How do I recover?

[Anonymous]

i’ve been dating a guy on and off for quite some time now. he had a habit of ghosting and returning. the most recent time it went as long as 4 weeks. that was the 4th time. i’m aware he would only return bc i allowed it. and i’m not placing any blame on him. i really liked this guy and kept making excuses for him. i was open to him about my recent struggles with anxiety and told him the coming and going hasn’t been very helpful so i couldn’t do it anymore, i’ve been under a lot of stressful circumstances at home and confided in him about that. i stupidly let him back in a week ago. he initiated plans for this past Wednesday. last Sunday i was texting him all day and was feeling anxious about him leaving again, he responded that night and told me he was busy and not to worry. i felt at ease and then again on Tuesday i hit a new low. i had a panic attack that morning and was on edge all day. i texted him once asking to confirm plans he didn’t respond. then that night i asked him again. still got no response. i then asked if he was ghosting again and much later flooded his phone with texts asking why he keeps leaving. i was starting to feel so overwhelmed and was thinking irrationally and texted him asking if i could come over and then told him i was on my way despite him ignoring me and not inviting me. i desperately needed to feel at ease and thought seeking his comfort would help. i sat on his steps for about 20 mins, texting and calling him. he never let me in or responded. i came to my senses and had a friend drive me home. i felt so awful about showing up uninvited, it was an invasion of privacy, rude, and alarming. i’ve never behaved like this before and it even scared me. that next day i sent him multiple texts and calls apologizing for my behavior and begging him to respond. i’m aware that wasn’t right at all either. i’ve been feeling so uneasy about all of this and feel so stupid for allowing myself to reach such a low

Updates

+1 y

yesterday i found out he’s been talking to his ex again. just days ago he told me he wasn’t talking to or sleeping with anyone else. i also found out he was with her the night we had made plans for

Updates

+1 y

i guess i’m asking how do i move on from this. i’ve been fighting the urge to keep apologizing to him for showing up to his house uninvited, and then also want to confront him about how hurt i feel with all the lies. I don't know i’m just feeling so torn and defeated

[ManOnFire]

The good part is you acknowledge that you've made mistakes by continually letting him back in. The bad part is that you keep doing it. He controls your feelings and knows he does by up and leaving whenever he wants. He isn't going to respond to you because he knows you will always keep trying to reach out and connect with him, and he figures he can always come back when he wants because you'll always want him.

I understand if you feel like you need somebody in your life, especially with all your anxiety. But he is the furthest thing from a friend or being any kind of mature lover you would need. He's actually making things much worse for you. You have to find it in yourself to let him go entirely, because he is likely a cause of so much of your emotional pain. Like I said, he controls your feelings and knows it. It's narcissistic abuse. You have to close that door and not look back.

[ManOnFire]

I think you shouldn't apologize for anything and I think the best way to recover is to have no more contact with him.

[Guy13]

If there are this much difficulties, perhaps, sitting down with a counselor and working out a final plan may be a good idea?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure what you are asking here.

[Anonymous]

I don't know.