I am NOT defined by my Scars "A Survivors Account"

Aerissa_Jade

Caution is advised, continue at your own risk.

It is not going to be pretty.

Rape is a horrible crime perpetrated against men and women, that has a life long effect on its victims, long after the legal system is through with the perpetrator.

I am NOT defined by my Scars A Survivors Account
I am NOT defined by my Scars A Survivors Account

Moving on is extremely difficult for many, if not impossible. It has stages to work through that a survivor can get stuck in certain stages. It is different for everyone.

Denial and pretending it didn't happen is very common stage to be stuck in. This is known as the Underground Stage.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_trauma_syndrome

The underground stage may last for years and the victim seems as though they are "over it", despite the fact the emotional issues are not resolved.

Rape can lead to PTSD, Depression and suicide attempts.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-traumatic_stress_disorder

There is a great deal of myths

In society and even the media that often perpetuates them.

I am NOT defined by my Scars A Survivors Account

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_myth

Rape Culture

I am NOT defined by my Scars A Survivors Account

It is far worse on tribal lands and for Native American women.

https://vawnet.org/sc/gender-based-violence-and-intersecting-challenges-impacting-native-american-alaskan-village-1

Native Americans Are at the Greatest Risk of Sexual Violence in the USA.


On average, American Indians ages 12 and older experience 5,900 sexual assaults per year. American Indians are twice as likely to experience a rape/sexual assault compared to all races.


41% of sexual assaults against American Indians are committed by a stranger; 34% by an acquaintance; and 25% by an intimate or family member.

I Am A Survivor.

I am NOT defined by my Scars A Survivors Account

Usually at this point I will just state I was attacked, and move on without going into details but I am going to go into details, not all of them but enough of them. I am sorry if this sounds like some fictional story, believe me I wish it was.

I am Half Latino and Half Native American.

This is important to know due to the above stats for Native American women, it seems as if I really never had a chance at a life of not being attacked.

I grew up near tribal lands and that has been a big part of my life, even though I'm only part Native American.

I was attacked very violently. I was physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually broken.

My family has a farm, where I grew up. I had been helping out with the fall harvest, we were done for the day.

The others had head into the house to clean up for dinner, I was just finishing up a couple of things.

I was between a shed and barn putting stuff away and I did not see or hear him come up. As I was in a hurry to catch up to the others.

Like most farms, there is certain places with wood/boards, rebar, tools like axes and other items laying around.

This is a place I considered safe but still outdoors.

I Was No Longer Safe At Home

He came up from behind and pulled my shirt above my head and used it to keep my arms up so I could not fight back. He shoved me down to the ground forward, ripping my pants down and entering from behind. He also used my shirt to make it harder to breath or scream by shoving it in my mouth.

I was sexually inexperienced and a virgin at this time and it hurt like hell, like no pain I've experienced in my life, up to this point.

He told me to shut up and stop fighting. The more I struggled the more he would hurt me, I managed to get away briefly by letting my shirt slip all the way off above me and he lost his grip for a second.

I didn't make it very far as I had pants around my ankles and never was able to stand up, just enough to get him out of me so now he was extremely angry.

He threw me on my back and I recognized him as someone I had seen around school. I knew who he was but I didn't know his name. He was not in my grade, he was older, bigger and stronger.

I then heard another voice. Saying don't let her get away.

Now there is two voices, I thought I was going to be raped by both of them. I was praying for help.

I could now scream I did so as loudly as I could, problem was there is a good distance from this area to the house. I didn't know if anyone heard and it didn't last long, couldn't get my breath.

He started punching in my gut and chest knocking the air out.

I tried to look to see who the other person was, desperately hoping they would help and stop this.

I saw he was holding some sort of electronic device. It was a camera, he just stood there, motionless and quiet.

I was unable to see his face as he was in the shadows and it was dusk.

I bit my attacker and clawed him trying to get him off. I was crying uncontrollably and had been asking him to please stop. He said, just stop fighting and I won't hurt you anymore while his hand was around my throat choking me.

I cried while he pulled my pants all the way off, now I had nothing left on. He said it would be over soon just go with it and shut up. I stopped fighting and just let him do his thing. He also told me to look straight at him and stop trying to turn my head to see shadow guy. I complied and looked him straight in the eyes.

I then felt him ejaculate. While still being held down, his hands around my throat. Said don't move or scream. I will kill you. He then let go of my throat to take my shoes off, didn't want me running away told me I better not even try.

He then got up and walked to the other guy. I was absolutely frozen in terror. My thoughts were this wasn't happiness, this can't be real.

The two of them started arguing about something quietly, I couldn't really hear them cause they were whispering. I fully expected shadow guy come over next for his turn.

Here I am laying in the dirt, bloody and bruised and not sure what to do or how to get away.

Hope Found And Lost

I heard someone, someone else, someone calling my name.

It was my brother, yelling from a distance. "Come on were all waiting for you."

I was immediately dragged ten feet or so into the darker shadows quickly and held down, mouth covered. He hit me with what felt like a metal bar. Saying don't make a sound, how could I. I couldn't even breath.

I heard my brother getting closer, calling my name. He was close but I was being choked, and everything went black.

When I came to, my attacker was laughing that my brother was stupid, just walked within 20 feet of us and didn't see anything.

My hope of rescue, had come and gone.

Being dusk it was getting darker, he said he was going to fuck me again and that I better like it. As if it was an order.

I could no longer see Shadow guy. Thought maybe he left but I also wasn't sure if he had come over while I was out or not and taken a turn as I wasn't sure how long I was out for.

Another Escape Attempt

I tried to get up and run again, but wasn't able to get up. He wouldn't let me. He told me to not scream or else. I screamed anyways in case my brother was still nearby and then the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.

He had a cattle prod that he must of got from the storage while I was out. He was pushing it against my body, all the bruised places to make them worse and then down there trying to get me to shut up.

This wasn't light jabbing either, it was push as hard as he could. Even if he wasn't using the shocking part, it would of hurt as he was pushing so hard.

I shut up real fast, I was truly and utterly broken. For the next 15 or so minutes, I did whatever he said. He even laid in the dirt on his back and ordered me to ride him.

I did exactly what he said. It hurt like hell, not only was I beaten and bruise, with a recently ripped hymen, but some electrical burns.

After this, he explained what was going to happen from here. I was not going to tell anyone what happened. He kept saying "Do you understand" while forcing me to look directly at him, making eye contact.

Now I understood why he had not hit my face. He wanted compliance for the future. He didn't just want to rape me, he wanted to have me willingly do it any time in the future but for his plan to work, I had to not look beat up and raped. He wanted to use fear and violence to forever control me.

The story was I fell and got hurt and wasn't conscience when my brother came by, that is why I didn't respond.

He would also come to have sex with me at any time he wanted and I must comply or he will do worse than he did tonight and I have to hide it from my family, make up excuses to meet him and if I get caught say I wanted to do it.

If I went to the police or told anyone, the whole thing was recorded. It would be uploaded to the internet and he would kill me when he got out. They could not hold him forever. He pointed at Shadow guy, who I thought had left.

It was harder to see him but I realized if he had recorded the part where I complied. It would look like it was consensual if I went to the police.

Shadow guy then left.

I Wanted To Help Him

In my mind I was going to comply. My thoughts were, how to get on birth control, and hide the injures from everyone. I was actually thinking of things to help him get away with this and continue doing it. I was just too scared to oppose him anymore.

I had no intention of resisting him at all. If he wanted to have sex with me, I would do as he wished. He started to walk away and then turned around said he didn't believe me and punched me again.

Since I was still crying he thought I was just saying what he wanted to hear. That if I had agreed to it, I would no longer be crying.

I realized he wanted to leave now but wasn't sure he could trust me to do as he ordered. He was afraid to stay in case someone came back but afraid if he left I would call the police right away.

I was beginning to think, that even compliance would not be enough and he was going to kill me to cover his crime.

One Last Escape Attempt

I saw the cattle prod there, laying there on the ground as he paced trying to decide what to do.

I got really scared, I didn't want to die. Maybe I could use the cattle prod to shock him, stun him and run for it.

I tried and failed. He was too strong and he then picked up a board and hit me with it. He did so many times over and over, I was trying to use my arms to protect myself. I heard a cracking sound thinking the board broke, nope it was my arm.

He had broken my right arm, I heard the snap and he continued to hit me. The board eventually did break but, by the time it did though my right arm was useless, my left was in pretty bad shape and I could no longer stand, something was wrong with my right leg.

I fell to the ground and he started hitting me more, climbed on top and let loose, at one time he used a piece of rebar but not sure for how long. He was using anything he could find.

I thought this is it, I am going to be killed. This is what dying feels like. I was thinking about who would find me and how hard this would be on my family. The pain started to fade, I was fading.

My Guardian Angel

I then smelled my grandfathers pipe, a very distinct scent from when he was alive. He passed away when I was 11. He was always smoking it.

I felt as if he was holding me and comforting me, just like when I was a little girl. There was comfort, I did not want it to end.

I was totally motionless and unmoving, I couldn't even move if I tried. It felt like I wasn't there anymore. My attacker then ran away and left and shortly after the scent of the pipe faded.

It was totally dark now. I was still too afraid to try and move hoping someone would come back to check but no one did. It was getting cold, I felt very cold. I am not sure how long I laid there before I finally started to move.

I started to move and I could but it hurt bad. My leg and arm were totally useless, extremely painful to move let alone use. I could not get up, no way to stand up or walk.

I was not sure what I would do, would I die of exposure over night and be found the next morning and where were my cloths at. Did he take them or are they around here somewhere?

Evening temps can get down to 40, this time of the year.

I didn't want to scream for help, I was afraid he would come back and if no one was around it wouldn't matter anyways. I envisioned my attacker waiting nearby to see if I was still alive, I didn't actually see him.

Eventually I did scream, but it was hard. I was having trouble breathing, something was very wrong. My chest hurt real bad and I was coughing up blood, I couldn't stop coughing.

Finally getting the strength I started dragging myself around, I tried looking for my cloths, my phone was with them but I know there is no service here unless I go up the hill, by then I'd almost be home.

I stopped looking for my cloths and just started dragging myself towards the house.

I then realized it wouldn't work, as it was uphill and there is a fence with a gate there. No way I can open it from the ground, but better chance of being found there by people looking for me. If no one came looking I'd be stuck overnight.

I didn't know if anyone would come again, my brother probably had gone back and told them all I wasn't there, so why would they come check again.

Satan's Thorns

There is a main state highway the other direction, its a bit closer than the house. Less distance and downhill, but it was through stickers and rocks.

I am NOT defined by my Scars A Survivors Account

Anyone who has ever stepped on one of these barefoot, knows what I'm talking about, sharp pointy little things.

Satans Thorns
Satan's Thorns

I dragged myself that direction just hoping when I got there a passer by would rescue me.

I had to drag myself over many of these plants with stickers.

When I got close to the road, I froze in terror again. What if my attacker sees me, he'll finish the job. Then I continued anyways, didn't have much to lose.

It was pitch black now, rural so only headlights and no street lights. Many cars drove by without stopping, I was just crying and crying. I was so tired, I couldn't stay awake anymore, I started to doze off and fall asleep. No one is going to see me, it is just too dark.

My Rescuer

Next thing I know I'm being picked up and wrapped up in a blanket by someone.

He put me in his vehicle, he says he is taking me to the hospital. I don't have a lot of recollection on this as I kept going in and out.

When we got there, he picked me up and carried me into the ER. I really don't remember much. I just wanted to go to sleep and was having a hard time breathing.

I do remember looking at his seat when he picked me up and how it was ruined from all the blood.

The Damage

My arm was broken, my shoulder dislocated. My leg was fractured and my ankle too. I had a lot of broken ribs. I'm sure a guardian angel died protecting me, because I shouldn't have been alive. One of my ancestor spirts must of given me the strength to drag myself to the road and keep me awake. I was told by doctors had I fallen asleep I probably would of died and that someone with O2 that low doesn't have good odds.

My O2 level was around 50 when I got to the ER. Some of my broken ribs damaged my lungs and they were filling with fluid, I was dying.

My family was looking for me and been calling around and been searching for me when my dad got the call. They all knew something was wrong, as it should of only taken me 20 minutes or less to come to the house when they left.

My brother felt terrible for not finding me and blames himself. My father feels like he failed to protect me and suffer from guilt.

The Aftermath For Better or Worse

Initially I was victim blamed despite all the evidence.

I am NOT defined by my Scars A Survivors Account

People said I must of been dressed too revealing, if a t-shirt and jeans are too revealing, I wonder what they consider appropriate. As details came out that this was more than rape it was attempted murder the victim blaming faded.

I suffered from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haphephobia from males, even my own father.

I was terrified of boys after this, I missed a year of school but still managed to graduate from high school half way through my senior year by doing homeschooling and summer school classes.

I missed out on a lot, was unable to go to dances as easily. I did end up having a touchless boyfriend that began to help break through this.

I also tried to commit suicide a couple of times. Those guardian spirits wouldn't let me.

My rescuer is now part of the family. A sweet 84 year old man who wouldn't take any money from my family to replace/fix his ruined seat. Him and his wife are family now.

My attacker did get caught, Shadow guy got away.

The place of the attack, we planted a tree of my choice, a beautiful nectarine tree that produces some of the best tasting fruit ever. Something to try and make it not be a bad place, to try and heal the land and the spirits.

I am NOT defined by my Scars A Survivors Account

The recording and dozens of versions of them was uploaded online but I did not know this for awhile.

A sanitized version of the recording showing the consensual part was used in his defense. His defense was that someone else must of tried to kill me after he left.

Lucky for me a teenage boy at my school found a version that had been uploaded that showed most of it, even though he got in trouble from his parents for looking at porn, he did the right thing. This is how I first found out it was online.

He is a serial teenage rapist, I was number 6 out of 12 suspected cases. Only four of us could face him in court, the rest were too scared and not considered official rape victims. They were too afraid to even file charges. 1 of the 4 ended up not being able to testify after a break down.

Half of his suspected victims have now committed suicide.

Many actually became his slaves, doing what he wanted. They thought it was no longer rape because they were now willing. They really weren't they were just too scared to say no.

I was 14, he was 16. He was tried in the Juvenile system and locked up until it could no longer hold him. The Juvenile system holds them until they are 21.

As a result of this case, the legislature passed a law to make it easier to charge someone like this as an adult.

His father is a well known tribal leader, they had a good attorney, that made a already difficult task of moving the case to the adult system near impossible. They knew he was going down, and the limits of the Juvenile system. Plus being under age kept a lot of stuff confidential.

No matter how many times I got the recording removed online it kept popping up. It was almost impossible to get removed in the first place. The sanitized one looked just like a sex recording, where the rape one included most of it and their variations.

This is the best thing ever to happen.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/12/15/business/pornhub-videos-removed/index.html

Pornhub hadn't even been out a year when my attack was uploaded to it. I was a super star on there.

I have come to peace that it will be online forever, even if what they did helped to reduce it.

My attacker has found religion and wants my forgiveness for what happened and keeps trying to hunt me down. He has sent letters to my parents place stating this.

This is why I do not put pictures or recordings of myself online anymore, I don't want him finding me.

I made a huge mistake, in my attempt to take control of my life by making my own recordings and uploading them. This only made others think the rape recording was real.

I became promiscuous in an attempt to use men, like how I was used and have it be my choice.

I have met guys for dates who recognize me from porn online. How's that for a first date.

I always hoped my first time would be with my husband on our wedding night, but I also knew it was unlikely I could wait until then. I hoped that at least maybe, my fiancé and myself would be each others first, even if we could not make it to our wedding night.

#metoo

I am NOT defined by my Scars A Survivors Account
I am NOT defined by my Scars "A Survivors Account"
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Most Helpful Guy

  • nawtee_me
    I am sorry for what happen to you, no one should have to go through what you did and the many others that have too. There are sick people in this world and to them what they do seems normal but there is nothing normal about it. I hope you continue to heal and help others to heal as well with the post that you posted and the truth of your words that others would know through their bad experiences too.
    A Survivor you truly are and I hope in time the sharing of this will make you stronger. I am glad that one of the guys was caught and I hope the other eventually gets caught as well...
    Like 2 People
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • loves2learn
    I am really sorry that happened to you. What an awful living nightmare. I wish you continued healing and peace. ❤️
    Like 4 People
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

725
  • ChrisMaster69
    That was a really hard read, thank you, I know it will not have been easy for you writing out the details. My heart definitely goes out to you and all others that experience rape and sexual assault.

    i admit I saw this question earlier but it took me a bit to decide to reply for a number of reasons.

    I spent a number of years as a volunteer at a Counseling centre in the UK, your story was all to common. The area was a mix of university people and those from less well off rural areas, additionally homeless people. With both opportunity was a key part in a number of cases, family members, school / university friends and aquaintances, and in the case of homeless people either other homeless or groups of guys.

    Again, thank you for a very deep write up and I’m sorry for the pain both physical and emotional.

    we wear our scars and people see those physical ones, but often unless they know us, they miss the deeper harsher emotional ones, the ones that remain with us always.

    Thank you.

    Chris
    Like 3 People
    • Harleigh90

      @ChrisMaster69 Thank you for being you ❤ Don't ever change

    • @ChrisMaster69 That is the problem with something like this, no one really knows what to say.

      I also left stuff out, didn't want to get super detailed to be too graphic, cut it down to the bare minimum to get the point across of what happened. I almost left the part out about the stickers too, and just state there was stickers on the ground. If you didn't know what that meant though, kind of wouldn't mean anything.

      Thanks for the support, it helps.

    • @Aerissa_Jade yes fully agree, phrasing a reply is hard, reading it covers a multitude of emotions and memories.

      Even before I replied to your comment, I made sure to reread your words.

      Words never really cover it.

  • TruthBringer
    I'm speechless. I can say that I am sorry for what happened, and I really do, but saying that does not even measure up to the severity of what happened. Whatever happened on that fateful day, it was not your fault. I say this because I've received backlash before for so called "victim-blamng". When in reality, I'm looking into nuance and measuring the things that people can and cannot control that can help them prevent odds of stuff like this happening. While simultaneously blaming the perpetrator. Because sadly, many rape incidents out there, the victims did not keep their safety as a priority to minimize the odds of it happening. And no it is not just "oh you must have been wearing something provocatively!". It's that choosing to be in the wrong place at the wrong time KNOWING you compromise your safety to a degree, but still going for it. While many other incidents were simply inevitable. Like yours or a child.
    In your situation, there isn't anything you could have done to prevent this. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. This was pure injustice done to you that is vile to its core. This is not just rape (which is evil manifestation in itself) but is beyond that.

    I've not admitted this here before, but I can say that stuff like this are one of my biggest fears. Not that it would happen to me, but that it would happen to a loved one. Either a family member or my girlfriend. Because I know it would break me and make me blame myself that I failed as a protector. Just the thought of it is breaking my soul. I can't imagine the true pain of your family.

    I do not believe that rapist is sorry. He is just sorry because he got caught. He found "God' because the walls of confinement didn't entertain him and kept him at bay from causing havok on other potential victims.

    All in all, I think you're very brave for sharing this. I know this made you stronger and continues to make you stronger, I also hope you will one day find true peace despite what has happened.
    Like 3 People
  • Agape93
    Oh god honey... this broke my heart and made my blood boil... I'm so sorry you went through all this... but you're so brave for telling your story. If you need to talk, I'm here and I understand
    Like 3 People
    • Thanks, I remember you saying that on another post, I have not forgotten.

    • Agape93

      -hug-

  • SlightlyEccentric
    My condolences to you for staying so strong. Abd for what it's worth, I'm sorry it happened to you. It's comforting to know that you're doing as well as you are, after all you went through. I hope you gave your attacker not an shred of forgiveness. I don't see how anyone could after going through that.

    The regrettable problem with convicting someone of rape is that unless the victim comes forward immediately. But as you clearly pointed out, that is easier said than done. Sometimes doing the right thing can be the hardest thing to do.

    People who commit crimes like this and those who falsely claim they happened in an attempt to destroy someones life are both equally evil. One may happen far less often than the other, but they both still happen and need to be handled cautiously. It's easy to get wrapped up in emotions when heinous crimes like this happen, but if we believe only one party and dismiss the other then its guarenteed that lives will be forever destroyed in the process, assuming they weren't already.
    Helpful 1 Person
  • Aussie-guy
    This was a very heavy read, difficult to be given an account of the living nightmare of what you suffered. As a sexual assault victim myself, it carried extra impact.

    Well done to you being a survivor. Thank you for being so brutally honest and open with us. You're a brave woman and I hope this strikes a nerve with anyone that has even the slightest of thoughts of the deprivation of liberty sexual assault inflicts on their prey.
    Like 3 People
  • Harleigh90
    Reading this in tears 💔 I'm so sorry. You're brave, strong and a warrior for sharing your story.
    Like 3 People
    • Yeah it wasn't easy, almost didn't share it but after thinking about it for a couple of days, decided to. Might actually help and I think it has some. Haven't shared it for awhile as no one wants to dwell on this kind of stuff, even if it pops up in my mind a lot.

  • RolandCuthbert
    Thank you very much for sharing this difficult story. I am not certain how many folks here can appreciate your courage, given that many here have politicized issues like rape. It is such a weird thing to pretend that rape isn't something that everyone equally disgusted with.

    But we live in strange times.
    Like 1 Person
  • Joshua_L_Blackmon
    you shouldn't believe rape culture, just because you were raped or brutalized. thats like me believing in a racist culture perpetrated by black men , because I was jumped by 4 black men on which case.. it can be argued i could have died. as far as my experience goes , I admit to one attempt of sexual assault at the age of 12 , in which the other female was in bed with me undressed, an no further action pursued afterwards.. the pressure to make the first move is on men , but as i have gotten older I do not approach women very often , and in 100% of my relationships i have gotten 0 negative feedback for potential sexual misconduct... see using my own anecdotal evidence , i could reason that there is no such thing as rape , using other statics i could redefine the term.. but obviously that's not the real world. if I were to believe what the world is with only what I see on the internet or only what i hear from victims and former SO's or victims of false accusations.. then I could never approach women.. i could assume I am a rapist and therefore should be alone for the rest of my life.. i could assume that every women is out to steal my money or blackmail me.. i could, but I do not. 1 in 5 women have been raped/ sexually assaulted , but thats the victims.. who are the people committing the assault. I wager its not one in 5 men.. its probably not one in ten , and what of intoxicated people, the bar is set so low that one beer can = rape. when clearly both parties can be considered sober. Under law its not a false accusation to say that you are raped if you had one beer, but thats far different than one who is forced against their will.. and you can think assumptions, again I don't drink at bars.. I am simply being rational. yeah juel.. you fucked up getting intoxicated to go to a bar with no friends to be lured by a man who ended up being ugly in the morning and to be frank you were 50 pounds heavier than he would have liked.. don't drink and fuck. I don't know where the stat is that 50% of people believe its a lie.. that one was raped.. as far as the police goes, My sister who was raped and abused , by a man i had to beat the breaks off of when i came back to Louisiana , she doesn't believe in rape culture and she has a dedicated lawyer.. , but she deleted her evidence.. so its not that she couldn't get help , its that she deleted her evidence. as you stated most rapes get reported later , well you can't blame the victim for being raped, but you can blame someone for not being rational enough to retain THEIR EVIDENCE. If you know how courts function , if you have evidence the perpetrator would be jailed instantly with evidence. why is our system like that where jim can get away with murder.. if there's no evidence.. because the philosophy of the court and America is its better for a corrupt man to walk free , than for an innocent man to be jailed.. even if 99.9% of reports were true.. you have to deal with that philosophy or you have no rights.. your SA could accuse you of fraud and you would be in jail for fraud , hear say and he would be in jail for rape.. if only accusations were needed. So don't think we have rape culture simply because college kids are dumbasses , and the police require evidence and you were the one in 5 women of reported sexual assualt and rape. we can talk about child abuse. I got knocked half way across the room.. but there isn't any evidence.. i just have to be a better Parrent than my dad was, and just because I was knocked half way across the room , doesn't mean other children aren't taken away by cps because their parent literally went in a store for 5 mins in a bad neighborhood and someone reported they left their kid by themselves for 5 mins.. when they didn't have anyone else to watch em.. that shouldn't happen.. kids being torn from mothers and fathers for the smallest of reasons.. perpetuates an idea of child abuse being common.. when it isn't common. spanking is common..
  • Moose304
    I actually had a question about this topic removed on another website by an idiot staff member. Sometimes people can't handle a little authority. I got my question answered though and all is well. I will however ask this question here.
    I know a really sweet lady who today is 39. Was married to a physician from 2005 until 2013. Had two children with him. I later found out he was both sexually and physically abusing her. She has numerous broken bones. One of her fingers has a slight disfigurement from this abuse. He was slowly working on ending her life. because she was forced into it, she had to leave her boys and hide for almost 2 years. About 6 months later was able to get her boys and the three of them lived together as she finally was able to get a divorce and live in constant fear of the man. During this time her father died. The husband was a horrid alcoholic and over time drank himself to death. Life gave her a 2nd chance and she met a man she came to love. they got married and she has since had a daughter. This man is a rather high-ranking Officer in one of the US Military services. As most of you know politics plays such an important part in an Officers success. Part of this means going to off-duty events. This abuse even all these years later has left her with panic attacks and PTSD so bad she takes meds. This means she is under constant stress going to these events. Loud noises, loud men etc all make her want to curl up in the fetal position. This was my question. her husband's career suffers when he goes alone to these events. So she goes, but according to the scuttlebutt going around she has been accused of being snobbish etc. Do they tell the wives at least that she has PTSD from a previous marriage?
    What finally happened was ONLY the higher ranking Officers now know, and they are careful around her. This girl does not consider herself a victim. She doesn't really call herself a survivor. She just takes life one day at a time and gets security from family!
    • I think it would be entirely up to her to decide how much is shared, if it even should be. It also sounds like she could use some therapy. Trying to live each day one at a time, is kind of in denial about what happened and its hard to move forward without resolving the past.

      That said, she'll likely always be jumpy no matter what happens from loud men that trigger flashbacks.

    • Moose304

      She is actually in therapy! Has been now for a long time. About 2 times a month her husband goes with her. I am part of her support system and that question was asked of me by her. She was down because she was feeling bad about the social functions. I have known this gal since she was close to 9 years old. It sure is once to see that radiance come back in her face. This man she has married has gone through the lion's share of this with her. Her children have also been a blessing. That one day at a time thing is honestly how she describes her journey!

    • It really is one day at a time, I imagine it is horrible for her to feel obligated to help her husband out and if she can't his career can suffer.

  • AaronKrieger
    Thank you for telling your story and also just including survivors that are men; not only women. It takes a lot to share your story like that and it's something to aspire to. I went through something similar during my childhood and I just appreciate this post a lot. It was a tough read, but oddly I felt not so alone while reading it.
    Like 1 Person
  • Jamie05rhs
    Hey, Aerissa. I just saw this post yesterday; and I hesitated to leave a comment, because I didn't want to bring it back into your memory and cause you any more harm. But I saw that you just alluded to it in another comment, so I thought it might be okay. Please forgive me if I am making an error.

    I am SO sorry for what happened to you. It grieves my heart. It made me physically cry, and I don't really ever do that; I'm a pretty stoic person. Please accept my deepest sympathies, along with my righteous anger for what happened to you. I am glad you are alive, and I am proud of you for having the strength and the courage to not only participate in your own rescue, not only to bring charges against your attacker, but also to share your story with us here. It was very sobering, and it made me think critically about a lot of things.

    God bless you, God bless your family, and God bless the old man who saved your life.
    Like 2 People
    • Thanks, that means a lot. Now I'll go wipe a little tear away, I am okay and will be.

    • Jamie05rhs

      You're welcome. 💙

  • OddBeMe
    What is it about Indigenous women? Is it just growing up in poverty from being marginalized? Or is it to do with the sovereign reservations?
    Helpful 1 Person
    • I really wish I knew, I wouldn't say my family was growing up in poverty, nor was my attackers family. Granted there is a lot of others that are in that situation.

    • OddBeMe

      Especially in Canada. Not saying it’s their fault at all. They’ve been marginalized constantly. But I’m more right brained and like to find the actual issues. Wish I knew.

  • anylolone
    I'm pretty much defined by my scars.
    The experience of getting them is what taught me what most couldn't learn even while going through it.
    Helpful 1 Person
    • My scars are who I am today, but I don't and won't be the girl who got attacked my whole life. Hence why I am not defined by them, they are just what made me who I am today.

    • anylolone

      Well, the point of getting scars is learning not to get the same ones over and over again.
      At least not as often.

  • Xtendable
    So powerful of you to share this. I admire your courage, strength, resilience and perseverance. I like this, and yet I didn’t like this.
    i can relate in regards to the stats and indigenous vulnerability to such crimes and just the stats against women of such crimes is horrendous.
    Much respect ✊🏽
    Like 1 Person
  • amazing_grace
    Girl, I am so sorry. But I bet you hear that a lot so I am going to expand on it.
    1. What you went through is something no one should ever go through.
    2. You were so brave. I have experienced something similar, and I know how hard it is to speak out, but you did the right thing.
    3. I love you, and I wish you peace and joy and security for the rest of your life. Your scars are what make you you, and they are what make you beautiful.
    Like 1 Person
  • spartan55
    An absolutely heartbreaking story. I cannot grasp the pure evil in some people. Best of luck to you moving forward.
    Like 1 Person
  • Cubus
    You are very brave to share this story, I know it's awfully hard. It hit me, I couldn't stop reading. It always make me feel bad, because I would like to help and I can't. I am horribly sorry, just can't find words...
    May your soul cure, girl. I will pray for this. Stay strong.
  • Neilbud
    ooof... talk about a nightmare. Not even sure what to say... Sorry
    Like 1 Person
  • laurieluvsit
    This makes me mad beyond my comprehension!!

    Forgiveness comes while watching demons like this burned at the stake!

    You were right, it is hard to know what to say to help stop the pain you are suffering and have suffered.

    Never give up! Get involved in a group of survivors and organizations that try to help other survivors. By helping others, you will be helping yourself and any thoughts of suicide with leave your mind and stay out.

    It is now believed that hell is located in the middle of the sun. That is where this demon will be spending his eternity!!!
    Like 1 Person
  • Dragonpurple
    I can't think of anything anyone could say in regards to this.

    I'm sorry some people are just horrible human beings that don't deserve to live.
    Like 1 Person
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