We let our insecurities ruin our lives

[Sayruhz]

Speaking for those with serious self esteem issues. Insecurities develop from a variety of different causes and triggers, but they all do the same thing to our lives: ruin them.

In my case, i've always been unsatisfied with my apperance since the day i was born. Deep down i know i am not that ugly, but i've just always been disgusted with my face. Not to mention, I was cheated on by the only two guys i've ever loved, which took a toll on my self-confidence. Not only did they make me feel ugly, but they made me question my morals. Both guys admitted that they cheated because there are some things i just wouldn't do, so they found someone who would. I now believe that i am not good enough for anyone or to be happy . I'm just not good enough; especially physically. I sabotage any hopeful relationship i have subconciously. I convince myself im contempt with this misery that i inflict it upon myself, even when there is a string of hope to escape it. I've also become socially impaired and find it hard to trust anyone.

We're so obsessed with being whatever it is that society calls "attractive", charictaristically or physically, that we can literally wreck our own lives over it. Just a glance in the mirror can make us want to burst out into tears. We can get sucked into a bubble of depression simply based on self loath. We can cry for days on end wishing we could be anyone but ourselves. I find myself jealous of everyone around me. I feel like i'm better off being anyone but me. at least the other unattractive girls are smart beyond belief, or charming.

Jealousy is a huge part of the impact insecurities have on our lives. In a relationship, when you're insecure, you're constantly thinking that the other person would rather be with anyone else but you, 'cause you would. You begin to break down everything they would try to build because of your insecurities. After being cheated on, my best friend, who is a guy, was my anchor. If i see my best friend get close to another girl i would cry and break down in envy. It is platonic, but i'm so scared that he realises i'm not all that and replaces me with a smarter, prettier, and more self-assured girl.

It doesn't matter what anyone tells us. We're so convinced of our insecurities that not even a miracle could change our minds. It sometimes makes it worse when someone would compliment. Are we so pathetic that people feel obliged to lie out of pity? Worst part is that we know its all in our heads, and we're probably not even half as bad as we think we are, but we still find ourselves breaking down into tears over it.

It's been eating me up for a few days now so i thought i'd put my thoughts to words and share them. What are your thoughts on this?

This is the face that drives me to tears every othr night, if anyone's wondering. Please don't waste your own time on hate and hurtful comments.

[agent89201]

I think everyone can relate. I think this society affects men and women so negatively. I think women are more vocal about it, but it affects men, too. They are not immune to the male underwear models with huge bulges and thick abs or the world of macho athletes that demonstrate their physical strength and are surrounded by half dressed cheerleaders. No matter who you are, the world is telling you what you want and how to get it.

It's not right, but that's how it is. When we give in to our insecurities, we are essentially saying, "Yes, society is right. I should be like that, not like this."

I think insecurities are a way of your mind protecting itself from things that have hurt it in the past. It's kinda smart, actually, but a lot of times, insecurities get in the way of happiness. That's when you have to deal with it.

I struggle with my own insecurities, which stem mainly from an emotionally abusive boyfriend. My thought at the moment this - people are going to do what they're going to do no matter if you love yourself or hate yourself. You cannot control what other people do. And most of the time, other people's actions (right or wrong) have more to do with their OWN insecurities, their OWN internal battle than they have to do with YOU.

I don't think I will ever fully get rid of my insecurities. But at least knowing this helps me keep them inactive so that I can be happy. I am in control of myself and how I feel. Ultimately I am the most important person in my life.

[Sayruhz]

You are so right hahaha i tend to focus on girls' insecurities cause they're more common and spoken about. But my best friend has serious hight issues hahah men and women are both victim to the medias ideal person. I like your thoughts, as true as they are, they're hard to actually believe.

[M_A_X]

You tend to focus on a girl's insecurities, and there's nothing wrong with that, because that's what you face. I mostly focus on a man's problems because they're the problems I face.

This is why, if people want to see a positive change in the world, we need to come together and start discussing things, without making our own issues into the whole story.

A man, or a woman isn't going to have all of the facts. We need both sides of the story to know what's actually happening in our world, so we can actually do something about it.

[Kshppatel]

OP I know your feel but for me its not necessarily my insecurities that drive me to tears its what the girls I have liked have said to me or about me behind my back. I try to be a humble person but it only leads to even lower self confidence and thinking I don't deserve to be happy and feel good about who I am. I'm not a girl and you aren't a guy so we can't really relate to each other in this matter but once I accepted the fact that it is mostly all about looks and appearance and rarely about personality, I came to terms with myself. Once I realized I would never be a girls first or second choice it became a lot easier to just move on and start living my life instead being so unhappy every minute of the day. I wish you luck and I hope we can both get over our insecurities soon.

[Sayruhz]

You're right, it is mostly physical. The personality issues do bother, just not nearly as much. I hope i can start to come to terms with myself, as you did. And i wish you the best of luck with your insecurities <3

[whoooshh]

I feel you. I can't think of a day when I didn't think negatively about myself (whether it be my personality or appearance). But from what I've learned in all my musings on how to be "better", trying to change myself is not necessarily bad as long as I'm willing to do it, I don't hurt other people, and I accept myself.

Insecurities will always be there (I think) even for people with high self-esteem. The only difference lies in what we do with those insecurities. We can either try to use it as an inspiration to be better (not necessarily society's standards. Our own standards will do. After all, "better" is relative, right?) or view it negatively and wallow in self-pity. So when other people compliment you, don't think that it's out of pity that they said it. Smile, give your gratitude, and own it.

Not sure if this last bit will help but whenever I feel insecure I always tell myself, "I am beautiful since we are all beautiful. It just so happens that some are more beautiful than me but still doesn't change the fact that I am beautiful."

Remember: You ARE beautiful. Own it. ^_^

[Sayruhz]

I admire your courage and way of thinking. i'll try that. Thank you darling<3

[Hopefuldreamer8]

I can relate to this but I have also been told I am ugly. I have been getting called ugly since I was 12 years old and not just by school mates but loved ones as well. In fact, my mother and sister were the worst for it. If I came home from school feeling sad about the bullying I got over my looks they would tell me to get over myself. I have been so insecure about my face for so long that I have social anxiety over it. I hate my face so much. I've never been called beautiful offline. I've only shown my picture online when people have asked. They don't believe someone can be as ugly as I say I am. As soon as I post my photo they all tell me I am pretty or beautiful and not to let the haters get to me. However that's only people's opinions online. Everyone knows that people look different in pictures. I'm obviously very photogenic. Too many people offline can't agree that I'm ugly if it's not true. So even though people online have said I am pretty, I don't believe it. I let my insecurities about my face run my life because even to this day I'm still called ugly. I've never had a boyfriend. I'm still a virgin even though I'm 28. I work on other parts of myself. I wear nice clothes and I keep myself fit and my hair styled but none of that matters If my face is ugly. The face is always more important than any of that. I've seen it on this site. So most of the time I hide my face or I don't go out. I just work and Stay home. I hide from the world because my face is hideous.

[Sayruhz]

Sweety that's terrible :/ i know how hard it hits when family says it. My brothers used to bully me and beat my up. My older brother used to cut my face and say " that actually made it better hahah"
Would you mind if i see a picture? There are things you could do by the way. I won't give you any of those pitty comments. I know how they make stuff worse.
You see, i am an artist. Art of all types is the only thing im good at. So makeup was my path to SOME confidence. It won't make you like yourself itll just make you more comfortable in your own skin.
I know you could tell me now that you already put makeup, but it's howww you put it.
Being an artist i know how to alter shapes using colors, you wouldn't recognise me without makeup hahahah.
i can help you, tell you exactly what to put where and i promise itll make things better. Not good. but possibly a LOT better. Message me

[Hopefuldreamer8]

No thanks. :) I don't want to hide myself behind too much makeup either. If I meet someone, I don't want him disappointed once all the makeup is removed. I generally just wear eyeliner and mascara because I have pretty eyes. I'm not for the rest.

[Sayruhz]

it's not about the amount it's where it's put. You could have a tiny amount of makeup put properly to YOUR face and it'll boost your self confidence. Even the eyeliner and mascara, though i don't think that would be an issue since you have pretty eyess.

[Hopefuldreamer8]

well I posted a picture here: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1298584-girls-will-you-post-a-picture-of-you-without-makeup-filters-etc my eyebrows need to be fixed, but generally this is how I look. Just normally there isn't a bald spot in the eyebrows and they are a bit thinner. The last person I went to messed up the one side. So I am growing them out to fix them.

[Sayruhz]

guurl I don't know why you would think you're uglyyyy wtf.. you're gorgeouss man hahah
your smile is one if the prettiest smiles i'd ever seeennn
Like i wouldn't even know how to try to make you look prettier, you're soo pretty as is.
How do you put the eyeliner?
I think if you were to change the inner part of your eyebrow you'd be model material. seriously <3

[Hopefuldreamer8]

Because people have been telling me since I was 12 that I'm ugly and I look like a man instead of a woman

[Sayruhz]

dont listen to them wth who are those people?
I was prepared to give you makeup tips thinking you were ugly, but i swear you're gorgeousss
If you want to feel better about yourself at least, i can help you with the eyebrows, and maybe you could contour your nose? though i dont think there's a need.
how do you apply eyeliner and where? and do you curl your lashes?

[muspelhem_3]

Thanks for writing this. I can relate and have felt that way for most of my life. I totally agree that it ruins a lot of the best things in life.

My technique atm is to put myself first. Then others. I'm unsure whether it will work, but I know I tend to hurt myself because I feel so desperate that I put others before me, which hurts me even more, and also makes me tend to end up with people who don't really notice my needs. So I'm trying that for now.

This is honest: You look lovely. And it's evident you put a lot of thought and emotion into this take. Nice one.

[Sayruhz]

I hope that works for you. Thank you, i'm sure you're lovely too.
I think that's a smart way to handle things. If you give yourself the priority and the self-worth you deserve, trivial insecurities will hopefully not matter.
Best of luck <3

[muspelhem_3]

Cheers :) To you too!

[TheMarble]

You are beautiful! i used to be very insecure about my body, my appearance, it was awful because everyday that i looked in the mirror I would hate what i would see. All the other girls are way prettier than me! At least thats what I used to think. But now i accept that everyone is beautiful in their own ways and its okay to be insecure sometimes. I learned to love my insecurities rather than hate them because when you hate your insecurities you are actually hating a part of yourself. so if you hate how your body looks, love that little muffin top. If you hate how your face looks, love and embrace that crooked smile.

It's going to be okay :)

[Sayruhz]

First thing's first. Your eyebrows are perfect omg teach me xD
Makeup was my key to some self acceptance haha. i respect how you think and i hope one day we all could think like you and embrace every part of ourselves.

[TheMarble]

Thank you! Wow you actually just made my day. And yeah makeup is like an instant ego booster. I know how hard it is to be insecure, especially when you're pmsing. Omg i feel like an elephant that should waddle down the hallways at schoo when I have my period, but it's part of the process of us ladies so we are in dis shindig for the longrun:) lol.

[Sayruhz]

I wrote this take while pmsing hahaha seriously why does that happen. All insecurities multiply when pmsing hahaha
are we only gonna feel good about ourselves after menopause? xD

[TheMarble]

Lmfao thats actually really ironic. And yeah like besides the hot flashes i hope menopause is paradise compared to what hellish state pmsing is. Im actually pmsing today and for some reason everyone keeps touching me and poking me and im like aaaagh. Lmao. I feel like a bloated goat

[Sayruhz]

I can't wait man hahahah i know that feeling. It's so frustrating. and the mood swingsssss (n) guys pms too though so we're not alone hahah

[TheMarble]

Guys will never understand how hard it is to be a girl! They wouldn't last a day in our shoes lol

[Sayruhz]

Hahahahah in terms of pain yesss, but i think they get the mood swings once a month too hahahah xD
They become really self cautious and unstable xD i think there's a guy version of a period

[TheMarble]

Do they really?
Oh my god
This is a whole new world.
When my brothers were really little i told them that one day when they were sixteen they would get their period once a month and bleed out of the penises. They were of the age of ten and they were like WHAT? I ended up telling them i was kidding. Its now a family joke lol

[Sayruhz]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG
It wouldve beeen soo funny if you just let them believe it, and they'd randomly ask their guy friends " did you get your period yet?"
They dont bleed but they have the equivalent of a period, minus the pain hahaha

[TheMarble]

I was going to but I felt too guilty! haha I recorded their reactions though and it was so funnny!

[Sayruhz]

hahhaahahhahahaha man thats hilariousss xD
i wish i didn't have an older brother so i could try it on my younger one hahah

[Johnnyjay]

yea umm, as I read down and saw that picture. I said that can't be the girl writing this. you really are beautiful. I was attracted to that picture as soon as I saw it. but I know how you feel. we all do. your not alone. you just need to focus on your positives and forget about your negative flaws. we all have them. and since you feel bad about yourself I know you are only focusing on your flaws. the trick is not to forget your flaws or pretend you don't have them, but to realize that even with your flaws you are 1. like everyone else. and 2. perfect and fine the way you are. it really is true.

[Sayruhz]

Thank you sweetheart. I found that people are all insecure, but it's rare that people are THAT insecure. I don't find any of my friends or family SO insecure that they ruin their own lives. Thank you for your comment <3

[Lonelywolf21]

Damn, what are you saying girl. You are beautiful. ^_^ At least I think you are very pretty. And to hell with those two friends. What a douchebags they were. I am sorry it had to end this, but yeah it's very sad and heartbreaking. :'( But you shouldn't let that make you feel bad. If those guys were truly in to you they would never cheated even if they didn't get what they wished for. A partner that truly loved you would not only think about his wishes and desires, but also respect your wishes and desires. That is selfishness from their part and only assholes would do that.

But don't make that let you down. I have always believed there is always someone for everyone out there. The world is big, you should try to explore it. I am sure there is someone for everyone, even for you darling. ^_^

[Lonelywolf21]

Even though I have felt the same way as you do now. Actually I even feel it much more intese these couple of weeks since my crush rejected me. :'(

[Sayruhz]

Thank you, darling. I know how that feels. i used to think that there's someone out there for everyone, but not anymore. People just don't care if they hurt others and it makes me doubt that anyone can be sympathetic or caring. You shouldn't put yourself down because of someone else's actions. Listen to your own advice. If she rejected you, she doesn't deserve you.

[menina]

I know this feeling so well...
I've been struggling with my self-esteem issues for a long time. I don't know what to do anymore...
No matter how well dressed I am, how beautiful my skin is, how good my hair looks, how thinner I am, how good my face looks, I still feel ugly...
I had people saying that it's only on my mind and there's nothing wrong with me, but I don't believe in them.
I can't find beauty in myself.
It's one of the worst feelings in the world. It seems that we're empty, something is missing. And there's nothing that other people can do for us.

Thank you for putting your thoughts into words.

I hope you overcome this.

[Sayruhz]

Exactly! it's like no matter what anyone says, and no matter what we KNOW, we still can't find that beauty that we know is there. it's such a terrible feeling i wouldn't wish upon anyone. I hope you overcome it too <3

[menina]

Yes. I'm glad I found someone who understands me. It's a difficult and sad situation.
Thank you :)

[KillerTaco]

I can tell you're extremely insecure just by your photo alone. The problem with getting hurt by others is that people who thrive off of others seek our insecure people such ad your self. Whether you know it or not people can pick up on those personal feelings no matter how hard you try to hide them. That's why its important to learn to love your self.

Why don't you try this method that really helped me:

Every morning before you start off your day look at your self in the mirror look right into your own eyes and say: "I am beautiful and unique there is no one else like me and because of that I truly matter".

It will feel solo weird at first but the more you say it the easier it becomes. The more you hear it the more you start to believe it. You have to say it out loud as well. Its important to not only think it but to hear being spoken.

I promise you'll start feeling a whole lot better about your self.

[Sayruhz]

I'm glad that helped you, as it should, you really are gorgeous.
Some poeple, like me, can't even say it hahaha xD i swear when i sing along to songs like Selena Gomez who says, when she says " i'm just beautiful me" i stay quiet xD
i hope one day ill be able to fight myself on that note hahah

[majesticokay]

I can relate to this on many levels, the thing where you said it's all in our heads is very true! All I want in life is to see myself how other see me because I don't I'm all that I'm cut out to be haha. It just gets annoying everyday to wakeup and see myself in the mirror because I don't see perfection or anything else. I hate feeling this way and I would never wish anyone to feel this way either. It consumes your whole life! Even though I don't know you, I don't like seeing people this way! I really hope you can start seeing yourself for how others see you! Haha the ironic thing is though that I can give advise for people with the same problem but won't take it for myself.

[Sayruhz]

I know that feeeeel hahaha
I'm always advising people and i always know exactly what to say, but i never abide by my own advice. It's true, this is a feeling we wouldn't wish on our enemies. I really hope YOU would see yourself as other would aswell. As relieving it is that i am not alone, i hate that there are thousands of people going through this.

[ihsanhalit]

Things happen cause of the way we see them as. It goes from looking at yourself into the mirror and that's where your anger starts. I've lived with it for years. I like this girl but I could do nothing about it. She now has a boyfriend but I promised her I will ask her out again. I am shy person but when one person looks into the mirror and says he or she will change there is no going back. You got to tell the person in the mirror look I ain't quitting till I get there. People are goal Oriented so work your plan change your mind set most of all believe that you can. When you wake up in the morning Tell yourself I believe i can repeat it to yourself slowly you will change. Slowly your goals will be closer but you have to dream high. Like I am. I dream to having her in my arm forever. I ain't stopping till i get there...

[AmberDawnxo]

Very well written. And sadly it can be so true. But there's always ways in changing that. It dosent take a compliment with this level of insecurity or 100 of them to fix it over night. But there's ways to over come it over time. Just remember that! There is hope for it, but it takes a lot of strength to create and maintain a different mind set. All the best to you. Much love, amber :)

[Diego9O]

My girlfriend think the same, i cheated on her once and she forgive me. Before i did it things was going bad already, after six months.

She wasn´t showing enough interest in the relation, she even told me i would be better with a next girl ( she didn´t told me that directly but that´s what she ment to say). After i told her what i did we started to talk about our feelings, thank God we get back together. Up to this day we connect with each other better and iv'e learn to deal with her feelings and encourage her to feel good with her self like day one.

[JackKerouac77]

Start filming yourself on a camera and watch the recordings. You'll realize how weird you are, yet you're a star.

Works for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmvmnYEy9NY

[cyllca]

I want to speak about insecurities for a minute. I was dating a guy for 3 years he cheated on me a few times with his baby momma. Long story short he would always blame me for being insecure and said I was the reason why we never worked out just last week he tried saying oh I miss you or I want this and that with you and I thought oh he grew up but one day his baby momma messages me the same thing he was telling me he was telling her.. So listen to your self if you think he or she is cheating because most of the time you are right. He felt like crap after I said to him oh my insecurities and nothing has happened since.

[Anonymous]

I've felt a little insecure about the fact that I'm 25 and never been in a real relationship or had an official gf. I'm not a virgin but I've never dated seriously and when some girls I go on dates with ask me about my last/longest relationship, I lie because I'd hate for them to hear I've never been in a relationship at this age and think there's something wrong with me or wonder why I can't get a girl.

Usually I'll hit it off with a girl and then after 3 or 4 dates they flake and I don't know what I did wrong. It's like I don't know if I did too little or too much and it drives me crazy because it makes me think I'll keep on making the same mistake without knowing what it is. I've also come to find that the girls I really like don't like me back and I could care less about the ones into me. I'm not just gonna settle just for the sake of being in a relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

Another thing is, the closest I thought I was to a relationship, I ended up being rebounded. And despite seeing many people after that, when I found someone I liked and it didn't work out, the rebounder would come to mind and make me think I'm undateable.

[Sayruhz]

First off, never settle. Settle for someone lower than your standards in appearance, but never personality. You'll regret it. A quick fix solution may be talking to one of your exes? Asking them what you did wrong, that is, if you did anything wrong. Work on whatever they tell you. Like another opinion owner mentioned, what other people do reflects on them and not you. If you were rebounded, that's on her, and has nothing to do with you being undateable. If you want to talk it out and maybe find out what it is that stopped you from having a serious relationship, message me, and ill try my best to help.

[Opinion Owner]

Right. I mean the person has to be somewhat attractive but not too gorgeous. But yeah really good looks, doesn't mean devoid of flaws, not that anyone's perfect but you know what I mean. It's tough, I could ask why girls left but how do I do it without sounding needy or having no confidence?

[Sayruhz]

It all depends on who you're asking. If you're still rather friendly with one of your exes, they won't judge you for it. Especially if they'd known you for a long time. If you come off as needy, however, who cares? you'll get the answers you need.
Best of luck <3

[AleDeEurope]

I "used" to be like this, and I'm not sure if I'm still am. I still get jealous and envy of other people when they have something I don't have and really need/want (I'm not talking about material stuff). But now I'm more confident in myself, and have a higher self-esteem.
I do consider myself attractive, but that doesn't help with how I feel inside.
My insecurities aren't physical, but emotional.

I liked your Take, and I wish you the best of lucks ;)

[Sayruhz]

I know what that feels like too. But i guess the emotional insecurities fade over time. You'll begin to love who you are, i promise. And i wish YOU the best of luck <3

[SakuraChii]

I think some people go through worse, your not ugly by society's standards so yea it is all in your head and sometimes when it comes to guys cheating; it's them and not you, it's confusing to see pretty girls complain about their apperance but I guess we all have our imaginary insecurities.

[scrappygirl]

oh geez seriously? your not even close to being ugly. your fine. i dont get why pretty girls think they are ugly when theyre not. i think this was just an attention seeking post to get people to tell you how pretty you are

[Sayruhz]

OKay wow no. Just no.
Like i said i take compliments as pitty and i hate them.
However, i do know DEEP down that i am not that ugly, and though i may not like my face others might.
So i thought by posting that, if another girl who thinks she's ugly would see it, she'd say to herself " maybe i'm delusional too and i am not that ugly"
THAT was the purpose of the picture. And the purpose of the take was to hear other people's take on this subject, like you would see in the other comments.

[scrappygirl]

people who feel ugly dont post pictures of themselves. your just as bad as the girls who make rate me questions and then say: oh i am so ugly! when they know theyre not. its obvious.

[AmberDawnxo]

No she is not, how would you really know? Please don't be so cruel.

[scrappygirl]

im not trying to be cruel at all... i just see this all the time on this site. its obvious what they are doing. they talk about how ugly they are, and then they post a picture of a beautiful girl just to get compliments. why else call yourself ugly and then post a picture? people who think they are ugly dont post pictures

[Sayruhz]

Guuuurl you have issueeessss hahahah
i know what you're talking about but serious wtf is your problem.
Take my word for it i posted the picture because i KNOW i'm not that ugly, but i FEEL ugly. And i thought this would help convince some other girl who FEELS ugly, that she probably is not. Get it through your thick skull.
I have a best friend, who i thank God for, that compliments me all the f*cking time. i don't want/need any pity comments from anonymous strangers on a website. i'm just trying to make other girls out there feel better and know theyre not alone. Get over yourself, you're not that smart or all knowing.

[Chris011]

I hate to say it but I am in the same boat as you are. No matter what happens, I doubt myself. Something else i noticed also is that I tend to look at the negatives more so than the positives; as a result, it causes me a lot of stress. It sucks.

[fiego]

@Sayruhz Have you seen your insecurities change over time? My take is that insecurities are much more prevalent when people are younger and then the older they get the more people accept that thought process that everyone is a bit different.

[Sayruhz]

My insecurities are as they are. The physical ones at least. But yeah i guess i get what you're saying. With time we become more contempt with who we are as people and begin to accept it.

[fiego]

@Sayruhz I personally found that I no longer have the insecurities that I had when I was in my teens.