I’m different, and that’s ok

[Rachel794]

I have autism. I got diagnosed when I was 12. In December, I believe. I’ve come a long way, and I’m proud of that! Growing up, I used to be really shy. Now I’m making an effort to reach out and make new friends. That’s a huge step of bravery for me, especially since I’ve had trust issues with failed friendships in the past. But now I’ve decided, my past is no longer determining my future. I have been a part of this group called The Independence Center and I’m learning a lot of interesting and useful hobbies like yoga, mindfulness, and gardening. I love learning new skills, and making new friends.

However… I’m 27 already and I’ve never really had a dating life. That’s why I said I’m a mistake. I feel like I’m getting into all of this pretty late. Like I mentioned, understanding those social cues just doesn’t come naturally to me. It’s just like learning a foreign language. Dating apps, tried them, didn’t really get anyone interested in me. I’m not drop dead gorgeous, but I do have a kind, caring and open minded heart. And I’m not exactly in a situation where I can date because I live with family, and I’m high functioning on SSI. Yes I look normal on the outside but my brain functions differently. I’m not entirely helpless. But there are some things that yes, I still need help with. As a Christian with very conservative values I feel like I don’t belong either. I hold to my “old fashioned morals” not because I’m forced but because they’re my choice. I like being different and being a good role model. For now, I’m trying my best! I can overcome social anxiety with self confidence! And if I fall in love with someone else, ok.

But for now, I’m in the healing process of loving myself. Self love. Practicing self care, whether it’s reading, listening to music or an audiobook, yoga or skincare, helps me be gentle with myself. I would describe myself as creative, sensitive, and an introvert. I’m learning that sure, all of these make me a bit different, but they also make me unique, rare and beautiful.

I also journal, and like to cook/bake, watch cartoons or something funny, draw, look at art or comic strips. Putting on music and dancing, or watching my favorite Disney channel comedies always lifts my spirits! Creative writing has been one of my gifts as well. Mindfulness also helps me reduce trauma, and extra stress which I love. And, mindfulness also strengthens my self acceptance and confidence. It’s hard, and there are obstacles to overcome. You see, I faced a lot of bullying and gaslighting in school. But I’m getting my confidence back. It’s hard, and there are obstacles to overcome. But why not use this as an opportunity to promote more diversity and inclusion, and inspire my community? I can do it, I know I can!

Thanks-Rachel

[Shortman70]

You sound like a you've grown up to be a beautiful and courageous woman. You're doin the right things to find that spacial someone for you. When you love yourself, you know your worth and never let anyone treat you less than that. I spent a lot of years not loving myself and it's taken a toll on me and my family.
Now be careful because there is always somebody out there looking for a target to take advantage of and knowing your worth will help deter that. You've got a great start to life and don't worry bout getting a late start. There's a plan for all of us and you'll be ok. Be happy and enjoy what's ahead of you in life.

[paradiseonearth93]

You seem like such a genuine golden person, and like you’ve really done a lot of internal work which is so beneficial to you. So many people don’t do this and they continue throughout life in an autopilot realm. You seem so very real, and I’m sorry you have ever dealt with bullies and mistreatment. People can be so disgusting. To arrive at the mental state you are after facing that says a lot about you. My brother has autism and he isn’t like you... he still struggles a ton with self acceptance and hides himself away and blames himself. I can never put myself in your guys’ shoes, it’s something I’ll never know but it is so admirable for you to work through it and still be positive and know yourself and who you are. Dating apps suck for me too.. just horny guys on there all the time who will talk to you only so much to ask you to hang out so they can score, and if you communicate too much or don’t meet right away they bail. It’s just not a good place. I’ve learned the hard way to stick to my standards in dating and have been hurt by not doing so. It’s so important to stay true to who you are otherwise others will just use you. It’s such a cold world but there are a lot of good people and I know in time you’ll meet those. Especially if you’re working on yourself and putting yourself out there. 💗

[t-8900]

Oh wow now I feel terrible... I don't know what to say. My girlfriend has Autism too and I never dealt with it before until I met her. Tbh at first I thought differently of her because didn't understand her and things at first seemed pretty unbelievable and suspicious. Then she eventually came forward and told about it. I did research and am still eager to learn how to be the best for her and her needs. I'm talking to more autistic people now and reading more about it. I was so ignorant and had some misconceptions about it. I wish I knew more before I met her just so I wasn't walking around in the dark learning things now. A few times I was so confused I mistook her feelings and did really stupid things like almost broke it off because I thought she'd be happier without me. But then she told me I was her man and her heart belonged to me and I just felt so happy when she told me that omg. I learned to love her quirks and now Everytime she says or does something that's different it's so endearing and refreshing and I hope we remain an item to the end. 😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️💞

[ohshee]

I think I'm a little bit later on this question but I would have to say I think you're a beautiful human being you have a kind heart you are confident you're wise you're smart and I think you're happy and I think you smile and I think that is absolutely beautiful you're the only person in this world that can hold yourself back and I don't see you doing that at all I say go for it I think people with autism are a form of Genius myself I love the way that you see things because it is different and there's nothing wrong with different I try my hardest to be different from everybody else well that's a lie I don't try I just I am. and that's the way I like it if you ever get bored and want to chat hit me up I would be happy to chat with you

[tomtom05131]

Everyone is different in their own way, your difference is just more noticeable and arguably more challenging. I applaud you for getting to where you are okay with yourself. Ignore those that aren’t okay with you. They are worth the waste of your time.

[Turtleneck22]

You should be very proud of what you have achieved and have gotten your self. Life is no a race. No one wins. Go at your own pace and things will work out.

[Rachel794]

Yes, thank you so much 😊

[Turtleneck22]

You are welcome.

[Titanic1912]

Hello @Rachel794. I’m Titanic1912. I read your story and I’m also on the autistic spectrum myself. I was in the same boat as you and I’m happy that you’re gaining your confidence and I pray that God takes you wherever He wants you to go.

[exitseven]

Thank you for sharing your story. You have a great attitude and you will make a great role model someday.
PM me if you ever need tech support.
X-7

[Guy13]

Obviously you are high functioning. I know a high functioning autistic that has a steel trap brain and is successful on a global scale within his discipline. You seem to be that way as well.

[MCheetah]

You sound like a decent person, Rachel. Keep doing what you're doing.

[Adogdog]

This was a really beautiful read, you seem like a really great person! :)

[Anonymous]

Always remember to be yourself; because that way at least you will like yourself.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Are you different or is it really everyone else?

[Shananka]

You have done good, im proud of you