I’m 20 and I never understood why many women lie about their age, or try desperately to look younger cause I noticed that many women I had a girl-crush on were over 40 😂. Is it weird? Tbh I always hear that I’m very pretty, or that I’m a 9. but I find my mom to be prettier, and a lot of men and even guys my age always eye at her and she’s 45, so I always thought that a woman in her 40 is still at her best years. Tbh i imagine my self to be happier cause as a medical student my career will be more settled, and I hope that I will have kids and being happily married, while still enjoying life. Am I the only one?
Why are women so afraid to age?
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
40s really aren't bad. Actually pretty nice it is when the 50s hit that it gets uncomfortable.
I say being 50+ is like being a teenager again. All one's insecurities start coming out again and for some it means going from the hot chick on the block to not so much which can be a hard hit for a woman who is used to a lot of attention without any effort. Instead of worrying about acne we start worrying about wrinkles. The worst is usually when I'm in a group of adults 20 to 40 years old. It isn't like it is all the time but sometimes I can really feel it.
I did go ahead and let my hair go gray and I found it that it really didn't make much difference in how people treated me other than I got a few more ma'ams and men my age finally started to notice me.
I think part of it is that we now know we have a lot less time ahead of us and if we aren't where we want to be financially, partner wise or goal wise we start to panic a bit. If we don't have a partner will we ever have a partner. For me being alone for 5 years no dating because of things going on my life I keep thinking will I ever have sex again. which is pretty important to me.
The aging thing isn't just a woman thing. I meet too many men who fear it too and they are insecure to be seen as less manly because maybe they have some physical issues or they aren't as handsome as strong as when they were the high school football star back in the day.
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We can only feel like a clearance item once we pass 50 if we choose to believe that is what we are and we allow others to treat us that way.
when i was younger i would be so scared to age but found it has less to do with beauty but meaning itself. Im honestly in the phase of scared of it all ending. the event..
As for beauty.. if all men were whipped out of existence. Would women care if they forgot to shave or ate a bit too much? Men are visually based and are biologically built to hunt and spread their seeds. Younger looking women show vitality. There are a lot of those men that easily cave to another beauty.. some women believe if they were hotter or dress differently in a 20 year marriage that itll ignite their spouse excitement
Its quite unnecessary as it really has to do with the man's values. Nothing we do as women will change that. To handle this fear.. develop a sense of love for oneself outside of looks. The men that are worth our time needs more than that. If looks were the key factor to lasting relationships then look at all the super models and hollywood actors. They aren't saved from everlasting fulfilling relationships. Looks are just one thing: foot in the door. Everything else is based on your charm. wit.. values.. actions.. decisions. personality and lifestyle
Because women lose value as they age. They lose reproductive value and beauty as they age. Even those who are lucky enough to remain beautiful for a long time still have less physical value than younger versions of themselves. Would a young man rather date a 25 year old that will remain beautiful until she’s 40, or an 18 year old that will remain beautiful until she’s 40? Women lose value as they age, whereas men gain value. It’s a shame that our society has lost sight of this. This current epidemic of single women is only going to keep getting worse as long as women keep thinking it’s okay to hoe around in their late teens and in their twenties. The live fast die young approach only works well if you die VERY young. Otherwise it’s a huge fucking gamble.
Because, unfortunately, most women want to date men and not their girl crushes, and as such are at the mercy of what *men* find attractive.
And what most men find attractive is fertility, which directly correlates with age. Women can age well and remain attractive even past 40, but they will never look as attractive as someone who is 20, and since they themselves used to be 20 at some point, they are afraid because they know very well that many of those 20 year olds will be more than willing to date older men and that they will have to compete against them in a battle that they will most probably lose.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Society values youth,, point blank, and never is this more true than with women. We're taught from birth practically through reinforcement, television, Disney, family, and friends, that being beautiful and pretty is practically aspirational. Being pretty gets you things---attention, jobs, dates, pushed to the front of the photo. When natural aging comes along, it robs anyone really, of that youth and all the things that come with it. Suddenly no one is flirting with you anymore, people refer to you as old, and they start pushing you aside for the next young and beautiful thing. These celebrities have whole teams behind them that do hair, make-up, get them in camera ready shape, and access to the best in skin care, diet, etc that most people have little access too, so holding them up as "look what you can be too at that age," isn't realistic for a lot of people, and add to that, you basically have to have "good" genes to begin with to age to the point where people can't tell that you may be 20 years younger.
I think how you care for yourself and how healthy your lifestyle determines how old you look. I once met a married or dating 40 year old couple and mistakenly thought they were high school kids. I try to hide my age without lying to people because I am afraid of being judged for my lack of achievement if they find out my age. Like they might ask - why aren't you married yet? Why haven't you achieved your dreams yet? Why don't you have kids? Why don't you have a car?
Because a woman's greatest asset is her youth and beauty. It is sought after around the world. Her peak SMV is 22-24. By thirty she has to compete with much younger women. But forty it's the wall - she is starting to wrinkle and sag. But fifty... let's not even go there. Men, on the other hand, don't even fully mature mentally 'till about 25. They just keep getting better and better 'till mid to late thirties. A 40yo man that has kept his physique, is reasonably good looking, and has some money, can pretty well date the entire age range of the dating pool, from 25 to 55. But really, why would he pick a 50 if he can get a 30? Women are right to worry - they need to act fast while they're in their prime, cuz after forty it's nearly impossible to find a suitable mate.
Due to genetics and biology we lose value as we age. It's hard programmed in to us. The older we are the less likely we are able to produce offspring so we become less desirable to males, and to continue our species we're programmed that this is a bad thing. The point of everyone' life is the continuation of your genetics.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Age is a two-edged sword for women because when they are younger, say 30 years and below, women hold all the cards in the dating game. Their value in the sexual marketplace is very high and it gives them a great deal of power on many levels. But beginning around age 30 their value in the sexual marketplace begins to plummet, at least for most women. There are exceptions, as QA pointed out, but they are uncommon.
The problem is that women are mislead today about this issue. They are told they should focus on their careers during their 20s and worry about a mate and children after that. Well that doesn't work out so well for most because by that age the majority of good men are taken and the ones who are still single have their pick of the 20-something women. So single women in their 30s often end up desperate and bitter. We have all seen it countless times.
The video posted by @Plumizz sums all of this up pretty well.
My sister is 38, she’s always looked so young - like in her 20s- but this year it’s like she’s suddenly aged out of no where. I see the smile lines and wrinkles on her face. She’s still absolutely gorgeous but ageing doesn’t show in your 20s. It’ll show and perhaps bother you later in life.
I suspect some of it is biological in nature. I also think middle-aged women can be quite gorgeous (I even find laugh lines on women my age to be attractive), but ones in their 40s are often no longer able to bear children, for example.
I think this impacts why women, and many men who pursue them, are so obsessed with youthfulness.
I think it's this difference in how fertility is impacted with age that drives this discrepancy between men and women. People say men age better but I don't know how to objectively measure that. Men don't exactly age so well all the time, and their overall life spans are generally shorter than women. But it is not uncommon for men in their 40s and beyond to be able to reproduce.
It's like Jason Statham in his 50s with Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in her 30s. The two were able to have a child recently. The chances of that happening if their ages were swapped would be close to zero.
I did have a friend who managed to have a child in her late 40s, but she was in exceptional health into fitness and it also required repeated IVF attempts that cost a fortune. She was kind of a miraculous case. I suspect if the technology improves enough, it might mitigate some of this desire for women to resist signs of aging.
Women's fertility windows vary. I have a friend who had her 6th child at 42 without any intervention. I had my one and only at 38 without help. My doctor told me I had have 1 or 2 more but it wasn't something I wanted to do. I think my cut off would have been 45 because around 48 I knew my hormones were taking a dive.
@sejla Cheers and aware of that fluctuation -- that's generally represented with the graph being based on percentages and probability. like if it's reasonably accurate assigning 5% probability on women who are 45, that's still 1 in 20 women in their mid-40s who can get pregnant. And there's that exceptional friend of mine who managed one at I think 48-years old.
But I think the way this probability narrows with age is probably why there's this overall discrepancy in terms of how youthfulness is valued more among women than men in various cultures. I don't subscribe to the notion that women age more poorly than men, but I suspect the reason men might think that is that they're subconsciously evaluating fertility on some instinctive level whether accurately or inaccurately.
I think I looked pretty healthy or my ex wouldn't have probably married me. He was still hoping for kids. To be honest I never wanted to have a child after 35 because of the risks but oddly it never occurred I couldn't get pregnant at the age I did. I didn't even know how small the window was until maybe a couple years ago when I saw one of those fertility graphs.
@sejla My overall thinking on subjects like these is that perhaps our primitive instincts might still subconsciously bias our behavior even if we can't rationalize it. As an example I see many guys saying they don't like women with chiseled abs. And if we ask why they might say they like a softer body. If we continue to question why then usually it starts to work towards something like, "Because that's just my preference."
But I was never happy with that kind of answer. So my conjecture is that the reason a number of guys don't seem to like this is that optimal fertility often favors 20%+ body fat. It can get a bit lower if the woman is very careful with nutrition and health, but we might not be programmed to recognize human bodies that result from very carefully-selected diets and lots of time spent in the gym.
So that's just an example but I tend to form conjectures in this type of vein. If there's some sort of strange cultural phenomena, I try to establish a conjecture that is tied to evolutionary behavior. I don't assign 100% confidence to these conjectures, of course, as they're mere conjectures. But they're my way of trying to make some sense of these things.
It is most likely just part of the ancient part of the brain.
And a lot of people never made past 40 so there wasn't all this looking at who was aging well. People just died off. But I think my family seemed pretty sturdy on my mom's side and live pretty long lives.
@sejla >> It is most likely just part of the ancient part of the brain.
I think so as well. One of the reasons I find it useful to try to dig and question these things and try to figure out what's going on subconsciously in our brains is that I am not interested in trying to justify these things. On the contrary, I'd like to challenge them.
And even if my ramblings and conjectures influence no one else, I've found that trying to challenge that ancient and primitive side of my brain and figure out how it might work has helped me to resist it to some degree. I think that has helped me to find more women attractive in general of all sorts of ages. So I want to operate more on the kind of higher-level functions of my brain and less on the primitive since that primitive side wasn't necessarily adapted to the types of environments we live in today.
@gothgirl997 If they could figure out what allowed her to do that with a single IVF treatment and such phenomena could be more widespread, I'm thinking it might help to mitigate some of this fear of aging in women.
Because as females age their sexual market value declines. They have less power, receive less attention and have less access to male resources. Actress Joan Collins said: “To be born beautiful is like being born rich... and every day you become a little poorer.”
Mostly because the attention decreases and women are addicted to attention whoring. Dopamine Deficit Disorder sets it followed by depression. And their eggs/fertility drops from 25% to 5% if I remember right, around 35. So freeze those eggs! But if she is feminist, the man-hate has turned her womb gangrene by then so it doesn’t matter. lol
We're vain and insecure. We want to be young and beautiful because sometimes it feels like that's the only good thing we're good for. (Which is not true, it's just a feeling) At least that's how I feel sometimes. I get a lot of compliments on my appearance, and sometimes I wonder how people would treat me if I wasn't pretty. I don't think I would be treated the same.
A woman best years is her youth, age 20-29 with option age 24-26 - this is of course physically and is based on science. Personal preferences may differ form the physically optimal age.
Still, most men prefer women in their prime meaning mid twenties or younger.
@Dog20 Perhaps, but I was only talking physically, mentally and emotionally it may differ.
Still now is the time to cash in on your good look if you ever intended to do that, your youth is a valuable asset and for a limited time of your life only. Spend it well.
Most women become less desirable as they age, and many women spend their best years pushing commitments off until later. They know that their time to shine is limited, and they know that , so any reminder that they might not be at their peak can be threatening.
Because hot successful men like me who is 32 wouldn't date someone over 22 because i don't have to and younger is better for many reasons. The day you turn 23 you are invisible to me. Unless im drunk in a bar is take you in the bathroom. Dont confuse sexually attractive to romantic desire. Plenty hot older women id fuck. Hell no wouldn't date. Eww.
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+1 y
Can’t wait to turn 23 so I will never get accosted or eyed by creepy losers like you.
@gothgirl997 its not about looks. I don't know why all women think men are so superficial. Its about fertility, less sex partners, less chances to rack up debt or just do dumb things basically.
@gothgirl997 not sure what you mean? Either way someone in my position can be as picky as he wants and get girls that fit expectations. Not my concern about what happens with older girls, hopefully they don't like athletic rich guys with options. Not everyone has to like the same thing.
Women lie about their age and are afraid about aging because they just cannot digest the fact that their once tight skin won't be that tight its gonna loosen and that their boobs will sag. They believe they're gonna become less beautiful and not so desirable
To many factors. some of them applies to both genders, other's to only one gender mostly.
Relying on looks get threatened. Reproduction best before date. Is two of the biggest for many female's.
For both genders. Geting reminded about how fast time goes and how short life really is. Higher risk of age related health problems. Radical body chang like wrinkle gray hair weeker bones, hormonal changes. Time gets perceived to get faster due to the brain slowing down. Degrading senses.
Because they fear that as they age they will lose the beauty that they had at youth and that people won't find them attractive anymore. There is also the fact that the more you age the closer to death you are.
No one wants to get older. The older you get the sooner you are gone. So it’s natural to not want to age or look older. And absolutely there attractive older people I am not denying that. I also agree there are older men and women that look better then a lot of people half their age.
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