

    Your “friend” is highly insecure and superficial. Hence why she needs to talk smack about your relationship in order to make herself feel better. That should have been a clear sign that this “friendship” you have is actually a failed one. But it seems like you’re taking over her bad behavior and applying it back. And for real though, you know that she doesn’t like your boyfriend and disrespected him. Why the hell would you want them to meet? If you have an ounce of respect for your boyfriend, you won’t waste his time with this broad.
    • Anonymous

      I want them to meet because she's still my best friend and I think she'd cut out the negative comments if she met him.

  • PeacefulRainDrop
    Ummm why are you comparing boyfriends? she's happy with her man... your happy with your man... thats all that matters. You two are friends not the same person you can look at the same man and see two totally different things and both are right per say because its your guys individual opinions.. she doesn't have to say anything nice about your boyfriend.. you dont say anything nice about hers.. to say she's dating beneath her is cruel you know nothing about the young man.. so can't you two be happy for each other and not compare your men.

    To be honest its toxic everyone has different opinions she sees him as mature thats great and you dont who cares. Honestly you dont need to have comments from the peanut gallery... when friends have said look at my hot boyfriend I just say he's nice.. weather he's hot or not in my books.. its her happiness I see and that means more to me than ahh look at his fill in the blank... she doesn't see it the same way I do and thats totally okay.. you can hold your tongue... if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all!
  • JSmuve
    You both sound like drama-cases. She dumped all over your boyfriend because she was jealous and you dump over hers because you're vindictive. If she had a boyfriend that you found more attractive than yours, you'd be jealous and finding ways to criticize him, just like your best friend did. But you don't find him attractive and you derive some sort of superiority from it. That's why you enjoy it. It's your competitive female nature and in your mind you "won".

    But let's move on to the real topic here: how both of you choose to dump all over guys who've done nothing to you. All I read was:
    "... he looked 13-14..."
    "... he's too short for me..."
    "... he looks like someone who hasn't achieved any[thing]..."
    "... he's too stupid for me..."
    "... she settled for much, much less than her worth is"

    Both of you sound like real pieces of work. Based on your description of her behaviour, I'd say it's her boyfriend that's settling. This seems to be a common characteristic in immature, narcissistic women: over-valuing their worth and under-valuing guys.
  • Dinklex3
    ...
    Just communicate to her that you're sick of her talking shit about your boyfriend or drop her since you clearly don't like her.
    I never compliment my friend's fiance or boyfriend either so I don't see the issue with that.
    Why care if she finds him attractive?
  • rosemilk
    To be honest, it seems like you are lacking something in yourself and your self esteem is sooo low. Why even bother writing all of this if you're truly actually happy in your relationship? Most people don't boast about how much better their boyfriend/relationship is to their best friends. In fact, why do you call her your best friend if you are bashing her in every single sentence? And why is she doing the same to you? You two are ridiculous. Grow up? 🌸
    • Anonymous

      I wrote this for attention :)

    • rosemilk

      No shit.

    • rosemilk

      If you're not getting attention in your own relationship, then that's sad

  • ohshee
    Well I don't know that's pretty kind of mean to say about your friend tell me what kind of car do you like I would almost guarantee it your friend has a whole different type of car picked out and yours might be beautiful on the outside but maybe she did her homework and her car is beautiful on the inside too those cars that look good just on the outside usually end up falling apart the ones that look good on the inside and the outside they seem to last for a long time that's why there's so many breakups and divorced in this world because when people meet other people they're still infatuated on what they look like they think that's the person they're getting they don't understand it's the person on the inside that they're getting and if you can't look at that first before you choose then most of the time there's a big mistake that's going to happen so since you went to such detail to say how much better your boyfriend is than your friend's boyfriend you have to promise to let as snow who breaks up first you and your boyfriend or her and her boyfriend
  • donkeyde
    Reading this had me thinking that your friend deserves better. First thing first you got yourself a man so what kind of guy she dates is her business. Second that competitiveness about how she talked shit about your man is really half the problem since you feel a way about it. Have you put your foot down about how you don’t like her talking bad about him? Next like you said friends should be supportive but still call each other out for bull shit and try to make each other better. If the fact neither of you are supportive to each other boyfriends and judging like this maybe a break from each other is needed. Besides look wise why is he a bad match for your friend? When your friend say your man isn’t right what do he do that makes her say that? For example how is he as a person or what he do for a living that makes her think he dumb or haven’t accomplished anything? You said it right at the beginning you’re not quite a good person hopefully you wise up as you get older because if not life going to give you a real good reality check.
  • 420Rachel
    Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you tell your friend she was being a total jerk? Sounds like you're both being jerks to me. She's belittling your boyfriend and you're also belittling her boyfriend.
    • Anonymous

      Hmm. I didn't even think about belittling her boyfriend until I realised that while I only had to say nice things to say about her boyfriend both in her face and behind her back (mutual friends loved talking him down behind her back, I didn't engage and even defended him and her), she hasn't returned the courtesy.

      Maybe we're both being jerks, I needed a place to vent and this was perfect. We all make our own choices.

    • 420Rachel

      Still if a "friend" of mine made fun of my boyfriend, especially his physical appearance as that has no sort of real relevance, I'd be quick to call her out on how she's being shallow and mean. Also her being rude about my boyfriend wouldn't prompt me to be rude about her boyfriend. He has no part in this ridiculous and petty debacle.

      If someone makes fun of your man that doesn't make it right for you to make fun of another person whom had no involvement whatsoever anyway. It's not right in the first place but the fact that he's an innocent party makes it even more ridiculous and proof that this is silly and a waste of energy. If what she says about your boyfriend bothers you, grow some balls and be straight up about how she's acting and don't stoop down to the same level for some kind of petty revenge.

  • ShadezMcgee
    This reeks of insecurity on your end. You are comparing each other's boyfriends and are getting mad she trash talks your guy when you literally just said her guy doesn't look masculine.

    Your opinions are subjective on what attracts you. Personally, I think both yours and her boyfriend can do better.
  • Interstate
    It is time to move on from this "friendship". She obviously has no other intention than to tear you down just to make her SUCKER of a boyfriend look better than yours. She doesn't care about what makes you happy, or how you feel. She is going to great lengths to make you feel like a p. o. s. Lose her number, and block her on every social media source you share. Do everything possible to prevent her from being able to reach you. She is one HELL of a douche canoe!!
  • Jazquee
    Wow... you really wasted a lot of time on this thought.
    You are a different type of person and I feel sorry for your boyfriend
    • ROFL. It is a pointless bit of drivel isn't it? I mean she says her "friend" has a rather superficial relationship with her boyfriend and all her "boyfriend" is good for is his massive dick. I bet they're both teenagers with childish minds.

    • Jazquee

      She's a ridiculous human being. And I weep for her future. Lol

    • yofuknutz

      Heehehehe please pop popcorn please

  • crazy8000
    Sounds like a relationship based on something that isn't true love when someone compares their partner to other people. or for that matter compare others to their parner.

    Are you insecure in some way?
  • BeenThereLovedIt
    In her eyes, you are moving on and she's going to be left behind, so the friendship is already doomed. Your life will become all about kids, pets, barf, all the usual stuff. Her life is still trying to find the right person and living the single life.

    All the boyfriend bs is just you girls being catty.
  • itsmicaelaxo
    What is this post? You're a bad person in general. Beauty is subjective. We each find different things and people beautiful. Your friend was rude in pointing out that she didn't like your boyfriend, but you shouldn't do a petty post on the internet just out of spite. Grow up. Be better
  • SnowyOwl
    if you're happy with him, then why do you care what others think.

    Also, isn't it a good thing that she doesn't have eyes for your man?
    Id be worried if she was talking about how great he is all the time..

    P. S.: Some friendships grow apart, and thats ok. If you're unhappy in your life tho, try to find the cause and get away from it/ resolve it
  • JesseJayNeak
    That's so shallow. Maybe she chose him because she feels happy with him and sees her future with him. And maybe she is not the type of girl that cares about looks as much as you do. And the fact that you didn't stand for your boyfriend? That's spineless
  • EternallyCorrect
    Why are both of you obsessed with how
    your boyfriends look? And why would you speak about how he “fucks you every day with his massive cock”? Adolescent mindset.
  • Laciandmaci
    Maybe she finds him attractive, just like you find you boyfriend attractive, everybody has their own thoughts and opinions. You both should keep your mouths shut, you 2 act like children tbh. Date who you like and keep you thoughts about your besties boyfriend to yourselves !
  • Sarahr123
    She’s an idiot. As long as you’re immensely attracted to your boyfriend, fuck what idiots think.
    • Anonymous

      I agree, but I'm still hurt over her comments. It wasn't her place to criticise his looks.

    • Sarahr123

      Yes I totally understand and that is justified. I would be upset too and I’d probably cut her off. It was ridiculous of her to criticise his physical appearance. It’s great that you have a good relationship with your boyfriend though, and that you respect each other this much.

  • UncleJessieRabbit
    This reminded me of that story of my female cousin (who I would say many people think is physically attractive) and I met her boyfriend at a dinner with our two families, I would've expected somebody more stereotypically "handsome" than me, when he actually looked more similar to me. I don't want to have a relationship with a cousin, but this is still the story.
  • so_over_this
    Have you ever thought that maybe your friend is happy with the guy she met? We all perceive beauty differently , just how you have your own personal taste , so does she.
  • supercutebutt
    I heard your friend's boyfriend can double penetrate her by stuffing his scrotal sac in her anus at the same time his moderately sized peen is in her sniz. Sure, he isn't as hung as your boyfriend but can your boyfriend do that? I read somewhere that less than 1% of dudes can pull this off.
  • Surely
    Maybe she feels that same way about you and your perfect for you boyfriend!
    • Anonymous

      Good point!

  • FilmGuy93
    Lol I think you might be giving this flex too much thought. I'm glad you feel that you've come out on top though. Congratulations and enjoy your hot boyfriend
  • molonski2
    Ohhhh 4Fks sake... there should be a laughing tag..
    GIVE ME A BREAK.
    Superficial , nope.. far worse. What an absolute joke :(
    I really hope this is a jest contribution
  • Jansetta
    You are either too young and immature or a bad person.
    Also you just sat there while she was giving your boyfriend shit, All you do is enjoying ‘in your head’ characteristics of her boyfriend. What kind of girlfriend and friend does that make you, that’s sth you should think about.
    It’s not nice in or out of context.
  • FatherJack
    Fat better no friends at all , than " friends " like this. Cut her out of your life , this is petty and childish !
  • Kas19
    You sound annoying as fuck, not gonna lie. You need better things to do than obsessing over this. It's weird and creepy.
  • friendzoned4life
    I am gonna answer this from the title you are a slut if someone else boyfriend needs to be unattractive too you for not to make a move while having a boyfriend hope your boyfriends reads this post, figures out it is you and dumps your ass
  • Floppy2112
    This is how women keep other women single. This is all so petty.
  • MysteriousDarkness
    Your friend pust down the way your boyfriend looks and you put down how your friend's boyfriend looks.
    You want use to trust you when you say your boyfriend is better looking that your friend's boyfriend is. The reason is because you think your boyfriend is better looking.

    You are
    You are pissed that after an entire year, she has never said anything nice about your boyfriend's personality or apperance. In this post you have not said anything nice about her boyfriend either.
    You say that your friend and her boyfriend have a superficial relationship but when it comes to your boyfriend you only talk about his looks and his cock.
    You two are not acting like good friends.
  • Napoli
    I knew as soon as this question came up that it would be an anonymous post
  • lightbulb27
    time for some girl talk. there is some serious insecurity and immaturity going on. maybe she doesn't support you/boyfriend and thinks it's bad for you. that gets to if you trust her opinion. often we don't see ourselves clearly. or she's got her own issues.

    either way, title of your question says you are not good in how you process emotion... indirectly, passive aggressive, "I'll get you back and show you!!", nah nah.. nah nah nah... like little children. Petty, jealous, etc.. not love, joy, peace, contentment, happiness, self control.

    Time to open up that bible or other book of relationship and read those things and work on how to create them.
  • Explorer91
    Ah I kind of see what’s going on here..
    Have you heard of the competitive mum syndrome, where the mums at school all act like it’s high school even when their children are 5. Comparing children and whose child is popular, better at this better than that. And make the mothers feel like they have to compete to be part of it. And feel shit about themselves if their child doesn’t measure up. Or if they don’t measure up to parenting standards made by bored narcissistic parents.
    Do you see a comparison here with your situation? Your getting dragged into a weird game/ world that you are living in now, sounds like you may know quite a few insecure type people and they are making you play this game.
    Guess what. You don’t have to.
  • anylolone
    Because you are a shitty person in that aspect.
    My only concern with my friends' dates are if they are well served personality wise.
  • Biancam13
    You say you’re not jealous of your so-called “friend”, but you clearly are if you’re worried about beating her in the “boyfriend department.” Friendship is not a competition, and neither is love. You should want to date someone because you like THEM, not because you’re measuring up against your friend and trying to prove you’re superior in some way. You’re evidently not a true friend to her so I think you should do her a favour and cut her loose.

    Also, you might want to work on your self esteem. I feel sorry for both you and your “friend.”
  • Seppel
    I would say you are no friends. I would never want to be friends with someone who even talks in a negative way about my girlfriend.
  • rjroy3
    Prime example why I say most girls don't know what a real best friend. They use it liberally for various females because they're either sparing feelings by lying about it, or feel bad to admit they don't have a bestfriend.

    Even going as far as calling girls that aren't even their friend a "best friend". Average guy says a dude is his best friend you know he's talking about a guy he's known at a minimum for several several years where they formed a close bond and built trust over years.

    Average girl calls someone her best friend you have to ask, "this semester? Or how long we talking now? Will she be at your birthday dinner next year or should I not bother getting to know her?".

    To the girls that actually have a real life long bestfriend you have my respect. You a real one.
  • Rennitenn
    Now you having harder time to find him attractive aren't you?
    • Rennitenn

      I'm scared to have another friend after having just read your post. I never thought that people looked into things that much

    • Jazquee

      They don't... only psycho hosebeasts like this one do... normal people are happy for their friends not looking to compete... or be better... just sick.

  • Iloveclitoris
    When she once again criticizes your boyfriend, ask her: "Are you so interested in my boyfriend because your boyfriend doesn't fuck you? Impotent? " Deal with your own problems, and do not meddle in our affairs. And in general, such friends should be sent to..., sorry, to the neighboring galaxy, so as not to interfere with anyone to build relationships.
    Когда она в очередной раз будет критиковать твоего парня - спроси у неё: "Ты так интересуешься моим парнем потому что твой тебя не трахает? Импотент?" Разбирайся сама со своими проблемами, а в наши дела не лезь. И вообще, таких подруг нужно посылать на... , извините, в соседнюю галлактику, чтоб не мешали никому строить отношения.
  • ItsMeItsMe1989
    How in the world, is this like, useful, at all

    And you're anonymous too, just seems like you're trolling here
  • NoLookingAtSoleil
    We really need to stop comparing partners.
    That's a number 1 killer of relationships - you have a same-gender friend - then you don't when you get together with someone, because one relationship is primary.
    If you do end up keeping both (the romantic and the one with your same gender friend) - you end up comparing partners (backstabbing)
    If you are friends with a same-gender person - you are highly likely to fall for them/develop a (sexual) relationship.
    Yet - no one speaks to each other frankly/honestly (which I reckon would speed up the dating a lot, if we simply spoke about what we are feeling, thinking, looking for - straight up, even to total strangers we find interesting).
    'The rules' (where men must do everything to Nth degree) was a book of a woman hating that she didn't get someone she wanted, so punishing the rest of the mankind for it. Google it.
  • GreekGirl22
    Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh, either
  • Andres77
    Seems petty to me...
  • pleasestopthis
    You both sound shallow and childish AF. Grow up.
  • WowwGirl
    You sound obsessed, insecure oh and petty
  • msc545
    You need new friends.
  • Aphrodite801
    Lmao all the ugly men are triggered
  • eyekneepain
    Good for you!
  • collie22
    ouch!
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