where I was taking 50-60 uppers (speed) daily. Since I have started seeing my shrink I have made a lot of progress. I can actually go to a store and buy my own groceries and clothes. I can sit in a coffee shop by myself and have a coffee. Will I ever be able to date? I do not know. One thing that holds me back is my complete and total lack of social skills. I have not asked anyone out since 1988ish. My ex picked me up in a bar. I was drinking in those days so my anxieties were hidden...
she pulls some strings. one week later I have my first session and have gone every week since then. For approx 37 years I was left to deal with this on my own. 1992-2011 I didn't leave the house, literally. except for work and Dr.. Groceries were delivered. clothes bought on line. I have NEVER had a friend. one girlfriend for about a year in the late 80's. I'm a dry alcoholic for 14 years. The last 18mths of booze I drank between 2 and 3, 40oz of scotch. DAILY. there was a 4yr period...
But yes no one likes a fake smile, but when talking to a woman I don't see why any guy would want to frown the whole time. Smiles are inviting, not smiling just gives off a cold impression. Again, I am sorry about your personal issues but those things can't be fixed by anyone else. This article isn't meant to 100% fix people's problems. It's just a few guidelines I thought of.
Well, I understand that a lot of guys are frustrated in the dating world. I get that. But so many want to maje excuses about why they're single rather than trying to look at themselves and at least try something different. I only wrote this to help those who legitimately want to know what some girls, such as myself, look for. I'm sorry you feel hopeless, but hopelessness is something only you can fix. This article is just a few pointers on confidence.
I was a victim of various forms of abuse and bullying from friends and family for about 28yrs. In 1980 -diagnosed with clinical depression. 1994 abuse stops. 2000 Finally given meds for depression/anxieties. Ask Dr. twice a year for referral to a shrink -Response It will take 4 years to get you in. 2010 My chiropractor notices a big change in me...mentally. for the worse. I had given up hope and was hoping to die. I didn't know it but my chiro's mother is a shrink...
But thanks for the bit about physical presence. What's most telling about your little guide was that 7 out of 9 points were all about alpha dog posturing behavior basically. So thanks. Now I know when a girl says "confidence", she actually means something else completely.
So I'm feeling a little merciful, so I'll give you another chance to be helpful. What attributes should a man feel and express his confidence about? For example:
Math ability? Cooking? Prognostication? Emotional Intelligence?
Same old wishy washy bullshit chick know-it-all delusion here guys. When are you dingy little girls gonna learn you can't have it both ways? Whatever. I'm confident that everything you said is useless. I've NEVER known a jerk that didn't do well.
Here's a hint honey. "honest, trustworthy, ambitious, unselfish, career-oriented, having goals and passion" Do not mean the same thing as "confident". So maybe you can go find a dictionary and then come back.
Well, girls may *say* that they prefer confident guys over the loud, cocky types, but empirical evidence proves this to be untrue. I know several guys who have great confidence in themselves but who are invisible to women because they aren't entertainers or players who give women the hard sell. I know several guys who are highly competent socially & professionally who struggle to get women interested in them. Bottom line, I don't think this issue is as straightforward as you make it out to be.
Very good article. I have seen this from experience, with very beautiful girls at my college. Its interesting how women think and I really like learning how women think of us guys. I really agree with you saying about revolving the conversation around them and keeping eye contact with them. I have had girls drag on sentences and lock their eyes in mine for long periods of times and I totally want to look away to refresh the look on my face, but when I do, they look away and don't look back..
I don't disagree with many of the points you make, except that women (especially the younger ones) *are* more interested in cocky guys. Being confident in yourself gets guys nowhere with women if they're not simultaneously somewhat of an entertainer. If a guy isn't loud or clownish to some degree then he tends to get ignored by women.
Yeah I'd take the opinions from users who constantly cry about how women are so mean and nasty with a huge grain of salt. The only article that would please them honestly is one that manages to stroke dejected egos. As I said before, the article is well structured, and should serve mainly as a starting point. Using the comment box to b**ch about how girls don't like you is pure nonsense. THAT, is the only true rubbish here
I would say I am not that confident, although I am much better than I was a few years ago lol. I have actually found it easier to just be dorky and joke about why I appear nervous and it seems to make the girls laugh, and it even lead to a couple dates haha. I do have to work on keeping a posture and not fidgeting though lol.
I agree with you about confidence but putting it into practice isn't that easy. It's very hard for people who haven't had much success to show the kind of confidence you speak of. Very well written but I think falls into the ”no sh*t” category. Plus this confidence you speak of is something that a**hole guys use to take advantage of dumb women. Perhaps women should acknowledge confidence but dig a little deeper to see if that confidence isn't hiding a steaming pile of bullsh*t.
Like I said it's not confidence itself but WHO is using it. If you apply confidence to a jobless college overweight guy with the same amount for a guy who is handsome, fit, successful and high value and status, don't say you will pick the former. Confidence alone won't get anyone anywhere, and yes like I mentioned in my examples it stems from feedback. You don't just delude yourself into thinking you are in demand when survey says no.
I disagree. There is such a thing as "settling". Which in turns makes for the average relationship lasting 2 years. Then again that is survey based but still holds weight. Your comparison seems a little shifty, people use "confidence" to attract, not "low self esteem." Again that stems from feedback. The difference between the two "averages" as you refer to is that one has had the experiences and feedback to attempt you, while the other simply has no feedback or poor feedback
None of this will work unless you have the looks money and status to back it up.
Confidence stems from feedback. Example if you worked a job and no one be it customer or management liked they way you worked it, one would not feel confident. However, if you were doing it and everyone liked it and had a good presence you would always feed at ease and competent.
Thanks for your reply to my comments. Living in a multi-cultured city. I see women daily of different ethnicities, ages, heights, hair colors & lengths. Also, attired differently. So, it's clear that women vary. My point is some women will behave forthcoming to A and mean to B. And B doesn't know why. Because women vary why don't women TELL us what it is. We not mind readers. And I don't exactly want to approach a woman to handled like dirt.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
63Opinion
where I was taking 50-60 uppers (speed) daily. Since I have started seeing my shrink I have made a lot of progress. I can actually go to a store and buy my own groceries and clothes. I can sit in a coffee shop by myself and have a coffee. Will I ever be able to date? I do not know. One thing that holds me back is my complete and total lack of social skills. I have not asked anyone out since 1988ish. My ex picked me up in a bar. I was drinking in those days so my anxieties were hidden...
she pulls some strings. one week later I have my first session and have gone every week since then. For approx 37 years I was left to deal with this on my own. 1992-2011 I didn't leave the house, literally. except for work and Dr.. Groceries were delivered. clothes bought on line. I have NEVER had a friend. one girlfriend for about a year in the late 80's. I'm a dry alcoholic for 14 years. The last 18mths of booze I drank between 2 and 3, 40oz of scotch. DAILY. there was a 4yr period...
But yes no one likes a fake smile, but when talking to a woman I don't see why any guy would want to frown the whole time. Smiles are inviting, not smiling just gives off a cold impression. Again, I am sorry about your personal issues but those things can't be fixed by anyone else. This article isn't meant to 100% fix people's problems. It's just a few guidelines I thought of.
Well, I understand that a lot of guys are frustrated in the dating world. I get that. But so many want to maje excuses about why they're single rather than trying to look at themselves and at least try something different. I only wrote this to help those who legitimately want to know what some girls, such as myself, look for. I'm sorry you feel hopeless, but hopelessness is something only you can fix. This article is just a few pointers on confidence.
I was a victim of various forms of abuse and bullying from friends and family for about 28yrs. In 1980 -diagnosed with clinical depression. 1994 abuse stops. 2000 Finally given meds for depression/anxieties. Ask Dr. twice a year for referral to a shrink -Response It will take 4 years to get you in. 2010 My chiropractor notices a big change in me...mentally. for the worse. I had given up hope and was hoping to die. I didn't know it but my chiro's mother is a shrink...
@ xHoneyxBeex
First most of what I wrote was tongue in cheek. Unfortunately that doesn't come across well in writing.
There are a few things that I do feel about myself though. (below)
-I'm positive I'm hopeless - I'm not positive I'm hopeless. but most days, more often than not I do feel hopeless.
- I can't compare to others - This I believe. I am not as good as others and doubt I ever can be.
- Smiles - If I have something to smile about I do. I can not fake one they look fake...
Exercise -No way
Think positive -I'm positive I'm hopeless
Don't compare to others -I can't compare to others
Avoid hands in pants pockets -That's no fun
Don't fidget -I'm Italian wild hand gestures are mandatory
eye contact -Can't. to difficult to lie to you about the real me
good posture -I'd have to exercise first
Hold your head high -Never found a coin floating in the air
Smile -I don't & my fake ones look fake
Honesty's best policy.
Guess that's why no-one will date me. :-(
But thanks for the bit about physical presence. What's most telling about your little guide was that 7 out of 9 points were all about alpha dog posturing behavior basically. So thanks. Now I know when a girl says "confidence", she actually means something else completely.
So I'm feeling a little merciful, so I'll give you another chance to be helpful. What attributes should a man feel and express his confidence about? For example:
Math ability? Cooking? Prognostication? Emotional Intelligence?
Same old wishy washy bullshit chick know-it-all delusion here guys. When are you dingy little girls gonna learn you can't have it both ways? Whatever. I'm confident that everything you said is useless. I've NEVER known a jerk that didn't do well.
Here's a hint honey. "honest, trustworthy, ambitious, unselfish, career-oriented, having goals and passion" Do not mean the same thing as "confident". So maybe you can go find a dictionary and then come back.
Well, girls may *say* that they prefer confident guys over the loud, cocky types, but empirical evidence proves this to be untrue. I know several guys who have great confidence in themselves but who are invisible to women because they aren't entertainers or players who give women the hard sell. I know several guys who are highly competent socially & professionally who struggle to get women interested in them. Bottom line, I don't think this issue is as straightforward as you make it out to be.
Very good article. I have seen this from experience, with very beautiful girls at my college. Its interesting how women think and I really like learning how women think of us guys. I really agree with you saying about revolving the conversation around them and keeping eye contact with them. I have had girls drag on sentences and lock their eyes in mine for long periods of times and I totally want to look away to refresh the look on my face, but when I do, they look away and don't look back..
I don't disagree with many of the points you make, except that women (especially the younger ones) *are* more interested in cocky guys. Being confident in yourself gets guys nowhere with women if they're not simultaneously somewhat of an entertainer. If a guy isn't loud or clownish to some degree then he tends to get ignored by women.
Yeah I'd take the opinions from users who constantly cry about how women are so mean and nasty with a huge grain of salt. The only article that would please them honestly is one that manages to stroke dejected egos. As I said before, the article is well structured, and should serve mainly as a starting point. Using the comment box to b**ch about how girls don't like you is pure nonsense. THAT, is the only true rubbish here
I would say I am not that confident, although I am much better than I was a few years ago lol. I have actually found it easier to just be dorky and joke about why I appear nervous and it seems to make the girls laugh, and it even lead to a couple dates haha. I do have to work on keeping a posture and not fidgeting though lol.
I agree with you about confidence but putting it into practice isn't that easy. It's very hard for people who haven't had much success to show the kind of confidence you speak of. Very well written but I think falls into the ”no sh*t” category. Plus this confidence you speak of is something that a**hole guys use to take advantage of dumb women. Perhaps women should acknowledge confidence but dig a little deeper to see if that confidence isn't hiding a steaming pile of bullsh*t.
Like I said it's not confidence itself but WHO is using it. If you apply confidence to a jobless college overweight guy with the same amount for a guy who is handsome, fit, successful and high value and status, don't say you will pick the former. Confidence alone won't get anyone anywhere, and yes like I mentioned in my examples it stems from feedback. You don't just delude yourself into thinking you are in demand when survey says no.
I disagree. There is such a thing as "settling". Which in turns makes for the average relationship lasting 2 years. Then again that is survey based but still holds weight. Your comparison seems a little shifty, people use "confidence" to attract, not "low self esteem." Again that stems from feedback. The difference between the two "averages" as you refer to is that one has had the experiences and feedback to attempt you, while the other simply has no feedback or poor feedback
None of this will work unless you have the looks money and status to back it up.
Confidence stems from feedback. Example if you worked a job and no one be it customer or management liked they way you worked it, one would not feel confident. However, if you were doing it and everyone liked it and had a good presence you would always feed at ease and competent.
Thanks for your reply to my comments. Living in a multi-cultured city. I see women daily of different ethnicities, ages, heights, hair colors & lengths. Also, attired differently. So, it's clear that women vary. My point is some women will behave forthcoming to A and mean to B. And B doesn't know why. Because women vary why don't women TELL us what it is. We not mind readers. And I don't exactly want to approach a woman to handled like dirt.
I'm send you a PM regarding fonts.
Finally, (about body language).
Parts one and 4 (which goes hand in hand), suggest to me that he's either skint, despondant or both.
Anyway, thanks for sharing this first class essay with us, I learnt something from this.
Now we clued up where we going wrong.
Hugs and kisses from London, UK