Why do a lot of guys feel worthless or depressed if they're single?

Question

Until I got on this site, I had no idea there were so many guys out there who feel so down if they don't have a gf.

Killfest400 · Accepted Answer

Any number of reasons.

For one, confidence. You have to be some sort of super optimist to have a 50 rejections to 0 dates rate and keep your head up high. Despite what many women seem to think, we don't like rejection either. For guys that have women experience, they can more easily attribute it to "Well, she's just not interested." For the guys who have yet to get a yes, the only common factor in their constant rejection is themselves, so they suffer self-esteem issues. With that comes a lack of confidence (which women basically require), and it's basically a downward spiral from there. You don't become "immune" to rejection, you basically accept it before you even try.

For two, media. Like women, men are constantly pressured by the media to look/act a certain way to be desirable. Obviously, not all guys are that guy from the Old Spice commercials, and for some, it hurts their self-esteem. It's basically a "no girl wants me because I'm not a man" type of thing. It's not good for your ego when you feel that your very masculine essence is jeopardy. Despite what women might say about men's egos, it really does encompass most of what they find attractive about us. Success is a large part of our egos.

For three, companionship. I, like many other guys, would love to have an awesome girlfriend I can spend my time with. I was raised with respectful and chivalrous values towards women. To get your first taste of the dating world by being rejected for the asshole guys is pretty disheartening. It's sort of like a "everything you knew about women and dating is wrong" scenario. You just feel lost and confused. Some guys come to places like this to ask what they're doing wrong. Some look to other sources, like pickup artist material. It's hard to believe in having a special relationship with a girl when all you ever see is the girls drooling over the asshole jocks. You become bitter, cynical, and jaded, and girls like you even less.

Basically, you'd probably feel the same if you felt undesirable, unwanted, and lonely.

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

Once upon a time, I fell for the wrong girl (the type of girl that was Mrs. popularity).. I fell in love with her and then she turned me down; it broke my heart.. So I tried to move on and get a different girl - that didn't work out.. Then I found a girl that made me happy but that I couldn't bond with, so I let her go out of my life.. Still during this whole time, I was in love with the original girl; and I could never find completeness in my life. I always wondered why.. Which is up until the latest book I read..

The masculine energy that men possess (including some females).. Is a type of energy that requires nuturing.. Imagine this - if you are a female, your probably more "goal / task oriented" than your mother was; in sense, you have a desire to succeed and make something of yourself, to obtain power and placement in the world.. But if you are a male, then you are probably more "relationship oriented" than your father was; basically saying you have a stronger desire to make sure everything is "calm and relaxed".. If you don't believe me on this, read David D's material, I got it from him.. This is the newest realization I've come across, and it makes complete sense - most men are turning into wimps.. Most women are turning into leaders (or the ever-so popular term "bitches")..

Hope it helps~

ArtistBBoy

sa230e · Answer

We're not the only ones. I was surprised to see girls saying the exact same thing when I joined. It plainly isn't a male or female phenomenon then but nobody knows it because our shyness makes us suffer in quiet desperation.

What I think it boils down to is the need for acceptance and validation. Most of these depressed people (and I was one) aren't just girls people who are single, they're girls or guys who have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend before.

Everybody has a need to have romantic connections with the opposite sex. It's an innate instinct. If you've managed to do it once you know you can reproduce that success. If you've always been single you're attractiveness to the opposite sex is a giant question mark. That can lead one to believe that they have nothing to offer or attract someone and are therefore fated to want something they believe they can't have which itself is a depressing thought.

It's a hard mindset to break because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody wants to hang around with someone who's going to bring them down. The more worthless and depressed you are the less attractive you are and the less attention you get from the opposite sex causes you to feel even worse. It's a vicious cycle.

EvanNassau · Answer

Hi nermalinda,

In the past (for example in college), I would feel down if I didn't have a girlfriend, but now I am OK with being alone. What changed?

Back then...

1. When I didn't have a girlfriend, I didn't know if I'd "ever have one" (or more specifically, how long it would take to get one). This is a bad feeling to have which breads insecurity -> which of course makes you less likely to actually get a girlfriend.

2. You feel inadequate, lonely, and confused.

3. And, especially in college (for some people high school), you are filled with testosterone yet can't find someone to do things with while it seems everyone else is.

4. I was fortunate to lose my virginity when I was 19, but some guys don't have sex (or even kiss a girl, go on a date, etc.) through their 20s (even 30s). For these guys, they worry they will remain virgins indefinitely and even think there must be something "fundamentally wrong with themselves."

In contrast, now...

I am perfectly content being single. The major difference to account for this is that I have had success with women, I feel confident I can get another girlfriend in the future, and I've had enough experiences with relationships that were dysfunctional to know that what's most important is to find a good girl to go out with - not just any girl.

- Evan | dating advice -> link

alexsc · Answer

I think being single is a lot harder for a guy than a girl, with the exception of the few real "players" out there. Because a single girl can go out partying and get a lot of attention from guys and if she feels like it she can have a one night stand. But most guys will go out and try to get a girl and get rejected time after time. And the longer you stay single, without any sexlife or emotional comfort to talk about, it is easy to feel completely worthless and like nobody wants you.

And to get out of that sh*thole you have to somehow just clear your mind and forget about how miserable you are. Otherwise you'll never get a girl.

Littletad · Answer

Having a girlfriend does several things. One, it gives us a better purpose or view of things. We feel better knowing we have her around or someone around to share our life with. Two, it gives us social status. The title of boyfriend/girlfriend, and everything else along with it. Family, friends, and social interactions. Three, women were designed for men and vice versa. The need to be with a woman is nearly an internal desire or want.

Being single negates all of these aspects. To put it more simply, a man is pretty lonely without a women in his life. Sure we can live without, but the idea isn't well liked.

FatherJack · Answer

Does not apply to me personally , I'm a single FT working dad , so too busy / tired / stressed to care , but any girl / woman can easily get a man if she so chooses , men desire women far more than vice versa , evolutionary biology in action , it is FAR harder for a man to win over a woman. Also there are more men than women , until the ages of 50 plus , most women have a lot of options , most men very few , or more likely... zero !!

Another female advantage is that girls / women typically have very strong inter female friendships & large well developed support networks of both genders , few women are on their own in life , but most men are , so this is a factor too. After relationships , most men are typically single for several months / years afterwards.

sinful1620 · Answer

Guys are socially judged by their ability to get status symbol. That's why most guys do everything they can to have a nice car, fashionable clothes, a great job, etc etc... and the biggest status symbol for a guy to get is a girlfriend. Guys aren't worth anything if they don't have a girl... it's pretty much the same type of bullsh*t pressure for girls to be good-looking.

HugeStudentNurseDude · Answer

One can only hear "You'll find someone" so many times after a dating failure (i. e. one date, guy is interested, guy calls the girl, she shuts the guy off, won't answer, won't reply to texts...) before it becomes like treating a popped knee with cortisone; it may work in the neginning. But eventually, time after time after time... it doesn't work and all the damage it slowly caused and has been building up catches up and the knee is destroyed.

Kevin1a · Answer

I guess for me it's always just been that I want someone who I can call up and will be up for anything without the stigma of it being a first date every time.  It's hard for me to have plain old female friends, because it's too damn easy to fall in love.  Of course I'm a hopeless romantic, so it might be different for other guys.

steveguitar · Answer

It's hard to live in a world where everything is focused on specific things like love, family, friends, being social, doing good in school or just anything that is 'socially acceptable'. When you cannot get these things and you see all the girls you crush on dissappear, and you can't get any of the things you want in these socially acceptable areas, even just to try them out, it doesn't feel good.

People who are quiet or who have had bad social experiences have it the h

Thiezz · Answer

Killfest400 and EvanNassau describe it pretty well. Especially point 1 and 4 in Evans answer, you start wondering if there's anything wrong with you.

Not so sure about Killfest400's 'media' reason, but personally I rarely watch TV so maybe I'm an exception on that particular point.

Gregs · Answer

everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side.  When women are young its easyer for them to hook up with a guy so most guys never had a girlfriend so they think getting one will somehow make their life complete but really they simply have no had enough experience to see that sometimes it's better to be single than being in a bad relationship

Mypseudonym · Answer

It's about validation of a man's self worth. What man is going to respect himself, throughout his life, without a meaningful relationship that fulfills his emotional and sexual needs? A man without self worth will never have a sense of well being. Life is about relationships, without healthy relationships you're living a life of dysfunction. Nobody can be content being an island.

Anonymous · Answer

29m. Skinny. Brown. Ugly. Loser. Short. Dumb. Worthless. Boring. Never even seen a woman naked in real life let alone put a finger on one... i plan on killing myself around my 30th b day.. just feel bad for my parents so don't have the balls to do it..

abundantlyrich · Answer

It's too late to do anything else so they are a single Pringle for life.

Tony2Face · Answer

It is hard to think highly of women if you're exposed to the worst of them first

jrbbikerx · Answer

If you've never even kissed a girl (that' you haven't had to pay for by the time you're 30... then yes, there's is something fundamentally wrong with you

TheOldMan59 · Answer

Well single life is depressing, so yes. But being in a relationship could be depressing too.

Ar-Ghost · Answer

I am considering suicide because my male life is worthless. I have anxiety disorder and don't even go outside. What value is this?

bunny420 · Answer

Same about girls. :P

Why do a lot of guys feel worthless or depressed if they're single?

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