Why are shy guys creepy to girls?

[Anonymous]

these are the guys that like the girl most, or generally have a much more loving nature, being a shy guy myself, when I like a girl, I like her so much. and I get scared and afraid to approach sometimes, especially at first, but I've made strides to overcome it, but after being rejected, I hear that the girl thinks I'm creepy. its not because I become a perv around her, or say dumb things, its usually just from talking to her in a friendly way, and being interested, and occasion having awkward silences. why is that creepy? especially when its all over my face when I like a girl a lot, I blush all the time around cute girls. tell me how this is creepy? :(

[YouKnowThatGuy]

Because as a result of being shy you're coming off as socially awkward. Some times being socially awkward means you're shy and nothing more than that. But you know who else is usually socially awkward? Nut jobs. You're displaying the same socially introverted and awkward traits that people associate with creepy people.

Some times creeps can be extroverts, charming, etc. People never identify them as creeps until it's too late. Just the same, normal people can be introverted and awkward, and be mistaken as creepy people when they might not be.

Some things I did notice though. You said when you like a girl, you like her so much. That isn't a good thing. You don't really know these girls like that, so when you develop an unwarranted level of interest, that IS creepy. Well-adjusted people take a certain acceptable level of interest in people they are attracted to and don't know. People that AREN'T well-adjusted are prone to take too much interest in somebody they should be THAT interested in, or they take too little interest in people they are SUPPOSE to be taking an interest in.

There's definitely a social norm to how much interest you have, and how long it's suppose to take to develop a stronger interest. If you are becoming very interested, very quickly, I would suggest taking a step back and doing some self-evaluating as to why you continue to make this same mistake. I find that people who don't have much experience with relationships tend to be the most likely to become too quickly attached to people. It's a bad thing because this quick attachment that develops is superficial and not based on real-life information about the person. It's legitimately unwarranted. People who are quick to attach are prone to be the same people who quickly detach when their expectations of the person falter. (After all, the strong attachment and liking that formed wasn't a result of real-world information. Once the real-world information betrays the imaged information they made up, they detach quickly.)

Some advice, take it or leave it.

[Asker]

my feelings have taken time to grow though for girls. and when I'm rejected it hurts for a long time, in fact I still hurt over my rejections that happened like 2 years ago. I think a lot of it is situation specific.

[YouKnowThatGuy]

Again man, signs of over-attachment. Unless you were married, that rejection shouldn't take that long to get over. And when I say time for feelings to grow, I mean mutually. You're initial level of romantic interest should be somewhere in the range of "I want to get to know you better, because there's some attraction on my part. I want to see if this leads anywhere"=Curious. No serious feelings yet, just attraction and curiosity. The higher range is "We have a close friendship,

[YouKnowThatGuy]

I'm attracted to you. I want to see where this takes us because I do harbor feelings towards you." This is at the higher end of acceptable. When you have a very close friendship, feelings can develop and if you get rejected, it may take a little time to get over that. But most of that would be the result of a damaged friendship, not simply rejection. 2 years says you're clearly harboring feelings that are way too extreme considering you're not even in a relationship with the person.

[Mesonfielde]

"Well-adjusted", right. I for one would say "they're the ones not adjusted right" but with the people who become overly connected are a minority, they're the ones who are "weird". :P

Anyways, theory says that you "fall in love" so easily and so much because you are desperately trying to find affection, to find someone who loves you, and that means your emotions are merely the result of your self-centered dependency. You don't love them, you're interested in them and the love idea of being loved.

[Mesonfielde]

..and love the idea of being loved*

If I had made an answer it would have pretty much said the same thing as this guy above, but I thought I'd add a comment to it. :P

I personally have had the same issues so I pretty much know how much it sucks. But if I run it through my head - what it would be like to be loved by someone excessively without actually providing any reason for it to be legitimate - yeah, that actually IS creepy. -.-

[YouKnowThatGuy]

Meso, it's not a matter of overly connected, its a matter of unwarranted interest. To be connected means both people are on the same page. I don't even know if there's such a thing as being overly connected. A connection takes two people. What he has is overly interested, which is totally different. It's not a healthy balanced relationship, it's a one-sided infatuation. But I do agree with you on the second part with the emotions.

[sa230e]

Well said, it's rare to get an answer this good.

[Mesonfielde]

You're right. I should have said "attached". But I was trying to make it seem like his actions aren't as bad as they are, and attachment already implies that you are a one-sided burden. :P

...I think he's not interested in the person, but rather in being together with them, anyways. As I said, dependency.

[Asker]

I'm not saying I disagree with you, but in my cases, they were girls that were just like, irresistible to me, I couldn't help but feel a strong (apparently one-sided) connection with them. there was no stopping it for me. not to mention I generally am good at knowing how people are without really knowing them super close. but I did become good friends for a while with the girls, and I wanted them in my life for a long long time, I don't see how in my case it was "overly" successive.

[YouKnowThatGuy]

I'm going to go ahead an assume you don't have much experience with relationships? This isn't to put you down, but to make a point. Until you accept that maybe the issue really is YOU, you aren't going to be able to change. Maybe you don't know people as well as you think, maybe you didn't know them nearly as well as you thought, maybe what you're feeling is idealization as oppose to attraction to them specifically. And by maybe, I mean it's fairly obvious to the outsiders looking in.

[Asker]

maybe it is me. I don't have any relationship experience you're right. but also, it's not like I could help the way I felt either. I had reasons for it. girls can also try and understand that maybe it is for a reason that guys feel this way about them. so what if you don't like him nearly as much as you like him, obviously he pays more attention to you than you do to him. he doesn't run through her mind nearly as much, but she runs through his all the time. girls should be able to respect that.

[YouKnowThatGuy]

You need to accept that what you're feeling is an over-attachment. You need to stop saying that how you feel is out of your control. Perhaps you should try talking to psychologist. They have therapies that will allow you to tailor self-helping techniques to your situation. I'm not saying you're insane or anything. I'm saying you clearly have issues with forming healthy relationships, for whatever reason that may be. You should see a professional so that they can figure out what specifically is

[YouKnowThatGuy]

going on, and what you both can do to stop that from repeating itself. Clearly you WANT to have a healthy loving relationship with another person, perhaps so much that it's negatively effecting your ability to form those kinds of relationships. You need somebody to help you out with talking out your feelings, identifying why you feel that why, and why it may or may not be warranted in that situation.

[Asker]

ummmmm OK. maybe I was led on? manipulated a bit? there's a lot of factors you're ignoring that depend entirely on the situation. I was played a little if you must know, intentional or not, it happened.

[YouKnowThatGuy]

No man, I'm going off the things you wrote. "when I like a girl, I like her so much" - "I still hurt over my rejections that happened like 2 years ago." - "I generally am good at knowing how people are without really knowing them super close." these are just a couple VERY obvious signs you aren't forming relationships properly, that you get very attached rather quick, and that you're perception of things isn't matching up with the reality of the situation. That's by no means a bashing of you,

[YouKnowThatGuy]

but I have some experience dealing with this sort of thing. My sister has a Masters in Psych and I've read most the textbooks and other books she's read. We talk about these sort of things often. I know a thing or two about this sort of thing. I think if you really want to start having healthy relationships, you need to see a professional that can help with your specific situation, because they can help. I hope you do, it will help tons.

[CuriousByNatureChick]

I totally agree with this comment. I have had a few shy guys who were showing signs that he is very interested in me in a "creepy" way. They think they know me, but they don't. Try to speak for me on what they think I am like to other people. This is creepy, because he hasn't taken the time to get to know me by asking questions in a conversation, but they just assume perhaps by their observations of my behaviour. That is creepy... He is spying on me? Stalking me? Always tries to get close to me and doesn't say anything. I did like one of the shy guys back, tried to have a conversation with him by asking what he was up to on the weekend etc but he only answers my questions but he doesn't know how to carry the conversation, I soon ran out of things to talk about. I feel like he just like being around me, but he hasn't talk much so I can't get to know him, therefore, I felt like there was no connection between us and it totally killed my attraction to him.

[Anonymous]

Creepy usually means unattractive. The majority of girls are attracted to confident approaches, so a shy guy approaching is unattractive and, by extension, creepy. Don't let it get to you, it's not personal.

[ccluvya13]

i don't really like shy guys because when they don't talk us "good-looking" girls, it actually pisses us off. mostly because they don't make any sense and we can't understand anythng that is going through their mind. there is this one shy guy who when he talks to me... he just makes me feel like he hates me because he doesn't say much, but really his problem is that he is shyer than ever. I don't know it just always kinda makes me super upset at how shy they are

and there is another shy guy that goes to my school everyone is inlove with him but it seems like a waste because he's so shy... and honestly I think he is creepy because of that I don't know that's just what I feel like about shy guys...

[Mesonfielde]

It's hard to have a conversation with someone with whom there is absolutely nothing to talk about.

[ccluvya13]

most people find something to talk about...

[Mesonfielde]

They're cheating. -.- Awkward silence comes from that neither party can come up with anything to talk about. Then most people immediately assume that it's -your- fault that you two cannot relate.

[Shorty1991]

@Mesonfielde jeez. I don't get girls that accuse guys of being creeps or pervs just because they show interest by talking to them.
But they do have a point with those guys that lurk around after us and invade our space without any intentions of ever talking to us. Its happened to me twice. There's only one approach I like from guys and that's a straight forward one. No pissing about, just get on with it. Otherwise they just waste time. But well done for trying. At least you know where you stand. Don't give up. ;)

[Mesonfielde]

@Shorty1991 it's hard to be straightforward and keep a conversation going if you have nothing to do about. I've since learned that it's easier to just avoid the other person and not talk to them if you have nothing to say, lol.

[Shorty1991]

@Mesonfielde well that's the whole point in engaging in conversation with someone new, you find out more about them. Hobbies and interests.

[phoenixyox]

from my point of view, I prefer shy guys than brazen ones because most likely they aren't the womanizer types. I think you're just expressing in your own way that you indeed like her but unfortunately maybe you're just not her type. or maybe you expressed to her too soon that you liked her so girls generally find that uncomfy. maybe it would help if you don't show it too much, i.e. you can be friendly but add some mystery - girls would like to find you out...good luck and don't be too shy, most of all just be yourself! eventually you'll meet that wonderful girl that likes you back!

[raineydaygurl]

who says that's creepy?i would LOVE it if I could find a shy guy like that who liked me.i really don't understand how that's creepy lol

[Anonymous]

i wouldn't consider that creepy, :( I think its kinda cute actually.

[Asker]

i would think so too, but I've only ever been considered creepy. but its usually all over my face, that I'm really intimidated, or really happy to be talking to them, or both.

[Opinion Owner]

maybe its just the girls you're approaching

[Asker]

well they do tend to be pretty good looking, but why are the good looking girls so, idk, heartless?

[Opinion Owner]

well.. I wouldn't consider myself 'bad looking' lol and I have a heart. Well, sometimes really good looking girls tend to know they're good looking so that makes them bitchy and superficial. But not all girls are like this.

[Little-Hippie]

"Creepy" is kind of an overused term, I think.