Why some guys stay single for so long?

[Anonymous]

I have a guy friend. He really liked my friend and she liked him too. They were seeing each other but then she dumped him. I know it really hurt him and took him a long time to get over it. It happened like three years ago. Over the three years she had three relationships. He didn't even try to date after. I mean he is handsome, funny and cool guy. He is over her and he is okay. But he just doesn't even bother with dating. He could have many girls over the time. But he stays single. Almost all of his friends are in relationship and you would guess him to have a girl on the line all the time but still nothing.

[ohsheeT]

Most people in this world get into a relationship for many different reasons

Most are because it's love
Some are because they're lonely
Some are because they want to take care of somebody
Some are real. And some are not
In most relationships you grow to become one with each other
And there's many that don't even understand that because they end up breaking up or divorce

We are All made of energy and just like everything else in this world it has to be compatible with each other when you can become one with whatever whomever. Is the most beautiful thing in the world

A person that knows exactly who they are and what they want are very very picky
For me I am that person

The older I get the more picky I get
Every girl I've ever dated except for one every girl that I've had some sort of relationship with friendship bond with is because they meant something to me and probably still do

It's not a problem of getting a girl with the problem is is finding that right one that special one so you don't have to go through the b******* and you don't have to go through the pain of breaking up or you don't have to watch the girl go through the pain of breaking up because that's just the worst thing in the world you're supposed to be friends no matter what you get together as friends if you have to end it you end it as friends that's what keeps life going on beautifully

I would say you are a true friend just because your concern and just the way that you wrote this I actually thought you were writing it about me lol no not really but I mean that I am that guy I am that person and to be honest I thought you're every word

I can only answer for myself nobody else but when it's time it will be time
I have more friends that are girls than I do guys
And I don't mean girlfriends I mean real friends
They have all tried to become more
But when you're honest with yourself you can say I know in the long run it won't work and I don't want to hurt you I'd rather just be your friend
Or you could be selfish not care about that do your thing get laid whatever and somewhere down the road there goes everything there goes to friendship the bond everything so you have to be honest with yourself you can't just jump into a relationship or at least I can't anyway because I don't want to ever hurt that person I don't want to be hurt and that's maybe the same for him but I don't know him so I don't know but this is a good question thank you because it made me think about everything you said

[ObscuredBeyond]

"I've switched schools, so I don't care anymore."

"Gangbangers matter more to me."

"I know you and my daughter are close in age, but she's not out of high school just yet, and you just graduated, so get lost!"

"I got a job, so I don't care anymore. Beat it, creep!"

"You're not allowed to date her. She's Korean. Don't make me have to tell you again!"

"You actually believed she was your friend? There's something wrong with you!"

"Oh, I'm actually a witch, and I'm going back to Slovakia to plan a revolution. I'm gonna be like Slovakian female Hitler one day. But it's okay, because I won't be German. They're schmucks, including you."

"You can't date my daughter. You look too much like her ex-husband! Get lost!"

"I was never serious about this, even if I pretended to be for five months. Now get lost, you're embarrassing me in front of my step-siblings!"

"Ha ha!!! You thought we were actually gonna get married? You don't even measure up to my Tumblr Loki porn collection! Sucker!!!"

"I suddenly realized I don't have the spine to go through with the relationship I've led you on to for the last six months. So I'm going to unfriend you on Facebook without warning, and turn everyone against you, and then act like I'm the victim! Also, how dare you get a job where my mom likes to shop!"

"I'm sorry, but I may be gone a long while. Beijing authorities keep killing my VPN, and I can't afford another. Also, I don't understand your hobbies. Sorry about that."

"Give me an iTunes card!!!"

"I know you gave up asking years ago, but that guy you want to help is technically my boss, and that makes you striking a freelance photography deal with him feel too much like you're still hitting on me, so I'll have to sabotage that! I don't care that you're strapped for cash! Not my problem! by the way, don't fret if I try to scam you on Instagram three years from now!"

I move to another state...

Lesbian... crackhead... secretly has a whole other family life... can't get out of her own way... had to move back to New York...

At what point do you say screw it?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He probably idealized the person he loved in the past and now has a hard time falling in love.

We fall in love deeply and we forget that love has nothing to do with the person we love, love is all about you, it’s you, who loves and who gets loved back. Another person is just the perfect energy transmitter.

You two are no one but two simple human beings helping each other feel the best of what world has to offer - the overwhelming power of love.

You are a cup, that gets filled with love for another person to drink it and the same is true for them.

Love is not a person, we are just tools to make each other feel this grand feeling, because it takes two people…

We are there and we help each other, whether shortly or not… We should thank to the people who were transmitters of this beautiful energy to our soul. Even if shortly, they made us experience something worth living and yes, we wished it would last.

But you’ll meet someone else again, who’ll want to get filled with the water of love just for you to drink.

Someone who you can put your head on and tell all your pains and someone who’ll accept you with all your brokenness, someone who’ll kiss your teary eyes, put your head back on her chest and promise you, that everything will be okay and that she’s got you and that now you are safe.

And then you’ll feel home again.

All you need to do is accept the fact, that love has nothing to do with certain people, love just is there and exists, and any person can become a giver of this love to you.

You just need to accept it.

The reason most relationships ends is that as the time goes by, one person or both forget to fill the cup for another.

And the promise of “happily ever after” goes to the rubbish bin.

Love takes work, patience, empathy, acceptance, understanding, hard work, you should grow your love like a baby, and some people think it’s too much of a hard work…

Or some believe, why grow the love, when you can fall in love with the new person every time and feel the beginning euphoria of love all over again…

I disagree with that.

[_SillyShoes_]

What you described could just as well be my story...

It is a LOT more heartache and headache than it looks like it's worth. I don't want to sound pessimistic, but it's also exhausting. And as a high level introvert - I don't feel it's that worth it.

Sorry, I know I'm not a guy, but just wanted to throw my 2 cents in there as well.

[Rtylerturek]

Guys get cast into certain stereotypes that not all guys fall into. One of those is that guys shouldn’t be emotional. A lot of guys these days don’t have solid role models or confidants to look to, so when they get hurt, it’s harder to recover. Unlike girls who have a culture where talking about your feelings with other girls is acceptable, guys don’t have that. We are largely told to not talk about our feelings, and we’re mocked more often than not when we try to do so among any but the most mature of men among us.

Guys don’t get the training to be emotionally intelligent, so when we have complex and painful emotions, they can be much harder to deal with, and there may be no one we trust to talk about them with for fear that we may be seen as “weak,” or “over-emotional.”

From one guy to another, if I were talking to your friend, I would counsel him to seek out a trusted friend or relative to talk about it. If he doesn’t feel he can talk to them about those sorts of things, I’d tell him to talk to a counselor. I’ve spoken to several, and they’re wonderfully understanding and non-judgmental people.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'd like to think because they like it... but honestly, I think a lot just can't figure out the game. Nobody with great success is around to teach them and they just seem to flounder about.

The guy you're talking about seems to just be over it. I wouldn't say inability, but I would suggest that maybe he's just tired of dealing with women shit in the up close and personal sense. You know, the same shit that goes on between you women when the friends and best friends label gets slapped on. Betrayals, shit tests, drama...

I mean for reals, some of us dudes get tired of women exactly like women get tired of women. My last female friend wanted to pretend to be offended by everything. I just don't care. Bring that drama shit to your Barbie girls whamen. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Just stop and think about the benefits of being single as a guy. If you're over how spectacular a vagina feels, it's actually an awesome choice as a man. Remember we dude don't usually get shit out of it than vagina anyways.

[Finchie40]

Because he is scared to give his heart to someone that will more than likely break it again , especially nowadays , Most girls’ assume most Guy’s are assholes and liars and cheaters , when really they aren’t. Men in general , are categorized to be this way , mainly from all the douchebag Guy’s that are liars and cheaters that do treat girls ‘ like shit , Just like how Girls’ are categorized to be selfish cheating whores as well. I blame social media for damaging a lot of people’s mindset that we are all pieces of shit , and we all cheat, and we all backstab each other, and we can’t trust each other blah blah blah , the bottom line is people in general have a hard time Trusting each other and we all have selfishness in us , Once a person has
Their heart broken from someone they gave their heart to , it’s harder for that person to truly trust and love again , because most people that have been hurt and betrayed hold walls up to protect themselves from being betrayed again , I held walls up for years after my ex cheated on me and my trust for girls went out the window , For me
To fully give my heart to another
Girl again , sadly she had some walls To climb to prove she was t a selfish pos whore , Your girlfriend is a selfish pos whore by only thinking about what is best for her , More than likely her time will come when she realizes she is a selfish whore that only cares about herself , the only way love grows between 2 people ils by both people removing selfishness for each other , if someone can’t remove selfishness in a relationship , they will never experience true love , they will only experience what they think is best for them which is nothing and keep continuing having failed relationships until they realize how selfish they are and getting a reputation for being a whore that can’t be trusted , Her time will come when she feels she is in love with a guy that turns around and heats on her once he finds out how much of a whore she really is

[Rennex]

A friend of my friend once told me this. One of his guy friends, the dude's literally perfection walking on earth, his face, his bank, his skills, until he realized, the dude doesn't date anyone when he was asked about Valentine's day.

The dude is quiet, and just says it's a waste of time, since most people in our society are wasting themselves, boys and girls, finding a worthy partner for a person like him who is stable in everything, isn't a task he's willing to do. He's been rejected severally, that he forgot, and now that he's bankfull, he's not looking for girlfriend, but mom to his kids, but he's so rigid that not even his family is able to convince him to get a girl.

"I can't explain why he no longer opens up", my friends says. He's clearly not depressed, that is something we said we'll share if we are going through as friends, there's just something that broke inside him making him stiff, and unchanging in his decisions.

It's possible that he has built emotional resilience to protect himself from potential hurt or disappointment in the future, and breaking that wall means you have to be so intelligent to bypass that his recruitment as a wife, which i know almost no girl will pass that for sure. That's like 1 in a billion recruitment intelligence, so brutal!

The above aren't my words, my friend's.

[Rennex]

Actually there is peace and pain and both build the person who is staying alone. And when you realize both will be there, it becomes better, when you face either. That’s now personal growth.

Secondly, others build up emotional resilience for protecting himself from further hurt, simple.

Third, everyone’s journey for the 100 years max on this planet is different.

[molonski2]

Its just the space he is in at the moment , its not an issue to be overthought , its his choice , he is doing fine , and I'm glad he is being cautious , he was certainly better off without her , that's a certainty.

When the time is right , he is a VERY young guy , no pressure. Id advise him , just keep doing what you are doing mate - enjoy ! As a young person , you don't always have to be " coupled " up , and I could only estimate his age , by looking at yours , and its all too young to be committed to one individual , have some fun.

[Anonymous]

Well you are young but you are also assuming that dating is the same way for guys as it is for girls and it’s not. Somewhat closer at your age but still not close at all in general (when all else is even)

Men are supposed to let break ups roll off their shoulders. Some do and are very good at moving on. But others internalize it. Since like your friend we usually are the ones who get dumped we have hard time accepting there is nothing we can do about it. Of course men should just let it go but our egos don’t like leaving us feeling powerless.

[bolverk]

He's decided that he doesn't want to date after being hurt, and is probably focusing on his career to the exclusion of everything else. If he is roughly your age he has all the time in the world to date after he's 30, when he'll be in his prime and established in his career.

A lot of guys have realised that dating is not worth doing as it costs them time and money for very little benefit in return, and to be honest women are not doing themselves any favours either in the way they treat and their overall attitude to men. men

[kakaling]

Because he has integrity and smart.

He is not looking for the kind of girl that love the excitement of dating a new person, most girls love the excitement of dating a new person this a major red flag.

He is looking for the kind of girl that is down to earth, understand that relationship that is going to get dull and see the same face over and over again.

He is not going to try to be someone else the world expects him to be, you going to love him for who he is, not who he is trying to be.

He is definitely not going to sweep you off your feet like a movie, if you support feminism stop this thinking or else you need to sweep too.

[KingHalo]

Depends, if he's financially well off marriage is not worth it to get cheated on divorced then have to pay a filthy cheater half of what you have for her to have her little fun with her new deadbeat boyfriend using her alimony and child support money on herself and a deadbeat, another reason is that men enjoy peace and quiet, sometimes we stay single for long periods of time because it's a wonderful thing to come home and have no one to listen to and only nag us and complain about the most insignificant things, final reason would be he's patiently waiting for the right one there are good women out there still but they are not easy to find it took me many years to find the right person and I'm a decent looking guy I have no problem meeting women but at the end of the day we don't care about looks we want someone that's gonna be there to comfort us and be by our side no matter how hard it gets.

[GoodEnoughThen]

Your friend, who you say is attractive, might seem okay or say he's okay but my suspicion is he's probably not really ok, fully recovered. Without some real work on healing one's self, recovery could take years or not happen at all, not ever. Gotta heal before you can become be open and vulnerable once again to a new love relationship.
If he is not attractive or not feeling attractive, than there are other complications like insecurities.

[Lionman95]

Because his perspective is different he might think what´s the point if the next dumps quickly. To him short time relationships probably don´t seem like something to be pursued. Another issue could be that he doesn´t know how girls view him. He might not have a high self confidence and therefore avoid dating for now because he considers his chances as low to get a longer relationship.

[RavVid]

It seems some people will have a new girlfriend/boyfriend the week after a breakup and other people won't after three years. Extroverts do seem to be quicker at it and I think a lot of people line up the next one before breaking up.

I guess it depends on how serious we take a partner. If very seriously then we would take longer. If seriously than I guess we are more hurt.

[FunkyMonkee]

Once bitten; twice shy!
Girls don't seem to understand; they can get a boyfriend ANY TIME THEY WANT! GUYS, on the other hand, are left to sit and wait for girl to pick them! So, it's NOT up to the guy to stay single, it's up to the women who, most likely, refuse to choose him!

[Quigly]

Relationships and marriage doesn't make life easier or better in any way. Being single is by far the better life. Yet, regardless of how inferior married life actually is our society tries to glamorize relationships to promote consumerism. If married life was so great they wouldn't need to promote it so much.

[Anonymous]

Simply put, the juice has to be worth the squeeze. Why don't women date any ol guy that comes along? Because not every guy is deserving of her love. Well, it's no different for guys. If I'm going to give every ounce of my being to a woman she's got to be worth it.

[AviatorTom]

Could be several reasons:

1. He hasn't found the right woman to marry

2. He doesn't want to marry... just play the field

3. He's too busy with his career to seriously date

4. He's a video gamer

[whirled_up_girl]

It sounds like he just needs time. It’s fine really being single isn’t the worse thing in the world what’s worse is to start a relationship with someone while your still healing emotionally.

[Senator754]

Men experience verbal and mental abuse just like women. When you are betrayed, you create a fire wall (boundaries) that limits one’s trust in others. I am one such person.

[justabuddy]

1. Comparability is not easy to find. For some of us it's almost impossible.
2. The right girl can be the best thing we ever had, the wrong girl can destroy us.
3. Theirs too many options for girls these days. Most never want to stay.
4. The girls vs guys sex battle has but a kink in dating. The two sexes don't respect one another anymore.

[DarkWinterNights]

For a large plurality of guys, dating is more trouble than it’s worth. Most of the time it’s full of drama, expenses and wasted time. Especially younger guys who haven’t really established themselves out in the world.