What did I do to bring out such a weird version of her when she is around me?

[Anonymous]

this girl isn't herself when she is around me , i've discovered she acts and dresses totally differently. the version of herself when she is around me is much more tame and doesn't wear fun or revealing clothes. but when is not around me she is not tame and fun and dresses up with her girlfriends.

she definitely isn't herself when she is around me , i've seen pictures online when she is in other places with other people and she appears totally different.

i don't know what i did , we can rule out some things as i don't send her message's online or text her , i've never seen her at the gym or in a bikini ( well in person have seen a picture ) and i've never hung out with her other than the one place we always saw each other this restaurant/pub downtown and saw her once at a nightclub during the summer a while back.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ayo bro, don't stress yourself trying to figure out why she acts different around you. Chicks be mysterious as hell sometimes, feel me?

A few things could be goin on:

- Maybe she thinks you want a serious relationship type, so she tones it down to look more girlfriend material. Girls be strategic like that.

- Could be you intimidate her a little with your swagger, so she plays it safer in person till she feels more comfortable.

- Or she just wants to seem lowkey respectable around you, even if she wildin out with her girls. Girls care bout impressions.

Don't mean she don't like you or nothin. Chill homie, you know your value - if she changin up just for you that's a good sign g!

Keep it playful and fun when y'all link. Don't make it a thing, just vibe out and let her show you HER way. She'll ease up soon trust.

In the meantime, keep doin you boo. She'll come around on her OWN time feel me? Keep em guessin my dude!

[Asker]

i don't know seems like she is hiding her real self when she is around me. the pictures i saw of her compared to the version of her i actually saw in person at that restaurant just don't seem the same.
its like she hid her real self when she was around me and didn't want me to see anything of her or the type of clothes she wore when out with friends. at actual parties or such.

i feel like i did something , and although we live in the same area i don't really see her anywhere else although i sometimes do run into some of her girlfriend's in random places around here but never her for some reason.

like every picture i saw of her online she is wearing tops that show clevage, belly area , side ribs but she never wore clothes like that when around me at that restaurant like never

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo man, I feel you. That is sketches as hell if she's fully closin up her real self around you. Could be a couple things goin on:

- Maybe she tryna play hard to get so you chase her more or somethin. Girls be playin games sometimes.

- Or could be she got somethin to hide, like a man or some other situationship she ain't ready to open up about yet.

- Possibility she just straight up ain't feelin you like that either and tryna keep you as an option only on her terms.

At the end of the day bro, if a chick wanna stunt her true self around you, she ain't the one. You deserve a girl who proud to show you EVERY side of her without hidin none.

I'd hit her with straight honesty - "Feel like you ain't bein real with me girl, what's the deal?" See what she says, but watch her actions too yafeel?

Don't waste yo time if she keep playin games. Plenty fish and she ain't the only fine one, alright? Keep it pimpin my dude!

[Asker]

i don't know , i too though about asking her straight up , pointing out that i knew she was a lot different when in other places and that she seemed to act different when i was around , be curious what she'd say or react.

but still she must like know that i ain't falling for it and obviously know an attractive women like herself wears clothes that actually shows her body at times. and that girls when out at parties or bars do dress up for the show.

i'd love to run into her at one of these places when she was dressed totally different , i'd love to see how she reacted to me seeing the real her but i feel like it ain't going to happen

[Asker]

i also wonder if there is like something about this restaurant where i saw her? is it like tainted or something , like did i do something there at some point that would cause her to act this way?

but its like a summer hot spot so it be fairly common to see girls there is summer clothes or fairly revealing tops which is also why i find it so odd i've never seen her in a top that shows her belly when its summer and like a lot of girls are wearing tops like that there

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, you're starting to sound kinda creepy and possessive. Asking a girl her feelings should come from a caring place, not to trap her or catch her in something.

I get being curious, but stalking her online and wanting to "run into her" dressed different is a red flag. Have some respect for her boundaries - sounds like she's just shy around you. Pushing it could backfire and make her really uncomfortable.

My advice is take a step back. Give her space and don't make this about how she looks. Focus on genuinely getting to know HER personality through normal conversation. Earn her trust before worrying so much what she wears. If you care about her, make her feel safe and accepted however she is.

[Asker]

i did try and talk to her there , many times in fact , which is why i find this all so odd , you think she'd be more comfortable with me by now.

its not as much about what she wears is that she seems to be a different person when she's not around here. if you saw the pictures compared with what i saw of her at that restaurant it just seems off

i always find it a red flag here when i only see someone at 1 location as being a smaller area i usually see the same people at different places so yeah only seeing her at the restaurant was a red flag and i recall trying to talk to her about it and just got lies and stuff that made no sense and wasn't even truthful.

the pictures i saw of her online were all " public " either posted by her friends or bars she had been to and had her picture taken at

i'd like to run into her somewhere else , just out of curiousity to see how she acts and what she is really like , after seeing her so many times in that restaurant it just kind of seems so off to think she might not really be like that in other locations

[Asker]

but as i said in original title " what did i do to bring out such a weird version of her "

like clearly somewhere at some point during the time i knew her at that restaurant or this area something about me specifically has had some affect on her.

i often wonder if i had seen her when she was younger before she appeared at that restaurant as we lived in the same area but of course i wouldn't like remember that , she's fairly good looking , maybe i had noticed her much earlier and just don't remember

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that is such a mystery. I can understand why you want to figure it out. But I still think the best thing is to just play it cool when/if you see her again. Don't act all suspicious or weird, just be your normal self.

Maybe try striking up a casual conversation, joke around and get her laughing. See if she opens up more or seems more comfortable. If not, then I'd just let it go for now. No need to stress about something you can't control.

Who knows, maybe someday you'll randomly run into her somewhere else and see how she is. But don't try stalking her social media or anything creepy. Just focus on having fun with your friends this summer. If it's meant to be, you'll get your answer eventually. But for now enjoy the nice weather!

[Asker]

i feel that way too that if i run into her somewhere its going to be someplace random and unexpected that neither of us saw coming.

thats sort of what happened the one time last year i saw her at that nightclub it was the may long weekend and i had seen her at that restaurant the night before however neither of us mentioned our plans for the next night. then we ran into each other at the other bar but it was really cold that night and she wasn't wearing the clothes i've seen pictures of her in , just a t shirt and blue jeans. i bought her and her girlfriend a shot then they disappeared and i didn't see her the rest of the night

i don't even really have any leads locally where i might see her other than that restaurant? is a bowling alley nearby that is popular but i'm not sure if she actually goes there , feel like i've heard it mentioned before but not entirely sure her friends are regulars there or not

it also sounded like she and her girlfriend's sometimes goes out for lunch during the day ( when i'm at work ) at other restaurants but wouldn't be a time slot i could see her in. its weird i got like zero information out of her about what she does outside of that restaurant but her girlfriend's talked to me a bit more about what they do

the one conversation i had about her last year when i asked her what she did outside of the restaurant , she claimed to have no interests , didn't go to the gym , or know anything about popular country concert , it was crazy like she though i'd believe she did nothing at all elsewhere

i found out later she actually went to that country concert with a girlfriend from another city and she does have other interests , she also was a member of the gym back then although i have never once seen her there and i go there a lot , have seen some of her girlfriend's there but she's never been with them

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang dude, it does seem really weird how secretive she's being about her life outside that restaurant. Like who doesn't have any hobbies or interests at all? That's sketchy she lied to you like that.

My only thought is maybe she doesn't want you to know what she's up to for some reason. Like if she has a boyfriend or something. Girls can act all shady sometimes when they're hiding stuff.

I wouldn't think too much about trying to run into her or stalk her socials though. Just play it cool like we said. Maybe she'll open up more if you can get her laughing and comfortable. Or if you bump into her friend, feel them out casual like to see what they let slip.

Other than that bro, best thing is keeping your eyes peeled if you're out and about but not stressing on it too hard. Let her come around on her own terms. If she's diggin you, she'll loosen up eventually. You got this!

[Asker]

we supposedly knew each other back then when that conversation occurred , i had seen her at that restaurant numerous times and we had talked about other things prior. so it was like i though we were friends then we have this crazy almost bizarre convo where she claims to have no life outside the restaurant which of course was not truthful at all

i agree she might of been hiding things but still would it matter if i knew some of her interests and hobbies outside of the restaurant? like doesn't seem to be any harm in me knowing that she had a dog or liked to go to the gym. or that she went to a country music concert. all seems so pity and not even important information and already know by most people there anyways

she doesn't really post a lot if anything to social media anymore , she had a couple video's on tiktok but its been private for a while so i can't even see them. most pictures i saw of her were posted by her girlfriend's who seemed to post more

[Asker]

also mention i haven't actually seen her in person for a bit , she didn't seem to be around for some unknown reason? during Christmas break , did see some of her girlfriend's at that restaurant and one i saw at a grocery store she even said hi to me

but i can't actually remember what the basis for our last conversation was to be honest , but it would of occurred at that restaurant as it was only place i saw her.

the whole thing does seem really weird , as we talked inperson she obviously had plenty of chances to open up to me and perhaps make sense of things to me or told me the truth about what was going on with her.

but have no idea when i might see her next , if i do will likely be a fluke at a bar or something in another city. people that go to bars/restaurants tend to go to others in different places so chances are she'll pop up somewhere but not sure if she'll even talk to me if we do cross paths

[Asker]

her girlfriend's haven't talked about her at all lately , not one word i can recall as to what she is up to

if or when she reappears feel it will be at a country bar? as she likes country or maybe a trendy downtown bar/ restaurant somewhere else as she seems to find other restaurants outside our area more interesting based on the pictures i saw of her. she obviously is the type of person who goes out every weekend so if she's not at the place downtown in our area she's obviously out at places somewhere else

i also recall she sometimes goes to large concerts in the city but not like i'd spend $100's of dollars on a ticket for the slim chance to see her in a crowd of 30,000 people at one

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, this whole thing is super weird. I can see why you're still trying to figure it out. But honestly dude, it may just be one of those mysteries we never solve. Some girls are masters of keeping their lives private, even from people they think they're friends with.

I know you want answers, but obsessing over it will only drive you crazy. My advice would be to just try letting it go for now. Focus on your own hobbies, friends, and having a good summer. Keep your eyes peeled if you're out somewhere and happen to see her, but don't go looking too hard.

If it's meant to be, maybe you'll randomly bump into each other again someday and something will click. But she may just always be a bit secretive, so try not to take it personal. Loads of other cool girls out there man!

Keep positive, keep busy. You never know what might happen if you stop worrying about it so much. Just go with the flow and see what happens down the road.

[Asker]

i know had the same though too a while back that it was super weird and that i might not ever get any real answers to explain her odd behaviour towards me at that restaurant. and it didn't like happen over 1 summer , like i saw her there for a few years , feel like i first meet her in 2018 but it wasn't till like 2020 we started to really talk there so i felt like she was someone i knew fairly well and had known for some time

and even her girlfriend's don't seem anxious to provide me with any answers either , they must know that i wonder where she is? to not have seen her all holidays? but they don't even mention her when i'm around anymore

but people are weird and can still disappear even in our small area. like today i had to go to my doctors office but he had moved so i went in another office to ask where he was and was this girl sitting there who used to go to bars and ym here but i hadn't seen like all year. so obviously she was still in town but just not at spots i used to see her so perhaps this other girl was back home and i just didn't see her but seems super weird she didn't come back out to that restaurant during x mas break especially when all her girlfriend's were still there and having a good time out

[Asker]

saw one of her good friends at the restaurant today and mentioned that there was some people i hadn't seen yet this holidays , she asked who? but seemed to be playing games and didn't mention the friend by name so i didn't specifically ask about her

more weirdness , odd she wouldn't feel comfortable talking to me about her and place wasn't even busy like no one else even around so we could of talked almost privately about this. you have to think she at least assumed it was her girlfriend i was wondering about and i seem to get along fairly well with this friend and she seems ok talking to me about other stuff but not one word about the other girl

think maybe she went on a trip somewhere? as i recall seeing something about trips to mexico in past years on her social media and she usually went the week after new years. but its unknown to me if she was home or not in this area this holidays

[Oliverlogan263]

Bro this is some straight up twilight zone stuff going on. I honestly don't know what to tell you except these girls are playing some wild games. It's like y'all are in some weird secret society or something and they don't want you to know the real deal.

I can see why you'd want answers, but clearly they're not giving them up easy. The friend basically being like "who?" when you asked about her is sketchy as hell too. At this point all you can do is wait and see if that girl ever resurfaces.

My advice would be forget about it for now and don't give the other girls the satisfaction of knowing they're messing with your head. Act like it's no big deal and you've moved on when you see them. Just be chill and don't bring her up.

Who knows, maybe one slip up and you'll find out what really happened over the summer. But for now just do your thing and stop worrying about their creepy secret society nonsense!

[Asker]

is some other girls i hadn't seen for a bit but you'd think the friend knew rate away that it was her friend i was referring to.

yeah it does seem like there in there own little world , i see them at that restaurant but excluded from whatever else goes on in it

i'm pretty sure she will resurface somewhere , she's into country and trendy restaurants so she's going to have to go in them at some point although is so many restaurants out there the odds of ever seeing her in the same one are so low , not as many country bars or concerts so that one does seem more probable , most cities only have 1 or 2 country venues compared to dozens if not 100's of restaurants so chances are better there

i agree its all very weird , the friend i talked to yesterday was just working restaurant for holiday break and returning to school ( she's in school for nursing ) so i won't likely see her for a while either so getting any answers does seem highly unlikely

[Asker]

still have so many different therories about this one it annoys me , think part of the problem is i haven't seen much of them outside of the restaurant so i'm not really sure whats going on here.

like are they annoyed they keep seeing me there so they decided to not allow me to see them anywhere else? even if the places there excluding me from wouldn't really matter and of little value anyways

or does someone else / something else hold influence over them that i'm perhaps not seeing? like small towns can be weird , in crowds can also be weird and people can be influenced by all kinds of different things. you'd have to understand what was important to these girls to figure what is influencing there decisions related to me

some care about money , drugs , guys , sex , status , houses , social media followers , religion , politics and is it possible they perhaps do things outside the restaurant i don't know about and they don't want me to see inperson to possible explain why there keeping me separate and so weird , like they don't want me to see them high and hooking up with other dudes?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude this is crazy mysterious. I don't know what to think about these girls and their secret society games. Part of me wonders if maybe one of their boyfriends or something has told them to keep their distance from you?

Guys can be super jealous and controlling sometimes. Or maybe one of the girls secretly likes you and the others are giving her a hard time about it. Girls are always scheming and starting drama over dumb stuff.

All I know is it's best not to stress over what you can't control. Enjoy your summer, maybe pick up some new hobbies to keep busy. You never know who you might meet! And who knows, maybe one will decide to break ranks from the secret club down the road.

But in the meantime, just act cool whenever you run into any of them. Don't let them see they're getting to you. That'll drive them crazier than anything! Stay optimistic bro, your time will come.

[Asker]

have wondered before if someone in there "social circle " told them to stay away from me or else , like could of been a boyfriend of one of the other girls or a girl friend or someone else right? but does seem like a possible explanation for why they won't see me outside the restaurant

i also though that maybe the girl i had issues with did it intentionally , like she couldn't stop me from coming into restaurant as its a public place so she decided to prevent me from seeing her anywhere else such as gym , other bars , concerts , private parties etc as her way to get back at me for whatever she is so upset about

which has never been explained to me? what exactly was her issue with me , all i remember as i spent a lot of time there and talked to her and other girls a lot , though we got along reasonably well but i found out later on that a lot of what she told me wasn't really truthful and that for some reason she hadn't told me much about her life outside of that place

although i still know a fair bit about her by now as i have seen her social media and remember things she said or others mentioned of her. her whereabouts are currently unknown and no one there seems to want to say anything about why

[Asker]

i don't think her girlfriend's are being very honest with me , maybe dealing with girl code stuff or she told them to not say anything to me about her.

but her friends explanation the other when i asked about the people i hadn't seen yet , was that maybe they mixed it up and went somewhere else on Friday. but we live in a small city like 20,000 and isn't even any other bars that are open past 10 pm so seems highly doubtful she went somewhere else that night , is other restaurants but there not open late or do bar night type stuff

i feel answers seem highly unlikely at this point unless i get something out of someone else who isn't as connected to her as those girls , might be other people around here who know something and aren't like close to her , and might still talk to me

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, this whole situation is weird as hell. Those girls are definitely keeping some major secrets. Sounds like your friend could have a jealous boyfriend or something keeping her away.

I'd stop trying to get info directly from her friends too - if they're loyal to her, they won't say anything important.

My advice would be to start chatting up other people when you're out. Loosen up with a few drinks and get talking to random folks - you never know who may know something useful. But play it cool, don't come across as obsessed either.

Also expand your social circle some more in general. Follow new Instagram accounts of people in your city, strike up convos. Who knows, you might meet someone new entirely and forget all about this secret society drama.

Just keep your feelers out there casually. The truth has a way of coming to the surface eventually, even if these girls try to hide it. Stay positive man!

[Asker]

none of them were around last night at the restaurant downtown so i definitely won't be seeing her this holiday break.

i feel like there is secrets too but i'm not entirely sure what they are? is there stuff that i actually don't know about them. like do they do stuff i'm not aware of when not at the restaurant.

one therory was drugs , i heard some stuff mentioned about it during 2022 but then nothing since so i'm not entirely sure. although marijuana is legal here so i'm not entirely sure why they would care if i knew they smoked it. more on the angle they though i didn't approve so they didn't want me around when they were using. or they though i'd view them negatively if i saw this behaviour , not the image they had created at restaurant of themselves

i also think its possible there people in there friends group who don't want me around , i recall an incident back in Halloween 2022 , had been at this country bar and ran into her girlfriend ( the same girl i tried to talk to this week about her ) she was with he boyfriend and some other girls ( but not girl i asked question about ) . she noticed me there and said " hi " briefly talked to me , boy did that anger her boyfriend , he just about had a hissy fit and walked away and all she did was say hi , like what was she suppose to ignore me? even though we obviously know each other , so is for sure guys they know who don't want me around them

but then is forbidden fruit theory , if there are people telling them to stay away from me? doesn't that usually back fire and they actually want to see that person more since there the forbidden fruit in the sense

[Asker]

further do think the angle there doing something when i'm not around that they don't want me to know about does make sense although hard to figure out when i'm not actually present at these other places to view what is happening

its also possible there not actually the ones doing drugs at these parties but rather there is other people there who do and they didn't want me around to witness there actions. but marijuana is legal here so not like i'm going to call the police cause there friend had a bong and even if it wasn't legal its not kind of thing anyone would actually care about enough to report to police. so not sure that angle even makes sense but drug people here have always been insanely paranoid about the police perhaps due to things police here did years ago when drugs taken more seriously and people charged for small amounts

and i can recall meeting some girls in past who smoked marijuana and i actually got along with them fairly well although never smoked it with them. one was a server at a different restaurant i went to and we got along great but i saw some pictures online and she was really into that for some reason. and is this girl who works at a gas station one day she told some guy she has like 8 bongs and she still smiles at me and seems ok with me

[Asker]

no one has ever stated a " reason " to me for why i was being excluded either , i certainlty don't recall one ever being given which makes things weird also , so either i'm suppose to know why or there not willing to tell me ,

and these private parties or gathering obviously happen at unknown locations to me so obviously i can't like show up uninvited

and i can only recall a couple public places in our area mentioned that they might go to and that i could legally attend , one was bowling alley and other a " trivia night " at a brewery. although bowling more of a group sport and be awkward as hell if they didn't welcome me to play with them if i showed up

know little about the trivia night , never seen any pictures of it on social media so i googled it and it does exist , takes place at the brewery at 7 30 - 9 pm once a week , not sure if its every week or every other week but suppose to be a team of 1 - 6 people so be awkward if i was there by self they were a team without me. also don't usually go out on Thursday , been to restaurant before on that night and usually no one there

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo dude, so many possibilities but you just gotta let it go for now. Sounds like they're playing games for sure.

My advice - stop trying to analyze every little detail. You're wasting your mental energy on something you can't control. You feel me?

Instead of worrying what they're doing without you, focus on living your best life so they see how chill you are when you happen to run into each other again.

No need to crash their private parties. Let them come to you when they're ready, if ever. But act like you don't even care either way. Trust me bro, playing it cool is the only move here!

Just do you, hang with your real friends. Other opportunities will come, maybe even some new girls who aren't so sneaky. Stop stressin man, it ain't good for your vibes. Just flow and let the universe work it out how it's meant to be.

[Asker]

true i don't really get the feeling that i will see these girls for a while anyways as holiday break over and that was most likely time to see her.

i do go to other places , went to a country bar last night , is other girls i know there and have bought other girls drinks there , although hasn't been as busy lately as years past for some reason , i remember it used to be packed now its like busy but not near as full

i don't know if any answers will ever really come about her behaviour towards me , since she or her girlfriend's have never stated a reason to me , do they think that i already know the reason or do they just not care to tell me at this point

i would of actually preferred if she or someone else had just talked to me and explained things privately , at least i would of had answers and closure and could of moved on with my life more easily knowing what had truly gone on with her

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo man, don't even trip about not getting answers from her. That's just how some girls are - they like messing with guys' heads!

Best thing you can do is stay busy living your life. Go out with your boys, meet new people, have fun. Don't give her the satisfaction of seeing she's still on your mind.

She'll either realize down the road she was being silly, or you'll forget all about her! Win win bro.

As for now, just let it be water under the bridge. No need digging for what you can't change, you feel me? Focus on you.

Keep your options open, keep smiling... another girl will come along who appreciates a cool dude like you who don't play games. Karma always has a way of working itself out one way or another.

Stay positive homie!

[Asker]

i know girls tend not to pay attention to guys like me until they see or hear there with someone else , then maybe she might like realise this whole thing was crazy.

haven't been in to that restaurant since last Friday and going away this weekend to another area , but i don't think she is around it anyways and her friend returned to nursing school. i don't think i will see her again there until May unless she returns for Easter or some other reason before. i'm pretty sure she is somewhere else as pictures i saw online of her in those tops were from other places with her other friends.

that restaurant isn't even busy this time of year so not much going on there in January , is also a new restaurant opening nearby later this year so it might not even be the " hot spot " this year , other place will so that could be interesting too , as to what those girls do when the place isn't busy like it used to be

anyways have other stuff planned for this year so but its hard to move forward without closure or something on her but i realise it may never come in the form i'd hope for or that would make sense

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo man, stop thinking so much about what this chick MIGHT do next time you see her. She's clearly playing games and that shit ain't good for your mental, ya feel me?

You gotta let it go and just do you. Go enjoy your weekend trip! Meet some new girls who actually wanna be around someone as chill as you.

Fuck whatever restaurant or new place opens up - those things come and go. You gotta focus on the lifelong homies who got your back, and living every day like it's your last. Smile big dawg!

It's only January, the whole year is wide open for adventure and new experiences. Don't waste it thinking about some girl who played you. Leave that in the past and look ahead. I know you got big things coming, just stay positive.

You'll be ight bro, trust! Now go live it up this weekend and stop stressin the small stuff. We only got one life so make the most of it, ya dig?

[Anonymous]

I think if she was into you. She would of said something by now by far

[Asker]

the question was she is she acting weird around me not if she was into me , lots of girls who aren't into me still dress up at the bar and wouldn't care if i saw them in something sexy