SHOULD YOU GIVE GIRL SEX ULTIMATUM?

[JamesAbworth]

I have had 6 dates with a girl, she lets me kiss her and touch her. We have a lot of fun. She has daddy issues and has told me drunkenly that she has had a few one night stands. Anyway, we are dating exclusively and every time I want to move to the next stage, she keeps saying not yet. It's annoying me as our relationship would grow stronger with sex.

Should I just text her and be like this isn't working out as I want us to take the next stage? Any ideas how to frame the message?

What would you girls do if a guy texted you saying he wants to take it to next stage i. e. bedroom?

Updates

+1 y

Just to add, first date she agreed to have sex, but then was on her period when we almost did it, so nothing happened. But 6 dates later and still no sex!

[OlderAndWiser]

1. She already KNOWS that you want sex. Continuing to talk about will look like whining.

2. "our relationship would grow stronger with sex." That is your rationalization for why she should have sex and why you aren't just using her, but. . . doesn't she get to decide for herself whether sex will make the relationship stronger? And doesn't that mean she gets to decide that on her own timeline?

3. If you are ready to break up if she won't have sex, then it seems rather obvious that you re just using her for sex and her cautiousness is warranted.

No, I am not a white knight and I enjoy sex in a relationship. But experience has taught me that the quickest way to have sex AND a good relationship is to wait until she's ready. For some girls, that might be three dates, and for some girls, it might be three months.

[JamesAbworth]

But she’s given it up to other guys first night. Even with me we almost had sex first night but now she’s hesitant!

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you ever looked back on your life and decided that you needed to change something about your behavior? Perhaps she's at that point with deciding she doesn't want to be thought of as a slut.

[Phoenix-gb]

I think an ultimatum is a little too far, but certainly a conversation about where the relationship is going is needed. You're not going to be able to force anything, but an honest conversation of how this is making you feel and at least some indication of when she is going to be ready to move things forward so you know where you stand.

Unfortunately, modern dating and hook up culture has led to many women not realising how important the physical aspect of a relationship is for guys, and how it actually does help a guy get more emotionally connected with their partner (as you say, making the relationship stronger as a result).

[AwesomeCookie]

Sex ultimatums are a huge red flag and no go on relationships for me. Clearly I am not her because I would never agree to sex on a first date or date any guy who asked me for sex on our first date.
Seems like you're putting a lot of pressure for sex. Clearly you need it but she's not ready so don't be surprised if your ultimatum fails you, and be ready for the consequences.

[uwu_princess]

You should talk with ur girl. Not random people.
She isn't ready yet, I don't know when she will be ready to do it. Also if it's a problem for you, you don't wanna wait, you don't respect her, just leave her.
0 ultimatum coz it's toxic af. 🤦‍♀️ Especially sex ultimatum.. What the fuck..

[uwu_princess]

Girls are not a thing just to fuck. It's logic she can say: I don't wanna do it today.
You are toxic af dude. Leave this poor girl. 🤦‍♀️ You behave like a monkey who just need sex.

[notwoke]

sounds like she gave it up to all the Chads but now wants to reclaim her virginity with a nice guy she thinks is not of such high value that she has the ability to "keep" you. She thinks of you as a meal ticket but not so attractive she wants to "let go". Run away as fast as you can. My guess is she's around your age and has had her fun and now that the sun is setting it's time to settle down with the kind of guy she ignored when she was at her most desirable state. This is a low value woman who is most likely to provide a terrible life for you and divorce you.

[JamesAbworth]

She doesn’t think I’m high value so won’t have sex with me? She’s 20 years old. I’m 28.

[notwoke]

correct. If she thought she was not hot enough to keep your interest she would be putting out to keep you around. This seems unintuitive but when you get older is quite simple

[pixie215]

she sounds like she is taking this seriously and doesn't wanna rush anything, 6 dates is not like its 6 months, just relax. once you pressure her it will all fall apart, if you like her just go with it let if naturally happen, dont force anything

[JamesAbworth]

Can you explain more? won't sex make our feelings grow stronger?

[JamesAbworth]

My friends keeping saying if you don’t sleep by date 5, it’ll never happen and you hey friend zoned...

[pixie215]

@ 36 your friends say that? it sounds like she wants a serious relationship thats why she is not rushing the sex thing

[JamesAbworth]

Im not sure about serious relationship. Because she already told me that she might go travelling for 3 months and long distance doesn't work for her... not sure what she's playing at!

[pixie215]

this is the stuff you needed to put in your post, more importantly. so we can get the full story because what you did put just looked like you wanted sex and why doesn't she want sex? you know? but this new info has shed a light on the more serious aspect of her being scared or not really knowing what she wants.

[JamesAbworth]

What do you mean scared? Anyway what shall I do going forward?

[pixie215]

maybe scared to be involved in a relationship, etc, people self sabotage all the time. how do you feel moving forward? do you like her enough? if she claims to not really want anything why try and get your feelings any more hurt then they are.

[TrueConfection]

Maybe you are important to her and she doesn't want to end up becoming YOUR one-night-stand.

I personally don't take ultimatums well. I'd hold the door open for you while you left.

[JamesAbworth]

I already told her though that I like her, and she can trust me and I won't hurt her!

[TrueConfection]

All men say that. She'll know you mean it after you've stuck around.

[JamesAbworth]

Stuck around? Do you mean stick for more dates without sex?

[TrueConfection]

That's exactly right. Stick around because you want to be around her, not for the sex.

[Anonymous]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ A Sex Ultimatum is the funniest thing i have heard in awhile. 6 dates, 1 date? Maybe she is not attracted to you, maybe she changed her mind who knows, as @pixie215 pointed out you cannot force things? This is all so weird

[JamesAbworth]

If she is not attracted then why does she text me and agree to dates. I don't get it! She's so confusing and hard to read

[Little_Bumblebee]

Why not ask her and talk about it with her, what the reason is first? Listen to her, if you give such an ultimatum, you will push her away and even if she agreed, it will hurt the relationship.

[IMuser]

Even if you did pressured her, it won't be fun. Like if she pressures you for a gift, will you like to gift her something?

[Stargal]

Maybe she really likes you. Men loose interest in women after sex. So she might be hesitant.

[JamesAbworth]

I already told her I like her and I won’t hurt her and I’m interested in her a lot! We even made plans to go to another city after a month!

[Shamalien]

It is difficult to respect a girl’s decision to wait for sex when she has given it up on the first night with other guys. All I can say is maybe she’s trying to change and you should support her

[FunkyMonkee]

I don't think I'm equipped for that but, what IS girl sex ultimatum?

[FunkyMonkee]

You should've fucked her while she was on her period! Your dick won't fall off! Your balls might get a little smaller and you won't be able to hit the deep notes anymore and want to watch a lot of romcoms but, other than that, you'll be fine!

[Tstrbrainer]

Are you trolling, give her a sex ultimatum or dump her, she's probably playing mind games

[JamesAbworth]

I am serious! 6 dates and no sex, she is so annoying now

[Tstrbrainer]

She don't owe you sex, but you don't owe her a relationship either.
Don't let her use you

[cesart2]

tell her I like you but. you snooze you looose!

[JamesAbworth]

So basically tell her, I like you but if we not taking this forward to the bedroom, its not going to work out?

[In_Trance]

good luck with that