A Guide For Confidence

A Guide For Confidence

1. You have to truly want it. I've come across many people who complain about how their low self-esteem is blocking them from achieving what they want, yet when others try to help them they don't open up. Well, you can't do it if you don't open up. So, unless you're ready to do that you're not ready to change your attitude. It also can't be achieved overnight; it takes time and hard work. Also, know the line between low self-esteem and achievement. An overall low self-esteem does not ensure non-achievement. Look at Johnny Depp - he has social anxiety but is living the celeb life because that's how much he wants to act. So, stop letting your timidity define you or determine your life - work around it. Cheat.

2. Start from your passions. If you want to be confident you need a place where you can "train" yourself. The best place is your passions and hobbies. As a little girl I was so shy, I couldn't even talk to my teachers when they spoke directly to me. I would just freeze up in fear like an ice cube. But the summer before high school I suddenly got the urge to change my life. I always had a strong will to sing in front of people. So I auditioned for a summer training program and passed. When I got back to school from the program it was my first year of high school. My personality had changed already. That's because at the summer program I realized I was good at singing, and that gave me confidence in other areas of life - my looks, studies, dating, everything. This is because once you strengthen your passions you'll have a stronger, more solid identity and see yourself as a worthy person. It's called amour propre. You'll no longer see yourself as "just some guy/girl" and start seeing yourself as a unique individual who wants to be recognized for his/her talent(s).

3. Surround yourself with supportive people. Anything in life is much easier to achieve when you have external support. Have people around you who will cheer you on, protect you, and guide you through your journey toward your new, confident life. It's not easy to run a race when you don't have anyone there cheering for you - it's the same in this case. You need love. It'll also be advantageous to have a teacher/trainer to guide you through developing your hobby/hobbies. On that note, here are exactly the people you need (at least one): a close friend who knows and cares about both your insecurities and your talents; an authoritative figure, i.e. family, a teacher/teachers at school, a guidance counselor, that nice random lady you chat with every morning at the bus stop.

A Guide For Confidence

4) Get rid of toxic people. They will only distract you from achieving your goals. If you can't simply cut them off, perhaps because they're a family member or two, learn to at least become deaf to their negativity - selective hearing! You don't need anyone's approval. This is completely about you, not them. The thing about haters is that they may seem to know more than you but in fact don't - clearly, because they don't see or care about your strengths! People can't completely know other people. You know you the best. Nobody else knows shit.

5) Learn to accept and toss what haters, or potential haters, think of you. This relates to #4. It's not possible to completely ignore them because we're human - social creatures - after all. We will always care and as a result always have insecurities. So the key is not to really ignore negativity but to accept it, and then toss it all in the trash behind you while you rise to the top. And while you're at the top, enjoy the view of them standing down there with dumb, hopeless looks on their faces. It took a while for me to learn to do this with some of my family members who have been unsupportive about several aspects of my life, including my music. But it's possible. Just go for it head first.

6) Lastly, believe in yourself. I know this is a cliché saying, but try to take it more seriously. Really think about what it means. If you believe you can do it, then you can do it (unless it's humanly impossible). Trust me, you have more strength in you than you think. You just have to learn to trust yourself first. Learn to trust that you yourself can guide you through the experience/change. And, actually, you're the only one who can. No matter how much help you seek, at the end of the day it's up to you. Your life is in your own hands. And this leads us back to #1.

A Guide For Confidence

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Any tips on being confident with girls, I have struggled with it all my life, I am sick of it.

    I am currently in training for my dream job, I have really had to push myself in the training. The exams are killing and I get so nervous, and dealt comes in to my head, and afraid to fail.

    I love your take, awesome, everything you said is spot on.

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    • Hmm... My best friend is a guy and he's had his eye on this girl for about a year now but still hasn't asked her out. I don't want to say this applies to ALL guys, because I of course don't know that, but I think the problem with a lot of guys is that they think it takes one huge step, as in, they assume they're supposed to straight up just ask the girl out on day 1. Sometimes that works, but it's not absolutely necessary that you approach girls that way. You could also simply become friends first, or not even friends but simple acquaintances. "Bump" into them now and then and sneak your way into their life. You could also just spend a few weeks figuring them out and going where they go - I don't mean this in a stalker-ish way, but I mean, for example, if there's a cafe they usually go to, go there. See how they like to spend their time there. Then eventually approach them, telling them you see them there often and that you thought you'd say hi.

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    • No worries, Just keep trying, and don't give up.

  • Seems like pretty solid guideline, though I have an objection to few things. What do you do when you don't truly want anything? and in correlation, you're not passionate about anything? Its insinuated that people should "follow your passion" but some people just don't have it at times and it needs to be stopped from being insinuated. I say people should know that passion doesn't just naturally happen sometimes. Sometimes they need to pick something, they don't even have to want it they just have to see through it. They stick with whatever they've picked up, and they do it over and over till they are good at it. At the point you've achieved a level which you can call yourself good at something, that's when you can GROW passion to that thing because now you have something to lose.

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    • I get what you mean. Believe it or not, for about a year or longer - recently - I'd stopped dating because I was too emotionally sensitive, causing emotional and mental issues, which lead to me abandoning my music - my number one passion since childhood. Abandoning my passion ruined me and made me a nobody. At one point I wanted to pick it back up but I couldn't because I had no emotional, solid base to depend on. However, I've recently started again after I met my current boyfriend because meeting him has allowed me to find my emotions and myself again.
      My point is, anyone has a natural passion. I think it's hard to find it if you try to define it first - music, reading, writing, teaching, etc. I think the key is to let it come to you rather than going out to search for it.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I definitely need to do #4 but I'm hesitant since I'll probably be lonely the rest of my high school career.

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    • I know it's not easy. I live with people who are toxic. You can also just pretend to listen but don't. That's what I do.

  • As crazy as it sounds, I feel like some people are just natural born optimists who love themselves no matter what, while others grow out of the careless phase and start criticizing every imperfection they see in the mirror. Sure, you might feel confident or good about yourself for a little bit, but it disappears just as fast as it came.

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    • Anyone can learn to be confident. But first you have to believe that you can. :)

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What Guys Said 22

  • Good take. Many people underestimate the importance of #4. To help with #5, you might want to take a look at the book "Take your Life Back" by Arterburn and Stoop. It's not an easy read since they use very convoluted writing, but the info is solid.

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  • Good take. As for #4, it's an important life skill to learn to distinguish between "haters" and people who are telling you the honest truth. It is important that you have someone to give you an objective perspective.

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  • I followed your 6 step program and got rid of all the haters in my life and now I don't have any girlfriend s. Now what? Really though it is common sense and it is a good take.

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  • I feel much sexier after following this guide,

    Thank you

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  • Very good advice, especially about the people in your life.

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  • I'm only socially awkward around women. Everything else I'm rather confident in

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  • Yes some fairly sound advice here.

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  • Or be an ARIES and put everything down on your self, glow and burn don't let the fire go out.

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  • If i become confident ill probably some how get hit by a car. I dont know how but i will.

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  • Favorite mytake so far

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  • Very nice fabulous

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  • 3d

    Well said girl. Xoxo

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  • Okies.

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  • Thanks.

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  • Interesting take

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  • Nice guidelines to be confident.
    Great take.

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  • Nice take!

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  • I am actually proven correct with what I say

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  • Nice mistake.

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  • How does one go to self-hate onto Self-Love and confidence.
    I feel as if I will never love myself no matter how hard I try.

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    • I feel like self-love is harder to feel compared to confidence. Being confident, you don't necessarily feel like you love yourself the same way you love other people, you know? It's more about knowing who you want to be and believing you can be that person. Because you can if you just try. It's less about loving yourself and more just about knowing yourself and knowing who you want to be first of all.
      Things won't change if you let yourself keep that negative attitude.

  • Good mytake! I know I'm someone that definitely lacks confidence :)

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  • Excellent take...

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What Girls Said 13

  • Wow, Ms DF, you continue to amaze me!!

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  • Nice take

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  • Thank you 😊

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  • I really needed this

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  • All good points.

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  • Nice

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  • Good take

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  • Do what yuu want ❤️

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  • I wish this was so easy like follow rules :/

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    • You don't have to go through all of these, but it is important to truly want to be confident first. Then work on strengthening your hobbies and passions. That way you don't have to immediately worry about the people around you, you can start from within you.

  • it's way easier, either just say fuck it to everything or just don't look at people on tv but rather at people around yourself and your confidence will skyrocket

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  • I do not see confidence as a shortage in America. People think too much of themselves here.

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  • Nicely done

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  • really good job !!

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