Having issues with these 2 girls who are best friends and I know through there work?

[Anonymous]

it be impossible to try and explain everything but basically i know both of them through there work as thats where i always see them , but the place i see them is a fairly social place so i did talk to both of them a lot.

but things are really weird now and jealously issues when i talk to one over the other. i had always assumed the one was ok with me talking to her girlfriend as she has a boyfriend but apparently she prefers it when i talk to her and actually enjoys my attention.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man let me help your out right quick

It sounds like a messy and potentially unhealthy dynamic with these two girls. A few things to consider:

1. Jealousy in friendships is common, but it's only healthy if both people can communicate openly and set boundaries that work for everyone. Otherwise, it breeds resentment.

2. The fact that one of the girls seems to "prefer" your attention indicates she may value your interactions more for her own ego or enjoyment, rather than considering your feelings or her friend's. This is self-centered behavior.

3. The other girl who has a boyfriend also risks crossing boundaries by enjoying your attention too much. She should be prioritizing her own relationship, not seeking validation from others.

4. Both girls risk creating an "emotional triangle" dynamic by competing for your attention. This often breeds hurt feelings, confusion and drama.

5. Since you know both girls through their workplace, these personal issues could potentially spill over and create tension in a professional environment. Things could get messy.

6. Overall, it sounds like these girls have some immaturity around boundaries, communication and healthy friendship dynamics. This is unlikely to change.

My advice would be to distance yourself from this situation. Continuing to give either girl "preferential" attention risks damage to their friendship and dredging you into unnecessary drama.

If you do want to maintain a platonic, professional rapport with each girl separately, keep interactions brief and focused strictly on work. Avoid getting drawn into personal conversations or reciprocating flirtatious behavior.

At the end of the day, you can't control their issues or insecurities. All you can do is set healthy boundaries for yourself and disengage if either girl attempts to pull you into their personal/friendship dynamics. Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

its tough cause i want to maintain a friendship with both of them , i've never had sex or done anything with either of the other than buy both of them drinks/shots at a bar. the first one occured along time ago like may 2022 and the one with the boyfriend April of this year i ran into her at a bar in another city and we did a shot , her boyfriend and other not there obviously

[Asker]

i haven't bought drinks or done shots with the first one since July of 2022 , she told me one night she wasn't going to do any with me and hasn't done one with me since dispite the fact she works at a bar that sells shots and advertises them heavily. she never said why she did this and i never really understood why either

[Oliverlogan263]

Upon reflection, pursuing a friendship with both of these coworkers may not be advisable or possible given the current circumstances:

1. Their jealous issues with each other regarding your attention indicate they both want more from the "friendship" than you do. What you view as platonic, they may see as flirtatious.

2. Buying drinks for female coworkers, especially without their partners present, can easily be misconstrued as having romantic intentions, whether you meant it that way or not. This likely fueled their jealousy and tension.

3. Maintaining any type of friendship outside of a purely professional coworker relationship with one but not the other will likely continue to stir up issues between them. There is no easy way to "divide your time" fairly in their eyes.

4. The healthiest course of action going forward would be to dial back your interactions with both coworkers significantly:

• Keep all conversations strictly work-related, avoiding personal topics.

• Don't socialize with either of them outside of work.

• Don't buy them drinks or accept drinks from them.

• Set a boundary that you would prefer to keep your relationship professional. Apologize for any past actions that may have caused confusion.

5. Over time, with consistent professional and businesslike behavior, their jealousy issues may subside. But trying to forge true "friendships" with coworkers who have expressed interest beyond that is likely to cause more complications.

6. Focus your energy on building genuine, drama-free connections outside of work. Your coworkers' tensions are not for you to manage or resolve - you need only control your own behavior and boundaries.

Hope this perspective provides clarity on the healthiest path forward that minimizes hurt feelings and drama.

[Asker]

they both work in a restaurant that sells drinks/shots so kind of hard to not do shots when there , as mentioned i haven't done any shots with the first girl in over a year and not sure why either as she seemed to enjoy that and drinks a lot when there

[Asker]

the one with the boyfriend never expressed any issues the night we did the shot at another bar , i asked her if she wanted to do one with me and she came to the bar with me with no objections. only issue she didn't know what shot to do so i had to pick one , she even made a video of it on her cell phone although i don't know what became of it or if other girl knew we did this or not

[Oliverlogan263]

I would still recommend dialing back your interactions significantly with both coworkers:

1. Even doing shots together within a work setting can be perceived as unprofessional and potentially flirtatious, especially if one of the coworkers has expressed jealousy over your attention.

2. Just because the coworker with the boyfriend didn't object in the moment doesn't mean she was comfortable with you buying her drinks. Many women feel pressure to go along with things to avoid conflict.

3. The fact that she video recorded the shot suggests she may have wanted to "show off" the attention you were giving her, knowing it could stir jealously and tension with her friend. This is unhealthy relationship dynamics.

4. Moving forward, if you want to mitigate the jealousy and tension between these coworkers, the clearest route is to:

• Avoid doing shots together at work.

• Keep conversations strictly work-related and professional.

• Don't buy them drinks or accept drinks from them.

• Apologize for any confusion your previous actions may have caused.

• Set a clear boundary that you prefer to keep things on a professional coworker level.

5. You cannot control their perceptions, but you can control your own behavior and communicate your intentions clearly. Consistently professional conduct is the safest approach.

6. If they continue to have issues between themselves, that is for them to work out, not you. You need only worry about behaving appropriately and maintaining healthy boundaries.

7. Focus your energy on building platonic friendships elsewhere that are free from these complications and tensions. Your coworkers' relationship dynamics are not for you to manage.

[Asker]

i haven't seen the first one for a few days , but spent time with the second one who has a boyfriend today at her work. we just get along so well and i really enjoyed it but she spent a lot of time on her cell phone and not sure who she was texting or what was going on in her life rate now. i don't feel our friendship is weird at all , infact seems like we have a genuine connection better than a lot of the other girls i know

[Oliverlogan263]

Based on your follow up details, I stand by my original recommendations:

1. Respect boundaries. Even if you have a good connection, her having a boyfriend means you should avoid crossing certain lines in your friendship.

2. Be cautious. Spending one-on-one time with her and seeing a "genuine connection" could be misinterpreted, causing issues in both her relationship and your friendship.

3. Focus on appropriate workplace interactions. Keep conversations light, work-focused and avoid any intimacy. Stay aware of how your interactions could be perceived.

4. Clarify your intentions. If you value a true platonic friendship, have an open discussion with her to ensure you're on the same page and she doesn't misunderstand your motivations.

5. Give her the space to maintain her relationship. Ultimately she needs to prioritize her boyfriend, so limiting your time together may be necessary to respect the boundaries of their relationship.

6. Proceed with caution. Getting too close or invested in a friendship that crosses relationship boundaries often leads to hurt feelings, jealousy and damaged trust for all involved.

While a genuine connection can be beautiful, context matters. In this case, the context of her having a boyfriend suggests some distance in your friendship would be wise to avoid any potential issues. Clarity of intentions through open communication is also key.

Please let me know if you have any other questions. I wish you the best in navigating this delicately while prioritizing honesty, respect for boundaries and healthy relationships.

[Anonymous]

Some girls enjoy men's attention even when they are not single.

[Asker]

that might be what i'm dealing with although if they liked my attention so much than why not just date me and then they'd get as much as they'd want?

[Opinion Owner]

Very familiar.. coworkers have a tendency to hide their ring.. deny your social media follow request, all to hide that they're not single. While pretending to be single.. they're fucking attracted to you but they're also already committed to someone. That's the answer, they're already committed to someone but can't resist wanting you.

[Asker]

buti already know that the one girl has a boyfriend. they've been dating for like 5 or 6 years , its definitely not a secret but agree other girls there might be less open about the truth and could be with someone else but want me regardless

but if they want me so badly and could have me as i'm single why not just go for it anyways , as it doesn't seem like there really as crazy about the actual man in there lives as they think

[Asker]

i'm not convinced girl # 1 has a boyfriend or seeing someone rate now , i've seen her social media and is no pictures of her with any men and never talked about anyone all summer , no one has mentioned see is with anyone either. but she hasn't always been honest with me so who knows but the evidence points to her being single and unmarried.

[Anonymous]

Hey man let me help your out right quick because the other opinions suck here.

It sounds like a messy and potentially unhealthy dynamic with these two girls. A few things to consider:

1. Jealousy in friendships is common, but it's only healthy if both people can communicate openly and set boundaries that work for everyone. Otherwise, it breeds resentment.

2. The fact that one of the girls seems to "prefer" your attention indicates she may value your interactions more for her own ego or enjoyment, rather than considering your feelings or her friend's. This is self-centered behavior.

3. The other girl who has a boyfriend also risks crossing boundaries by enjoying your attention too much. She should be prioritizing her own relationship, not seeking validation from others.

4. Both girls risk creating an "emotional triangle" dynamic by competing for your attention. This often breeds hurt feelings, confusion and drama.

5. Since you know both girls through their workplace, these personal issues could potentially spill over and create tension in a professional environment. Things could get messy.

6. Overall, it sounds like these girls have some immaturity around boundaries, communication and healthy friendship dynamics. This is unlikely to change.

My advice would be to distance yourself from this situation. Continuing to give either girl "preferential" attention risks damage to their friendship and dredging you into unnecessary drama.

If you do want to maintain a platonic, professional rapport with each girl separately, keep interactions brief and focused strictly on work. Avoid getting drawn into personal conversations or reciprocating flirtatious behavior.

At the end of the day, you can't control their issues or insecurities. All you can do is set healthy boundaries for yourself and disengage if either girl attempts to pull you into their personal/friendship dynamics. Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.

Wish you all the best. God bless.