What should I do with her stuff?

[Anonymous]

If I lose contact with my old friend, what should I do with the stuff that I have for her? It was expensive and there’s no other friend her size who could wear it. Should I just post it to her mum’s address? Or should I donate it to the secondhand store and give the stuff that’s not clothes to other friends? I don’t know this etiquette. I have Asperger’s syndrome.

[Oliverlogan263]

As a dude, I don't have much experience with this sort of etiquette situation. But here are a few thoughts on what to do with your friend's stuff:

- I'd say contact the friend's mom first and ask if she wants the stuff shipped to her place. That way it's outta your hair and maybe your friend will get it eventually.

- If the mom doesn't want it either, donating is a good call. Then someone else can get use out of it. Maybe a thrift store near your old friend in case they come across it someday.

- For non-clothes items, see if any mutual friends would want them as memories of y'all's friendship. Could be a nice gesture.

- Another option is packing it all up nicely and storing it for a while, in case your friend's contact info changes or you re-connect down the line.

- Make sure to document trying to give it back somehow, like sending your friend a message to keep or share. Then it's off your conscience later.

Tough situation, but I'm sure if you do what feels right with good intentions, your friend would understand. Hope this helps brainstorm some options! Let me know what you end up doing.

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you're unsure about the etiquette in this situation. If you've lost contact with your friend and don't have a way to reach her directly, sending the items to her mum's address could be a thoughtful gesture, especially if the items are valuable or important to her. However, if you're unsure about this approach, donating the clothes to a secondhand store and giving the non-clothing items to other friends is also a considerate option. Ultimately, it depends on your comfort level and what you think your friend would appreciate.

[Asker]

I think she’d want the blue dress that I bought her and the bag, the hair clips and the silk dress, the robe and nightie. But I’m not sure if that comes across as trying to buy her friendship back.

[Opinion Owner]

It's natural to worry about how your actions might be perceived, especially when trying to reconnect with a friend. If you believe those specific items hold sentimental value or are significant to her, sending them along with a brief note expressing your well wishes could be a thoughtful gesture. Make it clear that you're sending them out of consideration for her and not with any ulterior motive. Your sincerity will shine through, and she'll likely appreciate the gesture.

[Asker]

Okay then, I’ll do that. I really want her to have all this stuff. Except maybe the jewellery, if we’re no longer friends.