I hate my ex boyfriend but I still fantasize about having sex with him but I don’t want to have sex with anybody. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I loved him so much and he basically ghosted me and got into another relationship. It broke my heart so bad. I was scarred emotionally to the point that I was afraid to be intimate again because I feared getting close to anybody enough for them to hurt me. So when I needed to fullfill my needs on my own or just think of sex I would have the vivid reference in my mind of us. It got bad sometimes to the point where I actually wished I could sleep with him without having to be attached to him anymore. I have felt repulsed by new men and not wanted to even allow anybody to touch me at times. The one time I allowed a guy I was dating to give me oral I felt such strong regret that I just broke it off. I was dating an amazing man who only wanted to hold me without trying to have sex but I couldn’t admit that I didn’t like to be touched or even hugged because I would have instant flashbacks about being with my ex whenever I had any physical contact with a man. And I would feel sick to my stomach imaging sex or new experiences. But I would feel good thinking about sex with my ex. But I hate my ex and I don’t hate any of the guys I dated after him they were all decent guys. My ex even tried to reconcile and I ignored him basically. Hearing from him literally made me want to vomit-I had to lean over the toilet and breathe slowly because I felt so sick. But even though I am disgusted by him I still love him. And I still think about him in a pretty fond way-but I avoid him like trash and have ignored him the few times i saw him in public as well as rejected his attempts to makeup.

[Anonymous]

You need psychological help. A good guy wants to be with you and you break it off because you're pining for some asshole who doesn't want you and treated you like shit. Get help.

[Asker]

I agree it’s not healthy. I should add that few men I dated after my ex were great but we all lack compatibility. One man treated me amazing and was an amazing as a person but we didn’t like ANY of the same stuff and he didn’t get along with my family. Not only did he not like the same things as me but he was closed minded about my interests and would insult the things I enjoyed- I didn’t click with his personality but he wasn’t a bad guy. Another man was extremely handsome but still seemingly hung up on HIS ex. The one who gave me oral was giving me some minor red flags that I decided to heed after I felt the regret. The one man I did feel a connection with ghosted me because I wouldn’t sleep with him despite feeling a connection/attraction to him which killed my interest in him. Most of the men I dated after the first heartbreak were not bad guys. I just missed the connection and even though I was clearly wrong, my heart had felt a connection with my ex and even though he hurt me I just remember how it felt to be with him during a rough time in my life when I needed it the most. It’s almost like i fantasize about love-even though I no longer accept his lies that he ever loved me. So when I imagined sex I would need the intimacy of a connection and think of him. But I know he isn’t my person and he doesn’t deserve to be held in a high regard after all that he did to me

[Asker]

I just want to have that connection with somebody new

[Opinion Owner]

Then work on that. Trust other guys who are good looking for relationships. Forget about past feelings that aren't good for you with a toxic guy.

[Asker]

As I’m reading through everything I wrote I’m starting to see that I just met the wrong men over and over again. I just hope that I meet the right guy sooner or later because nobody so far has been that

[Kitty_V]

You just need to take some time to get over your ex 🤗