Girl confused, or not?

[Anonymous]

Working with a girl for 2 years. She had always kind of looked at me and smiled but I really wasn't interested. We worked more closely and there was obvious flirting going on. Then we started texting. Initially, texting was off the chain and we exchanged compliments for one another. She said I was cute and she really wanted to get to know me. I suggested hanging out, she said she could only offer genuine friendship. We talked about our past and shw admitted to having a "rough year". I got a bit carried away when talking about my past and I kind of crossed a line, pressing her to disclose more about her break up. She told me she really thought she wanted to get to know me, and said she thought she was ready to date but really wasn't at all. She stated she didn't want to talk anymore. I gave space, a week later I apologized for violating the "friendship" boundry. When during the week of not texting, she was overtly flirty, seeking me out just to say Hey, talk to me and so on. I kept pushing forward to let her know I liked her and each time she told me the same thing, "I'm just not ready for a relationship. I find solitude and peace in being alone and God has helped me get there. I need to focus on myself. We can be friends." Again I backed off, but in person she would throw herself at me, flirting, touching me, etc. It was so confusing. I thought maybe she was just being friendly, or maybe she does this with a lot of guys, but watching her, she was nice and cordial but never flirty with other guys. When I see her in person she is flirty, but outside of work she barely replied to my texts I finally got fed up and told her I wouldn't bother her anymore and the best thing she could do is block my number. She replied with "I find you attractive, but I can't date anyone right now. Friends only." So now she only wants to talk at work, no more texting because she says she has a "lot going on". Her friend told me she did have a guy she couldn't get over..

Updates

+1 y

So I think i know the answer, but what do you all think? She just isn't into my personality despite finding me attractive, or legit she just doesn't want to date ANYONE. She stated she needed time to heal from being hurt by another guy. Her friend tells me she likes me and not to give up just give her some space and time to figure herself out.

Updates

+1 y

She keeps telling me "Its not your fault,. you haven't done anything wrong. Its me, I need to figure myself out and I have a lot going on." I have dated a lot of girls, and I have never been so into one but at the same time, so confused by one like I am her. I am willing to wait and be friends but I dont wanna do that if it doesn't progress beyond friendship.

[OptimisticDaria]

Well, my brother and I are really close kinda like really good friends, and we wrestle and play around and stuff. So I wonder if she sees you as a good hearted person. She may want to be with you and close to you, but be afraid to hurt you by not being ready or be hurt by you. Which may explain the flirty closeness you were explaing. I don't text my closest friends all that much, because I can't wait to tell them about it in person. She may be looking for a really good friend rn, but I don't think she's against getting with you, she'll likely just need time and courage.

[OptimisticDaria]

You're probably just really special to her, and it takes more courage for morse special people. Especially if she was just recently hurt. Be there for her, and be close with her. You can get a little physical, that touches in the flirty zone, mostly let her move at her own pace.

[Asker]

I am a nice guy. And she kept asking why I was so nice? Why was I so sweet? And I got some serious goals on this one because her and I have such a sparkkkk its crazy. We just click, the conversation never ends. So I think she really likes me but is afraid. And I dont blame her for being cautious and making sure I am the guy I say I am. I do not mind waiting for her at all. My thoughts are, if she didn't like me and wanna hang onto me, she could've just blocked my number and let it go but she reeled me back in with the compliment instead.

[OptimisticDaria]

Yeah, I think you're right, just be available for here, sounds like she's a keeper. Like I'd bet she'd love if you were playful with her. Because it's awesome to find a nice guy, but you also want one with more than that. You want one who's also quirky, or playful, funny, adventurous; something positive that goes alongbeith nice, but doesn't smother it. Girls lobe a guy who care and listens, and I assume you got this down bc you're nice. The traits that I described will help you stand out if you display more than one, but they are also traits that most guys have anyway, so iy's not impossible. Hope it eventually works out in both of you favor

[OptimisticDaria]

*alongbieth= along with
The typos today, god

[Asker]

Yeah we are always poking at each other, whether it be sarcasticly or not. She likes to tease me over my middle name, and I do the same back at her. I appreciate your kind words and opinion.

[OptimisticDaria]

Sounds like you're doing everything right, it's a good sign that she can recognize that she is the one with the problem, this makes me genuinely hopeful again, I'm nkt surround by many actually good people in my normal daily routine, so I really hope it works out

[Asker]

I also attempted to test her a bit to judge her reaction and see what she would say. I told her since we were just friends I would try my best to get over the crush I had on her. I told her it would be really hard, but I would try and be a great friend. I even suggested maybe I should talk to other females to help me do that. I expected if she didn't like me for her to be like, "YES, talk to other girls, thats a good idea!" But she never addressed it. Another guy at work mentioned he had a crush on her, and I told her about it and she laughed, shook her head, and said,."It won't go anywhere, don't worry!"

[OptimisticDaria]

She might not want you to enturely get over it

[Secret6620]

I just don't think this relationship was meant to be... It shouldn't be this difficult...

[Secret6620]

YAY 🙋 Thanks for most helpful girl 🎀

[hwydrod21]

Honestly it sounds like she's trying to be as honest as possible with you. What her friend says makes a lot of sense. She could be flirting with you as a way to get over things with this other person, but they keep going in and out of her life.

Keep doing you man, this woman will find her way eventually regardless. It helps if you make it seem like you're fine without her. if she wants you, she will be it known. Especially since you work together.

P. S. what did you mean in the first paragraph about not being interested? Did you fall for her overtime?

[Asker]

I have already deployed that tactic. I acted like I didn't wanna see her or talk to her. Purposely greeted another girl before her, and you could tell by her face she wasn't happy. She cut in between us and took over the conversation. Another girl seen me and was like "Oh HEY there is my favorite person.." and the look on her face was like "WHAT?". I walked off and she followed right behind me, "Hey where you going? Its good to see you."

When I day not interested I mean I didn't necessarily know if I wanted to date anyone at all at the time. I actually didn't.

[Asker]

She LOOKS around for me. When she sees me, her face locks onto me and a huge smile emerges. She could be mid conversation/task and her entire focus shifts to me to grab eye contact and greet me.

[hwydrod21]

While I'm glad you're trying things, I don't mean mind games when I say make it seem like you're fine without her. I mean like you, yourself need to get into the mindset that there's a possibility you won't be with her. Detach yourself emotionally, don't ignore her, or talk to others on purpose. Honestly take your emotional investment into this person and try to move on.

She's made it difficult for you and it stresses you often. Don't let it bring you down, be yourself, see other women, and see where life takes you.

I know all of what I just said isn't easy, but I wish I wouldn't have stressed about women who claimed to have wanted me in the past, only to be heartbroken when they jump into a relationship the next week. Believe me you're going to be the one devastated if she gets into a relationship and you're left thinking I thought she "wasn't ready for a relationship", when in reality, sometimes, she never planned on dating you.

[Asker]

All possibilities I have considered. I dont like the games, but she has played so many with me that I decided to play some back. That is part of the problem though.

I said to myself if she wants a friendship then all this BS flirting she is doing is gonna stop. I'm gonna speak, be nice, and keep it moving. But she couldn't take it, she had to come looking for me. That was my attempt to detach myself. She was there to distract my focus on work to her, reeling me back in.

I am off the next 7 days, and I am going to occupy my time with other things to try and help detach from her emotionally. I do have other females I was talking to but I put them on hold and told them I was interested in someone, but if it changed I would text them. I plan on going out to lunch with one girl this week.

[hwydrod21]

You sound like a stand-up guy, I hope it all works out well for you.

[Avicenna]

Its understandable. You need to respect that.

[Iron_Man]

Confused