What are some signs that your in the friend zone?

[ChrisD1337]

Im a guy trying to date a girl i know. Please go into detail if you can.

[RajeshTheJeshter]

"Friendzone" gets thrown around too easily. Friendzone means that she's more emotionally open to you than she would be comfortable with if she were attracted to you.

If she comes crying to you after a breakup, you're friendzoned.
If she tells you about her nervous breakdown she had last year, you're friendzoned.

The most damning evidence is she'll demonstrate a complete lack of attraction to you. If you're emotionally close, and she gives you zero IOI's (indicator's of interest) then you're friendzoned.

If she thinks you're a viable candidate she'll flirt with you, and you'll flirt back. You will be comfortable in each other's personal space. You would be comfortable touching each other.

So there's many things that can go wrong. You don't have to be friendzoned to be rejected. That's just the worst way to be rejected because a stupid guy will delude himself into thinking that the emotional bond is going somewhere romantic.

She could be a nice girl and not talk about important deep stuff with you and keep it casual and friendly. That's not friendzoned. But she doesn't find you attractive. Call that betazoned. Not as bad.

Really what you want to know is, does she find it plausible that other girls can be attracted and want to date you?

Message me if you want more. There's a Karen Straughn video you should watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9XDb0nxSO4

[Anonymous]

When I friend zone girls I often downplay their obvious signs of affection. For example when a girl says she looking for a guy and describes someone who sounds a lot like me I say things like "don't give up you'll find him. I'll even help you". I also avoid conversations about "us" And when asked about love, relationships, and things like that I avoid eye contact and kinda fumble through some really bad explanations. The times I've been unwillingly in the friend zone were much different. First off its a lot harder to know when someone else has put you in the friendzone. Especially if they're naturally shy. A lot of shy girls use a very subtle touch test on me. In situations were there is plenty of space and very little reason to be too close to me they find a way to touch me. Maybe their leg is on my leg or their standing just close enough that thier body is against like my arm or something and they just wait to see if I move. It's not like a hug or grabbing your arm or something it's just very prolonged "accidental" body contact and often if you look closely enough you can tell they're really nervous but happy. That's a sure sign you're not in the friend zone if she's not a naturally super touchy girl. A big sign that you are in the friend zone is when she asks you to help get the attention of another guy. Other than that it's really just a guessing game.

[Yeahno12]

- she isn't nervous around you (doesn't blush, doesn't fidget.)
- she talks to you about other guys she's seeing/might be interested in (this is pretty much the only indicator you need.)
- she tells you everything, like a best friend would and doesn't pick her words carefully. Says anything that comes to mind.
- she tries to set you up with her friend or another girl/tells you you'd look cute with someone else
- she doesn't compliment you on your appearance
- when you try to compliment her, she laughs it off or doesn't fully accept it
- she laughs when you flirt with her
- you've seen her without makeup and/or looking gross (I always make an effort when I know I'll see a guy I'm interested in romantically.)
- she calls you mate/buddy/friend/pal/bro etc. (unless this is a normal part of her vocabulary.)
- makes eye contact with you, but it isn't sustained.
- you've been 'friends' for longer than a year and she hasn't at least hinted that she likes you or tried something with you.
- she doesn't invite you to hang out one-on-one with her. It's always in a group.

[luvstoned4him]

She tells you about the guys she likes, she farts in front of your (rare unless you are friendzoned) , she looks towards you for support as in when she broke it off with a guy or she got into an argument with a guy she is dating/interested in. She would talk to you about anything : From different shades of makeup to the menstruation woes. Hope I helped

[thewanderingme]

all of these things depend on the girls individual personality and how comfortable with you she is. not weather she likes you as more than a friend or not.

[luvstoned4him]

majority of the time, girls who portray those characteristics wouldn't end up dating that said guy but I guess the biggest clue is that she wouldn't date you no matter how much you cry or beg and by then you know you are friendzoned.

[wishfire10]

Signs your in a friend zone are if she doesn't talk to you all the time, if she isn't agreeing to go out with you, if she isn't being touchy with you. She will probably get uncomfortable with physical contact beyond a hug. She won't invite you for one on one time very often.

[Anonymous]

Friendzone doesn't exist. While you're dating you're actually trying to know other person better. That's building friendship. Every relationship is friendship + physical attraction. Without friendship not a single relationship would last.

However, there's this thing called brotherzone. It is real. The moment she called you brother in serious manner you're blocked from making further approach in other way. Then you're stuck in brotherzone and which means she isn't looking for anything more than that... ever! *air quote* Friendzone!

[Opinion Owner]

Believe it or not, best friends make best pair. Why? Because they already have friendship in between them. There's no need to know each other. They understand each other completely. Aware of each other's needs.

Just don't be "brother from another mother" hahahaha.

[rjroy3]

You'll know.
There's "friend zone"
There's leading someone on.
There's her outright telling you she's not interested, but is ok with being friends.
There's her outright telling you she's not interested and you aren't friends.
Then there's a restraining order.

They are all pretty clear. If you don't know then you either haven't been forward enough and she doesn't know you like her, or she's not interested and would rather have you as a friend.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

The friendzone is an artificial concept made up by butthurt people who want someone to love them back even though they clearly don't. So instead of getting "rejected", they're in the "friendzone".

As for signs; she treats you like a friend, I guess?

[FreeLunch]

You're 14? Damn, I wish I had such insight at that age. You're essentially right, in most situations.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

@FreeLunch Well, thank you. :)

[Transigence]

It's an _abstract_ concept. Everything we make is "artificial."

And you completely missed the mark. Plenty of people use the phrase "friend zone" in a way that has much more criteria than that. So I guess you don't speak for the people who find the phrase useful.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

@Transigence Which is why I said it's artificial. It's not a natural relationship thing like being friends or being lovers, the friendzone does not exist.

Also, in what way then?

[Transigence]

What you are trying to say is that it's *abstract,* as opposed to *concrete.* Artificial is not the right word here.

As for your other question, the friend zone, the way I and a set of others use it, includes being strung along and used for favors that wouldn't otherwise come from just a friendship. Outside of those criteria, it's just unrequited love.

[XRabbitHeartX]

There's no such thing as a friend zone.

If a girl isn't interested in you it has nothing to do with your friendship level with her. If you are dating a girl and she's not responding then it means a lack of attraction/interest.

[Calex]

Not responding can be many things. Way to make people paranoid.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

It's not that difficult... girl doesn't text back or want to hang out? She's not interested.

Lots of guys seem to have a issue with dealing with reality it seems... don't want to accept rejection but rather want to blame it on the "friend zone". Never fails to amuse me.

[Calex]

It could also mean that she's busy, hospitalized, dead, kidnapped, phone got stolen, phone broke, has amnesia, or is simply playing hard.

I did this to people as well, but it doesn't mean that I lack interesting.

[Calex]

*Interest

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

I'm talking about normal circumstances not responding okay? Obviously there are rare things that could occur but I'm talking in normal day to day life.

I'm sorry guys have such a hard time accepting the truth sometimes :/ The truth is if she was into you she would have shown you. No normal healthy minded person ignores the love o their life. It doesn't work that way and it saddens me how some guys want to cling unto false hope.

Only REALLY immature and childish girls still play hard to get.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

It's like no a girl isn't playing "hard to get" by spending days or even hours not replying. That's lack of interest. And no a girl isn't playing 'hard to get" either by refusing to go out on dates or wanting to hang out. It's really not that difficult to comprehend.

[Calex]

You are talking as if you are assuming that it happened to me. Heads up, it never has.

Secondly, this isn't rare. I said that I have done this to the best people before, many times, and not because I am not interested. At all.

Spending days or hours not replying can also mean that she has no internet or other networking issues. I have living proof that this isn't the case as well.

Interest can also be delayed, stockpiled or saved. It's much more complicated than that. There is also a difference between accepting the truth and knowing the truth. Only a pessimist would jump to the worst conclusions only for it to turn out that nothing bad happened at all, and who will be the stupid one? The pessimist for overreacting.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

Just because you act a certain way doesn't mean most women do.

If I like a guy I would definitely not be ignoring or not responding to him. Neither would any of my friends. It makes no sense to say "I like a guy so much.. let me not ever hang out with him and reject him". Sorry if that's the way you think but don't assume we all think that way.

[Calex]

What if it's out of your control?

Plus, even if it is in your control, a lot of women like to be texted first, and play tests and games with guys, etc. This is a very common way to pull in interest without doing much effort.

[Calex]

I don't like these long heated conversations on GaG so let's stop. I'm just tired

[timetraveller1]

@XRabbitHeartX i agree with you, accepting reality is sometimes harder especially if you desire something. most guys know it but never realize that there is always some another girl

[Calex]

@timetraveller1 Back in 2010 my ex was once hospitalised for a month and I was wondering why she had stopped coming online until I found out it happened.

While what @XRabbitHeartX says is possible, my point is that it doesn't happen as often as she says it does. She may not be like this, but plenty of girls are like this. I could link to so many questions and articles regarding this, because I thought explaining this would be simple.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

If I'm sick or can't reach him (which lets's face... doesn't happen THAT much) then it's a different story. I know lots of girls like getting texted first and I never said we don't. I'm saying that if we're not responding or the convo's don't go anywhere then we're not interested.

@timetraveller1

Some people just have a hard time accepting the truth. I've been there myself too... it's easy to blind yourself when you really want someone and then you come up with excuses. I've seen so many people get hurt over it (myself included).

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

Sure link me up to "many" questions please where it turns out that someone's complete disinterest was true love... I'd love to see this...

[Calex]

There's a difference between a complete disinterest and a complete misunderstanding, you know?

Bottomline: It's never good to jump to the worst possible conclusion. I know it's bad to get your hopes but, it's also bad to completely destroy what you built up simply because of pessimism. People have to be brave and keep on fighting on, not run away at every possible worry.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

I agree with that to a certain extent but there's a certain point where hanging onto someone who is not giving you anything back becomes desperate and just sad. I've been that girl who chased guys who didn't show me much interest and I'll never lower myself there again. People should have pride

[Calex]

The first sentence can be rephrased like this for understanding purposes: Just because we feel, doesn't mean it is.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

The girl or guy can't be giving you nothing while you do everything cause then there IS a problem. That's just a fact.

[Calex]

Back to basics: What if she is too busy studying or working every day?

[Calex]

My ex was never allowed to text at work, and whenever she got home, she just texted that she's tired and needs a rest. Would that mean to you that she lost interest? It's too much coincidence because it started as soon as she found the job.

[Calex]

Okay seriously I need to go to sleep now, I don't wanna continue this tomorrow. I can't believe I continued even after I wanted to stop. Let's end this peacefully. No hard feelings.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

I'm not talking about being IN a relationship. I'm talking about the dating/attraction phase. She also told you about this didn't she? That changes everything. What you are thinking of and what I'm talking about are two completely totally different things.

I study full time and am very busy. That doesn't mean I can't find 5 minutes to respond to a guy I really like... nobody is SO busy that they can't find a little time to talk to the person they are supposed to be in love with.

[threepinkdoors]

I think when she said responding, she didn't mean ignoring.

Basically, if you're sending a girl flowers every day and she just doesn't seem that into you, it's because she really isn't into you. She's not being difficult, she may just not know how to let you down easy. I've been there, it's pretty difficult to let a guy down, especially if he's such a great person and he's done nothing wrong to you and everything to please you, but there's just no connection there.

[Calex]

By the way in case you were thinking that I was one of the guys who down voted this, I didn't. I very rarely vote on comments.

Anyway I do have a question for you specifically, so my ex who was tired and stressed from work everyday, she rarely talked to me anymore, and this started happening at the exact same day she found the job. Does this mean that she lost interest in me? Could it be that it started happening on the same day she found the job as coincidence, or do you think she was using that as an excuse to keep away from me?

Do you think that she wanted to break up and was scared to do it and instead used the idea that she is tired and stressed from work as a decoy, or perhaps she was tired from work and the stress was from trying to maintain the relationship while still working? Please share your view on what you think of this.

That incident actually the reason I started responding to you about this matter.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

Once again... I'll repeat myself. I'm not talking about RELATIONSHIPS. I'm talking about dating. I'm talking about the initial phases of attraction.

If your ex was in a relationship with you then clearly she liked you enough to want to be with you. I never denied this. I never said anything about couples inside a relationship.

[Calex]

I know you were not talking about relationships, but my question I asked you is to do with relationships because it's a slight steer from the subject.

I still want my question answered, though. I'm talking about if she possibly grew tired of the relationship and wanted it to end, so it's not always obvious.

Why I steered from the subject is because I didn't want to talk about the same old thing we talked about yesterday, so I asked a new question as an add on, because I was curious what you thought of that situation.

[Transigence]

Just because you don't understand what the friend zone is, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. And it has nothing to do with your "friendship level" with a girl.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

Well okay. If your ex stopped talking to you less and less then yeah I'd say she started prioritizing other things before you which isn't a good sign. People get too comfortable inside relationships sometimes which isn't healthy. Sometimes people do come up with convenient excuses too. I can't say for sure why your ex acted the way she did but I'm guessing that either way someone lost interest due to the relationship ending and that she's your ex now...

@Transigence
So wait you believe that a girl will reject you because you're her "friend"? You actually believe that?

People should face reality. The "rejection" zone has been falsely been renamed the "friend zone" for people who can't handle normal rejection. It's literally no different than being rejected. You haven't been "zoned" and if you were it was because someone didn't have feelings for you! As simple as that.

[Calex]

I mean that she did this while she is still my girlfriend, I'm using the word "ex" as speaking from the present.

I'm curious though, what do you mean by she got too comfortable? Isn't it a good thing to be comfortable in a relationship? Why would anyone want to take that comfort that they built up, and trust, away?

[Calex]

she was still* not is

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

Well is she still with you or not? I know she did that when she was still with you but as I said if in today's tense she is your ex then someone had to leave the other person correct or not? If you're not together today then someone had to break up with someone, that's the general protocol for someone being a ex.

It's not a good thing to be so "comfortable" in a relationship that you don't want to spend your time with your partner and choose other activities/people over them all the time. That's NOT normal and doesn't take rocket science to grasp. You can't be in a long lasting relationship with happy partners if they lead separate lives and have no desire to talk or spend quality time with their SO. There's also the aspect of taking your partner for granted because you just assume that because they have always been there, they always will be. You still need to make effort. You can't just stop being lovable and caring towards your partner just because you're "comfortable".

[Calex]

Okay, so how do I make a girl uncomfortable in my relationships?

And oh my goodness, when did you get so many dislikes?

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

It's not about comfortable and uncomfortable. You can't make someone be "uncomfortable". If someone is not making a effort then there's a issue in the relationship that needs to be resolved between the two people.

I get many dislikes cause this website has a lot of guys who can't handle rejection well. I see it daily on here. Anything that upsets their idea that someone just isn't into them is too much, so they resort to the downvote button because it's far easier to do so than formulate a logical argument against me. They can't really back up anything. I see it all the time. It doesn't matter to me. The truth hurts!

[Calex]

Well, the fact that you got girl dislikes tells me otherwise :]
I mean, maybe they just disagree with you and that's all, and they might just not feel like arguing, etc.

As for what I think of your post, it's a little confusing. A girl can be interested in dating, romance, or friendship, but which did you actually mean? If you meant she isn't interested in being more than a friend, then doesn't this mean that she will keep you as a friend?

[TheSpartan]

The "friendzone" surely exists. It's just a fancy term for unrequited love.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex
You do realize there are many guys on here posting as girls right? Also I'm sure some girls might think there's a friend zone too because they too don't realize it's no different than the "rejection" zone. I used to not know the difference either but then I figured it out. Eventually the rest will figure it out too.

My post refers quite clearly to romantic love in dating. If a girl is romantically interested in a guy she'll want to be with him. Nothing will stop her and certainly not the fact that he's her "friend". That's really all there is. It's not complicated or confusing. If you like someone a lot you want to be with them. Basic principle. No rocket science.

Plenty of people remain friends with others they don't have romantic feelings for. I don't have feelings for my guy friends but that doesn't mean I can't be friends with them or vica versa. I've liked guys too who didn't like me back who remained friends with me. It happens.

@TheSpartan

Agreed

[Calex]

Going by what you explained, does this mean that the "friendzone" (I never use this word by the way) is not permanent? (I'm talking about after rejection, not before.)

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

If someone doesn't have attraction towards you then it likely won't change much so no, likely there's still not a big chance that things could change. If you've been rejected once then it' seldom happens that things change. I've never started liking a guy after rejecting him and I've never had a guy like me again who rejected me initially. Attraction is either there or not... it's not something you can switch on or off or that appears out of thin air.

[Calex]

Perhaps that's why the word was invented, due to the fact that it's permanent, at least that makes sense to me. :]

[Calex]

Oh and if it wasn't permanent, that word would make no sense. Haha.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

I have no problem with that reasoning but many people legit believe there's a "zone' you are placed in JUST because you are a friend and that it somehow makes a girl like you less just cause you are her friend.

[Calex]

Eh, I wouldn't think that a girl liked me less as a friend, I would just think that I have no chance with her romantically, that's all.

There's a very small chance that things can change, but I would never bet on that, I would just move on, and I would stay friends with her depending on if she's a good person or not.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

I like your way of thinking! :)

[Calex]

Thanks, by the way I still disagree that any woman who says something bad towards women are fake accounts. There are many different women out there with different opinions.

[XRabbitHeartX]

@Calex

I didn't deny that. I actually addresses those women too :)

[ginnyweasley]

there is no such thing as a friendzone if she is not interested its fine because she does not owe you shit for your kindness or friendship towards her.

[Calex]

Friendship is giving and receiving. If you only receive and not give, then it's not a friendship. It's a silent unwritten compromise made by society. This is why we are taught to be polite when we are children by saying things like "Thank you".

[ginnyweasley]

okkkk? good job defining friendship @Calex

[Calex]

Thank you. If you have any more questions I am always happy to help.

[Transigence]

There totally is such a thing as a friend zone. Being disappointed when you don't get what you want is normal in all cases -- it doesn't mean you were expecting it or felt owed. To speak as if that were the case is hateful. This, "she doesn't owe you shit," shit is nothing but intentional, implicit, accusation of sexual entitlement, and it just isn't there. At least it's not part of the "friend zone" paradigm.

[ginnyweasley]

Yeah well when you no game that is not the girls fault the world is not going to give a cookie for the times you don't act like a complete asshole

[ginnyweasley]

@Transigence

[ginnyweasley]

Hey @Transigence how many friendzoned guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None!!! They will stand around and compliment it and then get pissed when it won't screw.

[Transigence]

LOL! I like all light-bulb jokes :)
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.

[StephanieSpoiler]

Woah Ginny calm the fuck down, nowhere did he start misogynizing or saying she's a piece of shit he wants nothing to do with if they're not dating... no one implied anyone owing anyone anything, it's a simple question, how do I know whether not she's interested in me? Granted it was worded dumb, and I agree there's no friendzone but that hostillty's the kinda shit that will make Harry leave your ass, and tat's too bad seeing as your son just got sorted into Hufflepuff so you're already having a bad year.

[ginnyweasley]

Oh honey you look really stupid right now. No where did I accuse him of being misogynistic. The idea of a friendzone is controversial and he has his opinions and that's OK. When I said a girl does not owe any guy shit what I meant was a lot of guys feel they need to be repaid for their kindness towards a girl. Implying that becoming that guys girlfriend will be payback for his kindness.

By the way Harry is not going to leave me because in what universe does Harry Potter NOT love Ginny Weasley? By the way my oldest son, James Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor. It was our godson, teddy lupin that was put in Hufflepuff and he is headboy!!! Harry and I could not be more proud of him. @StephanieSpoiler

[ginnyweasley]

@Transigence thanks for liking my light bulb joke no one likes my jokes even though I am witty and I always keep it real.

[james_mark]

She refuses to go 1 on 1 with you and barely does. and if she does she will prefer a public place such as park.
When you flirt she either change the subject or turn to be serious.
She doesn't make any effort to talk to you or text you.
She tend to be busy while she is not.

[insertusername_here]

if they flinch when you break the touch barrier is something that I seem to end up doing when I just like a guy as a friend

[wishfire10]

Im the same way.

[Octavius]

"trying to date a girl"

How are you trying. Either you asked her out or you didn't. Either she accepted or she didn't.

[PastelMaster]

Well not much hugging not much drama no movies together do you want me to go on...

[ChrisD1337]

Yeah

[BaileyisDarcy]

There is no such thing as the friend zone. Unless she has said no straight out or called you 'like a brother' then you always have a shot.

[pervertedjester]

If people want to date you there's a lot of "innocent" touching and lingering looks after it happens. The friend zone is more like being hit the arm after making a crude joke.

[Transigence]

Should you declare yourself to her, she will react with disgust, then maybe tell you how you're like her brother or some such.

[letsbefriends25]

If she doesn't flirt with you, you are in the friend zone. It's as simple as that.

[Helloapple]

Well, I suggest taking her on a fun trip or something awesome for a first date (I'm only a kid but I like a girl too :) )

[thewanderingme]

hanging out instead of going on dates.

[Anonymous]

If she talks about other guys in front of you

[thewanderingme]

not always. some (immature) females like to play mind games and see if she can make him jealous.

[Opinion Owner]

Ah yes, that's very true. I also know girls that do that , to see if the guy reacts and they get a little ego boost when he seems upset.

[Nathand]

"Your like a brother to me"

[Transigence]

Oh, God, I've gotten that.