You hear of girls having daddy issues, how about mommy issues?

Question

Both of my parents struggled with alcoholism, but my father is definitely a much better person than my mother ever was. While they both have successful jobs, my mom was awful and vile to me to the point we now have a very toxic relationship. My father and I however, have built our relationship up to be relatively healthy and functional.

So, ladies, are there any other mommy issue girls out there?
Dudes, what do you think of girls who have "mommy issues"?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

I agree with @Arbus and I should add that your experiences have forced you to think - logically - about your situation and thus about things in general. That may have happened for a bad reason, but luckily the result is a positive.

You have a very well-developed and finely-tuned bullshit detector, and the confidence to use it. That will serve you well in life.

I know a couple of women who had a similar experience, and they went the other way - super emotional, shattered confidence, extremely sensitive, etc. I don't know how you found the other path, but you did, and it is now a strength.

If you have a weakness, it's likely that you have a genetic predisposition to addiction. Alcohol, or drugs of any kind (prescription or "recreational") could probably suck you in and destroy you as it did your mother. You will need to be vigilant your whole life to avoid that, or you could lose it all.

Arbus · Accepted Answer

It doesn't work the same way because your father is to you the first model of a "man", and if he's absent or if he's a terrible father you'll try to compensate later in your life. You'll often do this by getting overly attached and submissive to guys that correspond to that father figure you didn't have. Or at least that's how the theory goes.

The lack of a mother shouldn't change the way you perceive men. The only effect I see is that you can try to overcompensate as a mother, and be excessively permissive with your kids, indulging in all their wishes. You want so much to be a good mother that you end up spoiling them. But of course it doesn't have to be that way.

Alice2398 · Accepted Answer

Yes, lucky for me I have a amazingly believable fabulous mother and I love her to pieces, she's my best friend and lots of other girls and boy friends who had bad relationships with their families would love coming around my house growing up because they liked but my mother and father would make them feel welcome and look after them well.

some people I know are even jealous I have such great parents. My mother has always done her best to be as nurturing as possible with me and my sisters as she didn't have that as a child herself and try to help out child who are growing up in a similar way she did so naturally they are drawn towards her and see her as a mother figure and same goes for my dad as a father figure

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My mom abandoned my sister and me when I was 7 and she was 8. We haven't seen her since and she went on to have 4 more children, who she raised. She wants a relationship now, but I don't even know her so I feel nothing. I've noticed I absolutely need approval and affection from friends and significant others moms. If their mothers don't like me, I feel devastated and probably put more work into being approved by the parents than anything else.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I think it's a whole lot easier to identify daddy issues due to the current rise and prevalence of single mother families. More examples basically. Same goes for 'Momma's boys' with their volatile, overly reactive, emotional demeanor... it's just obvious there was never a Daddy to teach them control, or even when it's probably best not to submit to Mommies whims.

I would need a whole bunch of single Daddy families to discern the same types of patterns...

If what you mean by daddy issues, is the results of not having a secure male figure as a child... yeah, I mean why the fuck would you want to call someone you're having sex with 'daddy' or treat men in general as someone that will give you money and keep you in line? What, even want to get spanked? Obviously the result of a girl that doesn't understand what the real role of a father was supposed to be... just assumptions like "if I had a Dad, he would've gave me money."

KAF87 · Answer

My girlfriend and I both have mommy issues. It's actually nice to have someone who can relate to your problems.

I think the happy family thing is a throwback from a fairytale era. Maybe it's just my family but my mother didn't get along with her mother.
I suspect a lot of children rebel against their parents, seeking to not repeat what they see as their parents worst traits. You also try and adopt the best traits from your parents. That being different leads to you having differences of opinion and then arguments. So parent / family issues is probably very normal now.

There's also cultural progression and technological progression to consider. My parents are old, there was no text messaging, no internet, no videogames, no GAG. They also lived in a time where everyone was in the closet, homophobia was acceptable behavior, racism was common, and wars were world wide not about terrorism.

It is difficult to relate to someone who doesn't understand you.

Cosytoasty · Answer

Girls with mummy issues are hard work 😂. They have often have anxiety and low self-esteem when it comes to acting like a woman, because they have no female role model growing up. As such, they overcompensate by trying to take on an overtly masculine approach to everything.

Some guys find it attractive, most can see right through the facade and quietly avoid.

Whateverfloatsmyboat · Answer

Woah! Now that's a whole new level of psychology that I have sadly not reached yet. Girls having mommy issues... Nope. I don't think it's possible, not in the same way it happens to guys at least. Mommy issues, which originally is called Oedipus Complex and that is when (usually the son) will antagonize the father for his mother's attention. That's why dudes with mommy issues are usually clingy and needy. I know from experience :( anyway, it doesn't seem to be your case. Let me get this streight, you don't resent your dad's attention towards your mom right? You actually think your dad is a better person than her right? So, I think it's just classical daddy issues, just formulated and presented in a different way.

SexyBiMan · Answer

I'd rather say we all have mommy AND daddy issues.

Example: I've dated a number of women who had absent fathers and were raised by self-absorbed mothers. They had toxic relationships with their mothers but still had hopes Daddy would come to their rescue.

Usually being much older, I became the substitute Daddy figure. It made for some fun role-playing sex games, but it always ended with me becoming the bad guy and her self-imploding because she was seeking an external solution to an internal problem. (Yes I HAD a type until I finally had a pattern to recognize.)

This what I call the fair maiden waiting for her knight to rescue her from her dragons (or evil queen). The flaw was that the only one who can slay your dragons is you.

Seems in the end, these women grew up to be their mothers. Don't let this happen to you!

Full disclosure: being a man raised by a single mother with an absent father, I too had SERIOUS mommy/daddy issues. Took three years of therapy to slay my dragons.

ONIT247 · Answer

Dated a women with this
And before I never thought I would like it, or it would turn me on maybe the way she said, but everything while she had a penis in one of her whole was.. F me daddy.. you feel so good daddy, taste that P daddy.. daddy going to C..

Such a turn on

IndieGirlJess · Answer

When fueled by alcohol many people can become mean. Was she that way when sober too, if she ever was totally sober?

tking99 · Answer

I don't know, me and my mom dont get along at all, my dad and i get along great. My girlfriends parents are both awful to her, but that doesn't change the fact that we love eachother unconditionally. We've been dating for three years and its been the best three years of my life

PhoenixItalian · Answer

My mom was similar but so bad she couldn't even keep a decent job. I definitely have issues with her and will likely never speak to her again for how she acted when I was a child. It doesn't bother me that you have issues with your mom, probably because I understand them well.

anon4us · Answer

Parenting is a co-op union either one can be the negative focal point of your life causing you damage and mistrust, though it is more common for that to be the parent of the oposite gender, it occurs on both sides

MlleCake · Answer

Yeah, you can have mommy issues. Have you seen a therapist?

blubblubblub · Answer

what kinda behaviour is typical for people with mommy issues?

NatashaJ · Answer

I think a lot of girls has have issues with their mommy always shaming them on looks. I read a article online that relates to body issues 83% of women resent their mothers for making fun of their weight/appearance. I think girls also constantly told we should tolerated people even when a female is talking to us in a rude way and I call that bullshit. No if someone especially a female is rude to you call them out and not hang or speak to them again life is too short putting up with people's crap.

Selena2418 · Answer

It's out there. My mom has mommy issues. My grandmother was a major narcissist, and lacked empathy for anyone or anything if they weren't all about making her happy. She even attempted to get rid of my mother as a child, the worst was leaving her in Mexico with strangers who didn't speak her language. My mother was really close with her father tho.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes I have mommy issues, daddy issues, step sister issues 😄 Nah not anymore. After some counselling I have packed that stuff away and them too. Haven’t seen them in 5yrs and it’s been freeing. The only remnant I have leftover is that my partners mum is really nice and I just am not used to a maternal mother and kind, embracing family so find it tricky at times.

Celtero · Answer

I probably have some pretty bad mommy issues myself. Dad's not much better, but one of these days some girl is gonna take advantage of my need for female approval.

Prankster13 · Answer

Oh huh. I never thought of that... I guess I just assumed it wasn't that big of a deal for a girl to have mommy issues. Like a boy having daddy issues. It just kind of doesn't seem to matter as much. I don't know...

Maybe it's because-- at least in my experience-- it's the parent of the opposite gender who you grow closest to. So having issues with them is a bigger problem and causes more issues. Even though having problems with either is bad. Maybe that's just me though.

CandacePerry · Answer

yes, I am going through an issue with my mum. I tried to say what I want her to. my dad is fine with me. as well as my grandad. my mum is very overprotective me.

Ankitasingh466 · Answer

No such issues in my house. If something arises , we 3 siblings will plan to run away from house and say to our parents "patch up or else we won't come back "

karahiri · Answer

Yeah. My dad is great. My mom doesn't even talk to me. I'd say most of my issues can be traced back to her.

You hear of girls having daddy issues, how about mommy issues?

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