Is she purposely keeping my things?

[JDavid25]

So I had lived with my ex for 2 months and she brought me a decent amount of clothes when we first started dating and I brought a lot of clothes over there. I moved out in January. Fast forward to March she had expressed that she wanted me to just get them out of her room basically. I know at that time she was a bit upset at me. But I left without getting them. Then a few weeks goes by and in April she asked if I wanted them, I responded with yes, but she never got back to me and never brought it up again. Fast forward to May 7th when I wished her mother a happy mother's day, and said that I also missed her, she said that she was wearing one of my jackets and how she drove by my work all the time.. Meaning she had no problem with my clothes still being there at that time. Fast forward to June, I finally brought up that I would like my clothes back. And she constantly says "I'll give you your things back" but we never make a date, or when we vaguely do, something always comes up. This time it was that her mother got COVID and she might have it. I messaged her today and she said she still hasn't gotten her test back. But she mentioned nothing about symptoms which was her main worry before. I don't get it. Why does she keep pushing me getting the clothes back? She now acts like she is over me and that I have no emotional affect on her anymore. Yet, it seems like she personally wants to be in charge of getting me my clothes.

[melanieeeB]

Yeah for sure, you probably won't get the clothes back... it's probably her way to keep in contact with you and kinda "keep you"
Honestly I would just let the clothes, get new ones and block her , especially when she is driving by your work really often and wearing your stuff... that sounds so bad and toxic, just run

[JDavid25]

I feel like she will eventually give them back.. But right now I don't know.. She is confusing me.. You are right though it's definitely her way of keeping me around.. It's frustrating to say the least.. She says it's not personal, but her actions speak loudly and the fact that she actually gets back to me when she can't make the date but not to plan another date speaks volumes.. Unfortunately she knows she has the power in this dynamic.. She said that back in May.. I don't know what the deal is now.. But you are right, that it's pretty toxic what she is doing.

[melanieeeB]

Why do you say she has the power?

[melanieeeB]

I mean, when you cut her off and don't allow her anymore to act that way and just don't care about getting those clothes back, you will be the one in charge. What is she going to do when you're not reachable anymore? Throw a fit? Whatever... you get what i mean?

[JDavid25]

Yeah you are right Melanie.. I think she likes the control bad the power.. I just told her I'll be fine whether she brings me those clothes or not..

[melanieeeB]

That's great🙏🏼 Good luck with her tho

[DizzyDesii]

You lucky you got that many chances. I wouldve sold em or threw em on the porch for passerbyers to take lmao

[JDavid25]

Nah, as I told the other answerers.. She left me on read.. I answered her everytime.. I initiated contact on mother's day, and wished her mother one and told her I missed her.. She resp with what she said in the question and I responded with "yeah we could plan it out, I would love to take you out".. Never responded back.. I reached out almost a month later and I constantly get left hanging..

[DizzyDesii]

Oh no im not saying you did anything wrong. Im just saying in general i watched my mom give her ex a year on/off to come get his stuff. Not me. Come get it that same week or i’m giving it away to folks for free. Your girl is confusing but you also missed too many chances to just go get it the first time she said to

[JDavid25]

Well it was actually one technically.. And she basically expressed that she wanted them out and then she sent me home without ever mentioning it.. And the time with her texting me about it I responded but she never replied, and didn't bring it up again.. And then when I messaged her on mother's day, she said that she was wearing my jacket..

[DizzyDesii]

I guess i get confused as to how she's saying she wants it out but isn't mentioning it? Are you expecting her to ask you to come get them? Just show up and get them and stop asking her out again lmao

[JDavid25]

She never explicitly said she wanted them out, just that back in March she said I should get them and again in April.. But after that never mentioned it again.. And I tried saying I'mma just go up there and ask her mother to help me get them but she got pretty upset about it and made it seem as if I'm doing something illegal.. I don't know she wants to be the one in charge of giving them to me. It's starting to get a bit irritating no lie.. Like, today.. I told her that the ball is in her court and she never responds when I try and be patient with her. She only said Monday because I said I would just go up there, but now she back tracked again and is postponing it.. If I don't bring it up, neither will she..

[JDavid25]

It's confusing and frustrating for me too..

[JakeS00]

This seems wishy-washy on her end. A simple date to pick them up isn't hard.

[JakeS00]

... It also seems like you left her hanging.

[JDavid25]

Nah, it's the other way around really.. She left me hanging everytime.. The message on mother's day I responded back to her that we could plan a something and that I would love to take her out. She never responded. She me on read basically..

[JakeS00]

Maybe keep the focus on your things. Once you've received them, then think about taking her out somewhere. There are court cases involving this even, if it's in your case, here, and it can be dealt with without court if she stops stringing you along and sets a date. If she continues, then small claims court is the other option.

[JDavid25]

Well she brought up us maybe meeting up.. I haven't brought it up in a bit except to say that maybe we could meet in the middle somewhere and she could bring my clothes after work to that middle place. But nah, I would rather keep this a private matter.. She says that this is not personal and that she is just really busy. But like you said, she doesn't even try and plan a simple date to pick them up. And if I do, she just leaves me on read.

[JakeS00]

Yeah, that's fine too. I'd explain to her it's simple to meet up to bring your things. Then you're done with it. I feel like she's using being busy as an excuse as a means to keep you strung along.

[JDavid25]

That's exactly what I've been trying to tell her. But somehow she is always so busy, that she can't even think of a date for it to happen.. And that's exactly what I think it is.. It gives her a sense of control..

[JakeS00]

If she keeps doing that, I'd make it personal because now she's making it unfair for you. Being defiant and insubordinate. Hopefully, the court isn't going to be a thing.

[JDavid25]

Yeah most definitely.. I don't believe that it's not personal for her, I mean she has a YouTube channel and hide my user channel for whatever reason, and then made it seem as if it was an accident when I know you have to purposefully hide certain users comments and channels. If, I brought up even the idea of court, she would definitely comply..

[JakeS00]

If she will comply when you mention going through with court, that's messed up on her end. She had intentions of doing what she was doing.

[Guy13]

Yes as you missed your window and tortured her.

[Guy13]

If she had any kind of 💰ense , she would have cashed that 💩 at Consignment or Goodwill for Tax Credit. She cares less for you than you do her….

[JDavid25]

Nah, it's the other way around.. She left me on read everytime.. Even with the message on mother's day, I responded and said "yeah let's plan something, I wanna take you out".. She never responded..

[Guy13]

You did not pick up clothes. You tortured her on the front end. Why haint you found another place in which to deposit. They closed your account at current banking center…🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

[JDavid25]

I didn't torture her.. She never got back to me about the clothes.. I am the one who brought it back up. And now she is visibly hesitate to give me my things back. She doesn't even counter offer a date.

[Guy13]

Never mind.-you are never going to get it you ungrateful F-

[JDavid25]

Alrighty then.. 😎👍..

[GunFhulangas]

First off the clothes she bought you, they're not exactly yours they're gifted & you were stupid enough to leave them there. Anyone with half a brain takes off with whatever their girlfriend / boyfriend gave them when breaking up before realization sets in for the other person that I bought the bastard or bitch $300+ worth of whatever.

Secondly grow a pair. Tell her you're coming at X date and if that doesn't work give her some alternatives. If anyone's wishy washy it's you buddy with the well it's on her to set up a time for me to get my clothes... because you're too lazy to think a little ahead.

As for leaving you "on read" people read texts in passing. She might have just scanned it. Doesn't mean she gave you anymore than 5 seconds of thought.

[JDavid25]

Well at the end of the day it's all said and done.. This was over a year ago my guy.. Never got the clothes back and don't care to now.. Also as for the left on read thing... Nah..

[Weapon77]

Bottom line is that if she hasn't burned your clothes out of anger, she is 100% keeping them on purpose. It's not hard to drop clothes off somewhere. She coukd even give them to her mom and let you get them from her mom to avoid it being awkward. She's keeping them out of spite or the slight possibility of getting back together ince she thinks you've "learned your lesson"

[JDavid25]

She even told me "I'll get your clothes back to you, it's important".. But I haven't heard anything back from her yet on when she'll give them back.. I agree she is definitely doing it on purpose.. I brought up coming to her house to ask her mother if she could help me and she got a bit upset over it, saying that I better not dare come by unannounced.. LOL.. Geez..

[Weapon77]

It's reasonable to not come by unannounced, but you should be able to not wait so long to get the clothes back. You could try telling her a time you need to meet, but if that doesn't work I'm not sure. I don't see any reason an adult woukd have so much trouble scheduling something like that. I don't think your suggestion about having her mom help you is unreasonable either. It's what I'd suggest if I were in your situation!

[JDavid25]

Yeah, I sympathized with it especially knowing how much she worries about everything, but I would have told her that I was coming by and just said I'll talk to her mother.. And I tried setting a date and and saying we could try and meet in the middle.. She asked for my address and said that maybe she could drop them off after she comes from work.. And that's what I'm thinking, I know she has ADHD and a host of other mental health issues but, she has planned things before and came through on it.. And yeah I didn't think it was unreasonable either, but she told me not to come by like she didn't trust me anymore or something.. But I told her whether she brings them back to me or not it's fine at this point.. It's just gonna keep frustrating me if I keep asking and expecting her to come through.. She'll give them to me one day, I'm just done asking..

[Weapon77]

She can make it to work, so she can manage to get your shit back. I'm autistic and have ADHD and PTSD, so she has no excuse. I'd say sue her or find a way to make SOMEONE get it all back. Like if her mother were willig to just get it all back for you. But maybe letting it go is best. You definitely don't need to keep worrying about it or put yourself in a position where she could make you the bad guy.

[JDavid25]

Hahahaha.. Thanks for saying that.. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt a bit, but yeah she has no excuse.. But, the thing that got me was that she told me might have COVID, and that she may need to reschedule if she has symptoms.. I message her that Monday, and she says she was waiting for her test to get back (which I would imagine you wouldn't have to wait that long anymore) and then that Tuesday, she mentioned how she didn't have time to talk, and I asked wasn't she supposed to be isolating since she had COVID since I assumed she was at work... She didn't wanna talk about it.. So, basically she bullsh! tted me.. 😂😂.. But yeah I don't wanna sue her.. I still care about her.. For now I'll just let it go, I feel like it's some form of control she wants to have over me..

[Weapon77]

I have a friend who is only waiting 2 days to get her COVID results back, so that sounds like a bunch of bologna from her. Some fishy stuff going on there.

Understandable. I hate when people have things that cost money stolen from them, but they are just clothes. Hopefulky it'll work out.

[JDavid25]

I knew as soon as she didn't mention her having any symptoms and instead mentioned that she didn't get her text yet, I knew something was fishy.. I agree though, planning a simple date to get my things is not a complicated task.. But yeah she tries to be a good person, so I think it'll work out.. It's whatever at this point..

[Weapon77]

I'll hope for the best then

[JDavid25]

Thanks man.. Me too..

[Jamie05rhs]

Not sure. Maybe there's a part of her that still can't let go. So she's indecisive about actually clearing out your stuff.

That's just a theory, though.

[JDavid25]

I think so too.. She keeps saying that she wants me to have my stuff back, and that it's important but I haven't seen her in months, and she still has it and is deliberately pushing me getting them back.. It's confusing, but she is a weird woman.. I just told her I'm not even expecting to get them back at this point..

[Jamie05rhs]

@JDavid25 Okay.
"but she is a weird woman.". Yeah; I feel you, brother. 😅

[Anonymous]

Maybe. But if it’s over it’s over and keeping that door open ain’t good for you. Do you have a mutual friend who she could give them to?

[JDavid25]

Aw yeah most definitely... It's alright I never got the clothes back and told her that she could keep them... Which she did.. 😂.. I didn't look back and nah we never had a mutual friend so that that could happen.. Even if we did... I just think she wanted to keep them..

[Opinion Owner]

Then on to better things! 😁

[JDavid25]

Oh, yeah this was over a year ago, so it's all said and done and I'm over the whole thing now.

[Opinion Owner]

OMG 😝 I didn’t even realize

[JDavid25]

Hahaha... It's all good..