Girl knows I have a girlfriend but?

[Anonymous]

So this girl from work was after me for about 6 months. I tried to be friends with her but I have a girlfriend (she knows about it). She bought me a valentines gift etc. Now she told me that I don’t understand that we aren’t going back to the way things were we are friends but I can’t be close to you anymore. Should I not even say hi or bye, and just leave her alone or what? What does that mean?

[williael]

I *think* she means that she is trying to be friends, but she hasn't quite erased the romantic feelings she has for you.

She is very conflicted. Because you have a girlfriend, she knows she needs to --and must-- back off and create space. That's why she says, "I can't be close to you."

She says, "We are friends" really as an attempt to tell HERSELF that this is how it has to be. You are not free, and the only role for her is friend. It's confusing for you because all of this is coming from a conflicted person.

She is simply adjusting, trying to scale back her feelings for a guy she's really crazy about. It's a hard place to be for her, but for her, better than nothing.

As for you, there's really nothing you can do. She'll be conflicted no matter what you do, to be honest, because the conflict is within herself and not based on whether you say hi or bye or leave her alone or not. If you really have been friends, you could ask her what would make the adjustment easier for her. But be prepared for her not to know, either. Backing off is not something she wants to do, but she has to.

Wish you well.

[humanearth]

She wants you