Annoying colleague keeps asking for lifts or waiting outside my door for a lift to work - how can I stop this without being rude?

[Anonymous]

This girl started working at my workplace over a year ago. She likes to stay at her boyfriends house over the weekend in another town.

Every Monday she then has to get the train to where I live and misses the bus to work because the train gets in around the same time.

My work is still a 25min drive away. The bus leaves at 7am and I leave at 7.20am. I told her I would be happy to give her the odd lift now and again but now it has became 3/4 days a week.

She sends me the same 4 to 5 messages every Sunday evening explaining how she needs a lift. She also lives about a 10min walk away from my house, so now she has started sending me 4/5 messages constantly most mornings telling me she’s slept in, needs a lift or i look out my window and she is waiting at my car.

The last few weeks she has just been outside standing at my car waiting on me without messaging me.

We aren’t close, she’s around my age but we don’t even talk at work. It is really starting to annoy me as she never has offered any petrol money, she is sometimes late and makes me late and she even turns my music off.

I like to have a nice drive on my own, it’s the only 25mins I get to myself and can plan my day, listen to music/podcasts in peace, prepare myself for work meetings etc. in my head lol.

And the constant messaging is driving me crazy that I had to mute her on WhatsApp today. Now when I see her outside at my car it makes me fill with rage. I might be overreacting but I don’t even care about the petrol money it’s that I hate that she seems to be using me for lifts and I can’t get out of it now. I must be saving her so much money from not getting the bus.

She also comes to my desk and asks for lifts home sometimes too! I don’t even finish at the same time as her but she keeps asking.

[Anonymous]

Let's clarify one thing first. A moocher can only mooch if you continue to allow them to do so. From your very clear description, you don't hang out, she doesn't pay for gas or do anything that helps you or indicates any type of level of friendship above pure moochiation. Your only relationship isssss, you work in the same building. You. Owe. Her. Nothing. Time to "woman up" about it.

Hop back on the old WhatsApp and pen this message early Saturday MORNING: Hi (fill in name). Starting on Monday (fill in the date), you will need to find yourself another means of transportation to get to and from work. I can no longer offer you a ride. I'm just letting you know now, early enough, so that you have enough time to make other plans.

Make sure you see that she has seen your message. If her message back is anything other than, "okay, I understand, will do," repeat the above message and DO NOT add anything else to it. Don't try to explain, no need to give any details, straight and to the literal point. DO NOT say things like, maybe we could just do one day, because the moocher sees this as you giving in and you'll be right back to complaining.

Just to further emphasize your point, move your car. Move it to the other side of your house, down the street, somewhere she can't ambush you and wait by it and then leave early or on time for you, so she has no chance of catching you off guard.

Let's say, she does confront you at work or elsewhere and asks why you can no longer give a her a lift----simply state, "it's for personal reasons which I don't really want to discuss at this time. Please respect that." You aren't lying. You aren't making up an excuse. You're telling the truth...your personal reason is you don't want to offend her but you need your me time in your car with your music turned all the way up.

All else fails, ghost her. Stop returning her calls, her texts, block her. Some people need that level of closure to get the absolute hint that you will not be taken advantage of.

[Jazzy54]

You are definitely not overreacting. This has gotten *way* out of control. Don’t allow her to walk all over you like this. Tell her (in a nice, but firm way) that you cannot do this multiple times a week.

[glennos89]

Sometimes there is no way in telling someone to fuck off without being rude. There isn't really a nice way to tell her that you wanne drive alone so I would just straight tell her that you wanne have some time alone in the morning and that she has to go to work by herself

[Staximus]

Tell her she's using you, and now she's paying for all your gas from now on or she can piss off. Or just tell her "you never give me any gas money, you're just using me. I'm not driving you anywhere anymore". Stand up for yourself.

[FreyaRed]

Tell her you aren't her taxi service. You have to be a little bit rude to people who obviously try to abuse your kindness

[LiamJHayden]

She enjoys the benefit of your vehicle so she can help pay the expenses. YOU decide what is fair to you and then charge her that. Or just tell her that she needs to be responsible for her own transportation.

[KrakenAttackin]

She is treating you the way most women treat men.
.. sucks doesn't it.

[Pohjolan]

Ask her for gasoline money.