Should I mention it to my girl friends, or keep it quiet?

[Anonymous]

I’ve decided after 4.5 years of being single and having loved and waited for a guy for 3 of those years who said he was a *Shy Guy* that was ‘Too Shy’ to make a move, that I’ve waited long enough. I’ve accepted an invitation to spend the night with a cute guy that was hitting on me online.

I’d like to tell my girl friends, but I’m part of a small community that gossips a lot. I feel that if I told them, word would spread like a rash that I’m sexually active. I worry about getting a reputation and I don’t like the idea of my female friends potentially using it against me. Telling future guys I might want a real relationship with, or just everyone discussing my business. Should I tell them, or tell no one?

[Dr_Lovejoy]

Sounds like personal business. Best place to keep personal business is personal. Never know how things might go one day and the person, or persons, you thought you could trust suddenly turn on you and start vomiting secrets all over the place. Might think about how your guy friend would feel knowing you’re talking about what he may be thinking is something to be kept between he and you.

[Asker]

I’m not quite clear on that…the shy guy who was too shy to make a move, or the guy I’ll be sleeping with?

[Dr_Lovejoy]

Any of them. I know some guys like to be talked about in that way, I’d just say it might be better if you make sure that’s the case before telling your bedroom tales. I know girls can get highly pissed off when they find out their man has been doing the same thing. The old saying “a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell” should also apply to women, I would think.

[Asker]

My bedroom tales…. that’d be the shortest book ever written lol (in my thirties)

[Asker]

I see your point. However, the shy guy told all our friends that I offered myself to him and made out that I’m creepy, when I was respectful in my approach. Half our friends are guys. So I guess I’ve sort of accepted the fact that whatever I may or may not say, word spreads and people talk, anyway.

[Asker]

I don’t lack respect for the shy guy. He had every right to reject me. The other guy, he lives so far away that no one I know knows him…

[Dr_Lovejoy]

Understood. At least you can’t say you didn’t do your due diligence

[Asker]

I’ll try to keep it quiet, if that’s the best thing to do. I don’t want everyone talking about it either.

[HusamRocks]

Keep it quiet 👍🏻

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, I totally feel your hesitation to tell people! That community does sound gossipy.

Here's what I would do - tell your closest bestie. The one you trust most with anything. You'll want someone in your corner for support!

As for the rest, I'd keep it on the down low for now. No need to advertise personal biz. And who knows, this cute guy might turn out to be relationship material.

If it does turn serious down the line, then letting your smaller inner circle know is fine. But for right now, protect yourself from potential judgment or word spreading. Your love life is your own.

Focus on enjoying this new connection! Don't let annoying gossip steal your shine. You got this sis - just do you, and be cautious who you fill in moving forward. Their opinions don't pay your bills anyway! Xoxo

[avery58]

Don't tell them. If you tell them you'll be at least a little worried of the rumor spreading and maybe it will. Not telling anyone your business is the only sure way to keep secrets.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

If you have to worry about them gossiping about you, then they cannot be trusted. Don't do it.

[Snkrhoss]

I feel like you should have at least one friend you can share stuff like that with. Not nearly as exciting or fun if you can’t tell anyone about it.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You're 30-35 years old?

[Asker]

Yes I am. Problem?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Nope. Just seems a unexpected question from someone of that demographic. Being 30+ and sexually active is assumed.

Türkiye?