She led me on, told me she wanted a relationship with me, then rejected me, I ended the friendship and now she's crying. What is going on?

[Anonymous]

Hey, so I've been friends with this girl for 4 years, started to like her romantically last year; let her know since last fall, she said she wanted a relationship etc. wanted to do sexual stuff with me etc. Then after taking her out, we kissed, hugged etc. A few weeks later I arranged we do something when College ends (May 29th); then she tells me she just wants us to be friends, she's slept with two different guys, and is now going on dates with another. I just said no, you've disrespected me, used me and led me on, you don't evidently care about me at all so I don't want to be friends with you anymore. Also said to her that was a really rotten thing to do to a guy who's done nothing but love and care for you, for nearly half a decade. Goodbye and good luck with her your life. Fast-forward, three weeks later she's crying apparently and her friends are telling me she wants me back. I've just said no, she's got to grow up and work through these issues on her own now. I'm done being taken for granted. So, could someone tell me why she led me on, disrespected me and then is now proceeding to make a scene about me standing up for myself? Any advice on how to handle this would be great please. I'm not really a people person and all my relationships in the past have been long term, committed ones. I don't sleep around or anything, so I don't understand this kind of behaviour. Thanks

[SteveSmith1985]

Dude, you seem to be handling this PERFECTLY so far. I usually have a lot to write, but not this time... you're on the right track.

All I can say is: don't second guess yourself because she's crying. Everything you said here makes sense, and (in my opinion) was handled right. You had the right mindset. Don't let that become warped by her crying.

You will not ever understand this behavior, insofar as you'll never find yourself in her situation. You don't think that way. You never will.

But I think that "not caring about your feelings" is a central pillar to her behaviour. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She is not ready for a real relationship. It might be a matter of growing up, or it might be a personality flaw on her part.

The smart move is to keep your distance. At least for a while. Definitely don't get involved with her romantically (ever). To me, the question is, a question of friendship or no friendship. As a romantic partner... this girl will be a disaster.

[EternallyCorrect]

Girls like her are just damaged. They’re all over the place. Unstable.

She saw you as a “nice guy”. She’s attracted to fuckboys.

Girls like her get pumped and dumped by fuckboys and they get fed up of that, then they try to date a nice guy because that’s what they’re missing from the fuckboy.

But at the same time they never fully respect nice guys. The only thing they respect is guys who don’t give much of a shit about them.

The funny part about this is that the reason she’s crying about you is because you basically told her to go fuck herself, and her respect for you grew. She thought she could tell you she was having sex with other guys and dating others and that you’d just put up with it. Now you told her to go away she realised she had you wrong.

Either way yeah, don’t deal with her again. She’ll try to make you seem like the bad one and cry and shit but she’s a thot.

[BrunetteNYC]

At certain times, right and wrong goes out the window, which means you don't have to be a d**k about it. I am NOT saying she's not at fault, she's flawed. So she sounds immature and other guys had pulled her other directions, like she's weak minded/inexperienced. I think she's seeing the light where she went wrong, and that you can't listen to other people, temptation, etc., and need to PROTECT your relationship.

I say she hurt you, and now you're hurting her. Does this help either one of you? It's not a game that someone wins, and then there's winning the battle but losing the war. Treat each other like humans. Without anger.

Communicate. That doesn't mean you get back with her, but it might you do both a world of good to understand each other because misunderstandings often lead to resentment. Maybe the two of you should have talked HONESTLY way before all of this happened.

You felt like you were being taken for granted, just curious, while that was happening, did you calmly ever talk to her about how you felt?

[BlackBeauty90]

An't it obvious how he feels used? She's pretending to want a relationship & fucking tom, dick & harry on the side.

[BrunetteNYC]

@BlackBeauty90 I'm not disputing that he felt used, of course anyone would under these circumstances. I'm just saying that it seems like he kept a lot of how he felt to himself and then exploded at the end. I get it. All I'm saying is, going forward, it will benefit him much more to be able to express his boundaries earlier rather than later.

[BlackBeauty90]

@BrunetteNYC - express his boundaries better? Ah yes I forgot this is the day & age where respect for yourself, your potential or existing partner is a rare find.

[BrunetteNYC]

@BlackBeauty90 Sad but true. Seriously. It's not right to treat others badly, so we all have to learn early on no matter how much we love someone, it's worthless if they don't respect us.

[amadimal]

Continue to stay firm on your position, as I don't see anything good coming out from this.
She led you on because she was having fun, enjoying the attention of several men. When things stopped working for her, she reached out to you - a safe option - thinking that you won't say ”no”.
She's desperate if she went back to her ”backup”. You don't deserve to be seen like this. Move on, try to see her as simply immature and mind your own business. You'll surely find someone who'll actually want to be with you.

[RolandCuthbert]

Quit pretending like you don't know what is going on. She is attracted to you, had you in the friend zone and was waiting on you to figure out how to get out of it.

You ended it abruptly, she thought she could leave you there and you would stay there obediently.

Advice? Obviously, she is immature and can't figure out how to be upfront and honest about her feelings for you. You can do several things. You can negotiate this maze and try to be with her. You can drop her like yesterday's garbage and find someone more mature.

Or you could be a jerk to her.

The choice is yours.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Sounds like she's going through the "didn't know what she had until it was gone" "the grass wasn't really greener on the other side" ... You were not only right to stand up to yourself, keep standing your ground...
She's crying? Has she ever acknowledged your hurt feelings or apologized for the way she treated you? Sounds like she is just thinking of herself and her feelings with little to no regard for yours. And that's not someone you want as a long term partner...

[OlderAndWiser]

Sounds like she is self-centered and not old enough to know what she really wants in a relationship. Maybe she wants you now because her other relationships fell apart and she is lonely. Go back to her and she may break up again as soon as another guy comes along and grabs her attention.

Do you have any desire to try going forward with this woman?

[exitseven]

She was confused about her feelings for you. Yeah, she did lead you on but maybe she thought she had romantic feelings for you and after giving it a try it just wasn't working. But then she had sex with two other guys after that so I can understand why you are angry.
I think you did the right thing. Cut her loos and find somebody who really wants to be in a committed relationship.

[FilmGuy93]

It sounds like you made the right call. It's not your responsibility to let other people feel good about being shitty. I hear that kind of thing a lot from women. If she doesn't like knowing the way she treated you, then I sincerely hope that she changes her behavior moving forward.

[worldscolide]

She sounds like an immature worthless human. Cut your losses, She cries show her that you do not give a fuck, because a woman like that is not worth caring about in that way.

Trust me on this, you were her backup option while she chose to ride the Cock Carousel.. She wanted you to simp and stick around while she fucked other guys and cried on your shoulder. you're better off without a piece of shit like that.

[Anonymous]

I personally have never done this because girls who do stuff like that irritate the heck out of me, but I know quite a few girls who do. Unfortunately, I believe that girl is trying to manipulate you.
I’m going to use my boyfriend’s ex as an example. She had done the exact same thing to him and then after they broke up she came crying back to him asking for him back. He was her “back up guy”. She played him that way 9 times.
You have to watch out for crappy girls like that. They just use you then dump you.

[BlackBeauty90]

Best advice. Don't go back. She had her chance. She showed you didn't matter. As they say, you make your bed now lie in it.

[Alwayreckles93]

What happened is this woman had a hidden gem and she didn't realize what she had to until she lost you. Now it's to late.

[EssenceOfLight]

Don't believe in her crocodile tears, she created artificial drama to manipulate you. Of course she is pissed because she lost one "friend" from her dick carousel. You could remain her "friend" and even use her for your pleasure, but you shouldn't do that with girls you have liked before.
Find another girl, because with this one there is no future.

[GirlyGal20]

Yeah it looks like she doesn't know what she wants and you're her back up option.. I'm sorry. Please know not every girl will treat you like that.

[The_Maphio]

Typical female emotional instability. Only amplified by god knows what events.
Find a more equilibrated woman, for your own good.

[bamesjond0069]

Your first mistake is you tried to date a ho. They are strictly for casual sex and casual dating. Try not to make that mistake next time.

[hela1110]

Women are complicated , she's absolutely frustrating n she doesn't know what to do...
The fact that she's crying means that she still wants n she knows that she screwed it up

[sszatkow]

You were right. She doesn’t know what she wants, and she seems kind of impulsive.

[NightHawk99]

She didn't realize what she had til it was too late. Keep moving forward, never back.

[Property_Of_Jocker]

Some people want everything and nothing at the same time...

[Curmudgeon]

Good for you! She deserves it.