I don't get why as women goes into her 30' and 40's she increases her standards for men rather than lowering it. I mean if we look objectively at what she is bringing to the table with respect to what men desire in a partner, it is very low. So why then is it that women will up their standards when less men would bit for her?
I mean the analogue to this is a company not making as much profit as it did 5-10 years ago but instead of lowering the price on their product they opt to increase it.
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+1 y
Thank you all. The most realistic and helpful answers to this question have been awarded to the users below.
Why do older women increase their standards rather than lowering them?
I would figure any guy or gal in that age range has had enough experience to know what they want in a partner, and probably more importantly, want they DON’T want. Once you’ve identified that, you can avoid wasting a lot of your time on people who you might feel an attraction to, but you can see they’re ultimately not built for the long haul, and you’re way more likely to think about “the long haul” in your 30s and beyond. When I was in my 20s, I was just chasing skirts, no eye to the future, it was just “can I smash this chick, and how long can I smash until one or both of us gets sick of the other one and wants to move onto fresh meat?” We don’t need to get along so much as we need to both think the other is hot, lmao. When I got into my late 20s, I met my current lady, and she was only 22. We both sold out early, lmao, especially her. But she’s 38 now, she looks great, and I’d still holler at her if I met her for the first time today. But back then, to me, I was just like “WHOA…. hot chick at three o’clock! Wish me luck, boys, I’m goin’ in!”😂 Now I’d be just as attracted to her personality and how it goes with my own. We have a lot of similar principles, similar things that annoy us, etc. She asked me to butter a piece of toast for her recently, and I went to get a napkin. She asked why I was getting one, and I told that bitch to stay out of my fucking business. Just kidding, I started writing it and it made me laugh, so I’m just going with it😂 But seriously, she asked, and I told I was going to use it to wipe the crumbs off of the knife before going back into the container for more butter, so as not to pollute the bulk of the butter. She goes “see, this is why you’re my vibe”, hahaha. We both hate crumbs in the butter, or using the same knife in the jelly jar as you just used in the peanut butter jar. Drives both of us fucking nuts. I don’t even eat PB & J’s, it doesn’t affect me, but I just hate to see it, so I have to stop it, lmao. Point is, that’s why we vibe together, that’s why we can last beyond our years of prime attractiveness into old age. It’s not just some dumb superficial attraction, we have substance to our relationship, she’s not just arm candy for me to be seen around with so I feel validated by a society full of clowns whose opinions I couldn’t give a fuck less about in the first place.
I don’t know, man, I feel like everyone on the Internet is mad at women over 30 for dating and having any sort of standards, like they aren’t viable human beings anymore, and I just don’t get it.
Because people who were foolish in relationship choices when they were younger, get offended if you tell them their value went down as they aged.
So you end up with an older person who thinks they deserve better and better each year, as each prior person they dated didn't work out, and they notice each fault that caused that. All the while their own looks go down, and their own ego skyrockets, turning them into physically unattractive narcissists, which ironically only attracts people with more faults than before.
Meanwhile, beauty, acceptance, and humbleness are commonly desired traits, so they get less and less matches over time until they eventually have none.
However both sides of this argument are being dumb, because a good match fits you as a person, not a 1-10 scale. You can chase people based on a popularity scale all you want, but you are just causing this problem doing that.
Most young people are not going to have the same idea about what traits are sexy or compatible. Had the woman in that photo been much younger looking, I'd still not have been interested. So not being aged alone does not increase a person's inherent value to everyone, and logically, you shouldn't increase or decrease your standards, because you should know what you actually want the first time, and stop being an impatient idiot who settles over and over until they learn better.. you cannot figure out what you like by being with lots of people, the first and only person you bed, should be your ideal.
Making up for wasted time. Younger years are wasted on the wrong guy or fooling around because we didn't know any better.
The older we get the more we know exactly what we want and determined to not waste time again. With the hardships we endured, the experience and skills we gained, we feel we deserve the best; problem is most men don't want an older woman with high expectations.
It's a vicious cycle that can be broken if we teach our daughters how to find a good man and teach our sons how to be good men.
@Jamie05rhs well when I was younger I had little to no success in high school or university becuase guys pretty much were only after a fast lay. I never had a boyfirend until my last year of university.
You have it wrong. A single woman my age knows what she wants. It’s far easier to find a gem when we know exactly what we are looking for and refuse to settle by trimming off options she already knows won’t make her happy. Experience brings clarity. Avoiding BS is learned and earned.
Why would anybody lower their standards we are who we are we are who we choose to be know what we want and we know that we are capable of getting it no matter if you're a woman or a man women are Independent Women are strong are smart they know that they're worth what they're looking for there's no reason to change that
You saying that you would rather have a woman lower her standards and then pick you for her partner or would you rather have her keep her standards and what she's looking for and then pick you as a partner
What about where a company has actually done well, dramatically increased profits etc.
Everyone as they get older changes how they view potential partners, usually it’s based on previous experiences, lessons learned.
they tried the gym person who has an amazing body, but that’s it.
they tried the educated professional. Plenty intelligence but poor social and other things maybe
the list goes on, we try different things, some work some don’t, then we learn what we do not want and what is acceptable.
This applies for both guys n girls.
there is no problem with either a guy or girl having higher standards when older, as long as they understand it likely reduces numbers available and that those standards not unrealistic, as in a 40 yr old expecting to marry a 30 yr old virgin but never really dated.
While I am not in the dating pool, I am a middle-aged woman who has a meaningful career and a lot to lose. If I were in the dating pool I would absolutely up my standards for that reason alone. Any individual that has worked hard to get where they are in life is going to be cautious about sharing that life. My middle aged husband and I both have worked hard and have shared values. If I were to lose him I would not casually look for someone, my standards would be high and I would expect maturity and kindness among other things.
Because most women have started to find themselves at this age and figure out who they really are. They have finally figured out that life isn’t all about procreating (which you need a man to do that in the natural sense) in my opinion I feel like everything from media to marriage is to get us to procreate in a stable environment. After you’ve experienced what it’s like being with the opposite gender sometimes you feel it’s more peaceful not being around them. With that being said they choose their peace over the chaos. And so the man is now competing with their peace. If he brings more drama they’d rather not bother with him.
Lowering your standards becomes less and less worth it as you age. When you're young, you just want experience and to experiment, it's fine to go for low hanging fruit.
But with maturity comes the realization there's no need to rush, and you know better what you want and why.
If anything, I'd say dating has gotten easier now that I'm older. I have more people sliding into DMs. It's easier for me to find people like me who also know what they want.
And I don't have to worry about inexperienced people as much.
Raising your standards is rewarding. It's relaxing not worrying about low standard people.
Same with me. Dating in my 30s is so much better than in my 20s because men who are just looking for sex is weeded out. Some men will never understand and that’s why they will never get someone who loves them for real. In your 20s you have so many options but they are not worth while mean while when you’re in your 30s you get those quality men who actually invest time and get to know you for who you are. I’m glad they have this stigma that it’s hard for women in their thirties to get a guy so the losers can stay out of our way!
@Skyros I'm bisexual, so I'm referring to anyone - men, women, enbies. Doesn't matter to me.
It's one more reason my standards grow higher with age. As I age, I gain experience and maturity. I expect the same from my partner, no matter their gender.
@TwinkleLily5 Absolutely! It's strange, maybe it's a regional thing, but where I'm at 30yos are the most common to see out and about dating. And my peers agree our dating is much better now that we're older and further away from the cringe ages, lol.
Let's keep in mind, they're probably not looking for someone 10 years younger than they are, at least not for a relationship. Here's what an older woman "can bring" to the table: * Maturity, both mentally and emotionally - no childish games * Sex, and more sex! Women don't even reach their sexual peak till their 30's * Experience at the above. Older women often know how to satisfy men better * Established job with good income, or business owner * If she's divorced or widowed, maybe she's financially set for life * Residence - perhaps she owns a home
As most of us get older, younger girls are still attractve but older women become attractive to us, also. If you can only get turned on by a 16-21 year old girl, I feel sorry for you.
As we gain experience, we learn that there are some things in relationships that indicate a particular coupling will just never work for us. And most of us are not as desperate to find a partner and be in a relationship. I think older peple are simply being more careful to not waste their time but you may perceive it as raising her standards.
They have figured out what it was they want at that point. Now there is a such thing as unreasonable standards. But having standards is NOT bad.
I think that is a false equivalent as well since a business might need to raise prices to bring in a income. Not a human being.
We all have our own personal standards. This means men some not wanting to date women older then them or wanting to date someone the same age or younger. While some men would date them.
As well as with women. Not all of them are the same either. Some older women 30-40 years old who are still single might do this while others do not. As well as it depends on what standards we are even talking about
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I will speak for myself on this one. Perhaps the only thing that’s negative when a woman gets older is her age, because men do expect to get a very young woman to build a family. I do think older women gain awareness and become more appreciative of the world at least that has been my case. I have so much to offer not only physically, emotionally, intellectually, economically and let not talk about my culinary skills because its a killer 😄 and for that reason my standards are “high” ( I only expect maturity, love and appreciation from a man … not even commitment but a partner I can connect with 😂).
I live in the USA. Women in the US are harder get after compared to women outside the States. because most not all have ridiculous high standards. This is the modern women mentality. And the reason why I say it’s ridiculous is because most men can’t meet those standards and those same women stay single hoping to find a perfect unicorn. I’m not talking to women who are reasonable. Like for example he has to be with no kids and have a car. I’m talking to Those super high standard women who are all chasing after the 1%. older women are looking for a stable income, and there is nothing wrong with that. But if you’re making 6-7 figures because you got a PhD and then turn around looking for a man to also make that or higher, then you’re being delusional. That’s a very small pool of dudes and those 1% are looking for super model type women.
Why should we lower our standards? I'm curious as to why you can't meet basic standards instead of expecting people to lessen themselves just to accommodate trash?
Because your (and I don't mean you personally) standards are bloated. You're in your 30s, the biological clock is ticking, and if you really want to settle down and have kids, you need to stop thinking you're still in your prime.
It's not exactly a question of lowering one's standards. It's more to do with being entitled. I've seen it a lot, women, and indeed men in their mid to late 30s who think they can still get the top percentage of men/women they could in their 20s. It's a difficult subject to discuss because so many get really offended.
Yes, that's exactly what it is, lowering standards because we are getting older.
If guys think we have to lower our standards just so they can meet it, it doesn't exactly say much about those guys quality to start with. So when they realize they can't meet basic standards, they get mad and bitch that women need to lower them because somehow we lost some value. Now THAT is entitlement.
Because older women are generally wiser and aren't willing to settle for less. She is generally more experienced, more mature, more established and more self sufficient. Most women in this age rage don't need a significant other in their life, if they want one they aren't going settle for someone who doesn't meet her standards. She is choosing to be with someone because she wants to not because she has to.
People aren't a business nor should they be seen as one treated as one... Maybe because some people get there's more than just "looks" or "fertility" people can bring to the table...The only "expiration date" people have is the day they die..
As we get older, we should up our game not lower it. Nobody should settle for less when they know they deserve better no matter their age! It’s better to be alone to be with someone who makes you feel more alone! If you can’t upgrade, stay single and be happy with yourself!
Older women have been in relationships and are wiser due to life experience. By their 40s, they are usually self sufficient. They can spot losers and don't want to deal with immature dumb asses. Only guys who have so far been unsuccessful in finding women to bear and raise their children have a problem with older women. Those kind of guys want women they can control and dominate. Older women scoff at them.
She has been in relationships before. She is independent, so she can probably function just fine without a male in her life. If she finds someone that will and can be a partner then that will be fine. If not she will have a great friend base to fall back on. She isn't in a panic to just latch on to any guy with a pulse.
Because as women mature they understand that they deserve someone better who can treat them better who is better financially and many other things... and not all women age badly.
@BruceJender An older woman I believe is much more mature and less fussy in dealing with relationships. Some might argue that maturity and age aren't directly proportional, while that might be true, there is still a certain level of wisdom a person gains as they grow older. Most older woman in search of a relationship (the ones I have come across upto now) have never mentioned wanting a "rich guy" or "handsome chiseled muscle monster". They just wanted someone whose personality and goals aligned with theirs and who treated them will respect and not like some sort of "used trash". However, I recommend you not to get into a relationship at all with the kind of insecure and invalidating mindset you have. Not only is it harmful to you but also to the people around you.
@BruceJender Well actually no one is seeking anything desperately for example i know many women who dont care about relationships and are fine by themselves :))
Because they are more self confident and self reliant than they were when they were younger. They have a better idea what they want. They aren't going to take any shit from some guy just because he happens to be available. They won't take just anyone because they don't have to. I don't blame them. Men do the same thing as they get older.
Because they are deserve more, are much smarter, wiser, sexier, giving and not only worth more, are priceless. Men should also raise their standards and value. And dam this woman is hot in the photo. Not because of her breasts but that look! That ain't crazy thats "you better not be crazy if you take another step closer"
I wouldn’t never accept being treated the was I was by some guys I dated in my early 20s. I was more insecure and didn’t know what I wanted. I have a husband now who is amazing and I’m so glad that I didn’t marry when I was younger cause I would have been treated much poorer than I am now.
Because when we are young and stupid (and super attractive) we thought we needed a man in our life. But we grow up and realize we don’t need them so if they want to hang around they had better be pretty awesome.
they've likely had a run of bad relationships, hookups with F boys, been divorced, have children, in some kind of debt they can't pay themselves or have some type of other baggage. which is why many of them end up alone as they get passed over by guys. who go for younger females that haven't gone through all the other stuff yet. or guys just opt out of dating in general because they rather not be a females backup plan in life.
Right and simultaneously the girls who are 19 have zero standards and fuck with the first guy who says hi or waste their pull demanding a man with nonsensical standards ie has the same favorite song and a full sleeve tattoo... instead of demanding someone awesome.
I think because we start going after quality instead of quantity after a certain age. There's no rush to go out and screw somebody. There are plenty of men out there just waiting.
Thank you, I’m glad you realize that. You know the problem with me is I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I don’t party. My way of flirting isn’t to send nudes. But both girls and guys think that it’s perfectly okay. It’s not, it’s intrusive, it’s immature. Then girls on here bash me that I’m too vanilla. Well, I’d rather be nice, faithful, trustworthy and vanilla then some douche, bad boy who toys with her emotions.
I think as i get older I may finally find the right young woman because maybe she’ll realize that she’s had her experiences and “fun” and wants to settle down, as do I. A lot of guys who live that party/boozing life style use that to unwind after they are done work and that’s just not my cup of tea.
First of all, I doubt women in their 40s are too worried about finding someone, because at that point, they have probably accepted that they won’t or that they have no interest.
2nd of all, women in their 30s don’t really have anything less that they bring to the table in comparison to women in their 20s. Oh, and let’s not pretend men don’t care about how much money a woman brings in because many of you b*tches are broke as fuck.
Women in their 30s have a harder time of kids, their less beautiful without makeup (god I hate makeup), and most importantly… Half my fucking life’s over now I’m supported to fall in line for an older model?
No, actually they don’t. The only thing that slightly increases at age 35 is the chances of a child having Down syndrome, and even that is still a small chance. And many women don’t look much different in their early to mid 30s compared to their 20s.
Honestly I don’t care how much a girl makes. If I make a good salary and she makes like $35k-$40k doing office work I’m okay with that. It’s different if someone is badly in debt and broke and has no ambition. But we all have bills to pay. I still value women 30 and above.
Women do that because when they get in their age they realize a lot of things that didn't realize when they were younger and they twenties or teens or whatever that we do that because somebody that we put so much trust and love in kind of force us to become independent for yourself and not depending on nobody cuz we don't been there whether it's 10 5 10 15 20 years we never been there and gave him a chance to prove himself and guess what he let you down and you got a child from nothing
Because they’ve had time to get hurt by many guys so they know what they don’t want. They’ve also discovered themselves and realize what exactly they do want.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Well clearly OP is a tool
'Older women are to be cherished like a fine cheese sometime the rind is the best bit' Well said Mr Philips
The best things are older like fine wine, whisky and cheese, you know the older something is the better quality it offers to last this long
Guys should have their stuff together by then… they have multiple offspring to finance and they want to enjoy life. They aren’t likely to start over at 19 again.
It’s knowing what they want which is maturity and it’s also from experience They don’t waste their time which is vary wise and usually someone has standards they get high quality of the they are looking for
Maybe I'm weird, but (as long as they've kept themselves in good physical shape) I consider women in their mid to late 30s and 40s to be way sexier than younger women
It seems to me that they increase their standards because they can. Go on Match. com or PlentyOfFish. com and I can see the high standards most all women have.
If you're the right man all those standards go out the window. Being good looking, rich etc.. Helps, I won't deny that but what's more important is how you make a woman feel.
To be perfectly honest older women no offence meant by the way know exactly what they want in a guy or girl. They are more often than not professional and established in their careers and just want a guy toy lol
They’ve already been through divorce and one playboy
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
1. Why/how exactly do you think women increase their standards as they age? 2. Why exactly do older women have less to "bring to the table" than younger women?
Because if you develop and grow as a person when you age you have more to offer. A 40 year old has a lot more experience in life than a 25 year old on average. Obviously there are outliers.
Women tend to get more and more picky over time. I guess realistically no one wants to lower their standards? It's hilarious though that they get more picky as their value craters.
The point Is that older women need somebody serious to be with because they don't have time for an experiment with a questionable Man. So: not any man Is a Match.
because of men like you, shallow and superficial... concerned only with appearance and nothing else, Women RUN from guys like you... it doesn't matter how you comb your hair...
Why do you even expect us to lower our standards? We got experience to offer, and we are independent and mature. We learned never to settle for anything less than we deserve.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
That's misleading women don't raise their standards they're just more angry and less willing to compromise. It just seems like they're standards are higher.
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