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Confidence and Assertiveness is NOT a "male trait." (Page 3)
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Yep, any gender can be assertive and confident. Insecurity is so unattractive. I am fine with a girl who wants to initiate, but if she comes on too strong it gives me reservations. I would never want a woman to ask me if I would be her boyfriend.
EXACTLY! Why can't girls take the initiative and approach us for once? And why can't girls just be nice about it instead of being so shallow and just rejecting us?
Confidence and assertive are really traits you obtain from the type of household you were raised in and experience you gain from just living life. It's not really gender specific and so many things can alter and or change this at any time as well.
It also depends on your ball size.
That's why most women are not confidence and assertive.
@dE_logics I really wish I could favortie that comment lol
I kind of have to agree. My parents were shy and quiet, took me most of highschool to take on the personality I wanted of outgoing and confident. I am thoroughly convinced shy people get left behind.
Yup, though as you yourself stated they can become the person they want to be through their own work and merit.
I think women can be confident and assertive and still not make the first move, they simply prefer to choose which ones to deny. I think that itself is a kind of power.
This is unhealthy. It perpetuates this concept of the schism between normality and romanticism. There is nothing frightening about talking to other people so writing a girl-power article on the falsehoods of social responsibility just makes no sense.
I'm the most confident guy around, and like very feminine traits like shyness.
Also I don't like intelligent girls.
Also the fact that you're shy and want women to approach and lead you does not mean all men are like that.
Intelligent girls are fine, as long as they are feminine and don't try to dominate.
Yeah, but the good thing about dumb girls is you know THEY REALLY can't. Otherwise you know you'll be living in an illusion, but I want to absolute reality.
Dumb girls are innocent. That's what I like about them.
Confidence and assertiveness are male traits. Submissiveness is a female one.
It may be the case that more men are becoming feminine in this day and age, but that doesn't change the definitions. Sorry.
I enjoyed pressing that downwards pointing arrow, it's a shame I can't do it more often with it taking more and more effect.
Good points. Thumbs up!
"Women, you have nothing to lose by approaching a guy, but you have a lot to gain from it."
There is this thing called "rejection" and I think we all fear it.
Welcome to a man's world. However, don't be a wimp. Just think of all those missed opportunities.
You're not losing anything from rejection other than having your ego hurt a little bit.
Rejecting for a man is COMPLETELY different than rejection for a woman! This is something that you will not understand!!!
When a man gets rejected it sucks and it's a shitty feeling but then he gets over it and doesn't let it take over his life, but when a woman is rejected it really hurts! Its discouraging and disappointing and really hurts our self esteem.
You don't think men don't feel discouraged, disappointed, and have their self-esteem hurt? That's kind of shallow thinking.
Yes I absolutely do. But let me ask you this? Have you ever felt SOO discouraged and stupid and disappointed from being rejected although you were assertive and confident in taking that first step that you literally cried? I have a feeling you haven't...
But I have and I'm sure many girls can relate. Girls LITERALLY take that shit to heart!!! Guys don't! it's just the reality of the situation!
Men feel the same way though. They just don't express it as much as you would generally. But it's a feat of strength to learn to move on, and that's something both guys and girls need to learn to do.
Listen you can repeat yourself as much as you want, I will do. ONCE A GIRL IS REJECTED, it's almost impossible for her to move on from it. Specially if she built up that courage to do something bold then she completely GETS SHUT DOWN and its over...
like you mentioned in your post EMOTION is a stronger feminine trait, MEN DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
Doesn't mean you can't learn to get out of it after being rejected.
Whatever you believe is real. If you're allowing yourself self-defeating thoughts and ideologies then you're gonna feel depressed. But if you decide to adopt a stronger frame then you won't let it bother you. You are your own worst enemy, so you can either continue being emotionally unstable or you can decide to take control of your own emotions and thoughts.
You're an adult, not a baby. You don't need to be coddled.
@Anonymous Have you not seen the NUMEROUS weekly threads from (now) women hating guys here, who have given up on women because of numerous rejections?
Whether you cry or not is irrelevant. Everybody has different ways of dealing with things. As I'm sure there are a lot of women who don't cry but are just as devastated.
Being rejected is just as painful for both sexs.
And if you honestly don't believe that. You're delusional.
You guys have no idea how many attempts I have made to "go after what I want" and it was one disappointment after another, EVERY guy I showed interest in, didn't like me back or didn't like me enough or had a girlfriend, or was single but was SOOOO interested in another girl I was nobody to him. You have no idea how many times i texted or messaged a guy first and got NO RESPONSE or got one word answers to the point where I got the hint and just stopped writing back. You have no idea how many times I've played the eye game, where I keep looking to see if I've gotten their attention and they just look away from signaling "I'm not interested" I AM EXHAUSTED and disappointed and feel pathetic and desperate and most importantly HURT!!! I have absolutely no confidence left, after 7 years and 100 or more failed attempts IM DONE!
Agreed. There are so many dueshebags today girls and women that the good guys and good women have a hard time finding each other. I sometime think it may be best to be single forever! There is so much drama and greed in relationships these days! Is it really worth it? Is it really neccesary?
@errorgoodnameunfound omg someone who speaks my language!!! I have chosen the same path in life. I have chosen to be single, and as much as I really really want to feel loved and love someone back I just think "forget it".
@errorgoodnameunfound ^^^^
"" Girls LITERALLY take that shit to heart!!! Guys don't!""
Where on earth did you get THAT idea? Do you think having a penis makes you magically emotionally invulnerable, or what?
@Mesonfielde like I asked before I'm going to ask again?
Have you ever been so hurt because someone turned you down that you cried yourself to sleep? Cause I have. And I can easily say that a lot of other girls probably have too...
But when a guy is let down... I don't know you probably drink a beer yeah it sucks and its a shitty feeling but you get over it and you go after another girl. But girls aren't like that, some are, but really most aren't. It takes a while for us to recover from things like that.
No, you don't just go to another girl unless you never cared about the girl to begin with. I didn't cry myself to sleep because I spent far too much time trying to be "masculine" and pretty much channel my sadness into anger and I'm not even aware of it. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one with less intense emotional responses due to trying to become callous because "that's what society expects of males".
Okay so what's your point right now? what are you getting at?
Great article... I like it :)
Gotta disagree. To suggest confidence is not a male trait is plain silly. Many so-called men are not confident these days because (excuse my language) they are pussies. It is what it is. But the ideal man is confident.
The ideal human being is confident. It's a trait that belongs to everyone, not just men.
You people can downvote me all you want. Doesn't change the truth. If you aren't confident, good luck ever attracting a girl.
The point isn't that "males shouldn't be confident", it's that females shouldn't push the option of confidence and assertiveness away from themselves merely on the basis of being female.
Of course it should be that way. But it isn't. This is how the real world works unfortunately. We have to live with it
Well either that or we can call females out on their bullshit and tell them that's not the only alternative :P
Well said man. +1
So how do I get girls to approach me? :P
Doesin't it fall under charisma?
Sounds about right.