What's the best way to get people to want to have deep conversations with me?

[Bethany22]

Is it better to directly ask them to share their life tragedies with me, such as their relationship issues with their kids, boyfriends, etc, or should I annoy them with superficial chitchat about the weather, pretend that this is the first time I've met them, to the point that they're trying to force deep conversations onto ME? Most people I encounter seem as though they're capable of having deep conversations, but they always remain on the superficial, professional side with me, and it's annoying. It's like a backhanded way of saying they don't need me.

[nolabels]

For me it just happens with the right people at the right time.

Thinking back on the beginnings of my close friendships, I can recall picking up as well as putting out subtle clues that deeper conversation would be welcomed.

It can take place in different ways with different people.

Judging from the tone of some of your recent questions, it seems that is something that you hunger for.

I wish I could give you a magic formula, but I don't have one other than listening for clues from others as well as putting out 'feeler' type comments yourself.

I wish you the best.

[TheSpaceGnome]

The best way to get a person to have deep conversations with you, is to have something interesting to say about topics you both like.

People tend to dislike talking about negative events or differing opinions, and tend to rely on small talk to fill awkward silences when they have nothing in common with the person they are talking to.

[SnowedIn]

Talk to them. Have it be a genuine back and forth. And, no, don't jump right in asking how their mother died. Just begin conversations. Let the conversing relationship grow from there. But to what you said in the last half of your post, context matters. Perhaps they're clients or co-workers who don't WANT deep conversations?

[Stevefiveo]

I don't think you can force people to have deep conversations with you. They have to be comfortable enough with you and to be able to trust you enough to open up to you. How you do that is art that most people don't have. Usually start with something small and use open ended questions. Try to lead to something deeper. Try not to sound judgmental and set in your ways and try to understand their point of view. Open up yourself with your stories. But even then , some people are not going to open up and they don't owe that to you.

[AviatorTom]

Rather than ask them to share "their life tragedies", openly share your life tragedies with them. That may causes them to share theirs. If it doesn't, then ask if they have similar stories.

[Anonymous]

You can't. They either want to or they don't. But the best way is to find what thier passionate about and ask a lot of questions (obviously only if you're interested. You can't fake this. I mean you can but a guy is EVENTUALLY going to realize you're faking it). Try to draw parallels that connect your two life experiences.

[LiamJHayden]

Most people are afraid of being rejected, especially on a deep level, so it might be natural for those people to keep things shallow.

[Tracker1958]

Half of what you said was just being noisy. It's like asking a woman when her last period was.

[FunkyMonkee]

Just start a casual conversation with them and mention some kind of issue you're dealing with that similar to what you want to talk about and, chances are, they'll get deeper into it with you.

[Charlesbrandonf]

@Bethany22 when you find the answer please kindly can you let me know. I’ve tried to have a friendly conversation with you. Tried saying hello to you in your DM’s. Still waiting.

[loveslongnails]

First thing you need to do is make sure you WANT to have one with that particular person. I've learned that a walk through the ocean of many people's psyche or soul would barely get my feet wet. LOL

[kellytheman]

Try to find something you actually experienced or have insight on with that person and it doesn't have to be something personal. Try to ease into it then that person will feel more comfortable with you then you will have deep conversations with them.

[NathanDavis]

trust should and will happen naturally... forcing things will hardly, or never ever work

[RealMarek]

This is not the sort of thing you can force. It takes time to build trust.

[collie22]

You could ask how do you feel about something interesting.

[pizzalovershouse]

Find people who like what you have intrest in

[shortster]

If you ask me deep questions I am likely to give deep responses.

[Alex8736]

start with small talk and break the ice first then let nature run it's course

[Jennz6]

I am not sure

[theplanet]

huh define deep conversations

[EaterPeter]

Open ended questions