Do you think it’s bad when someone spoils you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

When I first came to China, I lived a careless life, my ex solved any problems I met, I didn’t need to care about anything, starting from tiny problems, ending with big things - he would say

“I’ve got this, you don’t worry about a thing” and I could just enjoy my life as carelessly as a person can be. After break up facing a reality was very hard, I soon realized that life was full with problems and I wasn’t equipped well enough to handle them alone.

Then I’ve been living independently and trying to handle with anything that life decides to throw to my direction.

Now I talked with my friend who lived with me and left 2 months ago. She’s got a nice boyfriend and she was telling me how amazing he is, how he takes care of her, how she has not a single worry in the world and how he solves any problems she encounters, I felt happy for her but it reminded me of my relationship and I have to be honest, for a moment I felt a bit jealous.

But then I remembered that me being spoiled by my ex exactly the same way, actually lead me to become dependent on him and when he was gone, life suddenly became much harder than I imagined and it turned me into a weaker person. I felt lost without that assistance that I was used to getting.

So, I came to a conclusion that I shouldn’t be feeling jealousy, instead I should be happy for her and happy for myself, because it’s amazing that I am the only person I am dependent on and that’s something no one can take away from me, if someone decides to walk away from my life, that will not be an earthquake. I’ll keep living as independent as I always was and I’ll only get wiser with experience of handling everything by myself.

I see some wives who were dependent on their husbands their whole lives and when someday their husbands leave, their whole world crashes, not only because they are heartbroken but also because they don’t know how to carry life with their own shoulders. I figured probably getting spoiled is not so good for us.

[Lliam]

What an excellent observation. I agree with you. People should have the ability to take care of themselves if necessary.

It's just as you said, some women get trapped into being dependent. And if something happens that leaves them without that support, they are helpless.

And some guys love keeping a woman dependent so that they can control them. That seems to be the entire basis of all the complaining about "independent" women these days. It's the old patriarchal attitude but also seems a bit narcissistic.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you, I agree totally.
This observation comforted me and made me happy.

The age 25-26 was one of the most challenging I’ve had and knowing that I handled all alone and still keep doing that can be comforting and empowering.

I hope someday in future I’ll remember these days and will be proud of myself, that I did everything that I did by myself and that’s such a huge growth from a helpless girl that I was when my ex did everything for me and he told me that my only job was being happy.

I was indeed happy but I got also weak, hence why my world crashed when he left. I think my current life builds my character and I like it, I find it interesting, exciting and I am curious what I will be like in future.

[Blueeyes81]

My mom complained for years that my dad wasn't pulling his weight. As they got older my dad realized that my mom was completely dependant on him and if he were to pass first she'd be completely lost. He sat her down and went over all the passwords for accounts, paperwork for her medications, taxes, etc. My mom sang a different tune afterwards. My mom has 0 clue about how the world works because she never had to take care of herself. My dad took/takes care of every problem she encounters and she's still largely clueless about it.

So yes its not a good thing to be spoiled.

[BasedBaeBecca]

It's good that you have realised the importance of being independent and not getting spoiled by a partner.

It is possible that being spoiled in a relationship can lead to a lack of self-awareness, self-reliance and problem-solving skills, which could make life more difficult when a person is faced with struggles or difficulties on their own.

It's important to always be mindful of the balance between receiving support from a partner and being self-sufficient and self-reliant. 😊

[Anonymous]

You weren’t being spoiled. What he did was a narcissistic behavior. Its pretty common. This couldve been done consciously or otherwise, but he wanted you to need him, to depend on him so you feel like you can't stand on your own without him. It is okay to let others help you as long as you dont lose your sense of independence.

[molonski2]

You always must be able to fend for yourself , I wouldn't use the word spoilt , rather just careless for even allowing it to occur , you must be able to deal with the day to day , no woman ( or man ) should expect all done for them. Life throws up curve balls , thats exactly how its supposed to be..

We all must have the capability and awareness to deal with it.

[Phoenix98]

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing but like anything else doing it in excess can be bad.

[Sparkie460]

You are so correct. I think it's nice to be spoiled once in awhile but not to the extreme. Women need to be independent not dependent. They need to be able to handle life on their own. I think most women know how to do it. There are some women that always relied on others to get by then are lost when their crutch is no longer there

[sheikalana]

My love language is to spoil my partner and take of him.

[justabuddy]

I mean part of being in love is being volerable. But at the same time you need the life experiences to know you can live without them.

I guess I see a relationship as two people taking on the world together. Not just one getting spoiled and the other not.

[Christoff92]

I really don't expect anybody to spoil me to begin with. Rather treat myself for all the hardwork that I do.

[exitseven]

Being spoiled is nice. Being dependent on somebody is a different thing. Being spoiled is getting a nice birthday gift or get treated to a foot rub. Having somebody do everything for you is Being a pet.

[TiaNour]

If someone wants to spoil you it’s different. I personally don’t let anyone spoil me because I’d feel guilty after.

[Billlewis]

I love spoiling a beautiful woman, especially if she has a boyfriend whom she's having sex with regularly.

[Manuel2]

If she does that is good. But if she still will not fuck you. Better. Or not

[LavLavLuv]

As long as it’s not too much

[msc545]

I think you are right about this.