How to stop being asexual and start enjoying sex?

[Anonymous]

[Levin]

You need to work on your core/subconscious beliefs on sexuality. Using something like CBT, meditation, relaxed free writing, any simple reflection tool.

@Asexual_Gal gives us a perfect illustration. There's a lot of things there to work with, she's making quite bold and stark statements. You need to find out how you deeply feel about sex, and then take a look at those statements. Like CBT, you'd ultimately be evaluating the objectivity of them. How you feel about something shapes your reality. But if you have negative associations, it can be quite harmful and self destructive, can be an impediment to growth and happiness.

To protect the dignity of the person, this is a process that person has to go through themselves. It's not for anyone else to tell you what is wrong or right. Someone may be able to give hints, or steer in a certain direction, but nothing else. Most people aren't willing to change how they feel about things. Especially when such things are often conflated with such hurt and unpleasant emotions. A lot of people have traumas relating to sexuality. Potentially even ancestral traumas. This is a process we see happening everywhere. People won't change until they reach the end of their tether or they're open to it from a genuine place. Anyone who is working with you has to have the patience and the wisdom to understand this.

Eastern Body, Western Mind: Psychology and the Chakra System as a Path to the Self by Judith Anodea is a really fantastic book for people who want to work on themselves. In fact, it's one of the best books I've read. It contains traumas of each chakra, or shall we say, each energetic centre of the body. If we want to look at genuine healing, then in reality, there are a cluster of interconnected factors that are at play, including non-sexual factors.

[EpicDweeb]

I don't know that that's a thing/if that's possible. I will say that, it's been shown that when you're aroused the "disgust" portion of your brain actually turns off and things that seemed gross no longer bother you anywhere near as much. So, at that point it's just a matter of becoming aroused. If you can become aroused in the first place, sex might not seem like such a disgusting thing and you might be able to enjoy it.

[Asexual_Gal]

Why for heaven's sake would you even want to change that?

Are you fed up of living healthy, without worry about cheating, diseases and other harrowing experiences?

You have this fabulous advantage over all those others that place sex above everything else in life, rape and murder because of it and you want to give all those wonderful things up?

What wants you be mediocre when you can be great? I hope you are not giving in on group/peer pressure just to be like the others.

Think it over and realize that you are so much better than those that are slaves of their sexuality.

[soleil2666]

Being physically attractive helps (is a requirement), so get into shape, fix your skin and teeth etc.

Beyond that, it takes finding that special someone who will be gentle with you so you can get used to enjoying intimacy, rather than being mechanical about it. But the very concept is devalued after sex-and-the-city, so everyone who thinks they are anyone wants to 'sleep around', not enjoy sex (which comes with understanding - and accepting - each other as human beings).

It can help if you find a man that can enjoy it himself, even if you initially don't - as long as you can ease into being the same way. Male dominance is good in that sense (but this isn't the same thing as being a playboy or machoism - most 'good guys', i. e. geeks, are like that - it's just that the popular culture has turned them into unwanted outcasts because they are not 'playing the (being a chauvinist and thus supposedly dominant/alfa) game')

[20yearsolder]

You should begin by exploring your body. Think of the sexiest and hottest thing you can think of. Touch yourself. Wherever you touch and it feels good, touch that area more. Once your are comfortable with touching yourself, try dating someone and move slowly. Don't do anything you don't want to.

[Unit1]

What kind of religious fanatics downvoted you...

[anima_incognita90]

If you find a way, let me know too. Antidepressants totally killed my sexual drive and enjoyment out of it.

[Screenwriter]

You need to have a talk with your psychiatrist about using some that are not linked to killing sex drive. I had that problem too. Was one reason I stopped taking them and relied on exercise. Try that also.

[anima_incognita90]

Thanks a lot for your reply. I've been through this talk with my therapist, but unfortunately my current medication was the only one not messing with my ability to lead a relatively "normal" life. I mean I have tried switching to another med quite a few times, but the side effects were too much to take. I'm on the process of lowering the daily dosage and see where that goes. Exercise is quite a problem but I definitely get your point as a former athlete

[Unit1]

The same happened with me with SSRI, paroxetine. I stopped taking those and the doctor prescribed me SARI instead, Trazodone. I love this antidepressant. It works and it doesn't kill my libido.

[anima_incognita90]

@Unit1 fun fact... I am on paroxetine too. Still the only substance that actually helps me with depression and generalized anxiety disorder though

[Unit1]

Oh well.

[Rustro]

With the kind of big ego tinderellas in 2019 I'd rather be asexual

[devil_8888]

Well actually that’s in your nature and you can’t help.. Have you ever watched porn or masturbated?

[COMMODOREII]

Probably starts with opening up your heart to someone and gaining trust for that person

[Anonymous]

I don't know I've tried but it doesn't seem to work

[Screenwriter]

Start on some therapy. A therapist can help you explore what you need to do.

[JimboGB]

It starts with a zipper and the lick of lips.

[Anonymous]

So are you saying asexual is a choice then?

[Unit1]

That's what i was thinking

[Nilanjan]

Have peegasm