What does he really want? Relationship or Single Life?

[LaurenNC84]

Ok, I will break it all down for you as best as I can. I've know this guy since we were in Kindergarten, we'll be 25 this year, our parents are friends and we live 8-10 min from each other. He liked me back in high school but I wasn't interested back then other than friends. For the past 6 months or more we've been texting, he mostly texts me while he's at work during the day. It has gotten to be pretty much an every day thing with us texting/flirting. He has admitted he wants to have sex with me but I've told him how my past has been with guys and how I plan to be in a serious committed relationship from now on before sleeping with someone else. He is respectful to that and will talk about it from time to time but after one day of it he texted me the next saying he hope he didn't offend me! lol He's a caring person and shy in some ways (no he's not a virgin). We've had serious conversations too and once I even felt like he wanted me to say I didn't want him going to find a girl, but I didn't because I don't own him so it's not my place. He will usually start in the morning with a text saying good morning or something and continue throughout the day and sometimes weekends not always, but I know I must stay on his mind. Once he did send a message saying good morning beautiful, and when we were talking about guys and being nice I asked him what makes him nice and he said the fact that he doesn't hurt girls because he doesn't like being hurt and that he doesn't lie. (which I can totally believe) I don't see him trying to screw me over because of our long past of knowing each other and parents being friends. We don't really get a chance to hang out because he'll go with his friends and I'll go with mine but have tried to get together a couple of times. He will tell me from time to time that he doesn't want a relationship, it's too much trouble and he doesn't have time for it, and then tell me that I do want one. I've told him that I enjoy being single and it is easier but I am just going to let life happen and not hold back from any opportunities. Why does he feel the need to occasionally bring up that he doesn't want a relationship? Is he trying to convince himself or what? I think he gets lonely when I don't text him because I usually let him text me first and if he doesn't then we'll just not text and a day or so later he'll be like are you alive? Haven't heard anything from you! He is also the type of guy who likes to go down on girls, he's told me and said that it's nice for him to get off but he'd rather get a girl off. What does it mean when guys are like this? Ok so does he like me and possibly want a relationship with me and fighting it because he's admitted he's afraid of growing up, and personally I could see us getting married eventually and having a family (years from now!) PLEASE GIVE ANY AND ALL ADVICE YOU CAN! If you need more info let me know!

[MiaSatt85]

He seems to be a little confused. He prob. nows that a relationship with you is risky in the sense that you guys have a history. Since you live near each other and your parents are friends he prob doesn't want to start something with you then figure out that's not what he wants. How did this whole tihng abt wanting to have sex with you get brought up? I'm surprised he was that blunt with it lol You also have to take into consideration other questions like

when his last girlfriend was?

does he talk about girls that he hooks up with?

It def. seems like he likes you but is scared to start something because he doesn't know how YOU feel. So without making it too obvious I would say something about hanging out alone together. As for the thing about liking to go down on a girl, and are the type that wants to please a girl more, its beucase they are either insecure abt themselves, their size, or performance(maybe he knos he will finish fast) Whatever you do don't hook up with him too soon, if you guys have been having these kinda convos then the tension has prob been building, but you shouldnt jump into it...so hang out with him alone, see if that connection is there when you two are alone, and take it one day at a time =) good luck

[LaurenNC84]

HaHa honestly I don't remember how the whole sex conversation came up! He hasn't had a girlfriend in a while and according to him hasn't had sex in a while either. (the way he talks it sounds like it lol) He's never really talked about girls he's hooked up with though. He stilllll texts me though on a regular basis. Lastnight we got into a "texting argument" about how most girls don't wanna hear guys talking about strippers and he said he's dated a girl or girls that didn't mind him going to

[LaurenNC84]

Strip clubs. I told him its just pointless...anyway we argued kinda and I told him that its kinda low and he said he hates people who judge. I got tired of the whole thing and he kept on with it and finally I said sorry if I offended him and now that he hates me I was going to sleep so goodnight, he said he wasn't mad and said goodnight and I had a text at 9am this morning saying "so you ready to f*** and get it over with" lol and I didn't reply 4 hours and he said "you haven't said shit all day!

[MiaSatt85]

Lol oh god this guy sounds exactly like the guys by me, I really don't understand why they always have bring up these past girls that were okay with things, I think its to make us get jealous!!!!...does he always turn the convo bak to sex talk or do you guys have other kinds of convos??, DEF try to talk about other things other than sex because ALL these guys think with there dicks(esp if he hasn't gotten any lol) so you have to make sure you can get him to like you on a personal level you no?

[LaurenNC84]

So, even though we have our diff opinions and a slight argument lol he still sent a text this morning. It's like he's addicted to talking to me or something, and honestly I am to him. 2 days before valentines day he randomly said he saw the idiots at the cards and how he's glad he doesn't have that to worry with and then later talked about how he enjoys being single,& how much easier it is that way, but why even bother mentioning v-day and still bringing up wanting to be single yet still talks

[MiaSatt85]

OMGGG!! lol I can't believe he said that text this morning, ahhhhhh that's what happens with all the sex talk, did you make any reference to it when you texted him back????

[LaurenNC84]

Believe it or not we talk about all kinds of things, not just sex! I think it was funny how he didn't text me for a whole weekend and on monday he sends me a pic of him and his hurt hand (he never sends pics unless I complain lol) He's just so confusing because he's obviously interested or why else would he waste his time and texts on me! I laugh when he gets impatient when I don't text him back for a while and I admit I do it on purpose sometimes to see what he'll do!

[MiaSatt85]

Of course he's addicted to talking to you now!!! lol but see the thing is us girls will start FALLING for them the more we start takling to them which is bad, sooo here you guys are talking abt sex and that's making him like you more in a LUST way and less in a personal way ....i wonder if him bringing up the fact of being single and loving it is sending you a hint that he wants a no strings attached thing?

[MiaSatt85]

Yeahh he's DEF interested, you just have to try and convince him that being in a relationship is okay lol because obv he thinks being single is what he wants, I would def keep talking to him tho and see what happenes, have you guys hung out alone/has he asked 2?

[LaurenNC84]

Haha no I completly ignored the msg this am! the other weekend after a ton of sex talk the morning after he said "I HOPE I DIDN'T OFFEND YOU" and I thought aww haha because a typical perv wouldn't say that! which once again makes him so confusing! he also said the other day though that sex would be weird with us and not a good idea and I asked why and he said well I know ur mom! haha WTF! I just wanna say give in already and ask me out but I can't! he'll ask me how my day is or "whats good" sometime

[MiaSatt85]

For the fact he mentioned the "i no ur mom" thing jus shows that's what it has ALOT to do with lol I'm telling youuu, he's scared/confused to let things progress, its not as if you guys met at a bar or through a friend, you have to have a convo with him and without throwing your feelings at him let him know that its okay our parents kno each other, this is me and u, and don't let the fact of us knoing each other get in the way of things

[MiaSatt85]

Besides talking thru text, does he ever call you at all????????

[LaurenNC84]

Yea its just hard for me to say it, I flirt but I tell him how I'm not looking for a relationship cause he constantly says that I do, I told him I'm just living life and letting whatever happens happen. He knows I don't plan to sleep with anyone else until a committed relationship too so a lot of the talk is bs but some is true and he's told me he's avg size too and he likes it lol. I wonder if he's scared I'd reject him like I did in H.S. when he had a friend to ask me?

[LaurenNC84]

No lol he doesn't call which is where I see his shyness coming into play, he tries to act all out going but he is shy, he actually said the other day he's like a dog chasing a car, he'll chase it and bark at it but once it stops and he gets it he doesn't know what the hell to do with it! I died laughing when he said this because I was like FINALLY he admits it!

[MiaSatt85]

Awwww lol I can't believe he gets shy abt the phone, you def have to break the ice for him and call him, try calling him tonight before you go to bed...and he may be sayin he doent want a relationship because your saying it!!!!! lol, I mean if he wanted to go out with you back in HS I can't see why he wouldn't want to go out with you now, I def see potential in this tho, the flame is soooo there, when was the last time you guys hung out/saw each other?

[LaurenNC84]

Haha wow we haven't seen each other since my bday celebration back in June! I told him where we were gonna be which is a place is goes sometimes and funny thing is that he showed up but I didn't see him until the end of the night and all he got to say was hey what's up and I had to say hey ok brb because my ride was leaving and I had to get my pocketbook out of their car! we were gonna try to go there back in jan with our friends but didn't get to :( he asked me to hang out with him and 5 other guys

[LaurenNC84]

Recently, I knew all but 2 but I just thought it would be weird to show up at someone elses house and be like, HEY! because I don't know if they knew he invited me! other than that we haven't said nething because I'm stubborn and waiting on him lol but I try the group things so I'm not so obvious, I haven't really went out lately though. crazy as it seems because of our past and knowing each other and knowing him but not his confusing ways I could see us getting married years from now! crazy I know but he's a great

[LaurenNC84]

Guy in all. just has some typical guy ways which is normal! he said once he was a nice guy and I asked what made him nice and he said because he doesn't hurt girls because he doesn't like being hurt and he doesn't lie..and this I believe. I guess he's just scared of love, because he's scared of growing up. I figure if we keep this up he'll just get more attached and give in eventually, if not I'll have to give in!

[MiaSatt85]

Lol he prob thought that you blew him off on your bday....i say don't wait too long, you never know a new girl can come and sweep him off his feet, or maybe a new girl from his past will pop up(u knw how that happens), he sounds like a good catch tho!! try the group hang out thing 1st then after you break the ice you can start the caling, and then hanging out alone, you don't even have to be the one to bluntly ask, just casually say things ilke"i haven't seen you in sooo long!!" and he SHOULD ask then!

[MiaSatt85]

I think saying " I haven't seen you in so long" is perfect because its letting him know I want to see you but not sayin "i like you and I want to be in a relationship with u" lol...try saying that to him

[LaurenNC84]

Haha ok I'll try that, he's smart lol not nerdy smart but luckily not a dumbass so he'd catch on. that is another good thing about him, he's got a bachelors degree and a great job, something not many guys I've dated have! I'll make my friends do something to where we can all get together too, he actually dated one of my friends that went to a diff hs, and her sister but the sis is married and she has a boyfriend she's gonna end up marrying lol so no worries there, she can see us together she said

[LaurenNC84]

So at 2:11am he sent a text saying so when can I eat it? lol I woke up and asked what he was doing up and how many others got a text and his responce was playing pool and just you honey. lol I joked with him and he said that I try to catch him too much that I would be a hard person to date and I told him that I was just giving him a hard time which I was and he needed to lighten up. later he said thinks I'm all talk and may be a little scared but he may be wrong, I said I'm hesitant some not scare

[MiaSatt85]

Oh my god! lol so that's basically the 2nd time he's said something like that, I like ur response tho its good you called him out on it, I can't believe he's talking about EATING you when he hasn't even taken you out on a date or NOTHING yet!!!!! ..seriously tho lol the next time he says something like that like and asks "when" say "after you take me out lol" and see what his reponse is, because if I were you id be extrmeley frustrated by now, you gota make it clear he's not getting ANY until he takes you OUT lol

[MiaSatt85]

Bc the last thing you want to do is make this whole thing a hook up, because you LIKE him, so you gota be careful..guys are weird they will pursue you endlessly and then once they get it suddenly there not AS interested as before, its the thrill of the chase lol and he's def acting like a dog in heat right now, like I said he def seems like a good catch you jus gota let him no that ur not down for a no strings attached thing

[MiaSatt85]

Cuz I feel like if he REALLY understood that....then he would take you out already so you guys can finally follow thru with all these sex texts lol....and seriously ur not the one all talk HE IS, he should grow a pair and ask you out already because obviously he wants it!!! lol I don't know why these guys have to make things so freakin difficult!

[LaurenNC84]

Well he said again this afternoon even if I asked him to stop by on his way home from work to do anything he wouldn't because he said its not a good idea(great time but not idea) and I asked why and he said because we're too close 4 a casual thing and I said ?. he said I know his family and mine knows his and there's a lot to go wrong, it would be fine 4 a relationship but not a hookup and he would hate for my mom 2 be mad at him lol so he's not the type to use and yea I know I've been used like you said

[MiaSatt85]

Soo he said that a relationship would work with u???? if he basically said that then you are guna have to step up 2 the plate lol..its so confusin tho because he says ur relationship type but he wants to be single!!!! I don't know why these guys can't just go for what they want, I mean isn't HE scared ur guna meet someone else!?(we no you don't want tho but little does he kno you don't lol) maybe he genuinly doesn't want 2 be settled down right now, but its still not fair to string you alone

[LaurenNC84]

Lol yea I don't know I think I'll just keep living my normal life and go out when I can, if I meet someone I will talk to them but make sure he knows it lol and if he asks what I did I can either fake a date with someone or go on one if I do get a chance and see what he says or does. if we're meant to be we'll be together when its time, if he's afraid of losing me to someone else maybe he'll grow his balls and ask me. I'll still keep talking to him though, maybe that's all he needs to see who knows!

[imconfuse]

The point is do you like him or not? Life is short so just go straight to the point. Don't be a player, I read your story and it gave me such a headach. Ask your self what you really want, like him then don't text him back till he lays all his cards out. Don't like him get busy with something else. You 25? Gosh, I'm 26 but I feel like I'm much more older. One more time, life is short, don't get yourself caught up in silly confusing sittuation. Be goal oriented, set it and go for it... there is no time to waste girl.

[LaurenNC84]

Haha it's given me plenty of headaches! Other than this I am goal oriented and have a great life and friends. I don't let him hold me back, I keep on having fun and will go out with other guys. I figure he'll figure it out one day and if its too late then its his regrets. Things have changed since all of that with the 2 of us and as of now I just talked to him for the first time since last Friday afternoon, he messaged me and that's just how its gonna have to be until a true decision is made!

[imconfuse]

So, do you like him? or even a bit? I want to know what you feel about him or you just play?

[LaurenNC84]

No I really do like him! Like I said before...I could honestly see myself marrying him in the future. I love his parents and he is a great person in general. We're both in the "healthcare" field too which is one big thing in common. He does cancer research and I'm in school to become a registered nurse. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him, and I know for a fact he checks up on me lol I was outside when he drove by and he made a point to turn and look back to see if I was home b/c

[LaurenNC84]

He sent me a text yesterday saying "I think I saw you outside yesterday playing with your dog" lol. I say he made a point to look because he was going away from my house/driveway so he had to look back. Plus he has never logged onto myspace everyday in a row for a week and he has been, so I feel like he's possibly checking up on there too. I didn't msg him back yesterday after the last msg and was kinda short with what I said. I just want to know how interested he is by still msging me when I dont

[qwertydoosoe]

its as simple as this. If you like him, tell him you like him. If you don't like him, continue with your texting and let him know its not going to amount to anything more.

[MaxPrime]

Look mainly this guy is COMPLETELY inexperienced with girls. He needs to be an MAN and stop texting you all day first of all. (Are you attracted to this type of semi-needy behavior?) He needs to CALL you and say "hey listen I'm free tomorrow afternoon, let's grab some dinner, and then I have a little adventure in store for you (where he takes you to the park and blow bubbles together or something". Heck I've gotten laid by just doing that so if he's wanting sex he's going to need to work for it instead of texting you "hey let's f***" (GOD I hated when I used to do that because it OBVIOUSLY never worked). His words mean nothing, it's his ACTIONS that should show you what type of guy he is. Lame-o. Weird. Mysterious. Interesting Guy. Laid back Man. Confident Man. Sex-worthy Man. I think he barely knows who he is. Sooo...

If you like this guy enough then ask HIM on a date (because he's not getting any hints so sometimes we need a little push). But if not, then just stay friends with him and get a man who can actually hang out with you, explore life, kiss you, blah blah blah...

[dave216]

Most likely he is feeding you a line of crap that he feels will lead to getting in your pants. Guys tell girls what we think they want to hear. Guys can't be honest with girls or the species would probably die out from no sex. It is all a big game,played by both sexes, with different motives. When it works out their is sex and relationship and the species marches on.

[LaurenNC84]

No that's SO not it trust me..I know those kinds of guys and fell for it many times

[boi818]

Well he sounds like he just doesn't want to be tied down..but does enjoy your company.. I think the reason he mentions he doesn't want a relationship is because he doesn't want you getting your hopes up thinkin he wants to be with you and end up hurting you. His feelings might change later on, but for now it doesn't seem like he wants a relationship.

He's just a flirtatious guy and if he's talking about sex with you then he might want to be friends with benefits.

[Anonymous]

hmm.. this doesn't sound too good. You can either stop texting him back and see what he says and how he feels about it. or mention that your excited about your plans tonight to go on a date..and don't answer any texts the whole night and see what he says.

[fairy]

ok hun, you just said it yourself that he asked to have sex with you right? basically he just wants sex and that's it. and + he did say that he doesn't want a relationship. so he doesn't want one. he's going to be missing out on a cool girl like you , don't spend ur time on idiot guys like him who don't no what they want.

[LaurenNC84]

Lol well I mean he knows he's not gonna get any from me so I would think he would just stop talking to me...but we're friends and have been for like 19 years. I think no matter what we'll always be friends, even if we just bs back and forth.

[RadicalDreamer]

I think it sounds like it won't destroy your friendship if it doesn't work out, so you really have nothing to lose, I say what are you waiting for, let him know how you really feel

[metaldave20]

"good morning beautiful"-

deftones song

ive said that to a girl before as well

[LaurenNC84]

Annnd this doesn't answer my question in any way!

[metaldave20]

Well what I'm saying is some guys know the line, they use it, but it may not mean anything, he could have just been being nice

it doesn't sound like he's too interested in being in a relationship, until.... you decide you want to be in one

[LaurenNC84]

Um so he's actually waiting on me or wanting me to say YES I do want one?

[metaldave20]

Hes waiting on you to say yes