My boyfriend hits me and I think I deserve it?

[Anonymous]

I deserve it because I use to hit him at he beginning of our relationship I was severely depressed I know that's not an excuse. Zero self esteem and was cutting myself. He would be emotionally abusive but I said mean things first to him and then he would tell me mean stuff everyday and I would allow it or hit him and I knew it was wrong. He told me it's my fault he's abusive because I hit him first and I believed him and changed. I stopped hitting him and tried to go to doctors and everything. But he never stopped saying mean things to me and hitting me. That was he first year of our relationship. 2 years later he hits me emotionally abuses me hits me in public yells at me and it's all my fault is it not? I deserve it because I started it? Or was he abusive all along. I feel like I'm a horrible person for what I've done and have told him I'm sorry so many times for how I acted during my deep depression/sucidal times. He doesn't care and blames me. He says it's all my fault then turns everything around on me and makes me believe I'm the bad guy and I went crazy because of how much he manipulated me. I'm telling you batshit crazy like psych ward crazy cause I didn't know what he was talking about so I thought maybe I'm just so crazy I didn't know and it sent me into a nervous breakdown with hallucinations and during that time he told me I was a crazy bitch. I'm no angel but I'm starting to realize it's him not me 😞

[Amber77love]

Okay dear... hello how are you... get rid of him ASAP. I don't care how depressed you were I'm an extremely nonviolent girl and when I met my last ex (I thought he was my soulmate) I would get drunk out of depression and physically hit him because the realign ship was THAT toxic. Examine yourself before getting with him... did you feel more depressed or less when you met him? No matter if a woman hits a man NO man should hit a woman he should only restrain her from doing so. Leave now before you get killed or become more depressed. NOW

[Asker]

Yea I understand I know that. its like I love him so much for no reason.

[Amber77love]

You love him because you're codependent. I am too. You have to force yourself to be strong and realize there WILL BE another man who will put this guy to shame to your heart as you'll thank yourself. I promise sweetly... please love yourself and think if this was your own daughter or mother getting hit... fuck that if I knew who you were talking about he'd be dead already

[Amber77love]

Hey private message me I want to help you. My last boyfriend manipulated me to the point that I almost killed myself. Thanks to my dad I'm alive.

[Anonymous]

if I were you... I'd leave him girl before you come up missing...

[TomBowl]

Look up Stockholm syndrome "I think I deserve it."

Do what's best for you in the long run, even if it doesn't seem worth it in the short run. Someone out there cares about you, find them and have them help you through the living arrangements for the time being.

[Nephilim000]

I think there is plenty of blame to go around here. But it sounds like he should be carry more of it than you

[maxcates]

Dump him. Get help from professionals and friends you can trust

[Lumberman53]

You don't deserve it get help now

[Anonymous]

It's both of your faults.