I’m having lots of problems in my relationship right now. He doesn’t care about me or love me anymore. My stress level is through the roof. I’m pretty isolated from most family and friends so I’d like to go have a drink or two at a bar tonight. This is something I’ve NEVER done alone before so I’m a little nervous.
I don’t know what I’m expecting to happen aside from just relaxing and changing scenery. what would you think if you saw a woman about 30 sitting at the bar by herself?
You might get hit on a few times, if I'm being honest.
As for my personal thoughts, I'm more concerned about how "I'm" being perceived being at a bar alone, let alone a girl. Like if I'm in a social place, I want people to feel they can come and chat. But being alone makes me feel like people will view me as someone not worth chatting with.
If I see a girl alone at a bar, I might chat if we're sitting next to each other at the bar or something. But I try to be a bit more cautious, welcoming, and chill, because I feel like she probably feels extra self-conscious and wary of guys talking to her. Kinda makes things suck for trying to find a date though.
Really depends how she came off?
If she was dressed sexy, I would think fishing for free drinks, looking for a good time, maybe a professional, or even better, getting back at husband for cheating on her.
If she was dressed in business attire. I would think she was just chilling. before going on with her evening. Just blowing some steam.
If she was dressed sloppy, I would think alcoholic. Maybe a welfare case looking for a few drinks.
And let's not forget how she comes off. If she is happy, maybe a fun person. If mad or bitter, leave her alone because she has more poison in her than alcohol.
American.
And I would do nothing.
Because a bar, a club, or a party is the LAST place I'd want to be looking to approach women. And even if I was there for whatever reason, I wouldn't bother you, or be anywhere near you.
Perhaps the LEAST I would do is maybe offer to drive you home if you happen to have more than a couple drinks. Of course, that's if you don't already have 5 other guys trying to make a move on you... which I'm sure you'll get plenty... because a bar is not particularly a good place to be getting that kind of attention, imho.
Besides, you didn't mention whether or not you broke up with your partner.
Nothing really…I keep my mind on myself and my friends. If it really came down to it I would say maybe she is trying to get a drink, maybe she is just unwinding with a drink after work, she could be waiting for someone, maybe she just wants to be out at a bar alone, someone could be in the bathroom while she’s there…I mean if your looking for the answer I would a feel sad for her it’s not happening because nobody knows your situation so don’t worry and just have a few drinks alone if you want
I would think at all. I don't reflect on strangers in that way. Besides I don't go to bars to just hang, but I guess it's not a to uncommon view, if I would go to one. I wouldn't go looking for dates in a place where a good partner rarely should be visiting. I am not looking for a party person after all, or a drunk.
When sober... Just a woman enjoying her drink.
When tipsy... a partner to talk to, get things off my chest, or who knows, usually i go with the flow. But sometimes can end up in a total "vulcano" than can "release/vent" the frustration, devil out of us...🤷♂️
I'd start assuming she was waiting for someone. Then I'd assume she'd been stood up.
I'd probably offer to buy her a drink but I wouldn't be expecting anything other than the conversation.
It's the advantage of being 50.
When I was 30 I'd have crapped myself trying to get the nerve up to talk to her. I was terminally shy. If it hadn't been for finding a dating site 20 years ago I'd probably never have married!
It's the women sitting alone that I definitely don't talk to. Because as a guy you can get a bad label/image for approaching one alone. I don't know what their deal is, why they're there by themselves, but I don't make it my business to find out honestly.
Since you did it though, what happened? What was your experience?
When I see a woman by herself at a bar, my first thought is "Is she going to be safe?". ANYONE is vulnerable after a few drinks, but women especially. I start to want to protect a woman if she is by herself at a bar but am often afraid to say anything because I do not know how she will take it. I do not desire to date women I meet at bars, but I do want them to be safe.
I work long days and my girlfriend is usually asleep so at the bar alone often after 10pm. Some times going home and trying to be quiet make dinner decompress etc is less appealing than people watching while getting good food service.
Personally I wouldn’t think anything of it. Maybe spark a conversation and be friendly. Once you’re a regular at a bar grill bartenders will usually warn you about individuals and other regulars become close friends in a way.
What’s your concern?
Nowadays it almost feels like a setup if a girl is sitting by herself. Especially if she is attractive.
It’s like she sets herself by putting herself in a place where men typically approach women. And being by herself it’s even more of an advertisement of “please someone talk me up and take me home”. But in the post metoo world it feels like a huge shit test and set up.
I work at a bar, I see a lot of women come in by themselves. Some comes to see the bands play, or to not be sitting at home by themselves, or to meet up with friends or meet new ones, or some are after some dick. It friends on how she is behaving. If a woman comes in late, right before closing time by herself, she's usually looking for some guy to take home and fuck.
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