What tips would you give a shy girl who's going to a club by herself for the first time?

[Anonymous]

I've never been to a club before but I really want to [I'm 20] mainly because it's a club specifically for the music I listen to so it's not one of those dance clubs I guess and maybe it wouldn't be too strange if I just sat somewhere alone listening to music? There's also bands playing so I think it may not be too weird if I'm going alone? I really want to go there in hopes of finally meeting people I have something in common with but I'm really scared because I've never done that before except for seeing singers I actually know and that was when I was like 17

[NomadAnon]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with going to a nightclub/venue on your own. I've worked in nightclubs & even run my own gigs (often working the door, so I've seen everyone who's came inside), many girls your age have attended them on their own.

As long as you're smart about it, make sure people know where you are at all times and that you can contact them/they can contact you at any given moment. Keep your belongings on you at all times and NEVER leave your drink unattended or take your eyes off of it. Drink spiking isn't always common but, it can happen, so it's sensible to be cautious. Have extra money with you for a taxi, so you can leave the area quickly if you don't feel comfortable hanging around and, if possible, use digital payments rather than cash (bank card, mobile payments, etc - research the places you intend to go to see if they accept card/digital payments as well as cash), as it's easier to keep an eye on that one item than it is several notes and loose change (plus, you can instantly stop a card/mobile payment from happening once you've realised it's gone missing). If you're feeling uncertain in any premises/venue, mention to the manager or event organiser that you're there on your own & ask if they can keep an eye on you (in case anyone does hassle you, you can just signal them over & they'll take care of it). There are lots of ways to stay safe, ultimately, it's just down to thinking ahead & leaving nothing to chance. After a while, you'll start to feel more confident & maybe even have made some friends who can look out for you in the future.

However, I've no idea where you are, so I can only speak for my own area/country (Scotland). Some parts of the world might not be as safe for girls your age & therefore, some of what I've said might not be relevant/sensible, so do your own research first, ask others your age and especially those a bit older (who have likely been in your position before) who are in your area what they think and what they did/wish they had did.

[Texaskid1]

Best not to go alone.

Almost every person I have ever met at a club and exchanged numbers with has turned out to be a weirdo. For example:

One girl thought I was a cop and kept asking me to remove some issue she had on her record due to some traffic violation. I explained to her I was not a cop and even I was a cop I would not have the authority to get that expunged from her record. This girl did not believe me when I said I was not a cop and she even offered me money and sex ( for the record I told her to sod off).

One other guy that I thought was cool and could be a new male friend called me up one morning and asked me if I could sell him some cocaine because he wanted to have a threesome with some strippers and he said I looked liked the "type of guy who sold cocaine". As soon as I hung up the phone I blocked his number.

Another girl I met at a club with whim I had a polite conversation - but I never gave her my number yet I made the mistake of telling her where I work - started calling and e-mailing me and asking me out to dinner. This was not bad but it did freak me out a little since it was too much too soon. I figure that if a woman does not give me her number even after a nice conversation then she has no further interest in talking to me and it was just some polite chit-chat with a stranger. So be it. But I guess she had more interest in me than I in her.

I have also had people approach me asking me if I sold drugs, if I was an undercover cop, on several occasions I have had some women flat out ask me if I wanted some company for the night ( I always said no ). I have also seen several fights break out and I once walked into the men's bathroom and saw a women giving a blowjob to some dude in a stall.

Lessons I learned:

1. I no longer give my real name to strangers and I no longer tell strangers where I work nor the name of my company.

2. I am wary of anyone that approaches me in bar or club of any kind.

3. Not much going on in those places so I rarely go. I would rather go to a coffee chop and read some or go to the gym.

On the other hand I am 46 so I have learned via experience. You are 20 so I guess you feel a need to go and see what it is like. I would say go to some clubs here and there, keep your wits up , don't accept drinks or rides from anyone, and get the "club phase" out of your system. In a few years you will see they are overrated.

Good luck and watch your back.

[Mewzinc]

Wow you can't win for losing. Either you're a cop or a drug dealer. 😆

[Alessa13]

Be polite, try to talk but don't plan on leaving with anyone.

I know others will say take a friend, but hard to do if you don't have anyone to take with you.

If you do find people you like to talk to, make plans for the future at other public places and chat/text to get to know them better in the meantime.

Don't leave drinks unattended or don't get any drinks.

Be a wall flower if you like, expect guys to talk to you or try to get you to dance, simply say no thanks if not interested.

I have been to a lot of clubs by myself, DJ's or dance clubs. I do love to dance though.

A tip too is if eye contact makes you nervous, it is okay to wear sunglasses in the club, people do it often... now they can't see your eyes and it might make them nervous to not want to talk to you.

That is if you don't want them to talk to you, if you want people to make a move and talk, don't wear them.

[Mewzinc]

Dancing with strangers can sometimes be awkward if the guy thinks you like/know how to twerk. I know in clubs most guys like to take liberties with women. Especially with drinking and logic and inhibitions are extremely low. Sexual harassment would be a huge problem depending on the audacity of the guy. When it comes to dancing it almost seems like guys expect the girl to twerk on them. I don't know about you but for me I think it's nasty to twerk on some random strangers junk who you just met. So dancing might not be a good idea.

[LocoLuna]

Be safe. Get that drink identifier powder (can tell if there's drugs) and exchange emails, not phone numbers (create new account to remain safe). Turn find my phone app on. Don't go home with a guy you just met. Tell friends/family what club you are at. Keep your phone on you at all times (bra etc) don't ever accept drinks from anyone, watch the bartender and your drink always if u wanna go dance, drink it. Dont ever set it down. Hydration: water. A lot if it. Also, have food in your belly.

Have fun, be prepared to have a safe ride to take you home. Not a random. Don't go to a secondary location, on spur of moment.

[Asker]

Thank you, I've seen many people including you telling me I should watch the bartender. Why is that though?

[Anonymous]

Just in case, watch your drink like a hawk. If you have to go to the bathroom between drinks, don't leave a full drink unattended just in case. If you turn your head, cover the drink with your hands. or at least put a coaster on top. I'm a dude, and I do these things.

Legend has it, a great grandfather (GGF) was drugged (or going to be); the bartender either noticed some weird behavior from a few dudes, or he noticed GGF starting to act strange, and pulled a rifle on these dudes. Luckily, he was close with my GGF, this was early 1900's, and GGF was a miner (not a minor), so when he got paid, he'd spend half his income at the bar. The assumption was they were going to try to rob him and beat the crap out of him (hopefully not... something else). So guys occasionally get that, too.

Park in a well lit spot. As always, make sure anything that looks like you have a lot of wealth, you want to take with you (or at least hide). If I need to charge a tablet, then I'll hide it and use a fake charge wire to make it look like nothing's plugged in. Park near the entrance, if possible. And try to leave when there's other people leaving - don't wait till close or when it's slow. Make sure your tires are good, and your gas tank is at least 3/4 full. If close with parents or friends, maybe text when you get there and when you're about to leave, and if you live alone, text them or call when you get home.

Other than watching your surroundings (and your drinks), have fun! Make new friends. Be social! I would advise against hooking up. Generally I think it's better to do these things with other people - you can watch each other, maybe have fun with people you know if you're shy, maybe have someone to talk to.

One thing some friends and I did - we knew a guy who tried starting a "sober bar" - no alcohol, nothing too filthy, music wise. He was a fairly devout Christian, had "Christian" nights, and a lot of my friends were close with the guy, so we'd try to go to his bar. It was pretty fun, though a lot of people tended to dance, and that wasn't really my thing. there may be options like that near you as well. Of course, similar rules apply. Guard your Pepsi or Coke.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Setting aside all the safety advice for a solo woman in a male-heavy environment with alcohol involved, my main advice having attended many live concerts alone is to just experience the event fully and not fixate on self-consciousness. Music or live performers you genuinely connect with makes a big difference, and if the crowd shares that enthusiasm, you can sorta feed off their energy too. Realise you're just another body in the head count, nobody is sitting around judging your every movement. Clubs and live concerts differ in some ways, I'm not much of a clubber, but the broad strokes are the same in that everyone is there for the same basic reason, tp have a good time with music they enjoy. Some guys may be there just trying to hook up, so if dealing with come-on attempts in that environment makes you feel some trepidation, you can always familiarise yourself with the doormen, bar staff, and even other women in the crowd to help look out for you or to give you an "out" if a guy is getting a bit too insistent.

[Anonymous]

not a good mix. my friend forced me to do that when i was about that age, i was super shy too. just didn't fit in. it was terrible. if it's something you absolutely want to do, then sure. just know it'll be loud, people will probably be aggressively hitting on you, please be mindful of your drink and make sure no one puts anything weird in it while you're not looking, be aware of your surroundings at all times and don't let your guard down. guys will take advantage of any vulnerable girl they see. since you're going alone, please bring pepper spray and be mindful of all exits and know where security guards are. this is just how girls are suppose to be acting when out alone at night whether at a club or a grocery store, unfortunately. be safe! also, let people close to you know where and when you'll be arriving and leaving, etc.

[Makeushiver]

Role play. Act confident. If you have the chance take a drama class. It's a great way to feel confident about acting as a character. No one knows you are customarily ,"shy". Adopt a role as a confident woman. Set out to act the opposite of the way you normally feel. If you're trying to meet a guy- or girl for that matter- get inside their space. It won't feel uncomfortable if you feel like you are acting. I knew an a drama major in college who was very shy and also gay but he could put on a tough guy role that was incredibly convincing. Think of it as an assignment. A cocktail or two might help but don't overdo it or you'll wind up relying on alcohol. Make it a point of acting out of character. Be aggressive and forward. I;d love to kniw how it turns out and if you want any specific suggestions feel free to DM me

[sage2021]

This really worries me. So many times girls go missing for good after leaving one of those places. Don't leave there with someone you don't know.
I understand that you want to go out and meet people but you are taking an awful big chance and it's not worth it.
Please don't do it.
From a Mom ❤️

[Vegasrunner]

@sage2021 You're exagerrating a lot but you make a valid point. TBH a single girl at a club is usually a indicator of a women wanting to get laid.

[es20490446e]

my brother, a girl-friend and my ex had someone put drugs on their drinks on different situations.

my brother became hyper excited, my girl-friend became dizzy, and my ex was found sleeping with a broken leg and raped.

hence i recommend drinking only non alcoholic drinks, and always going out with someone else.

or better, search for fun somewhere else. group activities are the best.

[Asker]

Yes I don't plan on drinking anything there tbh, I'll probably drink something before going in there just so my anxiety goes away a bit lol

[Puppystarfish23]

I'm sorry sweetheart I really am but I'd strongly advise you not to go alone I know you sound so positive and excited but unfortunately there's a lot of bad people out there who want to hurt young women and they will instantly see you as a easy target because you are alone.

It's sad but in this day and age a young woman can't do stuff like this by herself but unfortunately the world we live in isn't fair

[LittleSally]

Depending on where you live - DON'T DO IT!

If your country, city and area is extremely safe then you can go for it (keeping in contact with people who are awake and will kind of 'look after you remotely' while you're there), but if not... don't.

[Reorx]

Horrible idea if you want my honest advice. Think about what you really want from life. Have knowledge of female pair bonding & the effects of trauma, then decide. In my opinion you're walking into a wolves den & by all means if that's what you're after go ahead..

[Reorx]

Shy girls have always been my favorite & I hate to see one go down without being informed first..

[Boomchakalaca]

What would be an appropriate place to female bond

[Reorx]

@Boomchakalaca pair bonding is the abity of a woman to bond with her partner, the more partners she has the weaker that bond becomes.

[Sparkie460]

Bring at least one friend with you, at least then you will have someone that you know that you can talk to. You might be more comfortable then.
My biggest tip is if you're going to have any drinks, watch them make it and don't let it out of your sight. Never leave a drink unattended

[Sabretooth]

And mind your limits.

[jshm2]

Don't.

It's not the place for you, if you're alone and shy. Take a friend, parent, cousin or whatever. Not because you'll get raped, roofied, killed, abused or whatever. But because your first experiences are often your most important to learn.

You want to have it as well as possible, but also know what to do (or have close someone who does) if things go wrong. Obviously once you've been a couple of times, then you will know what to expect and can then go it alone.

[crossdressingrihno]

Don’t go alone.
You should always have at least 1 trusted friend with you.
Aside from the potential danger that comes from being in a social place that serves alcohol theirs also the social aspect.
I’m sure you’ll meet cool people but you never forget to bring a wing man.
They can help you pick up cute guys, save you from an awkward moment or just help navigate a social situation.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

If you are going to go alone then understand don't accept drinks from strangers.

Clubs tend to have a lot of creepy people in there under the influence of drugs and alcohol.

Be on alert at all times and watch your back when roaming around and leaving the club.

[razelove]

Don't drink alcohol. Most roofies rely on alcohol to take effect. I'm a guy and I've been roofied once. Besides that just find a spot you want to be a regular at, with people you get along with where you feel comfortable, and get to getting.

[ILoveAnime]

No offence, I think it's great that you are taking the initiative but clubs are way more fun with friends. They also would leave you more comfortable. Otherwise, just try to enjoy yourself without creating too many expectations. I also only recently went to a club for the first time (a dance one tho) and although it was fun, it was also tiring. Be alert for creeps as well. Only allow yourself to be pulled if you truly want to.

[wysiwyg2525]

Don't go. It's a waste of time and all your going to find is horny guys that just want sex. Most of them don't have the courage to speak to you anyways. Your better off looking for a guy somewhere else. If your going with friends to dance etc then go for it and stay amongst your group.

[DaveJord]

If you do not expect to get hit on or talk to men, then do not go to the club.

No women should ever have the expectation that she can just go to a club just to have fun, and not get hit on by men or be checked out. So don't get upset when it happens, just be prepared to deal with it, and have a plan on how to react without being totally insulting.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

If you're shy it will be hard to enjoy at first, heck even to enter the place. You'll have to built up lots of courage and just go in.

People always say "just have fun and make friends" but for a shy person thats horrible advice. Needs a lot of practice and self control (like shutting down negative thoughts).

[hammeronfire]

Guard your drinks, don’t accept one if you don’t see it be poured, make friends with at least one other woman or group of them or a group of guys who are sober and or gay so you have an out in case you get hit on by some creep, be firm if you say no but don’t be mean about it because you never know if this guy is an Andrew Tate type guy or if this girl is a female Tate and they get mad and try to hurt you. Yeah, also make sure your phone is fully charged and you have money to get home

[Angelo75]

So... question to asker, what did u decide? Did u go or not? And if you went, how did it go? If you didn't go, what changed ur mind?

[Asker]

My plan was to go there on a concert at the end of this month so I haven't been there yet. I think I'll definitely go but know it will be so hard for me regardless of how much I plan it because of my anxiety. I just want to step out of my comfort zone for once though lol

[Angelo75]

You go girl!!! -highfive-
However... while saying that, please remember a couple of real-world points.
You want to go alone into an environment that you don't have experience in. That brings certain real dangers with it.

A lot of users wrote some good ideas here. Read them and take good lessons out of them.

It would be nice to write your experience at the concert afterwards:
1. It'll be nice to share with other shy people on GaG.
2. It'll help some of us that are really worried about you to know that you're allright afterwards.