Girls, I don't know if my neighbour likes me or not, any takes?

[Anonymous]

Hello, so I got this neighbour that I like to be honest and I want some other opinions on this. To sum up the situation really quick I am studying in an other town and I am at home Friday until Sunday. I have a penthouse and her apartment is a basement one which means we don't happen to meet when we leave the block. She is renting my cousin's basement appartment.

She has me confused though.
On one hand she doesn't text me first but when I text her she responds quickly and keeps the conversation going but nothing too much except the typical talk.

Whenever I am at home I tell her to hang out. We hanged out with her friends twice so far. She told me that I can text her to hang out whenever I want because she has free time on weekends. She also tells me that we will talk throughout the day but doesn't seem to text me first unless I text her. The thing is that I don't feel like she find the time to hang out with me 😅.
Maybe I am overthinking things because I know she doesn't make up excuses.

She is kind of shy in some sense because she had some issues with her appartment that she could have asked to be fixed but didn't say anything to anyone about them.

I know her for about a month but I am confused whether she likes me, or if she is just shy or if she doesn't like me and she is just polite.
Sorry for the long post, I only got advices from my friends which are guys which... to be honest I don't really want to take those advices.

[btbc92]

Buddy, please. Have some class about you. She is a prospective renter of your cousin's basement apartment who also lives in your apartment. There are plenty of girls for you to take interest in. It is you who is desperately wanting her attention. She is just being polite and that is it. She is "shy" because she doesn't know you well and will respond similarly to every unfamiliar person. Especially if she is not much of an outgoing person. It is not like that at all, but you're projecting your desires to date her and you know it. If anything she is looking for friends. NOT a hookup. So not funny business. Unless she has made it clear what she wants, look at the signs already. Friends with her, when you indicated being alone with her, maintaining some space.

As "shy" people we don't like burdening others. It is in our nature to have others come to us so we know you are comfortable with us rather than us imposing on you. We tend to not always receive the best reactions from others. Because again personal space and boundaries. We are also not mindreaders. If you want something, say something. And be HONEST. There is nothing confusing, you are just not used to shy and friendly people. It's normal and it's what normal people do, doesn't matter if male or female. She is not shy because of apartment issues. She is SHY because she doesn't KNOW YOU. And wouldn't know what your reactions would be. It is not that she doesn't find the time, she is setting boundaries.

She probably knows your wanting her but she is probably telling you in not no many words, respect that she doesn't go that way nor is she that kind of girl. Not to be biased here. But as somebody who is similar, I don't agree with hanging out with males like that. Even if they are friends. There are boundaries between a man and woman. And to avoid sexual situations or the wrong idea, and to weed out certain guys, that is what we do. She is in no way trying to hurt you, reject you in any way, etc. But that maybe she doesn't trust you and doesn't understand your attraction to her. Since it is clear your not looking for just friendship. Since more and likely she doesn't want to assume, she is not confronting either.

Even so, she probably doesn't know what to do to feel comfortable in having that kind of relations with 1. A guy she just met, 2. Who is also family from the person she is renting from? IT's obvious your so-called friends and I do call them so-called because they are telling to bang her, right? I mean really. That is another reason why a lot of us are not trusting men because many of you assume all we have premarital sex, let alone that way. Just because I am doing the distance, it doesn't mean I can grow to like the person unless they give me reasons not to. And inviting a woman alone in your home is a big no-no. You indicate you want something else than what she may want. So I say again if YOU know you want something better you verbally tell her what you want instead of judging her "interest" in you when it is clear she just wants a friendship.

Yes, there are women like me who do just want friendship and nothing else. And if we don't trust your intent or are desperate that can put some of us off because it complicates everything. Again, please don't be doing that underneath the same roof. Not only will it affect her reputation and get her into trouble, but it's tacky. I would never date or want be involved with a person like that. Now if you just had friendships for over 2 years and grew extremely close and it's innocent then a big MAYBE. But what you are saying, you know darn well what it really is even if you say it's not what, your friends wouldn't say that, nor would you have such friends to tell you that. I wouldn't. You are the company you keep.

[btbc92]

I can't speak for her. But I know personally, I would never be alone with a man, not even a boyfriend unless we are in public and it's established what it is about. Those are my morals and standards. And a scandal is just flat-out disrespectful. I get that maybe you are just genuinely attracted to her. But be MINDFUL of what message you sending. Because you're telling her you just want a hookup, and use a relationship just to get easy sex. Until you get to know her better as a person if SHE personally wants to, it is best not to assume anything be if she does or doesn't because that can change up too for shy people. They can get very fickle especially when young. Since you two are young adults, expect her not to be as open and direct. I, however, learned to be direct more as I've been exposed to her situation more. Again, just because we say no, doesn't mean we aren't caring about you or your feelings unless we blatantly tell you that. We are being civil, respectful, and courteous. That is often how we are taught to be around others, even towards men. Until you understand what her beliefs are and where she is coming from, you cannot assume again every woman is open to that kind of relationship or live that lifestyle. I tell men I'm a Christian who is serious, and either it turns them off, avoids me, or they simply get the message that they cannot be sexual to act in a sexual manner with me that others give the privilege of. Remember that. Especially in America, we live in a culturally diverse society. The same way I learned 90% of men and women have premarital sex before marriage, is the same you must learn you may encounter somebody like me whom you initially became "attracted" to at first, may not. Then what are you going to do? My advice is to be CAREFUL about who you getting attracted to. And again, have some CLASS. It's your cousin's apartment. And your neighbor.

[Asker]

Hey, thank you for the quick answer, as you said, my guy friends all told me to bang her, which is why I posted here, to get an opinion from girls. When I said I like her to be clear, it means at least to me that I would like to be friends with her or even date her. Since she lives in my family's block my first thought was that she is a no go on the dating part. As for the part that confused me about her liking me or not is because one of my ex did something very similar to her. There was no need to belittle me.

[Asker]

I understand why you answered the way you did. We have different cultures in many ways but also similar too. Thank you though for helping me get an other perspective, there are things that you said that clarified the situation. But, when telling her to hang out I never told her to hang out alone or anything, that's just booty calling, something that is just not something I would do. Had a 5 year relationship that I got out of this year and my neighbour and her friends know that too because I told them. As a line of practice I am a sailor which she knows, meaning I go on 6 month voyages etc. These are some things I clarified to her on the first hang out we had. I never showed sexual intent towards her though, or did anything of that sort.

[btbc92]

You can't judge her based on your ex because your ex is your ex, she is herself, her friends are each their own people. As your own person, and so are your friends. As you said, your friends said to do it, your conscience tells you NO. So are you all the same? NO. But if your behaviors all indicate a certain type of character, that is what we end up seeing. I do understand where you come from and I thank you for not taking it personally. The problem is though sadly that is the message of today's society.

[Asker]

Yeah I can agree with that.