Why are people so negative about love and relationships?

[ShootingStar5]

At least half the people I see on this site, and quite a few in real life have very negative view points when it comes to love and relationships.

A lot of guys consider all girls to be sneaky lying bitches, and a lot of girls see all guys as sneaky lying players. And a lot of people of both genders don't even believe that love is real, and people are only in relationships to fulfill selfish needs.

But why? How can so many people be so negative about everything? Were they born that way or did they just get hurt too many times?

I know there are a lot of people out there who can't be trusted and who are selfish. But not everybody is. How can you say EVERYBODY is with such certainty?

I've been burned quite a few times in my past, and my family hasn't painted a very good picture either. My parents got divorced when I was still a baby, and my mom has jumped from loser boyfriend to loser boyfriend since then.

But you know what? I never once believe that ALL men are evil or that love doesn't really exist. And I'm glad I never thought that way because I never would've ended up as happy as I am now. I found the perfect guy for me and we're really happy together. I love him very much. So love is obviously out there. And people could find it if they stopped looking at everybody of the opposite gender as the enemy.

So chin up people! Learn some optimism for Pete's sake...

[PatrickRory]

love isn't evil, people are evil. I absolutely hate it when people try to explain love by stating, "All love is are chemicals released in the brain". Honestly I feel negative about the relationships I have had but I was with a girl for 4 years and I did honestly truly love her and yeah I still do after all this time. Thing is when people get burned they build their walls up so that they are protected and they won't have to feel those terrible feelings again and they distrust anyone trying to break their walls down. I don't think all girls are lying sneaky bitches, if you ever have a relationship based on communication then that evolves into trust and mostly the people who say, "all guys are pigs" and "all girls are bitches" have not had a relationship where there has been true trust to the point where the trust goes from reliance to absolute and utter caring where trust still matters but you both do things out of the fact you care for each other so much. Love is real, I have felt it and I would love to feel it again and I'm not evil as guy, I would never ever cheat on a relationship...the opposite gender is not the enemy its the place in life you are at accompanied with your feelings that can be the evil one sometimes...having feelings sometimes seems like such a burden.

[oxidizer235]

People have to learn in their own way... that's my opinionation.. to answer your question, people are hooked on the vision of love given by the media... also, lotsa people are born cynical, bred to be cynical, and have negative life experiences. And we all been there, you just happened to have the right attitude. Stuff happens in life... most people tend to obsess and dwell on bad experiences.

[landingsight]

I think the reason you hit across that stuff so often is that people who are unhappy often like to complain and commiserate. If you're in an unhappy relationship or are unhappy with other people, you're probably going to be vocal about it to anyone who will listen. I would say that the majority of people on this site, myself included, originally came here because they were having problems and wanted to vent. I wouldn't be here at all if I'd had a happy, carefree relationship, because I wouldn't have questions to ask or things to complain about.

Same goes with "real life" - the people who are unhappy are louder than the ones who are complacent.

Some people like to make themselves the victims, and some people are really jaded from repeated bad experiences and no support system. We all have a nasty tendency to blame others and underestimate our own faults, which sometimes gets blown up to "I'm right and the world is wrong." That's their problem, not ours, and they'll either realize it and fix it or just be stubbornly unhappy for the rest of their lives.

So chin up yourself. The happy people are out there - we just aren't proclaiming it to the world quite as loudly.

[Anonymous]

i see a lot of sneaky lying players. I've been played once, I've seen many girls get played, and I even worked with a group of guys that bragged about playing girls, and I have guy friends who have done it. I've had many more guys "try" to play me (keyword try)

but on the flip side my dad treated my mom very well, and I've seen guys that are caring and good to women. so I don't think that ALL men are evil but I'm not naive either. there is a good chance that you will end up with a wannabe player, especially if you're young because not too many young guys want to settle down and do right by a girl unless he is in love with her. I'm not bitter towards guys but I am not going to pretend that I don't know what's up either.

i'm 22 years old *most* guys my age are players, I'm not gonna fault them for it because it's in their DNA to spread their seed when they're young they don't want to settle down but I'm not going to be that idiot girl that believes everything he tells her either.

[Vasillilaw]

I believe a lot of girls are lying back stabbing bitches and that quite a few of them date guys and treat them very poorly. There are also guys that are players, but do I believe everybody is like this? No. I've seen many relationships that are honest and loving...one of them including my own. My boyfriend and I tell each other everything. He never thinks about another girl and it's amazing...except for the fact that he has anxiety disorder which is hard on our relationship, but besides that it's awesome! (:

[KERMlT]

Not many people have experienced true love. The stuff you see in the movies with passion and this wildfire emotion. It is a bit sad. Men have mistaken lust for love and yes people do get hurt. But people on this site play into that.

How many questions do you see on interpreting someone's actions? Why not ask them what they mean? If you can't communicate with your partner than you are already in a failing relationship.

Humans are vindictive and selfish by nature. And those that aren't might get jaded by others who have hurt them. I've been cheated on before but who cares. I chalk it up to immature women and maybe a lack of understanding on my part. I certainly don't bring old issues to a new relationship (like accuse my new girlfriend of cheating on me).

Sure most men love sex, that isn't new. But when you find a guy who will stop at nothing to get you to orgasm even if he doesn't get one himself... keep him. This is a very good (unselfish) quality and it is as rare as common sense.

But take a look at the environment. Men are afraid to approach a co-worker for a date because she might file sexual harassment. A woman can claim rape the next day if she feels offended that he wasn't there by morning even if the actual event was consensual. Women still think that a kick to the groin is funny and that cutting off his penis is acceptable.

I am still waiting for this one. You see movies where the guy goes out of his way to prove his love for her yet you don't see anything to where she proves her love to him. So how does a woman prove her love to a guy?

You will always find wolves among the sheep. The key is to identify them. The internet was a nice platform to find out how a person really is without involving looks. People lie and pretend to be something they aren't.

In a perfect world there would be no cheating, lying, stealing, killing, going hungry, sadness, etc. But I guess that's why there is a Heaven.

[PHILR]

this wasn't so much about the question you ask but a rant

LOL

but a good rant

unfortunatly many people leave religious beliefs out of their lives and that is a mistake

they allow minorities to govern their belief systems

which unfortuanely includes the media TV / movies and such as what love and life should be.

prime example "sex in the city" (i'll probably get flamed on that) especially by the feminist.

originally the feminist movement started out somewhat good then turned to be men haters of sorts

now its the empowering of women to treat men as from along time back like men treated women

as second class people by making men not to be real men. ever why now a days their are so many extremely shy men ?(about 70% of the men out there fall in this category)

sorry lol didn't mean to get into that but only wanted to say it was a good rant and a true one.

[ShootingStar5]

Well I agree with you on feminism turning into a man hating movement, and that's sad. But I disagree on the religious thing. I'm not a fan of religion at all, but I still live by a good moral code because it's what feels right. You don't have to be religious to be a good person. And a sad fact is, a lot of Christians out there are some of the most hateful, closed-minded people I know =/

[PHILR]

LOL , as much as I hate to admit it (me being a christian) in some cases your right but fortunately not all are that way.

[ShootingStar5]

Of course. I know some pretty awesome Christian people too :)

[kheserthorpe]

Well, a few reasons:

1) sneaky lying jerks of either gender tend to move pretty fast through the dating pool, so even if there aren't that many of them, we encounter them a lot. If I might use a similar analogy, we all get masses of spam. You'd think tons of people send spam. In fact, most spam comes from <100 outfits, globally. But we all get hourly contact from them :/

2) a lot of relationships turn bad, and then even people who aren't that bad end up hurting each other. Its actually easier to think 'I got played by a jerk/bitch' then to accept that you had a hand in screwing things up, and probably hurt them too. Our friends tend to reinforce this to make us feel better. Of course sometimes, it IS true (see 1) but most of us would do well to look a little more closely at what we do in relationships, and how we impacted their growth and death.

[Anonymous]

I am far from perfect, I tried to impress my ex and made a few mistakes.. I also kept something from her about my past that was somewhat significant but honestly was irrelevant to our relationship. I treated her like gold and always made her first priority. Her friends and coworkers were all jealous of the things I did for her, and I loved spending time with her. I had a feeling from the beginning that she really didn't have the right intentions in the relationship, or the same as mine. I even heard warnings from others about it. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt and gave it a chance, sure enough it all came true. I screwed up myself, but all the good I did for her far outweighed the bad, and she just up and left. Haven't heard from her since. She told me I was her soulmate, wanted to marry me.. all that, then boom- gone. Immaturity was a major factor on her part, but I am done with relationships. I was so good to her, and always did everything I could for her.

[ketfoen]

Many happy people don't visit this site because what you just said and many of those happy couples pretty much keep to themselves. What's so interesting about a happy couple, "nothing".

I pretty much like this site, because of the nice relaxing colors and the people I wanna help through my experiences through life.

[want2helpout84]

"I found the perfect guy for me and we're really happy together. I love him very much. So love is obviously out there. And people could find it if they stopped looking at everybody of the opposite gender as the enemy."

You think you are going to stay with him for the rest of your life or at least a while?

No divorcing?

[martyfellow]

Great question. Our culture encourages negative views of people. Most poular TV show, is Friends, where the women are either sluts or slaves of the rich woman, the guys are gays/and/or players, and the worst acting you've seen this side of daytime TV.

cted as either OK or even someone to emulate, for crying out loud!

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to sound like your typical guy. But mainly because relationships are a lot of hard work and they usually endup bad. At least that's how mine have been. You invest all this time energy and feelings into someone. End up becoming attatched to them. And then they decide its not working out and it leaves you crushed feeling like all that was for nothing. I would love a nice relationship with a sweet girl. But friends with benefits (even though harder to find) Are a lot less complicated and more satisfying usually. Less drama, more pleasure.

[fascination_streak]

My friend, when you have been phucked, burned, let down, disappointed, used, lied to etc. it scars your heart and mind. You finally conclude it's better to be alone because it's the best option in the end.

[toulouse]

Guys, she is asking why shed been hurt but not bitter , yet you guys are all sad sacks. & you just keep telling her you have seen bad sh*t. she has too. You really are NOT answering the question.

[UberTroll]

They answered better than you did...

[toulouse]

by not answering.. that's perfect.

no they repeated the examples she gave. she asked why if she is experienced x y z s she still able to think outside of that maintain optimism, WHY are other people experiencing x y z , are bitter. so people say " because "I OR they experienced x y z. poor me.." You know, its OK to think outside of strictLy how you FEEL every so often . hmm?

[Kokujin]

It's no fucking fun chasing you bitches. NONE. NONE. Y'ALL SUCK. Y'ALL DON'T PULL YOUR WEIGHT. It's 10x easier for you to find intimate relationships. Where is my pussy?

[want2helpout84]

"

But why? How can so many people be so negative about everything? Were they born that way or did they just get hurt too many times?"

Unfortunately, it's the latter for me.

[alltheabove1212]

Most likely past experiences. People generalize based on what has happened in the past.

[Cailleach]

I was born that way. But I'm cynical about everything, not just relationships and "love".

[KarKingJack]

"Cynical"

[Cailleach]

*Insert the bird*

[Apodyopsis]

Because maybe 1% of all relationships end up with them living happily ever after ?

[dvd89]

Why are people so positive about them...?

[ShootingStar5]

Because if you find someone who's a good match for you, being in a relationship is wonderful.

[dvd89]

Tell that to my divorced uncle and aunts...

[ShootingStar5]

It's no secret that people get divorced. But it doesn't happen to everybody. There are people out there who remain happily (more or less) together for their entire lives. Sure it may never happen to me. But I would still like to think it's possible :)

[dvd89]

Well it is not...life is not all fun and games...there are hardships...and divorces...so please...do not generalize...

[ShootingStar5]

lol you're the one who's generalizing here. Not everybody ends up miserable either. And of course life has ups and downs. I never said it didn't. But that doesn't mean you can't have a positive outlook. If you want to be miserable all the time and think negatively, that's your choice. But I'm not gonna sacrifice my happiness for no reason like that.

[dvd89]

There is a difference between thinking realistically (me)...and thinking negatively...a lot of other people...maybe you should try thinking realistically...you generalizing hypocrite...

[ShootingStar5]

How am I generalizing? And how does hoping for a good outcome mean that I'm not thinking realistically? There's a difference between hoping and expecting. I just said a few comments up that it's possible that I could end up getting divorced just like plenty of other people. You can be realistic and optimistic at the same time. I like my optimism tyvm. There's nothing wrong with looking to the bright side. Every situation has its silver lining, some people just don't know how to see it.

[PHILR]

people can and do last in relations , my wife and I have been for 40 yrs. now. it doesn't mean its been a fairy tale example we've had our ups and downs but we work through them. some instead of fixing the problem make more by taking the easy way out through divorce. relationships are a 2 way street and requires both parties working at it