Girls, why won't she give me answer? how should I proceed?

[Anonymous]

so quick background, there's this girl i know I've known her for a while but haven't seen her in forever due to me living out of town? so to be clear i know she's liked me in the past and she knows i have/had feelings for her. so the other night we hung out for the first time in forever. at the end of the nigh i attempted to kiss her and she pulled away so i was like ok she's not interested. the next day i get a call from her and she didn't seem happy i tried to kiss her. apparently she didn't remember due to drinking and her friend apparently told her i tried making a move on her. i apologized because i did feel horrible about it, i honestly felt stupid about it after it happened. however throughout the process of the phone call some things were said that made me start thinking what the hell is going on. when i told her she pulled back and that was the end of that she said im sorry i pulled back, she also said i do like you, and she also invited me out to hang out with her at the time of where she was a the phone call. also she said why didn't i tell her friend that we have known each other as long as we did? also when i said i regretted it she asked so you regret trying to kiss me in a tone like kind of hurt her feelings. that night i texted her again said i couldnt stop thinking about it a felt horrible and if you hate me know and dont want to talk or see each other again i understand. her response was i dont hate you. however after that i said another thing i was thinking about was her saying she like me. i said did i hear you correctly, how do you feel about us i want to be crystal clear going forward about where we stand to avoid another situation like before. she said i was drunk yesterday avoiding the answer, but im like how drunk could you have been to pull out your phone call me and have an actual conversation talking about something and she didn't sound gone at all. i guess i just dont understand why she can't give me an answer one way or another.

[btbc92]

Simple. Look at what your writing. All your caring about is a relationship where your sexual and or romantic feelings matter instead of what she felt and desires. Just because somebody crushed on you in the past. That doesn't mean they feel the same way or want the same thing. There is a reason why people do not just rush into relationships or desire the same thing. Your too obsessed with this girl and she is not comfortable. She's tolerating you because she knows your not a bad person. But you're crossing the line and it is coming off disrespectful. The truth is you need to ask yourself what is your intent with this. And why you're doing this. That is the only way you would know how to proceed, to respect that she only wants friendship, or to move on. There is no US. You need to just STOP. You not together, you don't have anything going on, but you're FORCING something to happen between you against her consent.

However, she is scared to pursue a relationship even if she doesn't like you. You pushing that doesn't help either. She may like you as a person, she can be attracted to you, and even love you as a person. But romance and sexual desires are a big no-no. She isn't looking for that personally even if her body desires so. However, at the same time, even if she may in the future, it is definitely not now. She is if anything scared you will abandon her for good for another girl and out of her life because you're making it complicated and she feels stressed and anxious because of this. The truth is she doesn't really know what she wants. But it's clear her heart is held, hostage. If she rejects you, you'll leave. If she forces herself into a relationship, she may run away and leave. See what you're doing. It's not healthy or good. The truth is you already know the answer to why. Why can't you just give yourself the answer you don't want to hear? She's guarded because she was hurt before by men. And you are pressuring her to want something she is uncertain of. Please figure yourself out. And why you're pursuing this girl? Because that answer will determine her answer.

She already told you how she feels. The problem is you being selfish about it.

[Asker]

you obv didn't read the whole thing considering she told me she liked me lit the next day, apologized for pulling back and invitied me out after knowing i tried kissing her. also she didn't tell me how she feels everytime i ask her and give her a chance to say im not interested she dosent give me an answer so how exactly did she tell me how she feels. and when i tried to kiss and she pulled away i didn't try to kiss her again i left and went home. also i left out i asked her if it was weird if i tried to kiss her and she said it would be weird if you didn't. once again based on your response you clearly didn't really read or understand what i was saying.

[Asker]

once again if she just wants a friendship why won't she say i dont want to date even though I've tried many times to get an answer and then pulls shit like well i do like you, sorry i pulled back etc. also if she thinks im making it complicated for her why can't she just tell me she dosent know. she hasn't told me how she feels so how am i being selfish about it?

[btbc92]

I read the entire thing and your taking offense. The problem is you WANT HER SO BAD your not respecting her. I know guys like you, I have dealt with men like you all the time. You are very selfish. What you're doing scars women for life. You men in general ask us these questions and then get mad at us when we give you an answer you don't want to hear. I literally had guys on this site wanting to remove my "opinions" for the very things I am telling you. So no. It is not like you people don't know. You DO KNOW. You said you known her for a while. But a WHILE isn't years. You barely know this girl and already you want to kiss her and probably be in bed with her. There are many things you do not know about each other. That is too fast and too soon. Just because a woman crush, that doesn't always mean, again, that we want, desire, or like a relationship that is sexual or romantic or both. At the same time, you men expect premarital sex. Which is the biggest fear and problem for women. These is not those times when people waited for marriage to have sex. Now people hook up and leave. or you have sex and then the relationship fails. Men say they like you and want you, but WHY? You barely even know us but you want us, then we are uncertain, you either get an attitude or you ghost us. Sadly women do the same. But that is how selfish people have become and then call this love, romance, etc. It hurts. Women aren't scared of love per se. Women have become scared when a man says he loves her and she is scared of sex period. Women have sex now as part of a bodliy need and pleasure and that is if she can now. They don't see the need anymore to beg for a man to love her or to stay. So really ask yourself is this love and you cannot contain or your pushing for a physical relationship hoping it becomes permanent and she is not reciprocating that? Because there is a difference. Either way, love doesn't force somebody to do anything.

[btbc92]

I know exactly how she feels as I am and have dealt with the same thing. She doesn't KNOW because she doesn't know you enough to trust that.

"once again if she just wants a friendship why won't she say i dont want to date even though I've tried many times to get an answer and then pulls shit like well i do like you, sorry i pulled back etc. also if she thinks im making it complicated for her why can't she just tell me she dosent know. she hasn't told me how she feels so how am i being selfish about it?" Because that is NOT what you want, you want SEX. You want sex so bad you don't CARE about friendships! You don't give a damn! I know. Because I believe in waiting for marriage to have sex. I get told NO MAN would want me and I would be a poor mother, wife and girlfriend because I refused to open my legs. That is how selfish you men are. You need a friendship for us to get to KNOW each other. To learn and to grow to love each other. Like many men said, they don't want that. You want sex. If you don't have sex, your walkjing. You don;t give a damn about how a woman feels. You think if we have sex with you it shows we love you and is atracted to and want you. That is not TRUE. We need to feel safe! We need to feel LOVED. You don't know how to be a friend, so how can you know how to be a partner? Or a lover, let alone a spouse? Those are all very different things and in and with life it comes ins stages. And instead of going in the natural order, you want to rush to get physical and in bed. What's worse, you don't know how to love or even love yourselves.

[btbc92]

She isn't pulling shit! You're just selfish! And you don't want to admit it which is why she is cautious about you. Let her hear you say she is talking shit! I bet you don't have the balls but you want her, yet you like her. What loving person speaks that way and treats somebody they love like this? This is why we reject you because you're hurting us, hurt yourself, and you lack-self awareness. I'm celibate. I never dated. I am still a virgin, and I am almost 30. I have a lifetime of scars I DON'T TRUST MEN anymore. I see all if not most of my friends and my own late mother get hurt by men like you. I am not becoming somebody else victim again. She can't tell you because you won't care and is selfish. You want it your way. She can't trust you. Let some man degrade my feelings like many times ago, he would be through. I blocked such men before. She sadly doesn't have the courage to stop tolerating emotional abuse and to tell you off herself. Because she is scared and is being a people-pleaser. I know. Been there, done that. And you men still don't give a damn about us. You just like what you see physically, how makes you feel emotional or the energy we give. But you love the real us. Because you can't the rea us if it doesn't give you the sexual and emotional benefits you want. All we asked is to be loved, respected, and valued. That is not what you are doing. How can she open up to you and already you are treating her this way? you know you are going to get angry. You know you are going to be pissed. You know you're doing to say f her. She's just using you!" Really, men? Really? And you want to know why your single? Why you get rejected the way you do? Why no amount of relationships ever worked? Because you haven't worked on yourself first.

[Asker]

its funny how you say i just want sex considering im 30 and I've slept with 2 people my entire life, i can count on one hand how many times I've kissed someone. I've know her for 15 years and even after i moved we talked all the time. trust me we know each other very very well. and for the record i do love this girl. when she had problems with stuff in her life i was the very person to call her and ask how she was doing etc.

[btbc92]

So if she says she won't have sex unless you marry her. Would you do it?

[btbc92]

No, you do not love her. Why would you say she is talking shit, but you love her? Buddy, I'm sorry. This is where I say your full of shit. If you know her for 15 years you would RESPECT HER. And after 15 years, you STILL don't respect her.

[Asker]

see even in quoting me you just turned around and assume i want sec without knowing me or out history etc... if you were uncomfortable with a guy after he tried kissing you on that same phone call asking me about it would you say well i do like you. not past tense but i do not in the past i did i didn't etc. if you were uncomfortable why would you not just say it and end it why would you still dangle hope

[Asker]

sex means absolutely nothing to me on any level so yes 100 percent. sex is never anything i have actively seeked in any way shape or form. also when did i say she was talking shit?

[btbc92]

Let me tell you something about love. When I love a person. I mean it. I don't play that, do something for me and I will do something for you game. That is what your playing. Because when she doesn't reciprocate, all those those "nice" things you do for her get revoked. All the attention, all the care, is gone. That's not love. I always show I care and love a person no matter how many times I get rejected by people, be it rejection from my parents, rejection from my neighbors, friends, classmates, coworkers, whoever. I STILL SHOW GODLY LOVE. A person who loves would do what they say anyway regardless. They don't pull back just because they always get what they want. You do it out of motivation, not because you love her. You wanted a chance and you waited for your chance. That's it. It is about chances with you. Not love. She never said any of the things your doubting. You doiubt it because she isn't doing what those other women you had and experienced done. that's the problem I noticed with those experiences. You carry the same baggage and treat people accordingly due to that baggage. And when somebody responses differently you don't know how to respond or you don't respect it. That's wrong. Why you waited for so long for 15 years for a woman you say what she is doing is pulls shit like "well I do like you, sorry I pulled back." UH, HELLO ASKER. She may like you but she isn't trying to offend you or make you angry. What do you expect, because other men pushed her physically the same WAY. Just because she would or might have liked to kiss you she isn't READY for that and doesn't trust that situation enough. She is hurt, she needs healing and she needs to make SURE. Women do not have the same luxury as men. This is why they say women need to marry young, have kids young, secure a man young or else you go younger. Because we have sex and get too caught up with the wrong guy and you're not compatible. That's it. A woman's screwed. You can always move on. We cannot.

[btbc92]

"see even in quoting me you just turned around and assume i want sec without knowing me or out history etc... if you were uncomfortable with a guy after he tried kissing you on that same phone call asking me about it would you say well i do like you. not past tense but i do not in the past i did i didn't etc. if you were uncomfortable why would you not just say it and end it why would you still dangle hope" Dangle HOPE. Do you not hear yourself? DANGLE HOPE? We owe you NOTHING! You owe it to yourself to figure yourself out instead of bringing all of that confusion to us. I can like a guy but that doesn't mean I want to get physical with him. You tried to kiss her and yet you never talked to her about what you would really like and respect that. And even if you did, and she told you more than enough, why would you try to kiss her, and she is already confused as it is? Do you talk about dangle hope? no, you need to learn to respect boundaries and slow the hell down. It doesn't go yourway or anybodies way. It has to be mutual. She mutaully told you she likes you, but she isn't looking or is ready for that. What part of that do you not understand? Your too pushy. Just because you claim your not after sex, yet that is exactly what you expect after a WHILE. Which is why we don't get physical not even a kiss.

[btbc92]

If she kissed you, it would lead you on.
If she allowed it, your going to think she is leading you on anyway.
She pulled back, already you accused her of leading you on.

The hell is WRONG with you men?

[btbc92]

No, we will tell you what we needed to tell you. Not you tell us how to FEEL or what to DO. You don't control us. Learn to control yourself. So tell us how and what she should feel. Either you respect it or move on.

[btbc92]

If we want to be with you, we will do so on our OWN TIME. You can't respect it, there is the exit. Stop lying to us and wasting our time. Instead of condemning her, a loving person would hold her and tell her it's okay. He would hold her and feel for her, have EMPATHY and COMPASSION. Having such joy and INNOCENCE. And mean it. Actions speak louder than your words. And your actions say you want to get physical. It doesn't say you love her or us. That is the way of the world, always taking, always stealing, always converting what doesn't belong to them. Since when love hurt another? You would respect the process and the stage she is in her life, and you don't.

[Jesy_Handle]

I think she’s confused and coming to terms with her feelings. You seem like a kind guy. She’ll come around