Does she mean it when she says "I love you"?

[Ebhall34]

I've been seeing this woman/coworker for about 7 weeks now. She has a dismissive-avoidant attachment style, so I've been patient and going along with it as each week seems to progress in a positive way. She's told her friends and family about me and wants me to meet everyone and she wants to meet my friends and family. She hasn't told me how she feels about me, which I know is one of the things with people with DS, is that they mostly show love through non-verbal cues. There have been several times where she's said "I hate you, just kidding, I actually love you." She's also said, "you're literally the love of my life," one time at dinner when I did something nice for her. And a couple of times she's said, "I only do this because I love you." I've never heard her say it to anyone other than those in her close circle, and I haven't heard her say those words to another guy. She always smiles and looks at me in the eyes when she says it. I just smile and don't say anything back because I don't know if she actually means it. What could I say or do the next time she says it, to see if she's being serious about it?

[ReginaGeorgina]

As as DA female I've realised that for me, it's easier to say things like I love you or I want you when I don't mean it. I would say I love you and in my mind I would think, but not for long because I'm gonna leave. it's hard to say if she's serious it's very difficult to love or change people with this attachment. So here are some guidelines I wish guys would know when pursuing me:
1. dont push physical relationships etc. let her make the move.
2. Basically don't give a timeline of commitment that you want from her.
3. She might not initiate a lot of things because it simply does not cross her mind or she's apprehensive of your reaction. DA's are very shame based people.
4. have your boundaries, replspect your own time and life, people like these are always a flight risk.
5. if she always single but decided to date you, it means something!! Its difficult to be with someone when you're a DA. They value privacy and freedom a lot!!!

[ReginaGeorgina]

There is a channel called personal development school on YouTube, I highly recommend you watch her. Thais gibbson goes into extensive detail about DA's

[Ebhall34]

Thank you so much!! I’ve been reading up a lot on how to navigate with people who are DAs and I’ve been putting them into effect. Last night I debated on asking her to dinner but decided I wanted to go alone and treat myself to me time and only minutes after that and I was done getting ready, she asked if we could go out, so I obviously accepted. I’m not pushing her for anything and I show her my love and support. I do watch her body language and other non-verbal cues and signs as well. Thank you for your response!

[ReginaGeorgina]

Good for you! You seem like you've got it handled.

[California_Poppy]

Maybe it's just how you described it, but she seems a little unstable.
Also, that seems really soon to be saying I love you. Unless you have seen each other a lot and have had a lot of overnights over those 7 weeks.

[Ebhall34]

We’ve worked together for about 6 months now, but our interactions have been minimal as I was in a relationship for a part of that. The second it was over, she was there to comfort me and we’ve been talking and, I guess you can say casually dating, ever since

[California_Poppy]

Do you feel like you love her or that it's too soon?

[Ebhall34]

No, I do, but I don't want to say it back unless I know she means it because in my last relationship, my ex said it while not meaning it while I did

[California_Poppy]

What does your gut tell you?
Do you believe her?

[Ebhall34]

My gut tells me that there is some sort of truth behind those statements. We have a heavy spiritual connection that we both have said we can’t deny. I describe being around her as cuddling up in a blanket next to a fire with a hot drink. It’s very warm, relaxing, and welcoming

[Nikki1989]

Without knowing her personally, it is impossible to say.

[Ebhall34]

She can be outgoing, but she can also be very independent. She puts on a playful yet closed off front to people at work, but is serious and relaxed around me. She's expressed how comfortable she is around me and how much she loves being around me, talking to me, and hanging out with me.

[Anonymous]

Its too soon to be saying i love you. So Id see that as a red flag.