Girls, My ego went nuts and I may have blown it?

Anonymous

So I met this girl online she didn't seem interested in me but I told her to frienszone me and I would accept the challenge, and I was doing so and a week goes by and she's talking to me everyday sends a panty picture I showed the D blah blah. She was complaining about her bills so I got her 100 gift visa card and made her take it. She very independent. That was that , but after I left she called me w this weird story about some one wanted to fk her or somthing, I just pretended to not give a shit, I couldn't hear her all that well. But then she made the comment that she wasted to friend zone me...

Out of nowhere this was like icepick to the heart even though I told her to do that hearing her say it to me like that seemed to spoil the little challenge I had for myself. I don't have endless time and energy to give to girls and not have my needs met... I honestly don't understand how I read in here that you all cherish your friends ships with the opposite sex. Why the fk would I want to hang out w s girl I didn't find attractive and be here little whipping boy I will pass thank you.

Any way I wrote her a careful worded message saying it appeared as if there were 2 outcomes, that 1. She either wanted me to continue swooning over her while with the understanding that there would never be any light at the end of the tunnel. Or 2. That she actually liked me and wanted to know me more and more to potentially have something amazing. That's out come is a little better I just don't understand why you wouldn't pursue some one you "appreciate so much" this blows my mind ,

I was so devistated over this I fell off the wagon and did fentanyl again. It surprised me how upset I was although I have some other problems in my life I think we're contributing. But I told her that 1. Outcome was what she expected from me that I didn't really want to be her friend bc that sounds terrible to me, do girls actually expect this? Do guys actually find this rewarding some how, did I blow it?

Girls, My ego went nuts and I may have blown it?
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