Is it wrong for a woman to have an abortion without telling the father of the baby that she's pregnant?

Question

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

I don't think men are entitled (meaning legally or socially enforceable) to know about every bit of a woman's body, until science has found a way to separate natural pregnancy from parental rights.

Firstly)
Do I believe men in relationships should be told - yes.

Do I believe that the average person would have a desire to know - yes.

Do I believe it's a shitty feeling to not have a decision about someone (whether or not it impacts your moral code on abortion or pro life). - yes.

Having said that, we very rarely hear conversation about 1) growing the fetus and 2) nurturing the baby 3) parenting the child.

The arguments against anti abortion do little to acknowledge the work that is quite often 1) growing: 9 months of He decided this not me, an unwanted trauma of birth, and post partum treatments and 2/3) the logistical implications of child raising.

I do believe good men out there are more than willing to do parts 2/3, taking job leave, staying with their parents, making the sacrifices necessary to live up to their ideals.

I thoroughly believe however, in a world of artifical surrogacy, men can be entitled to this, (noting 'entitled means legally enforceable), to this information, provided there would an actually actionable alternative that is not biologically binary1) abort or 2) keep.

Men could separate a woman's decision to NOT go 'through with the pregnancy,' while also maintaining the growth phase of life. Phase 2) nurturing and phase 3) parenting are still socially skewed towards women, but are effectively gender non specific. Some men are more patient, more nurturing, more emotionally available than their female counterparts. Of course, both parties would be given equal opportunity to fight for parental rights, designated by the court based on mental stability, financial background, and just like do they want to be a parent.

That's my dystopian 2 cents.

Sarahr123 · Accepted Answer

If they’re not married or in a serious long term relationship then it’s okay. Chances are he’ll find it a nuisance if told anyway and he will not be happy about a woman getting pregnant whom he had no serious intentions about. Most men don’t want to pay unwanted child support.

It is only wrong if the father in question is the woman’s husband or committed/long term partner. This is because a committed partner cares about you and may get upset over a secret abortion because he might be happy to welcome a child. You must both decide together on abortion in this case.

ChrisMaster69 · Accepted Answer

Nope. over here in the UK and other places such as India there are Honour killings. unless the girl is married to the father, then her life is at risk.

TremorJay · Accepted Answer

Hmm, it looks like I'm the first person to say it's fine. I just think it's her body, and she can make that decision without me. As much as I want to be a father, I'm not going to try to change her mind. I don't see why I need to know.

I mean if this happened to me, I can't see myself getting upset. I would just be asking why she felt the need to hide it from me.

EmbraceThePain · Answer

What’s wrong and what’s legal aren’t always the same.

In this case, I think there’s something wrong with not telling the father.

Obviously, it’s not illegal.

Honestly though, I think MOST people FEEL something is not quite right with not telling the father, despite knowing it’s not illegal.

To those people who say “her decision, her body her choice”

Sure… okay.
It’s still her body, her choice, and her decision even after telling the husband.
Nothing changes that.

My 2 ¢

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

I think it's okay not to tell him. It's her choice, I don't really see what purpose telling him serves. Either he's going to be relieved that she's having the abortion, in which case the support might be nice but ultimately doesn't help much, OR he's going to be against it and telling him is only going to cause arguments and pain.

I think, maybe in a long term relationship it might be worth mentioning it to keep open and honest conversation going, but presumably if a relationship is really serious both people are on the same page when it comes to how an accidental pregnancy will be handled

SummusImperator · Answer

Most of the time, it is wrong for the mother not to talk about a possible abortion with the father. I understand that some women want to have full control of their bodies and choices, but a baby is important to a father and such a huge choice should also have the opinion and discussion with the father. In some situations, fuck the father. Like if she was raped, the father has disappeared, or other fucked situations like that.
I am not going to say whether a woman should get an abortion or not because that isn't the question and please let me know what you think.

livin_hi_808 · Answer

Generally, I would say yes, because as a man I would want to know and at least express my feelings towards the subject. Ultimately and legally its her choice but I would definitely want to know prior.
But this has a lot of different variables to consider. Is this a healthy relationship? Was it consensual? Are healthy enough to be pregnant or have a child? Is he healthy enough to accept your decision whether to have or not to have? Are there any reasons to not telling him other than just not wanting to?
Would you want to know?

MCheetah · Answer

Yes, that makes her a fucking piece of shit. Especially since these same women are the type to track down a random dude she THINKS is the father and ask him for monthly checks, whether its his child or not. Only if she's unable to find the father, or if the father is abusive or a rapist would it be acceptable for her to abort without telling him.

I'm not even anti-abortion, but since women can't produce asexually, she can't just go "my body, my choice" when it benefits her, and then start asking the father to "step up and be a man" with legal hammers when that same thing doesn't benefit her and she doesn't want to abort. In other words, it takes TWO to make a child, and in most cases, two to raise a child. Some women though can't seem to comprehend this. Women like this make me fucking sick and aren't decent enough people to even raise kids.

INB4 that one blue soy boy on here downvotes me.

AnggieGirl · Answer

Not at all. We do all the work during and after pregnancy. I lost my job because I kept throwing up and couldn’t stand because I was so weak, so I got fired. Boyfriend was out partying all the time while I was home sick throwing up dehydrated. After baby was born, I couldn’t move for a long time because I was dealing with baby not sleeping and kept crying to no end while boyfriend had friends and women over in the living room and told me to keep the baby quiet.

I got sick of it and so now I support a woman who makes a choice for HER because that’s what having a baby is ! It’s about Mom :)

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on situation. I’m not a guy so I find it hard to see it from that perspective because i have a massive fear of childbirth. So if I didn’t want a child I probably wouldn’t tell the guy because I wouldn’t want him to somehow legally force me to give birth just because he wants the baby. At the end of day it’s my body and I shouldn’t have to be forced to give birth because he prefers I do.
at end of day though I think if you are in a relationship or dating a guy then he probably would want to know.
but if it was a casual thing I don’t think the girl needs to tell him. Up to her.

PeacefulRainDrop · Answer

I say depends on the reasons..

If your set on having an abortion no matter what he could do or say then dont even tell him cause he might want the baby. Its like torture to him.

If your parents are forcing you to abort it but youd rather keep it or put it up for adoption then tell him he might be able to help.. come up with a solution everyone can live with.

UNLESS HE'S ABUSIVE DONT TELL HIM AT ALL!!!

MasseurDeMojo · Answer

It takes two to make a child. And both should be involved in any decisions regarding that child's life. When you hide something like this, and later it is revealed; it can cause much heart ache, and loss of trust. You need to be open. Tell them that you are pregnant; then tell them the reasons why you do not wish to have the child. They may actually agree with you, and help you with the abortion; or they may leave you, and move on to another woman.

The goal for you, is to not get pregnant till you are ready to support a child; so use contraceptives, and always practice safe sex. If he loves you dearly, he will be happy to wrap it up.

kyleelyn199723 · Answer

I think it’s wrong to lie about anything going on in your life. I feel like people from the outside of abortions don’t realize abortion is a very very hard thing to do. I have a friend that did it, and it eats her alive every single day. It’s something that can affect your mood, affect your mental health, affect the way you treat your partner etc, and I think something that big needs to be addressed.

DJB72 · Answer

With regard to your "update", it's exactly what you're asking.

If I found out my ex had aborted a baby of mine while we were together I wouldn't be able to forgive her for killing my child.

If I found out my wife aborted my child I'd divorce her and do everything I could to get full custody of our son with zero unsupervised access. I'd also look into suing her for emotional distress caused.

Yes. It's absolutely wrong. If you weren't raped by the father or he's not your brother/father, if neither you nor the baby is likely to die if the pregnancy runs to term then the time to decide you don't want a baby is before either of you takes your clothes off. Not once a child is conceived.

Your question is a way to assuage any potential guilt for considering dismembering an innocent infant in the name of convenience.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends on the situation.

If he's abusive - he has no right to know. If he's a drunk or a druggie - he has no right to know. If he contributes nothing to the family - he has no right to know.

Many guys are very gunho for the idea of a child and turn into chicken-livered cowards when they realize a child means responsibilities, etc. and leave the mother with the brat.

MrOracle · Answer

Before that question be answered, you have to answer this: can you live the rest of your life without EVER, EVER telling the guy, no matter what? If you think you can keep this pregnancy from him for the rest of your life, and never, ever tell him, then, sure, it's okay. But if you search your heart and believe there's even a tiny chance that you will one day feel compelled to tell him about it, then in my opinion you are obligated to tell him NOW.

NyceGuyFinishingLast · Answer

I know a woman would have a reason to get an abortion. But, to get one before you tell the dad is very inconsiderate. I can't speak for all guys but some guys may want the child and the mother can sign her rights over. Regardless of the end decision, the father should at least be made aware of the pregnancy. He agrees to the abortion then she should be responsible for half the bill.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Not wrong at all. Could of been sex with some random guy or mistake with an Ex obviously they don't need to know. Then with a partner, welp if your partner throws a hissy fit because you decided you wasn't comfortable with having a baby and decided to make your own choice on it. Then that partner is controlling and ya need someone better.

Lliam · Answer

If they aren't married and she doesn't want to get married or have kids yet, she doesn't owe him anything. It's probably best not to invite drama by telling him or anyone else.

I would hope that she'd discover her pregnancy early and get a chemical abortion (two pills) right away. Then she needs to get on the pill or some form of birth control so that she won't get pregnant again until she's ready.

integrale77 · Answer

Depends on the situation if it's someone your still in a relationship with it's something to discuss otherwise it might play on your mind and come out at the wrong time. Though remember it's your body so the final decision is yours as to what you do!

If it's a one night stand then only reason to go hunting down the father is if you plan on keeping the child and want there involvement.

Hawner · Answer

I think it is wrong because the father never got a chance to be a part of the decision. The final word goes for the mother, that much is obvious, but he should have a say in it at least. Keeping him in the dark about the abortion is very comparable to cheating on him.

Alyssa11 · Answer

It takes two to make a baby. The father is just as entitled as the mother. I said what I said 🤷🏻‍♀️

spuitkaas · Answer

Depends if he's still in your life. If he's not, maybe it would give unnecessary havoc telling him. Otherwise, I think you should tell him. In the end, it's your body and your choice.

pjf1958 · Answer

He's just as responsible for your condition as you are. It's your responsibility to inform him of your decision to terminate the pregnancy. He, on the other hand has no business telling you what the disposition of the baby should be. Since, you have to completely alter your lifestyle to accomodate the baby. While he doesn't.

Ninjazzed · Answer

Depends on the circumstances.

But, I say teen moms struggling to get by, the child suffering from poor financial decision after another in the long run is proof that abortion is beneficial for both parties.

Sure, the potential parents may be stupid as shit and should be made to step up, but it’d be more of a pain for the kid to deal with.

I don’t think she owes him an explanation at all when it’s her well-being and mental health on the line, not his.

just_a_potato · Answer

If they are in a healthy loving relationship he should always know... Otherwise he probably doesn't need to as he wouldn't care anyway, or act hostile if this is the case of an abusive relationship.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Not if she's gonna do it anyway. It would be super fucked up if he said he wanted the baby and then she went ahead and killed it anyway.
... Then again, I guess it would also be fucked up if she didn't tell him beforehand but told him afterwards when the deed was done.
... Yeah... it's pretty much fucked up all around.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope. He’s not entitled to know about her medical choices or what she chooses to do with her own reproduction.

Éhmîë · Answer

To me, ur actions are determined by how u see it. If u know that he's against abortion, then NO. If not, YES. But all the same, let him know first that U're pregnant (although I know this sounds a bit hard to do) to be on a safe side

ThePolishKnight37 · Answer

It is your body and your life. I am assuming you had your reasons. Would you have done anything different if you had told him? If you may have kept it if you talked to him, then you are in the wrong. I am not a fan of abortion, but every ones story if different and it comes down to your choice.

loveslongnails · Answer

Are you asking a moral question, or a legal question, because this is a real can of worms. It's really a question you want answered before you have sex.

Girl: Even though I'm on birth control, what if I get pregnant? I don't want to carry a baby to term, even for adoption
Guy: Well if you got pregnant, I would want the baby even if you don't, even if we don't stay together.

See the problem? You need to know this before you insert A into slot B.

Archerer · Answer

Yeah it's ok, what he doesn't know can't hurt him. Why put that much more pressure and pain on yourself? If you made the decision no one needs to know, women get enough stress already over the decision. Save your mental health, be confident in your decision and don't let it haunt you because it really isn't a big deal, society has only made it one.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd go with "C", it depends on the reasons. Doesn't matter if they're good or bad reasons on the pro/anti-choice spectrum. If telling someone/a partner will result in her being forced to not go through with her wish, I think it's justified to not say anything. No one should be forced to have kids when they're not ready.

Kaamraj · Answer

I believe in my body my choice and my wallet my choice. If a woman can abort a child without telling the father than without his consent he should not be held liable to child support if that child is born.

loves2learn · Answer

Under normal circumstances I do think she should tell the father. If she was raped, obvs he doesn’t deserve to know.

jerdanro · Answer

I think it depends on the relationship. If it's a hookup it's up to her whether they talk about it or not. If it is a serious relationship I think they should at least discuss it, but she always has the final say.

If I were the father I would want to be given the chance to offer support; financial and emotional.

I'm a father and I will not abandon my child.

COMMODOREII · Answer

If it was my kid i would be hurt. I have no problem raising the kid by myself and i want kids. Granted to get that position i would only want to get a girl pregnant that wants me and wants to have my kids. If it was an accident or the bc failed then i still be hurt if she never told me. There are many reasons a girl could do it behind the back of the father especially if it was a rape. But it would out of spite and no regard to the father if she did just because she wanted to.

Still-alive · Answer

she has every right to do it but wrong? maybe that depends on the reason yeah. i would hope she could at least inform him if she has already made up her mind

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

The father should have the rights to know because that's also his fetus and chances are he's gonna be liable for the bill without even knowing but it's still her rights to decide. After all the pregnancy is unplanned. But if it really is a planned pregnancy, that would automatically be a deal breaker. It's still her rights to abort it but a waste of time to be with women like her.

fonduegirl · Answer

Not if she already knows he's pro life. As much as guys here claim they can be flexible for your sake, the pro life way of thinking would eventually drain you.

Other than that, yes it's extremely wrong. It's his child too.

Jessica405 · Answer

I think it is wrong. She should at least tell him, even though she has the right to decide what happens to the pregnancy.

hhadeshatesme · Answer

Depends on the situation. if it was just a hookup or you’re 100% set on having an abortion I don’t really see the point in telling him especially if there’s a high chance he’ll react negatively. At the end of the day it’s your choice

MzAsh · Answer

I think most of the time it’s better to at least let him know, but in no way should that be a law.

Zelda_5 · Answer

If it was consensual sex, it's wrong, as the father may want to keep the baby, though in the end it's up to the mother. In cases of rape or incest though, it's not wrong.

JoeyG_7048 · Answer

Oh you're on touchy ground here :-) and this is a question where it is for an opinion so people may not like mine and people may however is my opinion that is being asked for. Is it wrong for a woman to have an abortion without telling the father. Well you asked for it here's my opinion it's wrong for a woman to have a abortion in my opinion. Your mother didn't have an abortion did she? So why should you

Anonymous · Answer

It depends on. If he is abusive and toxic, then no. He may abuse you or even lock you up if he is mentall ill and pro forced birth. However if he is a sane man, you should tell him but in the it is your decision, especially if you are young and dont have kids and also your relationship ain't good, then abort it. Most men hate single mums, and would not marry/date you when you have kids. Ridiculous how many people hate single mums but also dont want abortion- they dont have logic.

Vixxxen · Answer

Unless he is abusive, then it's his right to know and not telling him is an awful and selfish thing to do. The child is half his.

Adam1978 · Answer

In most situations, no you do not need to tell him at all. It's not like he has a choice in the matter. However if you live together I would say you should tell him.

ohshee · Answer

I don't know if this be wrong because of the circumstances or whatever but for me it would be morally wrong se2 he helped create it so you should be a part of it

InfobotLives · Answer

It depends on what her reasons for not telling him would be. If, for example she didn't tell him because she wanted to have spaghetti for dinner that night then it's ok.

daryan12s · Answer

It all depends on the situation. If it was sex without relationship, then I think the guy will not be interested in the child. Therefore, he does not need to talk about taking care of it. On the other hand, if you have a strong and good relationship with your boyfriend, or if you are already married, then I think he has a right to know.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know hot to respond to this, it certainly hurts the man keeping secrets as huge as this.

But at the same time if you're going to have an abortion the man can not do anything, he's just going to be "ah okay what a shame" or else pressure you to not have an abortion, troubles troubles. Or then he won't give a shit.

Neko911 · Answer

Completly depends on her reasoning behind not telling him

AndrewMG · Answer

Depends on the circumstances but for the majority of the time I would say that it is the right thing to do to let the father know, the only exceptions being an abusive relationship.

kellytheman · Answer

I would say it depends if you are still in a relationship or good terms you probably let him know and tell him what your thinking. You need to talk about it with him and weigh your options but it is mostly up to you what to do because it's your body.

Дерйа · Answer

It's her body, and when she wants to have an abortion, she should go for it.

katiesmuff · Answer

I picked C because yes I think there are reasons for not telling1

WA786K · Answer

Well He will find out eventually, secrets don't last for long.

hahahmm · Answer

There's no way you can spin killing a helpless child into being a good thing, regardless of who you tell or don't tell unless maybe both mom & child would have died in child birth so one had to go.

BatmanofGotham · Answer

The choice is ultimately up to her, her body her choice. But as the father he has just as much right to know as she does.

sp33d · Answer

My attitude has always been and will always be that I'm not making decisions for someone else. It's her body and therefore her decision. Whatever she decides, the consequences are hers alone.

Anonymous · Answer

I highly encourage abortion. It's for the better in every aspect. It doesn't matter if she tells or not. Abortion is the solution.

alance99 · Answer

Its her body and she would be the one going through pain, mood swings, getting stretch marks and various complications for nine months , so she has full right to take decision of abortion

Is it wrong for a woman to have an abortion without telling the father of the baby that she's pregnant?

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Is it wrong for a woman to have an abortion without telling the father of the baby that she's pregnant?

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