He wants to get his life together before getting into a relationship?

[Anonymous]

So, everything I've ever read is that if a guy really wants to be with you, he'll move heaven and earth and nothing will stop him.

I was just wondering if they're are ever exceptions to the rule. I've been casually seeing someone from work (he's 6 years older) for about 5 months. We've been very honest about what we want and we've taken things painfully slow.

He doesn't want a relationship until he's gotten his life in order. He got divorced a few years ago and is living with his mother but works and goes to college full-time. This was a red flag to me but I also sort of understand what happened. He doesn't want to be with anyone until after he graduates and gets his degree in December and has moved out on his own.

Should I continue to casually date him and be patient or should I move on?

[PaulSidney]

Most of the best dating happens in flux. There seems to be a lot of articles on the web about dating people who have thier life under control. Two points: First, there is no such thing as having your life together and second, women are looking for a challenge.
Let me address the first point from a personal perspective. I am a man with a good job, I drive a late model pickup (I live in a small mountain town) I am have above average looks, am physically fit, have my own place, my bills are paid on time and I have a savings account. According to the internet I should have girls falling from the heavens. I don't. I go on tons of dates, always get called back for another. Most of the time date 2 and 3 never happen. I follow the typical rules of courtship. Good eye contact, lots of mischievous smiles, a single flower, open doors, pay for dinner. Conversations get deep and involved and there is usually a kiss. When it is time for a second date- She has somewhere else to be. I also should note that they are almost always active on thier online dating account afterwards.
My opinion is that women want a guy they can control but isn't a wimp. Having your life together just means that the spotlight will be on thier own shortcomings. They want the man to be the challenge, not the other way around.

[WesTheGuru]

Men and women are very different in this sense.

If a woman doesn't feel like she's worth a man, then she looks for a man that makes her feel like she's worth it.

If a man doesn't feel like he's worth a woman, then he refrains from claiming one for himself until he views himself as one worth a woman.

Men find their worth in how they view themself, women find a lot of their worth in how others view them. Unless a man views himself as worthy of anything, he will never allow himself to have it unless he makes himself believe he is worthy. What he thinks will be worthy of you is a steady job, place to live, and education. Nothing less.

Be patient with him. He's a good guy

[Asker]

That was really insightful. Thank you! I didn't think he wasn't worth waiting for, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being led on. He's definitely a really good guy. :)

[WesTheGuru]

You're welcome! glad I could help.

If you want to try and nudge him along just let him know those things don't matter to you.

[Asker]

I've told him before that him living with his mother isn't as bad because he's actually working towards putting his life together and that he demonstrated a strong desire to be on his own. He's still not happy with his situation though. I've also expressed that I didn't desire a relationship but that was a few months ago and things have changed with us a little bit.

[Leeleee1111]

This is exactly what I’m going through. My boyfriend and I broke up last night because he “can’t give me the attention I deserve” until he has his own apartment and new job. I am flabbergasted because we do feel quite deeply about each other. He is receptive, any advice on how to curb this anxiety of his, or should I move on?

[cookienick]

Casually date him and be patient...