Girls, Is the thought of marriage a thing of the past, is a female's direction on life only about a career, retire and pass away?

[Anonymous]

I say this because I have watched videos on YouTube where hardcore feminists have stated adamantly "I speak on behalf of all females that marriage is stupid, kids are pointless, your career is 100% is what defines you inside and out". When I hear shit like this, I think to myself, what happened to the art of flirting, the attraction with others, chivalry, real true love leading to something greater. I'm more old school, I just think the younger generation sees things much differently. We talk about the importance of our family and friends, so how come so many girls today are against the idea of having a family of her own? I mean not to sound like a dick but eventually our parents die, friends move on and siblings (brothers and sisters) have their own obligations as they get older.

Updates

1 y

If your career is 100% your focus, eh, go nuts, but even for me as a guy who may pursue law school one day. Being a lawyer won't consume my life to that extent.

[quaranta]

I think young women are opposed to the idea of having a family and kids because it's still easy for a woman to get trapped under the housewife+mother role, which generally doesn't leave any space for a successful big career and doesn't look really good if we see the examples of our mothers, in general. Being a housewife and mother comes with risks and misery we see in our closer relatives (of older generations) most often than not.
Gender roles in our society are still very separated despite what we think and it's fully expressed at home. Today, if a woman decides to marry and have a baby, and at the same time wants to have a career, she will have to put ambitions aside because the expectation is that she will take charge of full baby + full house + full career. It's too much for any human to handle, so when you get the baby+house pack, little is left to have a brilliant career path (still a job, but not a "brilliant career").
Because traditional gender roles, it's always the woman to be expected (or raised to be more adapt) to manage baby+house. She can't trust the option that the man will give up part of his career ambitions to be the main housemaid and nurturing figure for the baby, if she wants to pursue her career fully, because it's a very rare option for a woman and we don't have many (if not any) examples of that around us.
So the moment house+baby pack enters in a couple, the woman can't generally avoid to be in full charge of that, and career/individuality has to go under the carpet.
Young girls are raised to be more individualistic and ambitious than their mothers, but the society is still very traditional on this regard so they can't really picture a future where they could focus on career while having the option of a man who could be realistically the main housemaid and nurturing parent, hence why they reject that role actively.
I think, if there was the realistic expectation to have this option in life, they wouldn't need to actively trash marriage and babies, or to be "feminist", to protect themselves against that trap, and still pursue a career. But this option is not a realistic option.
Surely some men who are more spontaneously driven and interested in being fathers and housemaids exist, but they are really a minority and most of men are raised without the personality traits that would make a good nurturing figure. I know some of them but they're indeed a rarity and it's not enough to picture this as a realistic perspective.
Further, the real examples we have around, of our mothers (or other's mothers), are really not encouraging considering most of them are just "assistants" of a man, servants, patient sponges that absorb the wildest unpredictable pathetic caprices of the husband masked by "masculinity" and ultimately ending up being nurses in older age, for themselves and the husband too. And this is what is generally behind a "successful" family where the woman doesn't choose the divorce, by the way. (So it's not an inviting role regardless, from the feedbacks we have).
So of course the more a woman is ambitious and free, the more she will fear getting trapped in a role that doesn't allow that.
I stay away from that too, but I don't need to trash these choices actively, I never said I "hate kids", "marriage is pointless" etc. It's something some feminists do mostly to convince and protect themselves against that, rather than educating the society that those things are "bad", I guess. I am very ambitious and I could consider marriage+baby only if I have a partner that is eligible and ready to take the "maid" and "caregiver" role fully in case I don't want to give up career achievements, but that's not something I can "expect" for sure.

[Xoxocutekitty]

This

[SomewhereElse]

I think it's a (mostly subconscious) defense mechanism. Realistically, unless you have fairly low standards, you don't have much control over whether you'll get married to someone you actually want to be married to. Someone you love, are attracted to, respect and are compatible with in terms of temperament, ideas about gender roles / what a relationship should look like, sex drive, money matters and all the rest. It's definitely possible to "settle", but we live in a time when nothing but the best is good enough. Not only in relationships, but shopping - most want the latest iPhone, follow the latest fashion trends, have a huge TV, new car, go on multiple vacations every year and so forth.

If one is willing to work hard, being able to afford at least some of "the best" is somewhat achievable... but you can be the most loving and lovable person on the planet, and still not meet someone you'd want to get married to.

Therefore, I think many prefer to focus on what is achievable and either avoid thinking about marriage / family altogether, or focus on their career but hope for that magic prince charming.

Personally I'm a "Lean in" type of woman- I want the great career AND great marriage. So I do what I can, flirt and date and hopefully meet someone great eventually :)

[Anonymous]

I would like to be married yet on June 23 2012 me and the ex started realtionship which I had met his family and his own mother at the worst time of their lives since his father had pastaway from a sudden heart attack , August 8, 2013 for me to be supportive in the beginning until I did find out he started cheating and he kept on saying oh well you know she's just a friend and she's already as a boyfriend which I never believed. which my own ex-bf actually thinks after his cheating and lying to my own father back in 2015 . They had man - man long talk. Before my father had lost his fight with stage 4 cancer in March 2017 . Which then still that boyfriend completely still was cheating on me with this same female who actually had gotten 4 engagement rings which he claimed he was forced to buy that other female and he claims that she "needed to prove" to her friends she was in a relationship so that's the only reason why he was forced to buy her the rings. So then the other female calls him up in January 2020 and tells him that she is breaking up with him and crap which he then tells that me back while he was dating her while he would still come stop by my condo random to see and act like he was dating me. He told that he we started dating again in 2018 which was ever ttue because he always was tells he was too busy to drive up to my apartment which was only 20 minutes from the ex-fiance's place which he even told me that I need to get a job which I should had when I move up to the new place in 2018 which I actually have been injured since then. So I can even work at the moment. Yet he tells I need to grown the fuck up? And I need to earn my ring which I didn't know how that bi*ch earned 4different rings which messed up so I told him it was over. Because you can NOT just sit and have the man -man talk with the a women's own father and the completely lied his face. Knowing you are still telling her lies to his own daughter

[Rania05]

Frankly, as girl in her 17th year in this world, I always thought of marriage as optional but only if you have enough psychological quality to not feel bad about being alone in your home.
I don't want biological kids, my health and even life can be at stake for bringing someone I should feel completely slaved for his needs. Motherhood is the greatest, but not for me. I'd rather adopt a baby, change his diapers, teach him how to talk by my own free will instead of everyone around me using emotional obligation on me, I want to be a mother by my own decision but I don't to go through the 9-month long torture. I want a career with lots of money to get the things I'm longing for and give my parents a good retirement.
I'd also love to get married to someone who's comfortable to deal with in daily basis, even better if he doesn't have a mother it would save me from getting him sandwiched between me and her when our opinions collide.

[Asker]

what if you have a supportive husband every step of the way that should help with the burden, wouldn't it?

[Rania05]

Does this even exist? It would be sweet if it does.
Also the dead mother-in-law part was a bit of joke, I don't want to curse my future husband for being orphan. It would be good if he's the reflection of his mother's good nature.

[Asker]

Have faith that there are good guys and men out there. I want this world to wake up and be shaken a bit. I’m hoping society changes for the better.

[Rania05]

I know they'd exist but all of them are taken

[sunflower00]

I would call myself a feminist, I want a good education and a good career but also want to get married. I personally don’t want kids but can see why some people would. I think it’s really up to the individual, everyone prioritises different things and think certain things are important and others aren’t

[Asker]

what if the person you get married to wants kids? Im different, I want kids. I see my guy friends with kids now. I would like to take my kids to Disneyland or a sporting event or talking to their teacher on parent/teacher night, helping them with their home work. That's I appreciate the older days, the way things were back in the day to my recollection of the 1990s, simpler times.

[sunflower00]

I wouldn’t marry someone who wants kids at the moment, I think that’s something people should speak about before they get married so they know whether they are compatible or not. I can see the appeal of doing those little activities with the kids, but the reality of day to day life with them is a lot different and unfortunately is often left to the woman to deal with while the man joins in for the ‘fun’ parts. It’s a lot of patience, lack of sleep, lack of money, screaming, crying, losing your life & missing opportunities, etc., which is what a lot of people want and a lot of people think it’s worth it which is amazing, but not for me personally

[Asker]

I would never just dump the responsibility on the woman like that.

[sunflower00]

That’s good, a lot of guys don’t, but unfortunately it’s common and I’ve seen it happen to many women ☹️ You never know how someone will act as a parent until you actually have a kid with them, and then it’s too late to turn back the clock. It’s kinda like you never know what someone is really like until you live with them. It works out great a lot of times but it sometimes doesn’t! Kids just aren’t for me but I respect people who do want them

[Asker]

I just look at kids as a gift from God. Obviously you want them to be healthy and be able to have a life. It’s not easy for parents out there dealing with kids with disabilities.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

I think there's plenty more young women focused on careers so I agree there but the "your career is 100% is what defines you inside and out" is literally the dumbest and most dangerous thing I've ever heard. I say dangerous because the young girls watching those videos will probably believe it and then become depressed, or worse, every time she isn't at her best financially or career-wise.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

I don't believe in marriage, I didn't when I first got married to my ex husband, but felt I had an obligation to.
The only thing marriage does now is help with tax forms. People cheat, people get divorced because of personal reasons, why would I spend the extra money on marrying the person & then spend much more than that on divorce?

[sage2021]

Have you ever watched episodes of Sat Yes To The Dress on the TLC channel. It would be a positive thing for you to watch. Plus you'll find out how very expensive wedding dresses are now 🙄

[Kaytiee]

You can have both, I'm studying at university rn but me and my boyfriend want children, but I do want to get married first if the budget allows it

[watercolor_lions]

That femininst is arrogant and closed minded. Because she does not speak for me. At all.

[Anonymous]

Stop watching silly YouTube videos. Getting married was the best thing that ever happened to me.

[Asker]

Trust me I am not searching for them, they just pop up on my feed and are connected some how if I'm watching videos about love and marriage and then opposite views with different suggestions appear.

[LazerBean]

Nope.