What is Confidence? (Page 2)

[xHoneyxBeex]

Well, your issues seem to go a lot deeper than simply a lack of confidence. I'm sorry about all you've been through. I think it's great you're seeing a counselor though and have been able to make so much progress. I genuinely hope you will be able to make even more progress in the future and get your life to where you want it to be.

[ironeddie]

I am having a HUGE issue dealing with the fact I bassically have to go back to my mid teens and learn how to do things like dating being rejected learning to socialize. I'm at an age where I don't know if it would even make a difference. I'm likely better off staying as is. I try not to compare myself to others. But when I see where I am and where coworkers my age are. I get a little angree and very down. Even with some of what I have done in the last few years I really don't know if worth it.

[ironeddie]

where I was taking 50-60 uppers (speed) daily. Since I have started seeing my shrink I have made a lot of progress. I can actually go to a store and buy my own groceries and clothes. I can sit in a coffee shop by myself and have a coffee. Will I ever be able to date? I do not know. One thing that holds me back is my complete and total lack of social skills. I have not asked anyone out since 1988ish. My ex picked me up in a bar. I was drinking in those days so my anxieties were hidden...

[ironeddie]

she pulls some strings. one week later I have my first session and have gone every week since then. For approx 37 years I was left to deal with this on my own. 1992-2011 I didn't leave the house, literally. except for work and Dr.. Groceries were delivered. clothes bought on line. I have NEVER had a friend. one girlfriend for about a year in the late 80's. I'm a dry alcoholic for 14 years. The last 18mths of booze I drank between 2 and 3, 40oz of scotch. DAILY. there was a 4yr period...

[xHoneyxBeex]

But yes no one likes a fake smile, but when talking to a woman I don't see why any guy would want to frown the whole time. Smiles are inviting, not smiling just gives off a cold impression. Again, I am sorry about your personal issues but those things can't be fixed by anyone else. This article isn't meant to 100% fix people's problems. It's just a few guidelines I thought of.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Well, I understand that a lot of guys are frustrated in the dating world. I get that. But so many want to maje excuses about why they're single rather than trying to look at themselves and at least try something different. I only wrote this to help those who legitimately want to know what some girls, such as myself, look for. I'm sorry you feel hopeless, but hopelessness is something only you can fix. This article is just a few pointers on confidence.

[ironeddie]

I was a victim of various forms of abuse and bullying from friends and family for about 28yrs. In 1980 -diagnosed with clinical depression. 1994 abuse stops. 2000 Finally given meds for depression/anxieties. Ask Dr. twice a year for referral to a shrink -Response It will take 4 years to get you in. 2010 My chiropractor notices a big change in me...mentally. for the worse. I had given up hope and was hoping to die. I didn't know it but my chiro's mother is a shrink...

[ironeddie]

@ xHoneyxBeex

First most of what I wrote was tongue in cheek. Unfortunately that doesn't come across well in writing.

There are a few things that I do feel about myself though. (below)

-I'm positive I'm hopeless - I'm not positive I'm hopeless. but most days, more often than not I do feel hopeless.

- I can't compare to others - This I believe. I am not as good as others and doubt I ever can be.

- Smiles - If I have something to smile about I do. I can not fake one they look fake...

[ironeddie]

Exercise -No way

Think positive -I'm positive I'm hopeless

Don't compare to others -I can't compare to others

Avoid hands in pants pockets -That's no fun

Don't fidget -I'm Italian wild hand gestures are mandatory

eye contact -Can't. to difficult to lie to you about the real me

good posture -I'd have to exercise first

Hold your head high -Never found a coin floating in the air

Smile -I don't & my fake ones look fake

Honesty's best policy.

Guess that's why no-one will date me. :-(

[Rahim517]

Well, girls may *say* that they prefer confident guys over the loud, cocky types, but empirical evidence proves this to be untrue. I know several guys who have great confidence in themselves but who are invisible to women because they aren't entertainers or players who give women the hard sell. I know several guys who are highly competent socially & professionally who struggle to get women interested in them. Bottom line, I don't think this issue is as straightforward as you make it out to be.

[gaginitup]

Very good article. I have seen this from experience, with very beautiful girls at my college. Its interesting how women think and I really like learning how women think of us guys. I really agree with you saying about revolving the conversation around them and keeping eye contact with them. I have had girls drag on sentences and lock their eyes in mine for long periods of times and I totally want to look away to refresh the look on my face, but when I do, they look away and don't look back..

[Rahim517]

I don't disagree with many of the points you make, except that women (especially the younger ones) *are* more interested in cocky guys. Being confident in yourself gets guys nowhere with women if they're not simultaneously somewhat of an entertainer. If a guy isn't loud or clownish to some degree then he tends to get ignored by women.

[Janson]

Yeah I'd take the opinions from users who constantly cry about how women are so mean and nasty with a huge grain of salt. The only article that would please them honestly is one that manages to stroke dejected egos. As I said before, the article is well structured, and should serve mainly as a starting point. Using the comment box to b**ch about how girls don't like you is pure nonsense. THAT, is the only true rubbish here

[mike5150]

I would say I am not that confident, although I am much better than I was a few years ago lol. I have actually found it easier to just be dorky and joke about why I appear nervous and it seems to make the girls laugh, and it even lead to a couple dates haha. I do have to work on keeping a posture and not fidgeting though lol.

[ChancesAre]

I can't tell if I'm confident or cocky. I know a lot of women have said that they don't like cocky guys but some of those same women say that I'm okay because I'm cocky but I'm funny. I guess it's where I do this thing where I self-aggrandize and self-deprecate simultaneously or consequently when I'm talking to women.

[rotinaj10]

I agree with you about confidence but putting it into practice isn't that easy. It's very hard for people who haven't had much success to show the kind of confidence you speak of. Very well written but I think falls into the ”no sh*t” category. Plus this confidence you speak of is something that a**hole guys use to take advantage of dumb women. Perhaps women should acknowledge confidence but dig a little deeper to see if that confidence isn't hiding a steaming pile of bullsh*t.

[Traxxus]

Like I said it's not confidence itself but WHO is using it. If you apply confidence to a jobless college overweight guy with the same amount for a guy who is handsome, fit, successful and high value and status, don't say you will pick the former. Confidence alone won't get anyone anywhere, and yes like I mentioned in my examples it stems from feedback. You don't just delude yourself into thinking you are in demand when survey says no.

[GoGoDancer]

Rubbish completely rubbish. Women only seem to want good looking guys with big bank accounts. Like some said if a poor guy started acting confident would he get women? No why because he's poor and most likely ugly. I'm always getting ignored by women even when I do have this fake made up word confidence. Why? Because I'm not a 10 with lots of money coming out of my butt. You should go around your city show random women two pics one that a good looking guy and the other as an ugly guy & see who

[Traxxus]

I disagree. There is such a thing as "settling". Which in turns makes for the average relationship lasting 2 years. Then again that is survey based but still holds weight. Your comparison seems a little shifty, people use "confidence" to attract, not "low self esteem." Again that stems from feedback. The difference between the two "averages" as you refer to is that one has had the experiences and feedback to attempt you, while the other simply has no feedback or poor feedback

[Traxxus]

None of this will work unless you have the looks money and status to back it up.

Confidence stems from feedback. Example if you worked a job and no one be it customer or management liked they way you worked it, one would not feel confident. However, if you were doing it and everyone liked it and had a good presence you would always feed at ease and competent.