Consensual Non-Consent? CNC?

[Anonymous]

TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of SA
I was SA’d as a child by an older family member. This honestly traumatized me so much. I don’t think i’ll ever recover. I found that i am interested in “aggressive” or “forced” sex scenes that are consensual. I feel a lot of shame around my sexuality as a woman and hence I've never been in a relationship in my life. I can’t ever hold a conversation with a man without getting nervous and stressed and scared. I was looking into how CNC helped a lot of SA victims reclaim some power back from the abuse they endured. I was wondering if anyone has experiences with that and if it would help me reclaim my power, heal and move tf on from my trauma.

[RavVid]

I have a very dear friend who experienced the same. So I have - unfortunately - a pretty good idea of what you might struggle with.

She had a lot of therapy which didn't do much good. What made most positive impact was havening. Google that.

I also like CNC. I would be very reluctant to do so with someone with your background to be honest because I would be concerned it might harm you. Really no one should advise you because the non psychologist don't know enough and any psychologist would not advise you outside a clinical setting.

You might feel guilt as my friend did. She did participate to a degree at the time. Shame was another strong feeling but that is a result of feeling guilt. It is I think a secondary emotion. Humiliation was another emotion but that is sort of secondary too I think. Guilt was the core.

My friend told me about this. I asked her to tell me she wasn't guilty as she was a child and she simply couldn't do that. She couldn't say those words. Her family had heaped a lot of guilt on her. A fortnight later after a pysch visit she was able to say that.

Nobody knows what is going under somebody else's hood but it seems to me it took some time to know logically she wasn't guilty to emotionally knowing she wasn't guilty. A lot of stuff dropped away in that transition.

In her case her whole family sided with the perp. Every time contact happened it took a month to recover. She had to walk away and give up that love.

I am not a pysch and am just recounting another's experience in case it helps you. Don't grasp at CNC for resolution. I think knowing logically and emotionally that it wasn't your fault because you were a child is more consequential. But then I am interpreting you in terms of my friend and perhaps it is vastly different. Everybody will be different.

More than happy to DM if you wanted to

Sincerely all the best.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry you had to go through an SA..

Now about CNC fetish, my wife is a big fan of that !

We've had many role plays where I rape her (Consensually with a safe word). We do have vanilla sex but at least one in 5 sex sessions is rough and it was more frequent when we were younger

Our favorite role-play was where I was a hot intruder who sneaked into the house and take her by surprise , chase her all around the house , pin her down and have rough sex. Another favorite one was where she was a princess and I was a kidnappper, so I overpower her and kidnap her and have my way with her

She ALWAYS get's turned on when I do things despite her saying NO! I remember the first time we made out, as we were kissing.. I put a finger down her panties and she tried to push away my hands laughingly saying "No not today"

So I laughingly grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head with one hand and continued kissing and fingering, she made the sheets dirty and later said that was unbelievably hot ! ( We did have a safe word)

So my point is that sexual abuse is very different from CNC, the difference being that you have a safe word which if said the man who you love and trust will immediately stop and act.

What makes CNC beautiful is the trust the woman has on her man.. she loves how he manhandles her and pin her down and has his way with her but at the same time she realizes that he does that because she gets turned on by that and he cares for her and her sexual pleasure and would never ever do anything that would really hurt her.

So YES, I do feel CNC with a sweet guy who loves you can really help you with the SA trauma , all the very best young lady

[Anonymous]

Oh god yes... I have a big fetish for CNC and rape fantasy

I remember the first time was when I had dream about my crush (at school ) rape me and I was super super wet by that thought

He was my elder sister's classmate and as we got closer I always challenged him to wrestle just so that he'd me down by the hands which turned me on so much (I was afraid to talk about it cuz I thought he would be creeped out by the idea of rape)

And one day our wrestling session turned into sex and I asked him to keep me pinned down and he did, that was easily among the best days of my life

Now later in life I came across these fantasies and I must say they are getting very common now

[Masterdrj]

You should message me on snap and message my profile Devin jones so I can properly instruct you on what CNC sex things your supposed to be doing

[Ashley1993]

Yes I have a CNC fetish on a small scale too.. aggressive/forced stuff turn me on too

I am not sure it will help you but since the CNC act is with a man who you trust and who doesn't really hurt you.. it's much different that actual sexual assault

[Ashley1993]

Well... not small scale to be honest lol

[Masterdrj]

If you were doing CNC with me you’d be learning the darkest most exciting fun kinks I could train you in

[RebelinSteel]

I would talk to a counsellor / therapist with experience in this area (SA) and go over everything about what you are thinking. You may find they are not surprised by what you are thinking and feeling. Professional advice is what you need not some sexual fuelled GaG response.

[butterly248]

I think I talked to u about this before and how it helped me. But u need to speak to someone u trust ASAP!

[Asker]

I have never talked about this on here! Maybe its someone else but thanks

[butterly248]

Maybe, but either way, u need to speak to a therapist. They won't judge u ❤️

[RebelinSteel]

Yes this 💯

[dynamicyandere]

Yes, a therapist would be best. There are also kink-aware/friendly therapists that would understand the CNC dynamic and would have more insight on whether or not that would be a good idea.

But, my first guess is probably no, because it’s very high risk to be THAT vulnerable and trusting with a partner. If they ever were to betray your trust or do anything to make you feel unsafe, that could further exasperate your trauma.

[Staximus]

That sounds like some bullshit that would backfire and traumatize you more. Don't do that stupid shit.

[Asker]

You do have a point