Ghosted me but stares?

[Anonymous]

So she ended our situationship by ghosting me two months ago. Every time I see her in public she stares at me from a distance and the moment she notices me noticing her she will look at the floor or/away pretending I don't exist and so we don't make eye contact and to clearly say "do not talk to me or approach me". The whole time I just look straight ahead and don't acknowledge her existence.

I get she does not want me to talk to her/approach her and I have stopped calling/texting her ages ago (and no I did not blow up her phone with calls/texts)

One time I caught her see me exit a shop and walk the other direction and when I crossed the road she was standing there with her friend staring at me obviously the whole time for maybe 30 seconds or more until I went out of view.

But every other time we pass in public she will stare at me from a distance until she knows I have noticed her staring.

Any idea why this is happening? Surely if you ghost someone and want to ignore someone you won't stare at them like this?

[Gwenhwyfar]

Tell me what happened to cause her to ghost you in the first place

[Asker]

In short there was some drunken flirting, I was massaging her and when I reached her hip she flinched so I stopped touching her, moved away from her and did not touch her the rest of the evening. Due to an ongoing police issue she sent me outside at one point to check if the police were there to arrest her, they were not, they were arresting a neighbour but she completely freaked out over the blue police lights flashing across her apartment.

She does not look afraid or angry when I see her but I just assume she is watching me to check I won't do anything stupid.

She posted a whole lot of quite nasty stuff about me online and I only found out last week she thinks I have been stalking her as due to me not working I was in the local area so I saw her a fair bit, but I ignored and avoided her and made no attempt at contact.

[Gwenhwyfar]

OMG it’s you again!!! Just leave her alone. She’s obviously not interested in resuming contact. Those are not good stares.

[Asker]

I have deleted her contact number, not connected on facebook etc so I literally can not contact her or know what she is doing and I do not ask about her to mutual friends. For the first month I did call/text occasionally like once a week to try and apologise and make things right which resulted in me being ignored, them a month ago the nasty stuff posted online with a line of "You have turned me off for good".

I have just left her alone after her last text message to me where she is uncertain if me being in the same place as her was coincidence or not which she says so I left her alone completely after that. Zero interaction online/offline.

[Asker]

Year me lol. Yes I ahve left her alone and plan on leaving her alone, I have no plan on trying to resume contact and my posting here was not asking of how to do that.

I was just curious about her stares. Is she staring to keep an eye on me to ensure I don't come near her or try anything? I know it is not attraction, I just was curious.

[Gwenhwyfar]

That is odd. Maybe she has some residual feelings, but her body language is saying Stay away.

[Asker]

I find it odd too, I am staying away and won't approach her. It is what I thought took perhaps some feelings.

The only guess is she has some feelings but with the ignoring/avoiding wants to move on and is trying to not give me any sign she likes me even though as we know feelings don't die instantly.

We are not ideal as a couple but it's not something we ever got to discus. cicalways felt she was always holding back emotionaly and not wanting to go further hence th mixed signals and bits of jealousy I saw in her

[Gwenhwyfar]

You might be right

Just keep following the advice I gave you before and don’t make any sudden moves

[Asker]

I have and will be following your advice, it was just the stares which through me off :) Thanks

[Anonymous]

Staring just to keep an eye on you and make sure your not coming around to close. I’d do the same if any of the men I ghosted were in my sight.

[Asker]

Ah that makes sense. I doubted she had any interest in me romantically. The thing is I don't go near her, approach or talk to her. I just act like she does not exist.

I have no intention of approaching her as I know she does not want that, but is she afraid I will try and talk to her?

Have you ever stared as you had some interest still in the guy? I am not holding out hope I am just curious from your point of view the reasons why this might happen?

[Opinion Owner]

I just read the explaination you wrote to the other person of why she ghosted you. She definitely watching out for you to stay away and that’s all. Leave her alone.

[Asker]

Ah ok thanks, that explains it. Don't worry I plan on staying away.

[Doflamingo1]

Hi, similar situation but I didn’t force myself on her. The girl told my mutual friend that she is uncomfortable around me. Yet she’s frequently visiting areas that I hang out, and looking at me from a distance. When I catch her she seems to be like in a dreamy eyed situation, and when she wakes up she always gets shocked. (Very important info is that she thinks I’m a creep. I’ve tried avoiding her but, she keeps going to places I hang out, and when I switch she always visits those places too. I did try making a move on her but, I didn’t think she was interested. Her close friend is also always eyeing me down like a hawk when I walk into rooms, and when I catch the friend she whispers something in that girl’s ears.) I don’t understand why a girl would want to be around a creep?

[Asker]

@Doflamingo1 with this woman I never forced myself on her, we had numerous situations like this without issue, would spend days together literally all weekend and spike everyday for months and she never objected to my obvious flirting she quite liked it and even called some of our dinner get together dates. She was interested but always held back in my opinion I think due to age and people disapproving and other things.

Ok your situation is odd. Weird she visits areas you are at. Are you 100% sure the girl thinks your a creep? My one avoids me now, but if yours is following you around sounds the opposite unless it's coincidence your both in the same place at the same time which kind of made my situation worse

[Doflamingo1]

Oh sorry about misunderstanding your situation bro. Usually when I walk past her she always goes quiet, and looks down. I’ve read that these are good signs but, it’s very similar to your situation

She’s always staring at me when I don’t notice her, or if she walks by me she glances over at me. I caught her one time, and she seemed to be lost in my eyes, and I read that the eyes don’t lie. She told mutual friends that I’m creepy, and like your situation 1 of her friends always had an eye out for me- so I avoided her. I tried sorting the situation out, and when I spoke to her the body language she was showing me was completely different to when I walk by. She looked me directly in the eyes, and spoke to me as if she was interested in everything I said. I asked if she could spare some time after so we can sort things out but, I saw that friend come into the room 20ins later whilst I was waiting for her. It ended up with me leaving because, I knew that she called her friend, and that she was uncomfortable with me.

The thing that’s similar with my situation and yours is that 1 of her friends are involved on this little staring game too. Personally, the gaze that her friend, and the girl gives me are the complete opposite. The friend is almost looking at me with disgust. Not sure if it’s the same with you but, I read something online about how their friends having a huge impact on who some girls date. I think they call it hive mind but, women get offended when you refer to it as that.

I know this sounds creepy but, I would sometimes stalk her ig profile. She unfollowed me a while back so it lowkey kinda hurt, to get over her, and prevent myself from looking at her profile I blocked her account. When I recently when to unblock her, it turns out she blocked me back too. I would like to think that she’s stalking my profile too, as sometimes the evil friend (who’s doesn’t follow my ig) views my stories

[Doflamingo1]

Went*

[Asker]

@Doflamingo1 lol this does sound similar. In my case when I catch her looking at me it seems either anxious with a little bit of curiosity, maybe attraction, but I know her daughter disapproves. Her two friends added me on Facebook ages ago so I guess they were curious about me.

Until this situation I used to get on fine with the daughter who is a grown adult, now the daughter just stays quiet but gives me a different look, just I think worry.

In my case I can't do anything unless she approaches me. I kind of have a gut feeling she always held back because of differences between us. I don't deny I freaked her out which resulted in the ghosting, but the whole stalking stuff is paranoia, which could mount from her anxiety and an upcoming court case where she is being sued for harassment which I know is true, I know the other party.

I think in my case it is a mix of her wanting me not to approach her and perhaps us both to move on but she does not quite want that, she always gave me mixed signals and when I tried to move on she stopped me or got jealous, she hated me talking to a woman I seemed attractive.

You mention lost in your eyes, that sounds a little familiar, I think that is how I caught her staring at me, we locked eyes for a few seconds then she pulled away.

You mention about the look with your interests friend gives you being different.

With me her friends in the park all like me, it's th daughter that's likes me as a person but thinks I am wrong for her mother or would use her. Hell her daughter saw how I would dote on her mother even giving her little hugs (non sexual but lingering caring) or a kiss goodnight on the forehead when I left, and mostly her daughter saw this and other stuff I used to do. I have no issue admitting I screwed up but the whole reaction is off. Plus I have never had anyone not want to have a conversation with me seriously about my behaviour as she has never raised any issues with how I have treated her in the last year.

[Asker]

@Doflamingo1 no worries about the misunderstanding lol, easy to get in my story. We used to spend a lot of time together and she could read me like a book. I always had a feeling she was used to spotting abusive guys so would not let me near her.

[Asker]

@Doflamingo1 oh interesting her friend views your stories.. probably her or her friend wanting to know if you are posting about you. Odd to do such a thing for someone you hate. I don't view profiles of people I hate. I block and that's it.

With this lady her daughter used a fake Facebook profile to spy on the Facebook group I am an admin of after she and the daughter got blocked for abusing the local business, that profile got suspended lol.

So I suspect this ladies friends are keeping tabs on me as they are my Facebook friends, so she can see what I post even though none is public via her very close friends profile.

I think with your situation like mine as the ladies here have said it is best to leave alone, go full no contact and meet someone else. Your interest may come to you when she realises you have given up and moved on. If she is interested in you and listens to her friends and won't talk to you about what is making her uncomfortable you have to leave alone like I am doing. The more you press to make things right the more you will drive her away. I met someone recently so we're see what happens there, I would suggest moving on and putting your energy into someone that wants to talk to you. You can't fix a broken relationship if the other party won't at least talk to you.

[Doflamingo1]

If it’s really bothering you I say that you should approach her, and sort things out. Try not to approach her in closed off space, and try not to invade her personal space. The situation I described happened 2 years ago in college, and despite dating a lot of women she remains in my mind without paying rent. I sometimes find myself zoning out thinking about things I could have done. If she doesn’t want to talk when you call out to her just leave it there bro

[Asker]

@Doflamingo1 two months ago I tried waving at her in public but she makes it very clear not to approach her, such as walking away from me or keeping her head looking away from me so if I try say anything she can pretend not to hear me.

I have tried to talk to her but I am just forgetting her which is not hard to do. I don't plan on approaching her as it will make the current situation worse.

If she chooses to talk to me then I will apologize but I think she just wants me gone so I have to accept that and leave her be.

For example today she sent me a screenshot of a letter she received as when I quit the group I helped setup I was on the bank account, so something I have to sort on Monday. She unblocked me, sent me the photo then blocked me. I know as I tried replying with just "Thank you for the update, I'll take care of this Monday, have a great weekend." And the message never went through. I deleted her number a while back. So it's just another sign she does not want to resolve the current situation even to be on friendly terms.

So I just have to walk away and if I hear from her someday that is cool, we can be friends but I don't expect that will ever happen.

[Doflamingo1]

Fair enough. Its pretty childish how she doesn’t want to sort out the matter. Good luck with your situation brother.