I’ve been seeing a girl for about a month now. We planned a night together, but she told me she was seeing friends beforehand. So I told her I’d meet her there and we’d go from there.
Her side: You arrived with your friend thinking we weren’t going any longer. Her and her friend helped me get into this event and I didn’t even thank them. Apparently I didn’t even say hi to her. I was playing the cool guy card with my friend and was walking around doing my own thing instead of being with her. “When you come with someone you stay with them”. Not long after at the bar upset at me giving her no attention and when I came up to talk to her it was the worst timing possible because she was eating and that’s a sacred time/bad convo time. I left and she claims I was planing to do that the whole night and not stay there. And lastly I didn’t come back to her place to stay over even though yesterday that was the plan! And I didn’t even reach out to her the day after when she thought I would.
My side: Came with my friend cuz it’s a group thing, she said ok over text. She sent us used tickets from her friend so I went in before and came to say hi to everyone while also worried cuz my bud wasn’t. Said thanks to her friend for the ticket and she’s chill. I’m 99% sure I said hi to her within the group at first and if not that’s my bad. Asked her about going the next event solo and she said no and going home early. Gave her the alternative for next weekend, can chill and enjoy the night. She was chatting with friends and I didn’t wanna intrude with my bud so I let her be. Id come up to her in small groups and she’d walk away after. My friend and I started doing our own thing sensing the vibe. She was pissed at the bar talking with her friend, when solo I asked if she wanted to come by my buds birthday briefly and she said no. Not long after I put my hand on her and she removed it in front of someone, then I said my goodbyes. Finally, not going to sleep over when vibes are horrible!
Her side: You arrived with your friend thinking we weren’t going any longer. Her and her friend helped me get into this event and I didn’t even thank them. Apparently I didn’t even say hi to her. I was playing the cool guy card with my friend and was walking around doing my own thing instead of being with her. “When you come with someone you stay with them”. Not long after at the bar upset at me giving her no attention and when I came up to talk to her it was the worst timing possible because she was eating and that’s a sacred time/bad convo time. I left and she claims I was planing to do that the whole night and not stay there. And lastly I didn’t come back to her place to stay over even though yesterday that was the plan! And I didn’t even reach out to her the day after when she thought I would.
My side: Came with my friend cuz it’s a group thing, she said ok over text. She sent us used tickets from her friend so I went in before and came to say hi to everyone while also worried cuz my bud wasn’t. Said thanks to her friend for the ticket and she’s chill. I’m 99% sure I said hi to her within the group at first and if not that’s my bad. Asked her about going the next event solo and she said no and going home early. Gave her the alternative for next weekend, can chill and enjoy the night. She was chatting with friends and I didn’t wanna intrude with my bud so I let her be. Id come up to her in small groups and she’d walk away after. My friend and I started doing our own thing sensing the vibe. She was pissed at the bar talking with her friend, when solo I asked if she wanted to come by my buds birthday briefly and she said no. Not long after I put my hand on her and she removed it in front of someone, then I said my goodbyes. Finally, not going to sleep over when vibes are horrible!
Updates
8 mo
She was visibly upset with me when I walked in the venue, and I’m not trying to make a scene. Hence asking to continue with our original plans trying to make the situation better. And not really knowing why she was angry to begin with. As for being socially awkward, I’m known for the complete opposite, and sometimes get into convo too long. He came because it was a group setting. I was reading her bad vibes so it was a sign to back off. She said no, I can’t read minds only body language 🤷🏻♂️
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
When you play F Around and Find Out, sometimes you find out.
You tried to play games ("I was playing the cool guy card with my friend and was walking around doing my own thing instead of being with her.") and ignored her. That's a jerk move.
She responded by acting like a child and disrespected you by making a spectacle of taking your hand off her.
All the poll answers suck.
A) Let the convo be and let her come to her own conclusions about wanting to hang with you more. Take things slow!
Let it be, sure, too much energy has been wasted on that already, but take it slow, no take it back, as in get a refund.
B) Send her another note about your perspective on things, and make my position clear that it wasn’t intentional/knowing she’s sharing it with her friends.
No, I don't repeat myself.
C) Give her space to reach out but set up a date?
FFS why would you want one at this point?
D) Give her space to reach out but set up a date?
Close I suppose, but you misspelled "Move on to someone else, but don't make the same mistakes next time."
Think you may have interpreted this wrong. Wasn’t playing the cool guy card. That was her perspective. I was leaving her be socializing with her friends and when I’d come up to her in smaller groups she’s walk away not long afterwards. Said sent her a note cuz our talk went bad and could tell she only saw her side while I assured her her perspective wasn’t my intention whatsoever. I care and wanted to continue our plan. She’s the one who didn’t want to go anymore after I brought my friend and that’s what changed her mind onto it all the other little details that also didn’t make sense while I’m trying to see if she’s ok. Reading vibes not minds!
Is it because it was THAT friend or any friend you would have brought would have been the same deal?
"I was leaving her be socializing with her friends and when I’d come up to her in smaller groups she’s walk away not long afterwards."
She's being openly hostile and disrespectful in public. Time to move on.
“Is it because it was THAT friend or any friend you would have brought would have been the same deal?”
Any friend! I brought him because he met the group 2 days before and she said she likes him, and even had chats about the two of us. And talked about how we might even be moving too fast. But also said she really likes me. So he’s not the issue, it’s that I changed the plan and came thinking we weren’t going to continue. Which we didn’t, because she said she was going to go home. So I took that as we’d chill there and have fun. But she’s was grumpy towards me the rest of the night!
I’m sure it was a reason that day too. But two days later, after she reached out, and was expecting me to say something she reached out and we talked it out. Convo didn’t get far, told her I was sorry, nothing intentional. Then later explained her grandma died. So we’ve been chatting about that verrry infrequently but I feel like she’s gone completely distant after two weeks of basically euphoria.
Yep, too much drama too early on. If you're mad at me I expect to know then why it is and I'm a grown man I'm not playing guessing games until you get around to telling me. Cut your losses and be glad you dodged the bullet.
So, you were invited to hang out with this prospective date and her friends, but instead of doing that you let social awkwardness get in the way and you just mingled with your friend and randos at the bar.
Yeah, man, I don't know if you can salvage this.
You could try explaining that you didn't want to interrupt her convos or her meal, but those just solidify how socially awkward you are.
It's ok to hang around your prospective date if she's talking to others. You gotta give them time to wrap that convo and then she can turn to you - otherwise she's gonna get looped into another convo.
Better yet, work your way into the convo. Hang about, listen actively, and know when you can just be quiet and listen.
This was just social misstep after social misstep, but it's enough to show you might not fit the kinda guy she wants to spend time with. Especially if she wanted to spend time with you.
She was visibly upset with me when I walked in the venue, and I’m not trying to make a scene. Hence asking to continue with our original plans trying to make the situation better. And not really knowing why she was angry to begin with. As for being socially awkward, I’m known for the complete opposite, and sometimes get into convo too long. He came because it was a group setting. I was reading her bad vibes so it was a sign to back off. She said no, I can’t read minds only body language 🤷🏻♂️